As the gala persists into the night, Simon might as well pull a fish out of the ocean and watch it suffocate. Because I was on my way to becoming that suffocated fish.

Expensive perfume hung in the air like a cloud of toxic mold. Every step I took was another inhale of Chanel N°5 and Dior Sauvage. In other words, too much.

The gala was extravagant and very unnecessarily so. Simon rented out a hotel banquet, and I don’t have to be a blunt to say what everyone knows is true. This event was an extreme waste of time.

I might not have much on my plate, but I knew how to bide my Friday nights way better than this.

Simon was beginning to irritate me. Every time I tried to walk away, he came to rejoin me with Baekhyun. As if the man was my missing limb and I would die without him or something. So by the time, it struck eight, I was successfully side-by-side with my arch-nemesis who cannot for the life of me—shut up.

He was busy charming the pants off of women. Left and right. Young and old. And no—I was not jealous. Get that ridiculous idea out of your head right now.

Simon whisks us away from an old couple. I think they were important. But much like the number of faces I’ve seen today, I’ve lost count. “This is River. She’s the daughter of the chairman sponsoring this event. He’s also the head of the Fortune Found Foundation. He’s doing great things for the world.”

I hold my tongue and decide not to comment on tax evasion and so forth. Baekhyun wills himself to breathe. I figure that he’s probably as sick as being all smiles and laughs today as I am. I just don’t have it in me to admit that he’s human. It’s easier to hate him when he’s not flawed.

In a random spur of the moment, I look to him, and well, well, well—he’s also looking at me. I just caught him right in the act, but I’m not sure if this is something I should be happy about.

He diverts his eyes to the new guest we’re being introduced to, and when I follow his gaze, we both startle at the unexpected trip.

“Oh my god!” River exclaims, clapping her hands together. She looks more excited about the idea of seeing Baekhyun than us, but I don’t take it personally. I’ve learned to separate the women attracted to Byun Baekhyun entirely from my .

Baekhyun shifts closer to my side as if on cue. I give him a weird side glance to which he ignores and begs the question, “do I know you?”

“We went to West Bridge. You and me. Oh. And—erm—Yun…right?” River says that last part half-heartedly like she has a person reminding her that I exist every now and then.

I pretend to check my watch. “It’s getting late. I think I’m going to run—“ Not a chance. Baekhyun grabs my arm so quickly that I almost pitch forward onto the ground. I am so close to having a mental breakdown. There is no ing way I’m reliving West Bridge.

He smiles tightly. “River.” His excitement is on par with mine. You know—really, really up there. “It’s been…a while.”

“Oh, B. It’s been too long,” she sighs like the absolute doll that she is, sidling closer to him which also means she’s getting closer to me.

I lift my feet and stab him with the back of my heel. Then, I lean as close to him as possible so River is able to hear as little as she can of this exchange. “Let. Go. Of. Me,” I harshly whisper. Well, more like whisper-yell but he gets the point.

No. Let me tell you. The point was here. It flew right over his head to over yonder. My compulsion to run away kicks in, and fighting it is probably the hardest thing next to not jumping off straight into the concrete at fifty stories in the air.

River Knight was your average prep school girl. She was pretty, well-spoken, and a little on the toxic side. We all had a toxic side, but River really knew where to make it hurt the most. Don’t believe me? Ask her victims. She didn’t say it to your face, but she most definitely did conniving things behind your back.

I remember there was this one night. Homecoming night, actually. Coincidence? No. Not at all. She took it on herself to steal the homecoming queen title the night of the event. If you didn’t think that was bad, let me put it in perspective.

We’ll add Baekhyun into the mix. And on top of that, finding them all over each other in a supply closet was definitely the icing on the ing cake.

Honestly, it wasn’t really thievery because I gladly gave up homecoming queen. Unlike Baekhyun, I didn’t prefer to share people.

She had a little dabble with Chanyeol too, and he still gets hives whenever her name gets passed around.

