Dongwan keeps glancing at his phone—as if waiting the small device to surprises him or something, not really touches his lunch even he orders his favourite menu, and ignores Jungwan’s suspicious eyes.

After almost five minutes, the phone vibrates and in speed of light, Dongwan already grabs his phone and sticks it to his ear.

“Hello..”

“Are you free now?” Minwoo’s voice from the other end—doesn’t surprise Jungwan for a bit, but Dongwan big grins, does.

Nods his head then realizes Minwoo can’t see it, Dongwan chuckles. “Eum, it’s lunch time. Do you eat already? Don’t skip your meal, Min. Food is important.”

Laughs lightly, Minwoo replies yes cutely—and Jungwan lifts up his eyebrow with the way Dongwan lets out a hearthy laugh after that. Dongwan has a nice laugh, but it appears so rare, yet lately, Jungwan always catch the laughs everytime Dongwan glues himself with his phone. He’s happy for the change of course, Dongwan deserves to be happy.

They eat in Jungwan’s small office room, and it’s so easy to Jungwan to hear everything even he’s trying to focus on his own meal.

“So, what do you want to tell me? You’re busy man, Minu. Just text me it’s okay.”

“Noo, it’s important, so I want to say it directly rather than by text.” Minwoo’s pausing for a bit, and Dongwan waits patiently, “well, I decide to come out today, after this call maybe. Don’t be panic or something, yeah? Or you can just avoids to read anything today. I’ll be okay.”

“Why you worry about me?” Dongwan chuckles, “I’ll be okay. You already think about this for some nights, and if you think this is the best for you then, I trust you.”

After Minwoo visits him home few days ago, both of them continues to text or sometimes call each other. They talk about everything, about their days—like Minwoo’s new dances or tracks he made, Dongwan’s job of the day or the clumsy things he did. They also talk about the small, and the big things—the idea of Minwoo to come out, the posibilities about the trials, or just about the birds Dongwan found on his yard. And sometimes, in between their calls or text, it still amuses Dongwan, the way Minwoo slips in his presence on Dongwan’s life easily.

“If Dongwan trust me, then it’s enough.” Minwoo says and making Dongwan laughs.

“Don’t talk nonsense,” Minwoo can’t see it, but Jungwan can’t help but to stiffles his laugh to sees Dongwan shy expression right now, “you already discuss this with the other, right? What they say? What Eric said?”

“Eum,” Minwoo laughs nervously, “to be honest I just talked about this with you—“

“YAH!”

“I’ll tell them after this,” Minwoo talks fast, ”before I tell the the public I’ll tell them first, don’t worry.”

Heaves a sigh, Dongwan rolls his eyes—again it just Jungwan who can sees his various expression throughout the phone call, “Talk with them, okay? Discuss everything, the pros and cons. Don’t do this recklessly. Don’t risk your career.”

“I know, I know.” Minwoo still sounds so calm for someone who will out himself. “I’ll head to Eric right now, and update you later, okay? Enjoy your lunch, yeah. And be careful if you’ve emergency task, talk to you later when you’re not busy.”

“Eo, you can always text me,” Dongwan replies with a kind voice, “and don’t be ridiculous, you’re busier than me Min, let’s talk when you’re free, okay.”

They keep talking for some minutes even after the good bye—and when they really end the call, Jungwan just let out his snorts, making Dongwan glancing at him, “what?!”

Shrugs his shoulder, Jungwan gives Dongwan his innocent looks. “I said nothing.”

“Your eyes speak a lot, fool.”

“Nah, your eyes looks like teenager in love, dumb.” Jungwan points out his finger to Dongwan’s eyeballs, “I bet next month, you’ll back being Minwoo-ssi boyfriend.”

“Shut up!” Dongwan slaps Jungwan arms seriously. “We won’t back together, he derserves a better person than me.”

Tsk-ing his tongue, Jungwan slides the forgotten meal to be closer on Dongwan’s reach, “just eat, and stop talking nonsense.”

Eyeing his friend and the food, Dongwan only nods. He glances at his phone, checking the time—he just has 10 minutes to gobble up his meal.

“You deserve a better person too, you know?” After some minutes in quietness, Jungwan breaks the silence, “if Hyunju left me suddenly and vanish from my world just like that, I’ll call every hospitals in this world, check on police stations on every city and report a missing person, I’ll run to every corner, even to the place I don’t know the name. I’ll search her.”

Dongwan’s freeze. His hand hanging on air, still holding the chopstick.

“If you say, he deserves a better person than you, what kind of person he deserves then, huh? Because I’m sure, no one can tops all the things you did for him, from love him endlessly after all the things, protecs him without thinking about your own life, to sacrifices everything you’ve. If being selfless it’s still not enough qualification to be his better half, then what?”

It’s so rare for Jungwan to be so serious. But almost five years being friend, Dongwan already understand him enough—like the way Jungwan understand him, and all the insecurities he has.

“Jungwannie,” Dongwan puts his chopstick, and facing his friend bravely, “do you dislike Minwoo?”

“Why should I?” Jungwan chuckles, “he didn’t do anything to me, I don’t have any reason to dislike him, except—“

“Except?”

“If all the things he does for you right now, it just him being your friend and give you false hope. Your broken heart deserves better to be break again by same person, and if later he does that. Then it’s my right to dislike him, okay? Don’t forbid me.”

“He doesn’t give me false hope,” Dongwan taps Jungwan arms lightly, “I’m the one who ask to be his friend again, Wan. Don’t blame him for my foolish heart whose still love him too much. I’ll take care of it, don’t worry. okay?”

