'WHOA! Are you Baekhyun? Hyun-ah, what on earth happened to you? What's wrong, you okay?'

'What IS wrong with me?'

'Your eyes, lad, it looks like you've been staying awake for days on end! Look at your panda eyes! Oh wait! Why of course! I remember now! My mother-in-law told us, you're a father now! How forgetful of me! Congrats my lad!!!!!'

(The captain gives Eun a super tight hug as he gives off his hearty laugh)

'How did you know, captain?'

(Eun smiles with a slight hint of embarrassment)

'Why the entire town knows about it, lad! It only takes 1 day for news to reach everyone's ears in a town as small as ours. So! What's it like being a new father, huh?'

'You know...still got lots of things to get used to...still figuring out how to change the napkin without getting his poop on my hands...'

(Eun answers half-heartedly. He's tired, super tired, so tired he can drop down and fall asleep there and then. You can feel the lack of soul in his voice.)

'Your son keeping you awake at night, huh? I understand. But don't worry, soon you'll be SOOOOOOO tired, you'll fall asleep even during a thunderstorm.'

(The captain nods while giving Eun a pat on the back before walking over to his desk and pulling a bag out from one of the drawers)

'Here you go, Hyun-ah, your wage from the trip. I added a few extra coins in there, use it to buy something nice for your wife.'

'But captain, you shouldn't have, we're doing quite alright.'

'I know I know, but think of it as my little bonus to you for working so hard on the ship. Oh, and also, you can take the rest of the month off, your family especially your wife needs you by her side.'

'But captain- The goods...I still need to organize them before shipping them out to other places.'

(The captain snorts)

'We have plenty of extra hands now, to be honest. Besides, you can do that any time you want later on, Hyun ah! But seeing your son grow every single day, now THAT'S something that you won't be able to go back and re-live ever again, you understand young lad?'

(Then the experienced father hits Eun's firm buttocks)

'Of course, if you ever need a break from all that crying and napkin-changing, you can always drop by and say hi~'

'Thank you so much, captain. If I may...I'd like to take a nap here today.'

'Sure, there's a small hammock over there, make yourself at home.'

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Eun's diary

Where do I begin?! Well to keep things short, I'm a dad now! Like, what happened? How on earth did it happen? Okay, I was being dramatic, of course I know HOW it happened, but heck I did not expect it to come so suddenly, this bundle of joy! I did not expect reality to hit me so hard either. Yes, our baby's a blessing, but Soondeok and I know nothing about raising a kid! Yeah, we did take care of kids once or twice before but never 24 hours a day! And all our baby does now is eat, poop and sleep...and cry! His skin so wrinkly sometimes I find it hard to call him cute. And his size so small, my heart pounds every time I pick him up, afraid I might have been holding him a bit too tight which would hurt him. Just last night our boy cried for hours and it took us a long time before we finally got him to sleep. Poor Soondeok, she had to shoulder most of the weight. If only I can feed our boy myself, then Soondeok can at least have a few more hours of sleep. And the napkins, gosh I never realized how many times a baby can poop and pee every day! Seems like my days revolve around changing napkin, washing napkin, drying napkin, folding napkin and putting on napkin, over and over again. I swear if it weren't for the Gu's, we'd probably be long dead. Mrs. Gu's kind enough to bring us our meal every day and Old Gu is making a small cradle for our baby boy. Anyway, I've been away from home long enough, time for me to head back as the sun will set soon. Glad I had a quick nap here. I'll buy some sweets on my way back for my dear wife, hope things will get better for us soon. By the way, I still haven't hold her I have a new diary yet...maybe I should hide this here. Captain was nice enough to give me my own box to put my personal stuff in here in his office.

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(From afar, Eun can already hear his son crying inside the cabin.)

'Oh dear, he's crying again, I hope Soondeok's doing alright.'

(Eun wonders as he runs back to his home, only to find his son laying there alone in bed – Soondeok nowhere to be seen in the room. The new father rushes up to cradle his son in his arm while calling out in search for his wife.)

'Deok ah! You alright honey? Where are you?'

(Eun goes to the garden, she's not there. He looks inside the outhouses, Soondeok's not there. After searching through and through the house and still Soondeok was nowhere in sight, Eun begins to panic. He runs around the forest with their child and calls louder.)

'Wife! Honey! Where are you? Please it's not the right time for jokes!'

(Hearing Eun's urgent call for help, Mrs. Gu and Old Gu come out to see what's happening.)

Mrs. Gu: 'What's the matter, Hyun ah?'

(Mrs. Gu comes out with her apron on as it's almost time for dinner.)

Eun: 'My wife, have you seen my wife?'

Old Gu: 'Why no...we haven't. Has she gone out?'

