I couldn't really pay attention to what Bella is doing for the past 20 minutes. She told me I could put some flowers on the canvas where she painted the Cumberland falls, and I did. She's a pretty good artist. I mean, she's the best one I know. She may be the next Picasso or Van Gogh of the century so I might start gatekeeping her someday when she gets famous or something. 

She told me one time about her dreams. 

Bella wants to be an artist or architect in the near future. And honestly, when she told me about it, I felt a brick hit my heart... I don't know what but it was some pain I felt when dad took my mom's precious life.

Perhaps it's because I was the reason why her most important finger stopped functioning. How will she be able to achieve her dreams in this state? It got paralyzed, like a ing display or I don't know. Goodness, I'm so ing dumb. I am clueless about some things that I should already know about. I’ve already accepted that part as an obvious dullard, stupid and ed. 

I am hateful.

. . .

I wish I could turn back time. I would never take my eyes off the road. I would never let myself look away. I would never let my guard down. I would run as far as I can. And even if I didn't, I would never let myself get involved with the new kid who just transferred from the countryside. I would never get jealous of the people who get to interact with her. I would stop bullying her and keep a low profile so I can admire her in peace. I would change and be the person she deserves.

I had those chances and I just let them slip away. As if I would still get a million more chances of those odds. 

“Let’s go for a swim, Rafa!”I hear her say in a loud voice not far from the bench I built, taking me back to reality. She looks cheerful, her eye lighting up as she waits for my answer.

I can’t believe she just asked me that. Like, is she even for real?

“I can’t,” I say, several strands of my hair almost covering my face. I put my fingers behind the canvas as I wait for the paint to dry up.

“Why?” Her voice comes out mundane to me, eyes darting back and forth between me and the falls. And I just looked at her like my decision was final.

“I just can’t..” I look away, tucking the strands behind my ears. 

I know she just stood there, waiting for me to change my mind. But no. I will never let myself get near the water ever again.

A couple of seconds pass of me keep ignoring her. Then, finally, I hear a scream.

It was Bella. Her voice begins to become louder and louder until a slap hits the water. hey

She ing jumped.

I hurry over to look. I was worried that I couldn’t see her. But I immediately felt relieved as soon as I saw her head reared up from the water. She looks up at me and flashes a bright smile. “You don’t wanna join me here?”  She asks, her voice blasting as it echoes back at me.

I shake my head quickly, “No, Bella. I don’t want to!” I answer back.

“You’ll regret that you know?!”

Will I? 

“I can’t swim!”

“Come, I’ll teach you how!”

Bella was insistent. I would want that, too. But I’m just too scared. I’m a coward… I know. I hope it's just a piece of cake overcoming the best times of my past. But it isn't, awfully. Whatever it takes, I’m never going back to the water again.

 “I don’t have time for that. Enjoy, Bella. I’ll wait up here!” I left her there and walked back to the bench.

I did not hear any grumble nor a protest from her. She just swims there like a ing cute little duckling. 

She looks p