Looking at Dongwan who shows him his kind eyes, Jungwan can only let out a chuckles, an empty one, “Minwoo-ssi or other, I don’t care about the name. But as your friend, I want you to meet someone who will make you happy and fight for you, okay? I’ll dislike or hate anyone who hurt you. And eventhough, I also dislike this side of you for always questioning your worth, but I’ll take it as my job to make you realize your worth. You’re better than most of us. Not everyone can be strong like you, Dongwan.”

Jungwan being protective is nothing new, but to listens word by word from his own mouth—even it feels rather awkward for two men talking like this, Dongwan appreciates the sentiment, the points of Jungwan’s view.

“I just—I don’t want it, Wan.” after being quiet again for some seconds, Dongwan smiles a little, looking at far away, “I don’t want to whine for something I can’t have, for something I let go. Being able to had each other back then, it was a good time, too good. Yet I made my decision and left him. I don’t have any confidence to meet someone and not repeat the same mistake. Not him or anyone, I’ll just live like this, I guess.”

Dongwan’s insecurities always at the peak everytime they talk about this kind of topic. Jungwan knows, it’s natural for Dongwan to feels like that, after all—he’s suffering alone for years, succumbs to the pains quietly yet trying so hard to stay alive. Jungwan doesn’t blame Dongwan, he won’t. He just wishes his friend can see his worth—can realize he deserves a lot of good things this earth offers. His friend deserves good things after all the suffering he endures alone.

“All in the past, and already done, Wannie.” Jungwan let out a deep sigh at the end, but also smiles, “you’ve now and the future. If the world give you happines, then take it, okay? You deserve it.”

He stands first and ruffles Dongwan’s soft hair affectionately. Jungwan’s not a sensitive guy, but his heart always feels the ache for Dongwan.

“Eat your meal,” Jungwan says nonchalantly, while open the door, “take your time.”

.

.

Minwoo hugs Kyunglim as soon as they meet in the waiting room—and as expected too, Kyunglim first question to him is about Dongwan. She misses Dongwan a lot, and with all the things happen right now, she can’t help but worry and curious.

She knows a lot, she’s on the closest circle of friends Dongwan and Minwoo have. She’s one of the person they informed about their relationship and was accepting them with an open hands and hearts. She’s also a few person who trying to reached out for Dongwan when he dropped the bomb about his retirement—and like the others, she’s too, failed.

“He’s okay, as okay as he can,” Minwoo reasures her, pats her arm lightly, “he’ll be here day after tomorrow for the first trial, if he has free time, I’ll ask him if he want to meet you, how about that?”

Nods happily, Kyunglim gives her warm smile, “of course I’ll be happy if we can meet, but don’t push him, yeah. Just when he feels ready, it must be so hard for him, for all of you. I’m thankful for the offer, tho.”

“I’m the one who should be thankful,” Minwoo lets out a soft smile, “thank you for being agree with my sudden idea. And, I’ll apologize in advance too if later, I’ll give you hard time.”

“Don’t be ridiculous.” Kyunglim slaps Minwoo’s shoulder playfully. “Just think I’m doing this as your friend, as Dongwannie friend.”

Minwoo only nods his head, he’s not really nervous to be honest. Already 100% sure with the decision. But now, with the approaching time till the radio on air—his heart starts to beats quicker than before.

He’s not really nervous, but it still another milestone in his life.

When the PD-nim inform them they only have five minutes, Kyunglim drags him to enter her radio booth. He receives a supportive pats on his back from the PD, his manager, and the writernim—everyone who help him in limited time, and trust his decision.

He takes his seat, across Kyunglim who still smiles at him like a mom—warm and encouraging. He puts the headset around his neck, glancing at the writernim outside who countdown the time, then to Kyunglim who in second, starts her radio broadcast in cheery voice like usual.

He is being introduced and says hello to the listener, waves his hand to camera cutely, because it’s a viewable radio—and in the meantime, they talk a lot yet in comfortable manner.

From his current activities to—of course, the problem his (ex) group facing right now. He answers the question perfectly, but also in joking tones. Like, tell the anecdotes about the rest didn’t really support Hyesung decision except him, so Hyesung should buy him a meal. He also tells the listener who ask about Dongwan to not be worry, because he’s live a good life—yet also ask them to give Dongwan their bless and wish him happiness for lifetime, because “Dongwannie deserves it, please wish him all the good things.”

When they take break for songs and ads, Minwoo checks his phone and grins big, when he reads text from Dongwan.

stop asking stranger to wish me well,
ask for your happiness too!!
and, I miss kyunglimmie,
tell her let’s meet when she’s not busy.

i need to checking some area rn,
goodluck, minu! don’t b nervous,
you’ll do well!

He shows the text to Kyunglim with a smiling face, while Kyunglim feels giddy with Dongwan replies about her, so Minwoo walks to Kyunglim’s side and takes a few selcas—to send it to Dongwan of course. If the PD and writer outside don’t tell them the ads will be end soon and they need to continue the broadcast, they won’t know.

“So Minwoo-ssi,” Kyunglim gives him an eyecontact, a sign for the purpose of this sudden schedule. “I heard, you want to tell us something personally. What is it?”

Laughing a bit, Minwoo nods his head. “Well yeah, ahh how to say it tho?”

“Hmm, just when you’re feeling okay and comfortable, of course.” Kyunglim smiles at him, “no pressure.”

“Actually, when Eric and Hyesungie were coming out together few months ago, I’m the envious person on earth, I wanted to come out too, but I guess It’d awkward