19 December 2014

 

Jessica had learned many life lessons lately; to let go and to move on were two of many of them. It had been a few peaceful weeks where her ex-members didn’t cross her mind or appeared in her nightmares anymore. After much consideration, she changed her phone number and blocked certain people on her messaging applications. Life had slowly become normal again. A new kind of normal.

 

But that moment, the moment when she sat on a plane to Chongqing, feeling bored and was contemplating what movie to watch reminded her of Klaire, her movie freak friend who used to recommend and help her pick movies to watch on the plane. And although she would never admit this but she kind of missed Tiffany’s annoyingly loud voice that usually disturbed her beauty naps during the flight.

 

Jessica connected her phone to the wi-fi service on board. She was curious. Her last conversation with the maknae was nothing but chaos. She was still upset thinking about it but she had to admit that she wanted to know if Klaire contacted her again after that. Jessica carefully unblocked Klaire’s account and sure enough notifications came flooding her phone.

 

There were twenty six messages from that person. 'In the span of two months this kid left me twenty six messages eventhough there was no reply. Stupid kid.' Jessica scoffed.

 

Klaire Han 25 October 2014 test can u stop blocking my number? i dont know how else to contact u im sorry about the other day. u do know i didnt mean any of it, dont u? im sorry if i crossed the line. i have no right bringing soojung into this. im really really sorry, unnie can we please meet face2face n talk properly? i have so many things to say to u. so many things to explain n apologize for

 

Klaire Han 1 November 2014 unnie, r u really moving to new york? i know u’re still angry with me but if u really r moving, pls dont leave without saying goodbye

 

Klaire Han 24 November 2014 i miss u

 

Klaire Han 4 December 2014 "The first to apologize is the bravest. The first to forgive is the strongest. The first to forget is the happiest." - Zig Ziglar

 

Klaire Han 5 December 2014 u know how people said that we looked happier these days n that we have moved on? we havent. they dont know . its not the same without u. im not gonna speak for the girls but for me personally, life is much better when you’re around u know how u like to monitor what the fans n media said? i hope you’re not still doing it. dont let them get to u. they know nothing. i feel like im talking to a wall n i dont know why i cant stop. i hope you’ll see these messages someday

 

Klaire Han 9 December 2014 good morning. its Tokyo Dome today. just want u to know that all 9 of us worked hard to get here n we wouldnt achieve this without u. im sorry u wont get to celebrate it with us together. it really isnt fair n i really really want u to be here with us today. every song that im gonna sing today is a dedication to u. to all 9 of us. for all our hardwork, sweat n tears to be able to stand on this stage. i’ll get to sing a couple of your lines n i want to apologize in advance if i happen to ruin it later or not singing it the way you’d do. ㅋㅋㅋ its gonna be an emotional day. i dont know how but i know you’ll watch over us n give us strength to get thru today. p.s. there’ll be an empty space on stage n that space is yours. p.s.s. i dont know why it feels like im praying to a dead person. ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ scotch on the rocks early in the morning really isnt a great idea.  i miss u so much, unnie

 

Klaire Han 18 December 2014 your brand's scarves look amazing! they look both simple n classy at the same time. :) my faves are 1989 camel n 2014 navy. the navy one looks elegant n expensive just like u. the camel one looks warm.. just like u. :)

 

There were a few other messages in between those sappy ones that surprised her because it seemed that Klaire had been following her schedules closely. The girl knew what event she went to, what award she had gotten, which famous person she had met. She even knew the new releases of her fashion items. There were congratulations and praises that accompanied them. It amazed her to see how Klaire had been monitoring her every movement.

 

Curiosity killed the cat they said. Luckily it didn’t kill her but it certainly brought tears to her eyes. Now, to reply or not to reply? To forgive or not to forgive? Deep down, Jessica knew she wouldn’t be able to stay mad at Klaire forever, but she was still deeply hurt. Besides, it would be best for them to just go their separate ways. At least for another three years or so. As long as their private lives were still for public consumptions, they would never have a healthy friendship anyway. With that thought, Jessica’s thumb moved to block Klaire’s account one more time. But before she could do that, her phone buzzed.

 

Klaire Han 19 December 2014 did my eyes play a trick on me or did u just read my chats?????

 

‘! Oh, . .’ Jessica kept chanting in her mind while her thumbs ran on super speed to block Klaire. ‘Shouldn’t have done that, Jung Sooyeon, shouldn’t have done that.’

 

First mistake, reading all those messages made her miss Klaire so much. Second mistake, now that the girl knew she had read all that, she felt guilty for not replying to her. Curiosity didn’t kill the cat, curiosity ruined the cat’s life.

 

Blocked.

 

Wi-Fi off.

 

Phone locked.

 

-

 

4 April 2015

 

They said one’s greatest challenge was to control oneself. Jessica had done so well. Beyond imagination, even. She had stopped being a slave to curiosity. One mistake was enough, she never read anything from Klaire anymore. She didn’t read articles about the girls anymore. She didn’t secretly go to their Instagram accounts and check what they were up to anymore. She lived her life with the purpose to please herself, not others.

 

The determination lasted until one day her sister came to her bearing news. “There’s a huge gossip at the company today.” Krystal sat next to her sister who was leisurely sketching on a notebook. “Apparently, Klaire unnie requested for her contract to be terminated."

 

Jessica stopped and put her pencil down, eyes still stared down on her sketches. Receiving no reply, Krystal suddenly felt nervous. They never talked about those people anymore and she probably shouldn’t have started the topic. “I’m sorry. I thought it was important and you might want to know.” Krystal said in a low volume.

 

As Jessica started to massage her temple, Krystal thought that was her cue to leave so she quietly put the chair back to the original position but her sister asked, “Are you scared of me?”

 

“What?” Krystal asked back, confused.

 

“I mean, you should be scared of me since I’m your older sister but you have no reason to be scared when you did nothing wrong.” Her eyes still down, staring at nothing in particular.

 

“Hmm..” Krystal gave a low hum, didn’t really know what to response.

 

“Anything else I should know of?” The older Jung looked at her for the first time that evening.

 

“I don’t know much. It wasn’t exactly a gossip, everyone was actuall