He smiled to think of it, the ways in which he would mess this whole thing up.

                                                                                 -Taylor Jenkins Reid, Malibu Rising

When?

"I can do this." Jeno whispered to himself as he put his hand on the door handle of the cafe he works at. He could see Soeun inside, he could feel doubt seeping in. 

If not now. 

He pushed the door open, he strolled up to the counter in a manner that just showed he knew exactly why he was there. He was never sure of very much, but he was sure that what he was about to do was irreversible. There was no taking words back, no erasing her memory after this. If things turned awkward they'd both have to learn to live with that; though he doubted it could get any more awkward than it already is between them. 

Soeun looked up, a blank face but a daring look in her eyes. Had she expected this? Did she only say that thing about them being similar because she wanted him to think of her? It was possible, but unlikely. "You're here early." His next shift wasn't till tomorrow. 

He let out an airy laugh, "It's becoming quiet a theme with me." There was a moment of quite, she was waiting for him to speak, and he was trying to build the courage to. "Soeun, do you want to go out with me?" He almost tripped over his next words, "On a proper date, I promise I'll call you after." 

"Yes."

"Yes?"

Soeun nodded in confirmation, "My shift ends in thirty minutes." She leaned forward, "This is your last chance Lee Jeno, don't screw it up." The way she talked could have made it sound as if she was overly self-assured, as if she knew that the problem would never be hers; but it didn't come off that way when it was said with her voice. She was self-assured, but it came off in a confident and cool way, not a conceited and self-obsessed way. If he had to use a word to explain how it felt listening to her speak, he would say it was intoxicating. This is part of why it's so scary to want something, to fully open yourself up to the mere idea of even wanting; it was because you could just tell you'd never be able to fully let that thing go. 

Jeno leaned forward as well, making it to where their faces were just mere inches away from each other, "I'll be waiting over there." He jerked his head towards an empty table on his right. He walked off and managed not to trip or do anything else embarrassing on the way. He hoped that went as well as he thought it did. 

Was he just being awkward or was the whole situation awkward? What happened to the confidence he had just thirty minutes ago? He did his best to muster some of it back up, "So, where should we go?" Jeno asked, sticking his hands into the pockets of his jacket. 

Soeun bit back a smile, "You really didn't have a plan, did you?" Her airy tone helped ease his mind a bit. 

"I'm kind of taking it one step at a time." Jeno confessed. They both looked around, hoping to find something to do. "There's a really cool arcade that opened in town recently." He said casually, trying to gauge if she seemed at all interested. To his surprise she perked up. 

"I'm down, if you're okay losing that is." She challenged, already changing the route they were walking in so they'd end up at the bus stop. 

Jeno let out a sharp laugh, "Oh, you're on." 

Jeno had always found that laughter was contagious. He tried hard to be the one who caused the spread, but tonight he seemed to have caught it and it wouldn't go away. He couldn't help laughing as Soeun missed every throw while playing the little basketball game. It was something in the way her laugh started in her eyes before any actual sound was made. He saw it coming, and he wanted it more than anything. "You're not even paying attention!" Soeun yelled over the sound of the air hockey table, "I just scored a point." She had a smirk on her face, like she knew she was actually going to win this round. Jeno shook his head.

"It was a pity point, since you have no shot at actually winning." He smirked. 

Soeun scoffed, "Since you're so sure, let's make a bet." Both of them straighten up, pausing their game. "The loser has to buy the winner ice cream."

"Deal," Jeno said, "I like chocolate by the way." 

Both their eyes shone with laughter. 

Soeun happily her ice cream as they left the little convenience store on campus. "Victory really is the best flavor," Soeun said in a sing-songy voice. Jeno rolled his eyes, but didn't say anything. He'd already accused her of cheating, but really Soeun was just unbelievably good at air hockey. They fell into a comfortable silence, the cool Autumn air helping to set a comfortable mood. Jeno kept stealing glances at her, and after a few minutes Soeun finally spoke up. "Do you have something to ask me?" She said it softly, like she already knew what he was going to say, and was surprised it had taken this long. 

Jeno cleared his throat, "It's just, uh, do you remember when you said we were similar?" Soeun nodded. "In what ways?" Jeno asked after a second of loud silence. 

