How do you call it when you're in your head?
Like when you really keep inside of it? 
-'Camden' by Gracie Abrams 

How do you learn to apologize? Is it when you throw a tantrum as a baby and your parents tell you to say sorry; even though you don't know the meaning behind the word at that point? Or do you learn the action when you actually mean it for the first time? Jeno has made mistakes and apologized many times before, but never in a heartfelt way where it was really more than words, it was something he felt in the very pit of his stomach as he walked into Night Cafe the next day and saw her behind the counter.

When she looked up to greet him, It felt like a parallel universe, as if yesterday didn't happen, and he didn't actually work here yet; instead he was the one coming in for training and she was the one who would teach him. He had a feeling there are things he could learn from her. "Are you just going to stand there, Lee Jeno?" Soeun asked, grabbing a bottle of counter cleaner and straightening up the area. Jules was probably in the back room wrapping cookies in plastic wrap. "You're early." She said as he walked behind the counter.

"I do that sometimes." Jeno mumbled, tying his apron. "Listen, can I talk to you real quick?" He'd already done a quick scan of the cafe, it was basically empty except for some professor in a far corner. 

Soeun twisted her lips, seemingly fighting against what she wanted to say and what she should say. It would be a lot easier for both of them if she just said no, and their relationship continued on as mere coworkers with an awkward past. But, Soeun is a very reasonable girl, and even if he doesn't owe her an explanation, he'd like to give her one...and she'd like to hear it, if she was being honest. "That depends on why you want to talk." She took a step closer to him--voluntarily or involuntarily, did it really matter?--and continued, "If it's because you want to talk about the past few months, I'll listen, but if you're just going to say sorry because you have some sort of weight you're hoping to lift off your shoulders; you can keep it to yourself. It's not like you owe me an apology; after all the dance wasn't even a date." While that last bit rang true, he knows that by the end of the night they'd both thought of it as one. 

Jeno took a second to think, was he doing it just for him? "Soeun, I really just want to explain myself and apologize because I really do feel bad. You don't even have to accept-" 

"So then it's for you." She took a step back. "Listen, I don't need an apology, Jeno, I just want to know why you didn't call. Or really, I want to know if you ever even considered calling...because I know I did, all summer." 

And that was the blow, the one he was afraid would hit him. She had been waiting, he had been soaking up the two months of summer vacation with his friends and then moping around a college campus for a month. "I...yes, but I don't think I ever actually intended to call after the first week of break." 

And that was the blow, the one she was afraid would hit her when she finally got his answer. "Okay..." she scrunched up her nose, "I shouldn't have expected a call then, It's my fault for assuming a couple of good conversations and a dance would turn into something more. We can just mark it all up to our last high school mistake." She turned to walk back to the counter, but Jeno grabbed her arm before she could. He let go as soon as she looked back at him, scanning the cafe to make sure no one else had shown up. 

"It wasn't a mistake. I had a great time that night, and I think if the circumstances were a bit different. I mean, I had just gotten rejected a little earlier on, and I think it was...I think I just tried to move on too quickly with that kiss-" Was he rambling? He felt like he was rambling. 

Soeun was quiet for a moment, and as if to save her from having to give a full answer, the bell chimed on the door. "Do you want to know what I think actually happened?" 

Jeno's eyebrows furrowed, "What do you mean?" 

The customer was almost to the counter, "If you want to actually finish this apology, let's go to lunch tomorrow." She said it so casually that Jeno was left trying to process it for a few extra seconds, and in that time she managed to throw in an extra little reply, "You have my number still right?" He caught the beginning of her smirk as she turned to greet the customer. 

"Ooooo~" Mark sang in a sickeningly excited way the next day. "So you're going on a date?" 

Jeno tried to act annoyed but he couldn't help the small smile that slipped out, "It's not like that." It wasn't, right? No, it wasn't. He would be stupid to think she was still interested--not to mention really selfish if some part of him still wished she was. Not to say a part of him does, but also not to say it doesn't. I'm a mess. That thought played in his mind quite often these days.

"Whatever you sayyyy~" Mark trailed the last word out for the whole amount of time it took him to walk to his room. Jeno shook his head at him, still very much amused. He looked over at the clock on their oven, it was already eleven forty-five, and he and Soeun had agreed to meet at twelve-thirty. He cussed under his breath before downing the rest of the orange juice he'd been drinking during his little recap conversation with Mark. Jeno was already walking toward his own bedroom door when his phone started dinging in his pocket. He took it out as she shoved his bedroom door closed. His phone had basically exploded with text messages, and the second he scrolled up to the first one, he sighed perhaps the most over dramatic sigh he could muster. 

Text from: MarkL to 'Academically Hurting' 

Mr. Lee Jeno has a lunch date with Kim Soeun from hs ^~^

Jeno had no idea who named the group chat 'Academically Hurting' but he suspected that it was Jisung or Chenle. 