Eun: 'I don't know...she left our son here...oh where could she have gone?!'

(Mrs. Gu reaches for the baby and says

Mrs. Gu: 'Hyun ah, I'll take care of your child here, you and Old Gu should go around looking for her. Husband, you should head down to town and see if she has gone to work or something.

Eun: 'Thanks, Mrs. Gu, I won't be long.'

(Eun dashes into the forest. If there's one place Soondeok will go to in her times of despair, it must be there.)

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'DEOK AH! STOP!'

'Oppa-'

'Deok ah! Get away from that cliff! STEP AWAY FROM IT!

(Eun screams on top of his lungs)

'Oppa, I can't take it anymore. I feel so useless, I feel like whatever I do I'm hurting our baby, I'm a bad mum, I can't give him what he wants, he's gonna die if he continues to be under my care.'

(Soondeok's voice is shaking and Eun knows it's a bad sign.

'Darling what on earth are you talking about? You're the greatest mum he could ever have!'

'No Oppa, I'm not! He keeps crying, he's hungry but there's nothing I can do! He won't eat, he won't sleep, he won't stop crying. I tried, Oppa, I tried to make him eat but...I can't, I just can't! I want to know what's bothering him but I'm such a useless mum I can't understand him at all. A good mum should be able to tell what her kid wants!'

(Soondeok sobs as Eun slowly makes his way to his wife and when he finally reached her arm, he grabbed it tight and pulled her towards him)

'Oh darling, I'm so sorry I left you alone today. I shouldn't have left. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.'

'Oppa, he won't stop crying. And I keep hearing voices, voices telling me that I'm a bad mum. '

'Darling, don't listen to those voices, you hear them because of the lack of sleep, that's all. You're not a bad mum, never! I'm not a good dad either, Deok ah, but we can learn and be good at parenting together, hm? Everything's gonna be alright, I promise.'

'Oppa...I'm scared, just now I did think about jumping off the cliff, what's happening to me? Why am I like that?'

'It's alright darling, you're just stressed, as I am. Let's go back, our son is waiting for us. Tonight let's pray you'll have a good sleep~ I'll make a cup of warm milk for you before bedtime tonight, how's that?'

(Eun kisses Soondeok on the cheek then squats down in front of his wife)

'Hop on, Deok ah, I'll carry you back.'

'But...I've gotten...heavier.'

'And your husband has gotten stronger. These muscles are not just for show you know. Hop on! Hold on tight. 3,2,1! There we go! See? Told you I've gotten stronger! And you, you're not heavy at all! Light as a feather! You should eat more, Deok ah! Aigoo, don't you dare scare me like this again honey, I was worried sick about you!'

'I'm sorry Oppa, it won't happen again. I love you.'

(Soondeok rests her head on Eun's shoulder as they make their way back to the Gu's cabin)

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Mrs. Gu: 'Ran-ah, sweety, you alright?'

Soondeok: 'Yes. I'm sorry Mrs. Gu...how did you manage to get him to stop crying?'

(Soondeok's amazed at the sight of seeing her son cooing peacefully in Mrs. Gu's arms)

Mrs. Gu: 'Oh darling, you just need to sooth him down, I let him on my finger for a while and, well you know the rest.'

(Tears roll down Soondeok's cheeks)

Mrs. Gu: 'Oh sweety, don't cry, there there, you're not a bad mum. You just need experience, you'll get better at taking care of him in no time, if you have any question, just let me know.'

Soondeok: 'Oh Mrs. Gu, please do help me, I can't get my son to eat...every time he tries to ...he'll give up after a few seconds...please teach me.'

Mrs. Gu: 'Why of course! I'll teach you now, seems like this little fella is hungry for some milk anyway. Errr...Old Gu, why don't you and Eun help me pick some fresh vegetable for our dinner tonight from the garden, hmm?? We'll let the baby have his dinner before we have ours.'

(Understanding what his wife meant, Old Gu takes Eun to their garden)

'Now sweety, see how your baby keeps his lips? See how he opens and closes it? See how he's trying to munch on his fist? That's a sign that he's hungry, you should feed him BEFORE he gets too hungry and starts crying. Once he starts crying, it'll be hard for him to do anything.'

'I see...'

'And sweety, his mouth should open wide, as in WIDE. Yes, that's it. This is how he can efficiently squeeze milk out from you.'

'I see...but what if he can't breathe?'

(Mrs. Gu laughs)

'Oh sweety, you don't need to worry about it, it may look like his face is pressed right into you right now but worry not, he can breathe. Now that he's nicely, you should hold him comfortably, have his belly face towards you instead of to the ceiling. Having to turn your head while trying to eat isn't exactly a comfortable position now is it?'

'Thank you, Mrs. Gu, you're a lifesaver.'