Soeun exhaled, her breath painting the sky cold in a puff of white, "I'd heard rumors about you before I ever actually spoke to you," she revealed, "before I'd overheard your conversations with Doyeon, I was already interested in getting to know you...because I wanted to meet someone who understood." She inhaled slowly, "I'd never met anyone who understood." 

Jeno wasn't sure he was following, "What kind of rumors?" He asked, dread filling him as if he would magically wake up tomorrow back in high school having to face these people who apparently knew more than he thought they did. 

"That your parents won the lottery and left you and your brother with your grandma some years back...I only heard about it at the end of junior year. Some girl was going to confess to you, but her friend told her some story she'd heard from her mom back in middle school." Soeun looked over at him, both of them still walking, "Is it true?" She finally asked. 

Jeno hesitated, but she already knew, and he was a lousy liar. "Yeah, it's true." No, they didn't want him. Yes, they left as soon as they had the means to do so. Does it affect his worth to her? Will you leave now that you know everything and I'm no longer some sort of mystery?

They came to a stop in front of her dorm house. "I've lived alone since freshman year. My parents decided that fourteen was close enough to eighteen, and that sending money was easier than actually being around." She met his eyes, "I was initially drawn to you because I didn't know anyone else who had been abandoned in a similar way to how I was...and then I met you during the senior trip and I really hated you. Did you know that? It was because you had all those friends around you, and I heard you talking about your grandma and brother one of the days, and I felt like it was unfair." She paused to catch her breath, "Because finally there was someone who was supposed to know what it was like to be abandoned, but you seemed like you had it all." 

Jeno was a little taken aback at first, did he have it all? He thought about it and he kind of did. Sure his parents left, but he wasn't missing out on love or relationships in his life, he had just as much of that (if not more) than he would have if they'd stayed. "So when did you stop hating me?" He asked uneasily. 

"The last night of the senior trip, when I was up in that tree house alone, and you and Doyeon showed up and she rejected you." She let out an airy laugh, as if even recalling all of this made her feel stupid. "I think it made me realize that I was being dramatic, and that I was the only one stopping myself from having the things you have." She pulled a hand through her hair, "I mean I can have it all in different ways. I guess you made me feel like I didn't have to be scared of everyone leaving, because you showed me it was possible to have people who loved you even when others didn't...if any of that made sense." Soeun had never felt self conscious like this before, but she'd never put herself out there like this either. She took a bite of what was left of her, now melting, ice cream, "I guess that's how my interest in you started to grow, and why I danced with you all night at the graduation dance." 

And then he didn't call. 

"I...don't know what to say." Should he apologize again?

Soeun chuckled, "You don't really have to say anything, Lee Jeno." She ate the last bite of her ice cream cone, grabbing her door key from her purse. "I had a lot of fun tonight," she said as she opened the door, she felt flustered even though she didn't do flustered usually. She let the words hang there, leaving an opening for him to reply. 

Finally he did, "Yeah, me too." 

They looked at each other, and Soeun nodded, "I guess I'll see you at work." She said unsure, gaining all her confidence back already. She wasn't expecting him to ask her out again or anything, she just wanted to know there was a possibility of it. 

He nodded again, "See you there." 

Soeun went inside, and he turned to walk back in the direction of his apartment. He couldn't help but be hung up on the fact that she had hated him...he wasn't too surprised by that seeing as how she was pretty open about it at first, and he hadn't been very nice to her either. Jeno tapped his fingers against his leg. 
She knew what it was like to be left, so did he. She put herself out there and he was so caught up in himself that he hurt her. Sure he didn't know about her past, but what he'd done would hurt anyone. As he thought about everything he'd just heard, there were a few things that were made perfectly clear.

He didn't want to ever hurt her again, and he definitely had feelings for her; he'd already known that but tonight just solidified it. He wanted to get to know her better, to be the person who never left. Jeno pulled his phone out of his back pocket, dialing a number, and smiling with his eyes when the other line was picked up. 

"So, I've never been to an aquarium before, and I thought maybe you'd want to go to one with me?"

There was an absolutely intoxicating laugh from the other line, "I'd really like that."

A\N

Somehow this story will actually be done by chapter five (epilogue) which is what I was aiming for, but really thought I was gonna go over! Sorry if it seems rushed or anything, I'm used to pacing the relationship slower, but this story really wasn't very romantic, so hopefully it worked out well. I hope everyone liked this chapter! Comments are very very appreciated~