Letters

Chapter 5: Letters

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Watch this video first then you may continue to read. Please just watch this first.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R4shMkF0ymk&feature=fvwrel

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I gripped the paper so hard, that it already had wrinkles in it. Pain struck me so hard, that I almost lost my breathing. I calmed myself down first, but tears still won't stop b down my face. I took another letter, and slowly, my shivering hand opened it. I took the paper inside it, and began reading it.

Letter #30

Hae....why?

Tell me why? Why do you have to break up with me?

How much pain did you receive that night, that you have to break up with me?

Is the break up needed, just you can be free?

If you want vacation Hae, you could have just told me. I'm willing to give you time and space.

But....why? why does it have to lead to break up? You know that I love you so much!

You know that I will do anything for you. For you my love.

I'm willing to do anything for you Hae.

From: Hyukjae

Pain once struck me again. My heart was aching and was twisted in pain. That night...it hurted me so much. I don't know, why I ran away that time. Why I ran...from you. It broke my heart just  seeing you with another girl and you kissed her back. I..I...I don't know...I'm so lost. I know it's my fault  back then, it was I who started it. I...I feel so ashamed of  myself.. But in his last sentence in this letter what does he mean, that he's willing to do anything for me? What does he mean? I took another envelope and opened it. Droplets of tears dropped to the envelope. I took the paper and read it. And I swear I dropped the paper after I read it.

Letter # 33

Hae, I heard your conversation with Leeteuk hyung.

You said you don't want to see me, anymore huh?

Then I'll be glad giving it to you, then.

I'm going to die soon anyways. 3 more months and forever I'll be gone from your sight by the time you come back to Seoul.

I want to make you happy Hae. As I said, I'm willing to give you anything what you want.

If you want me to disappear, then I'll disappear.

It's ok, if you don't forgive me Hae. I know it's hard for you, so am I.

But do please rememeber....

That I love you so much. And once again I'm sorry.

From: Eunhyuk

I feel my tears were replaced by blood. He's going to die soon? And he want's to make me happy? And who told him I want him to disappear? What the hell is he thinking? Then a certain flashback occured to me.

Flashback (The Call made by Leeteuk)

Ring~ Ring~ Ring

I picked up my phone and saw that Leeteuk hyung is calling me. I wonder what he wants?

"Hyung?" i asked

"Yah! Lee Donghae, do you know what have you done?"  He yelled at the phone. Me? What have I done?

"Huh? What did I do?" I asked innocently. I don't recall doing anything wrong.

"YAH! Pabo! Eunhyuk's is in the hospital!" Eunhyuk? What he's doing there?

"And...? What do I care? As I recall we're not lovers anymore. So wh-"

"LEE DONGHAE SHUT UP WILL YOU!!" Okay that's it.

"I DON'T CARE ABOUT HIM! I'LL BE HAPPY IF HE DIED! DO YOU GET HYUNG! I DON'T CARE EVEN IF HE DIED!"  I snapped. Anger was consuming me that time,and by the minute I regretted what I said.I was about to take back what I said, when Leeteuk hyung answered.

"So you don't care about him? Huh?"

"Hyung I.."

"Then fine, don't care about him. Don't come back here anymore, Pabo." I heard a sob. Is hyung crying? When I was abou to comfort him, he hung up. I tried to call him, but there was no response. He must took out the battery.

End of Flashback

Oh, that's right. I remember now.  I was stressed and frustrated back then. Because of stress, I was out of my mind. Tears continued to flow out of my eyes. That's the end of Hyukkie's letters to me...and there's still one more left. I stood up and took the envelope at the table. I walked back in bed and sat down. I stared at the letter for awhile. This is the last letter Hyukkie wrote. I wonder what's inside? If I read this letter.....will the pain in my heart will fade away or will built up more.I opened the envelope and saw two papers inside. There's a numbering, 1 and 2. I took the first paper and began reading it.

Letter # 35-1

Hae..I'm sorry that I coudn't fulfill our promise.Our promise of Marriage. I'm really sorry. I'm going to die soon, or should I say by this week maybe. I'm in the hospital right now, writiing this. This will be the last letter for you. I never received your replies, and so I thought maybe you burned them up or just throw them away. So i thought of giving this to Leeteuk hyung and he will be the one to give it to you. When the day you come back, I'll be gone, so I won't be able to give it to you. I just hope you saw my letters, I just wish. The others came here awhile ago, telling some fun jokes, but I know they just want to make a last memory of us, they really had to fake their laughs, because I hint that there throat is already dry, and also their eyes were puffy and red from all the crying. Kyuhyun told me to still smile and fight, and he won't let me die just like this, because of this cancer. Yes, Hae, I have cancer, to be specific I have cancer. I know you can't believe that men can also have cancer, but unfortunately they can have. I already knew it a long time ago. When? The time before I saw you with another girl, I consulted a doctor back then, and the doctor told me it's only on 2nd stage, and i can still be saved. I was relieved, and I was planning to tell it to you that day. But the time I saw you with tha girl, I forgot about my cancer. And you having to leave me here, there, I completely forgot that I have cancer until the day you broke up with me. I was experiencing pain in my chest 3 or 5 times a day Hae. It hurts so much. The day when you broke up with me, completely attacked me with so much pain that I can't even open my eyes. The time I was on the hospital, the doctor remembered me, and told me that my cancer was in 4th stage already, and that he can't do anything. I just smiled off, and asked him how much time do I have left. I saw pitiness in his eyes, and told me that I have 5 months left. I was litlle bit happy knowing that I could still have enough time to have last memories with others, but I was feeling something is still missing, and that was you, Hae. I missed you so much. Rememeber Lee Donghae, even if I'm not beside with you anymore, I'll be always wacthing you from afar. I'll be always there at your side protecting you. Don't worry Hae, I already forgave you after what you have done to me. We will meet soon, I promise you. Please always remember in your heart and mind that......

Letter #35-2

...I love you so much until the end, even if I'm gone.

Sincerely yours, Hyukkie

"EUNHYUK!!" I shouted out of nowhere. A deep pain with misery struck me so hard that I fell onto my knees. I clutched my shirt as I feel my heart are receiving scars. Scars that could give me an eternal pain. This unbearable pain that I'm receiving. It hurts...It hurts so much. If I could just take it out of my heart..., but how? I don't even know how to deal with this pain. I don't even know how to take it off...does it have a cure? No. Only Eunhyuk can heal this uncurable pain that I'm receiving right now. But he's gone...he's gone..."HE'S GONE!" I shouted at the top of my lungs. I cried together with pain. I..I...I'm so lost, scared, and alone in this world. Hyukkie's not here anymore. Not here to make me laugh, snuggle to me, pout at me, pleasure me, and he's not here anymore to take away this pain that I'm receiving. I won't see him anymore.....I feel my breath is continuing to fade away, darknes accompanied by coldness started to surround me...as if I'm slowly fading away from this world.

Wouldn't that be great? I'll be reunited with my love one. Eunhyuk, wait for me......

I'm almost there, I'll be reunited with you soon. Hyukkie.....

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Well,did you watch the video? It took an effect on me. Believe me or not, it really had effect on me.

2 more chapters, and this fic will end.

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