May 2021,

Beep, beep, beep, beep…..

We entered the house.

Me following Jjong oppa into the entrance,

“Eonnie’s not home? She called me and where’s she?” I said storming inside the house searching eonni.

The house was empty.

She must probably be out for some work.

I talked with oppa on call that I was visiting eonni and eomma this weekend and so he came to pick me from my apartment, while leaving from his schedule, as we planned.

He was unusually very silent in the car throughout the drive. Answered my questions as short as possible.

Was I missing anything?

It seemed like he wanted to say something but was thinking a lot. 

“Can we talk about something first?” he said looking at me.

His eyes were nervous but needy ... What is this confusing look oppa has right now?

What exactly does he want to talk about?

I haven't seen him this confused in a while.

Anything from work?

Is it something about boys? But I wasn't involved with them in any mischief this time?

“About what?” I asked in curiosity, moving ahead of him into the hall.

What is it? Why can’t I figure out anything? I was thinking of all the things he would want to talk about with me.

“About us” “This is driving me crazy now.” “I really need to talk about this to you” he was blurting out as I heard it clear in spite of his speed & intensity.

Us? What about us?

Oh! Tiffany?

But manager oppa would never tell him....

What if he slipped his tongue or maybe oppa overheard us?

Was 5-6 calls in a day really too much?

Why did I get so hysterical with this Tiffany issue to even call Eui Soo-nim?

OMG! I can't believe if he really knows & this is about it, I'm done!

What am I gonna say? Why did I do so?

He knows how I'm not interested in his working schedules at all.

Ah! I'm totally screwed.

I'm so embarrassed to say anything in reply.

It was really childish for someone my age to behave like that but I wanted to make sure she isn't getting any chance to lure him.

Lure?   Seriously?  It sounds like she's some stealing my man!

Or I'm eye-keeping my husband from a flirty woman!

Argh! Ryujin!

Stop making her a villain!

You're the villain of your own story. 

The person you love so much from years is always in front of you & you haven't even uttered a word yet. It's all your fault.

I reached the dining table to grab a glass of water, before all this started.....

“Hmm… sure!” I took a deep breath, closing my eyes.

I wasn't sure if I would be able to hold my walls today. “What about us?” I said turning back to face him.

He had stopped near the sofa with a distance of a few steps in front of me.

And I'm just going to lose everything today.

Why is he wearing that damn chiffon cream shirt of all today?

I think I'm about to say it out today.

Damn! it’s messing with my mind now in all this chaos already causing a tornado in my head.

Am I supposed to not react to it? Should I absolutely not look at him anymore?

You shouldn’t be paying attention to his abs right now, KangRyuJin!

But they are still slightly visible with the shirt hugging his body because of the sweat now.

Even if my eyes don't want to look, they trailed down his face making me swallow my own breath.

The small sneak peek itself is already so bad.

I'm already concentrating on them more now.

You surely don’t want to lose your best friend for god knows what kind of hormonal-rush you're having right now.

You can't fall for your desires with your best friend, Ryujin-ah!!

My subconscious was screaming inside with all it's might. But I was hardly trying to get back to my senses.

You know you don't want to hook with him just for fun, you know that right? So let’s stop right here!

Is it so hard to not look down at his body for a second?

I looked up to face him. His face is a bigger danger!!

Why is he looking at me with those sweet eyes? Please!!

My inner conscience was losing its control over me, as he looked ing hot standing there & I wanted to be needy for once.

Oh! The idol-card!! Yes, the idol-card!!

You can always pull the 'his idol effect' card and get away with whatever you're feeling right now. You know it's an effect he has, carrying an aura is his personality. Better be away & not fall for it. You're well aware of everything.

Although ! It wasn't easy to do it when I saw him with barely any clothes on stage back before in a concert, even when I had all the fangirls around me, now that I remember.

Those images did tortured me in my dreams for a long time after that.

And here I was losing my mind again, struggling to hold my dignity before my best friend who was trying to have a serious discussion with me.

I had already lost there when I smelled his cologne in the car but we were heading home and I was controlling all over the way thinking Sodam eonnie would be my savior at home but time really doesn’t play cool at such times.

He’s looking incredibly attractive right now in front of my eyes looking at me with those honey dripping off his eyes right now.

How can I ignore this godly beauty?

Was I just greedy for or anything else?

I felt disgusted with the mess my brain was going through right now.

Where is she?

Sodam eonni?

I was missing her so bad.

He was looking into my eyes when I heard “Stay there” and he approached me, ending the small distance with his big hasty steps, which was my shield all the while.

Can he not look at me with those eyes for a while? Even I wasn't looking away.... Oh God!

There he was right in front of me....... looking into my eyes ......making me go blank........

What is he planning to do here?

I’m so not able to read his eyes right now which have this softness which is captivating, suddenly making my heart flutter, making me weak in my knees.

The nervousness he had in those eyes a few minutes before was nowhere to be seen now.

Everything about him is mysterious and unpredictable today.

And why am I on a roller-coaster ride with my heart going high with his strong stare & sinking down at his soft eyes suddenly?

This man is indeed some piece of art making a person's heart go to places they never would go otherwise.

I was being too poetic with my thoughts for them to be real now.

If those eyes didn't exist, I wouldn't be this weak here right now.

My heart could stop beating anytime soon.

I couldn’t help but look away from him, afraid of the proximity we had in which I swear I was so near to holding him by neck to pull him into a kiss.

Not exactly aware of what I did at the moment, and I heard him chuckle.

Why would he laugh? I didn't crack a joke?

Is he teasing me?

Was he playin