Jeno: It's not a date. 

Renjunnie: So you want us to believe you're just casually hanging out with the girl you took to prom?

Jeno: Yes. Does that seem so hard to believe? 

Needy Chenle: Where there was once attraction there will always be attraction. 

Na, Jaemin: That's not even true. We all called that you were gonna start talking nonsense when you picked up that psychology class.

Needy Chenle: Explain to me how I'm wrong, commoner. 

Whiny Haechan: I'm joining a band, an old friend asked if I was interested. 

Jeno was pleasantly surprised by that message. He knew it was only a matter of time till Haechan found his way into something to do with music. 

Jeno: I'll need tickets for the first show, I'll even bring roses to throw at your feet. 

Whiny Haechan: You better. 

Whiny Haechan: Will that be one ticket or two? 

That message was followed by a gif of some famous actor wiggling his eyebrows. And right when  Jeno thought the conversation had changed course. 

Baby Jisung: Chenle and I also want tickets, assuming my test doesn't take me out before then :'(

Doyeon ✭: Mark, stop airing out other people's business. Renjun, shhh. Chenle, drop the psych class, I thought big bird was hot when I was a kid, but you don't see me running off to sesame street now, do you?

Doyeon ✭: Congrats, Haechan. Jisung, we'll study later. 

Jeno burst out laughing at how expertly she was able to shut them all down, but of course that wasn't the end of the messages. 

Na, Jaemin: You thought Big Bird was hot??? Like how hot??

Whiny Haechan: I get it. Younger me would have risked it all for Abby Cadabby <3

Na, Jaemin: What makes him so hot? Is it because he's taller than me? 

Jeno ws about to join back into the conversation when his phone screen suddenly changed to show an incoming call. He picked it up. "Hello, dear girl." 

"Right back at you, dear boy." Doyeon said. At some point they'd started saying that at the beginning of all their calls; it was sometime during early summer when they were still a bit off--even though Jeno had already completely moved on from her it was still awkward for a little while--and for whatever reason they thought it would be less awkward if they just talked like old people used to. It actually worked and after about a week they were back to the old them, no awkwardness or unease; all support and friendly love. The greetings just sort of stuck. 

"Are you calling to bug me about Soeun?" Jeno asked, an amused smile as he switched the call to speaker so he could throw on a hoodie. 

He could practically see Doyeon's eyeroll, "Am I known to pry?" She asked, the sound of bell chimes in the back making him guess she was at a coffee shop. "It's not my fault people just like telling me things." 

Jeno laughed, "Sure. Hey, are you and Jaemin going home next weekend?"

Doyeon was quiet for a moment, probably taking note of how he changed the subject. "I'll be at Jun's party if that's what you're asking, Jaemin will probably be there too, assuming he actually finishes an essay he has due." She sounded tired, "Between him and Jisung I feel as if I have barely any time to focus on my own work." Jeno ran a hand through his hair a few times, trying to style it, as he listened to Doyeon. 

"Just tell him he better finish it or Jun will never forgive him for missing the party." Jeno said, smiling at how Doyeon sounded so worried about the two aforementioned boys. "Also, it's not your job to help them, you need to prioritize your grades and help them after." He rarely listened to his own advice, but when it came to academics Jeno has become far more serious in the recent years, and even managed to tell Mark he couldn't help him on multiple occasions. Some people call him a people pleaser, but he doesn't really see it that way, he sees it as just helping out when he can; and it just so happens he can more times than not. 

"Yeah, yeah, I did turn them away this time, that's why I'm working at a cafe right now." She defended herself, "I'm not a yes woman, I just...like helping them I guess..." She trailed off, as if it was embarrassing to admit. Jeno smiled, he knew Doyeon, so he knew part of her helping them was probably just an excuse to hangout with them more when she didn't actually have a reason to. Not that she needs a reason, but that was just sort of the type of person she was. 

Jeno laughed, "It doesn't really sound like you're doing much work right now." He joked, checking his watch and realizing he really should have already left. 

"Fine, I'll hang up, you don't have to add that edge to your voice...but, Jeno," she paused, "I do want to hear about how this little date goes when I see you this weekend." She let out a faint laugh before hanging up, not giving him the chance to, once again, stress that it wasn't a date. Jeno rolled his eyes, why are his friends all like this? 

​​​​​

Soeun was already sitting at a booth in the back when Jeno walked into the pizza place. The whole place stuck to a color scheme of white and green, and honestly looked way too fancy for an old pizza restaurant that specifically catered toward college students. "Sorry I'm a little late," Jeno said, taking the seat across from her. 

"You're right on time, I was just early." Soeun said, staring at him with scrutinizing eyes. "And I guessed that you would say that." She said it as if she'd won some bet. 