(Mrs. Gu pats Soondeok on the back)

'You may feel depressed now, sweety, it happens to all new mothers, but you must learn to let go of that stress yourself, okay? Never keep it to yourself, it'll only become a monster inside you and devour you one day. If you ever feel down, you can always come to me, alright sweety?'

(Soondeok wipes away her tears and smiles)

'Thank you. Thank you for everything. I'm sorry for all the trouble we've caused, Mrs. Gu.'

'Nonsense! We're a family, we're always here for each other! Don't be afraid to tell your husband your concern too. He's a good man, and he needs to learn how to share the load of raising a child.'

'Oh he is a good husband, Mrs. Gu, he is. He's doing more than I can ask for. And I feel sorry for him...seems like I owe him a lot.'

'Aigoo sweety, what made you have that silly thought? There there, speak of it no more, see, your baby's falling asleep~'

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'Hyun ah, we'll need a few red chili pepper, and maybe some lettuce, some tomatoes will be nice too, right? H...Hyun ah?'

'Hmmm? What? Oh sorry Old Gu, I...my thoughts flew elsewhere for a few seconds...what were you saying?'

'Being a father's no easy task, huh?'

'You don't say...it's more complicated and tiring than I anticipated.'

(Old Gu nods)

'Hyun ah, I'm not a person good with words but if there's one thing I know it's this. Raising kids require both parents' participation. And frankly, sometimes we men won't know what to do though we would like to help.'

'That's exactly what's concerning me right now...I want to help my wife but don't know how.'

'Well son, next time your wife tells you about her concern, instead of giving her suggestions or telling her things will be fine, try asking her what YOU can do to help. Because all the things you say may seem good to you, but to her, it may sound like SHE'S the only one responsible for solving the problem.'

'I've never thought of it this way before, Old Gu...I sure will try.'

'And make her laugh more. After all, you're the only one who knows how to make her happy the best. Now, let's hurry up, the ladies will be waiting for us.'

Mrs. Gu: 'BOYS! DINNER'S READY!'

Old Gu: 'WE'RE COMING, YOUR MAJESTY MY QUEEN!'

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'You've worked hard today too darling. I'm so proud of you, Deok ah.'

'Shhh, you'll wake him up.'

'That's why I'm whispering.'

'Thank you for flooding me with your encouragements today, Oppa. Without you, boy, I can't even imagine how I'll manage to get through this day...'

'Deok ah, don't you think it's time we think of a name? You know, for our baby boy?'

'Come to think of it, yes. He'll be a week old soon, we have to decide a name for him. You got any idea, Oppa?'

(Eun nods)

'I do actually. Pick one.'

'You got more than one name suggestion?!'

'Both literally has the same meaning so...you see, since it's New Year soon and this year is the year of the Tiger...I was thinking about "Ho" or "Beom" which, you of course would know both means tiger.'

'Hmmm, that's such a nice suggestion, Oppa~ Personally I like "Ho" more.'

'So his name will be Ho! Baek(白=white)-Ho(虎=tiger)! Our little tiger, Baekho~ Which also means "White Tiger" if we put both words together~'

'Thank you for thinking up a name for our baby, Oppa, I didn't even have time for that.'

'You just concentrate on regaining your strength and getting some rest, Deok ah, I'll handle everything in this house from now on. Everything except feeding our little tiger~ That's the only thing I can't help you.'

'Well, there is one more thing you can't help me with you know.'

'What is it? Just name it and I'll do it! I can do anything for you!'

'One, you can't feed Ho because you ain't got any milk, and two, you can't kiss me because you still haven't shaved.'

'Ah...sorry~ I'll shave tomorrow, I promise~ Now, how about one last bushy kiss for tonight?'

(Eun leans towards Soondeok to give her a kiss)

'Stop it Oppa!! You woke him up!'

'Look at his round beady eyes~'

'Now YOU have to put him back to sleep.'

'I will I will, go to sleep son, you've stressed your mama enough today, let your mama sleep in peace tonight. Now shut your eyes. Go back to sleep. Good boy.'

[Note from author: Hi guys~ Happy New Year~ Wish you all a great new year in the year of the Tiger! I'll try to post at least once every week if possible~ I enjoy all your comments and love to receive more from you guys! This chapter's color is a bit blue because with this book I would like to share the reality of parenthood more than simply the happy side of it. Postpartum depression is a serious matter that we don't really talk about enough as a society and I hope I could get more people to become aware of it. It is a real problem and some mothers really do go through it for a very long time. I'm not an expert but I hope my story will be able to shed light on parenthood from various angles to give you guys a wholistic view on the ups and downs of parenthood. LOL, bold of me to talk about parenthood when I'm not a parent myself.]