Everyone headed back home in their cars, Jonghyun oppa was dropping me home.

I was sleepy in the car already and oppa the music player to play ballads in the car.

I was feeling happy, satisfied and cozy there!! Soft music, filled stomach, filled heart and oppa by my side!!

As I watched him drive, he was singing along the song, humming in between the lyrics. His voice tingled in my ears in the silence of the night.

I am in love with you

It's been awhile

I'm praying that you feel the same

In just one moment, my heart twitched toward you

Ever since then, my world has changed.

It was one of my favorite songs 'THE MOMENT MY HEART FLINCHED' by singer Kyuhyun, oppa was singing along with the lyrics, and I could relate to every line of it, in that moment.

I looked out of the window for some air.

The crescent moon was visible through the window of the car.

I was watching it on the way.

But as I kept looking at it a thought crossed my mind,

‘Maybe my love is for someone like this moon, if I always want to see him in front of me, maybe I should just keep watching him from afar'. 

That’s how it should be, I thought and a tear rolled down my eyes.

I was back to the realization of how I was in love with a person who is like this unachievable moon in the sky.

I curled myself into the seat taking my knees closer to my chest as tears started flowing through my eyes like a stream now.

“Are you cold?” oppa asked, looking at me as I was shrinking myself into the seat to hide my tears.

“No,” I answered in a low voice.

“Ryujin-ah?” he was calling out my name hoping for a good response.

I acted to close my eyes for a while so that he’s convinced that I fell asleep.

I felt his jacket over me after a while as I confirmed he was concentrating on driving now. I raised my hand slowly to keep myself unnoticed and wiped my tears, as they were rolling down for a while now.

Something broke inside me as I thought of breaking up with him already, when we were still so far from the beginning.

I kept my face hidden with the help of the jacket now, pulling it over my cheeks while facing the window side. My eyes were cold now from the cold breeze from the window and the wetness in them dried in less than a minute. 

I wasn't sleepy anymore but just sad & heartbroken.

I was crying for him.

I couldn’t believe I was suddenly crying in the car sitting right beside him.

What if he notices and I have no answer why I’m crying?

I was crying because the moon is unachievable!

Great answer!

We reached my home and it was already 12.30 am. I acted to open my eyes just as the car stopped.

Help! my bad acting doesn’t ruin me now here, I was pathetic at it.

Oppa was smiling at me crawling out of the seat when I tried to open my eyes, acting as if I’m still sleepy being awake just now.

I’m so bad at acting!! I swear he caught me there!

“I won’t ask anything. You go and take some rest now.” he said, looking at me with his soft eyes as I pushed the jacket back into the passenger seat.

I didn't even have any real answer if he asked something now.

I opened the door, stepped out and kept walking to my apartment without turning back.

I was acting distant suddenly as usual, whenever I would think such absurd things.

I opened my apartment door and went straight to my bed and wrapped myself with my blanket without bothering to change.

I was lying on the bed wrapped in a blanket looking at the photo frame I took with all five of them, when we had breakfast together on Christmas last year.

We were all smiling, taemin oppa and jonghyun oppa on my either sides, with their hands on each other's shoulders as I was sandwiched in centre, between five of them.

I kept staring at that frame.

Jonghyun oppa was always with me in my good and bad days for the last 10 years since I met him on that day with shinee.

In my teens, I had oppa by my side with whom I enjoyed writing poems and reading books.

I had this craze for writing so I would ask for his prompts often as I got inspired by a lot of them. He was the first to say that I could be good at something like writing even though it was just my hobby till then.

We would talk hours from one topic to another sharing all possibilities and impossibilities.

It was always inspiring to talk to him on a variety of topics I liked.

I was not a talkative person with everyone, but with him it wasn't even just talking. I shared my feelings over everything I was experiencing in my life back then & it's same even now.

He had always been a deep thinker as I was watching him grow beside me as a friend, listening to him, often made me think more about the things I would have ignored.

Beyond the fact that he was an idol singer & a music producer and learnt dance and music as his major, he was interested in social issues and humankind and something like politics too, which was always impressive for me.

I was influenced by him a lot in life for the amazing person he was. When I got to know him better, my respect for him kept growing, which kept me attracted to him, even till now.

After meeting him I never even needed anyone else in my life.

He had occupied my life so much with his presence by now.

I was so comfortable being around him that I didn’t realize he was more than just a friend to me for a long time.

We had so many breakfast-lunch-dinners together now.

He was more than just a familiar person to me.

In the past, I had something like his bills at a time so that I could keep the record of his finances, when he was all over the place handling comebacks one after the other. It was the time I was interested in my finances & dragged him in it too. Although being the youngest I would turn into a nagging old woman on such issues as he behaved reckless like a child in those matters.