Jeno cleared his throat, giving a nervous smile, "I guess I'm predictable." He joked, trying to lessen the awkwardness that was enveloping them, yet again--or maybe it was just him, because Soeun seemed just as relaxed as usual. But, maybe that's just because he didn't notice the way she was playing with the rings on her fingers, a telltale sign that she was in fact just as nervous as he was. 

They made small talk, asking about classes and how the other was liking the college experience so far. It wasn't until the pepperoni pizza they agreed to share showed up, that the conversation made its way to what brought them there that day. 

Jeno was picking a slice of pizza up, trying to break the cheese strings off so he didn't make a giant mess, when Soeun spoke. "Did you still want to hear my opinion?" She asked, her slice of pizza already in hand. 

He fumbled with his slice a little more before finally being able to take a bite, he nodded at her because his mouth was too full. He could tell Soeun had just stopped herself from smiling, he just wasn't sure if it was because he used the childish tactic to avoid a verbal answer, or because he had something on his face. "Hmm," Soeun took a small bite of her own food, chewing before answering, "I think you got scared." She finally said. "I think you had a great time with me, maybe even liked me-" her eyes twinkled, and his heart did a weird little jump that he wasn't sure happened because of the memories from prom or because of those eyes. "But then, like you said, you started feeling guilty about hanging out with someone new so soon after being rejected, so you decided to roll with that. Thinking you were putting me first, I mean." Jeno's chewing had slowed down, and Soeun took a drink of water, "When really you were just scared of me deciding I didn't like you, and once again feeling like you were just second place." She looked him up and down, "I don't know you very well, your past is mostly a mystery to me, but like recognizes like, Lee Jeno."

What did she mean by that? Jeno's eyebrows furrowed as he walked back towards his and Mark's place. The topic at dinner had switched after that, partly because of him and partly because of her. Jeno didn't confirm nor deny what she  had said, and she didn't push him on it and instead opted to ask about a multitude of his favorite things, to which he did back to her, letting the main topic linger closely in the back of his mind.  
"Sup, Hoe!" A sudden slap on his shoulder made Jeno jump. 

"Mira!" Jeno yelled, grabbing his shoulder even though it didn't actually hurt. "The name calling is so unnecessary."

Mira laughed, "I mean it in an adoring way, dear friend." She said in her chipper way, pulling her keys out of her bag as they walked. 

"Uh-huh?" Jeno said, coming to a stop in front of the building. "Are you going to your own unit, or mine so you can ask me all about lunch?" He asked.

The sound of metal against metal filled the air as she unlocked the hall door, "Well, I was going to mine, but since you asked, I suppose I have some time to spare."

Jeno rolled his eyes as they stopped at his apartment unit, he unlocked it and held the door for her. "Mark!" He yelled.

Mark walked out of the kitchen, glass of lemonade in hand. He looked between Mira and Jeno, "Did we have a meeting planned that I forgot about?" Mira let out the airy laugh she always did when Mark made a joke, and put her hand on his shoulder, kissing his cheek in greeting. "Hello, Beautiful." He said, offering her his lemonade, which she took gladly before taking his hand and walking toward the couch.

Jeno followed behind trying not to gag. "I ran into her on my way back from dinner." Jeno explained. 

Mark sat on the couch, Mira next to him, "Oooh!" He was practically wiggling his fingers in anticipation. "Tell us all about it." 

Jeno had a feeling of deja vu as he sat down and explained everything--well everything to do with his horrible dating life. "What do you think she meant by that?" Jeno asked, "Like recognizes like." 

Mira and Mark shared a look, "Jeno," Mira began, "how much did you actually know about her in high school?" She asked, the look on her face showing she knows a lot more than he does. 

Jeno shrugged, "I guess not very much..."

"Well, obviously she's saying you guys are similar, and from things I'd heard around school I'd have to say I agree." Mark said, confirming that Jeno was, indeed, out of the loop. "You should ask her more about herself next time." 

"Next time?" Jeno copied, "Who said there was going to be a next time?" Was he being defensive? No...maybe...

Mira lolled her head back and sighed before sitting up a bit straighter, "We all know there's going to be a next time." She stood up, "I'm meeting up with a friend to study, but you better let me know the date of your next...well date, I guess." She practically bounced out of the apartment, not even giving Jeno the time to correct her. Definitely deja vu.

As soon as the sound of the door shutting filled the air, Mark looked at the door as if Mira was still there, "Isn't she just the best?" 

Jeno looked over at his best friend, "Mark, your girlfriend's a menace." ​​

A\N 

Mira is a comfort character to me<3​​​ 

Sorry it took so long to update, I've had this chapter written for awhile but I wanted to read over some of LSITS to make sure I didn't creat any plot holes!