October 2019

My neighbourhood is lit with different lamps of all colours. There are so many people in this tiny alley. I have never noticed that my neighbourhood held this type of glamour, but maybe his presence made it more beautiful.

I see Baekhyun standing there, surrounded by girls, he is being his usual self: funny and kind. He smiles at them, and I'm sure he is telling them some jokes.

Deep inside, I'm so mad, I can't stand it when he gives his attention to other girls, I want it to be for me, only. I'm boiling with rage, I try to direct my attention towards someone else. I look the other way and I see Daisy and Jongin kissing in the middle of the crowd, I'm so happy for my best friend to have finally found solace.

I look back at Baek, and he is still talking with those girls... Did he forget about my existence? I can't stand this feeling of being abandoned by him, I feel like my heart is shattering, like I'm on fire.

Chanyeol is coming my way, he is smiling at me. He stands next to me and touches my shoulder "Why are you here?"

I can't find my words nor my voice, I want to yell and say to Chanyeol that his friend is not worth my emotions, but again, do I really mean it? I love him so much, I love him more than he does, I'm sure of it. A stream of hot tears is running down my face, Chanyeol looks dumbfounded, like he doesn't know what to do with a crying girl, he holds my hand and says

"Tell me what's wrong?"

"My feelings are all over the place, I'm sorry..." I shake my head.

Chanyeol didn't manage to reply, because Baekhyun is already here. When did he get here? Was I too blinded by my tears that I didn't notice his presence?

"What's going on? why are you crying?" he says as he holds my shoulders, and pulls my body closer to his.

I started sobbing, because his presence made it more difficult for me to admit my weakness.

"It's nothing really, don't worry too much"
He brings me even closer this time and hugs me. I don't know but I'm afraid of my heart that can't be calmed down because he is so near. I lost sense of all my surroundings, the voices are not clear anymore, he is kissing me. I feel that my world has stopped, I want to live in this moment forever.  
 

Jongin, I saw you again last night; I felt your touch once more. I no longer want to wake up because I always crave seeing your face while breathing you in once my eyes are open. I miss you all the time, and it's not fair. You're slowly driving me crazy. They're mere dreams, right? They're fragments of my imagination,right? But why do I feel your hot breath on my burning skin? Why do I feel your hard grip on my wrists? Why do I feel this much pain? They are just dreams! I'm dreaming. I'm dreaming every single day. You've been appearing in front of me every single time the moon rises, maybe that's why I fell in love with the moon. Who could possibly believe that my dreams shape my life— that my dreams feel like my life— that my dreams are my life. This is insane, I have officially gone crazy.

It's 7 am, and I wish time rewinds and freezes in the moment he appeared, the moment he took my hand and led me far away from that crowded place. I want to live in that mountain he led me to. I want to breathe the same air as him. I want to look down to see the golden sand and beautiful sea filling my sight.  I want the sun shining on both of our caramel like skins again. I want to call his name, and I want to feel his hands around my waist as he pulls me to him. I want to look at his beautiful eyes to see him looking back at me with the same desire I have for him. He wants me as much as I want him, and that soothes my heart. His full lips are my chains—my cell, and I wish I have a lifetime sentence locked in that cell. I've been tasting his lips way more than expected in the nighttime. But I'm dreaming. I'm dreaming that we're together on this mountain, and that he's so afraid that I might disappear so he holds on me tight that his grip leaves marks on my wrist. I'm dreaming that his soft lips are tracing mine, and that I am melting down with him to become one. I'm dreaming that my heart is about to break into pieces from all these unhealthy skipped beats. What am I doing falling in love with a dream? 
I stay in bed for fifteen more minutes trying to remind myself that I am back to reality. It's not even 8 am yet, and I feel like I've had a long day already.

The coffee feels so hot running down my throat, I need it to erase every hint of him from my mind. But it never does! Jongin is meant to run restlessly from one thought to the other, never leaving me alone with some quiet time. I finish getting ready to go to the uni.

               ************************************

"I need to grab a cup of coffee before getting to class." Sunny points at the cafeteria.

"yeah, sure. We still have like 30 minutes before the first lecture anyway." I say.

"Daisy, have you ever dreamt a dream that felt so vivid and real to you?" She asks all of the sudden.

That's all I've been doing lately. 

"Today, I dreamt of Baek," she says,"and it felt so real! All the feelings that I felt in that dream are still lingering in me. It doesn't make sense, does it?"

"No, I totally understand. I've also had dreams that felt so real before." I shake my head, "tell me the dream."

Sunny starts to share her dream with me without sparing any details. She tells me that her dream took place in her neighborhood, at night. She tells me how the place was so crowded, and that she saw Baekhyun, Jongin, and Chanyeo