River’s soft laughter disguised as a witch’s cackling breaks me away from my train of thoughts. I’m way too out of it to focus on her voice. Did I mention that I was too drunk for this? Simon has lost interest, and—wait a minute. I turn to find Simon who is now long gone. Oh, come on.

“So,” she prompts, her eyes dragging first on Baekhyun then landing on me. At least she remembered I was still there. “You two look as close as ever.” She says ever like it was personal. “Are you both a thing now? Like dating and whatnot?”

“Yes,” Baekhyun answers without hesitation and extreme precision.

I try to rip my arms from him, but he’s got a nasty grip.

River laughs—no she’s coping. I would revel in her misery if I weren’t personally involved. “Oh,” she mutters. “Really? You both were always just the cutest peas in a pod, huh?”

“No, River. We weren’t,” I deny. We must have gone to different schools.

She feigns, “if I recall properly—you both disappeared on our senior prom night. And let’s not forget that you were practically beside each other at all times. Games, meets—you name it. We’d all assumed that you two got married right out of high school.”

My jaw unhinges. “No. No way. We’re not even together now, River.”

I side glance at the person who is suspiciously quiet and not cooperating with this conversation that he’s forcefully pushed me into. He’s not looking at particularly anything. What exactly was his problem? Was I missing something here?

My stone-cold, I-hate-the-world heart cracks when I see the misery in his eyes. Damn it. My expression softens for a split second before Baekhyun smiles lovingly, telling River, “we’re keeping it a secret from our coworkers. If you don’t mind.”

Then, I practically glare at him. I don’t even try to hide it anymore.

River notices. “You guys always had a weird way of showing affection. How cute.”

He shoves a finger into my rib, and I slacken, falling into him.

“Your secret’s safe with me,” she assures. “Consider our bad blood forgotten. It’s tucked in my proverbial don’t-touch box.”

I’m not so sure what made me open my mouth to spew the next words that come out of my mouth, but Irene’s advice to confront my demons has been forefront. “Maybe we should talk about what happened, River. Like you retweeting my ing tape for an entire summer. And the fact that you lawyered up and pointed fingers when it came to cracking down on the numerous copies passed around.”

Baekhyun does a double-take. “What?”

River laughs sheepishly. “Oh, Yun, your humor. Top-notch as usual. It was nothing like that, B—“

I cross my arms. “How would you know, River? As far as I’m concerned, you weren’t the one called a while grabbing groceries or walking your dog. You don’t have to keep up with your pristine image. I know you’re trying to reclaim your territory.”

She squirms. “I—“

“River,” Baekhyun interrupts with a shake of his head. “Just go.”

River’s eyes are flooded with crocodile tears. We watch her spin away and make a beeline for the restroom in awkward silence.

I look to Baekhyun, finally able to pry my finger away from his. “Happy?” As I go to leave, he catches me again. And I kid you not—he throws me on his shoulder and whisks me away, completely ignoring the looks we’re getting. “What the is wrong with you? You can’t just carry me like I’m a sack of potatoes. For ’s sake, I’m wearing a cocktail dress. It’s ing Burberry—“

“Forget about the dress. Because as much as I want to you in this dress, we need to talk.”

He sets me down when we’re outside in the garden area. I glare up at him. “What is there to talk about? I thought we practically covered everything tonight.”

Baekhyun squints. “How did you know that I’m in sobriety?”

His question gets completely lost in my head. “What?”

“That I’ve been sober—“

“I don’t understand.”

“You took all of my drinks,” he reminds. I think back to earlier when I did indeed become his white knight. Each guest was a new drink each time, and my soft heart saw how uncomfortable he looked so I just took all his drinks.

Simon thought it was endearing, so he began to up the number of drinks because the was testing how far I would go. Baekhyun finally put a stop to it and lied to everyone that he was my DD.

And it was also then and there that I finally realize that there’d been a rhyme and reason to everything he did tonight. Like the fact that he made sure to follow me around because he knew I was tipsy—bordering drunk. Or the fact that he had his hand on me the entire time because, in some weird way, he had a feeling I would do something stupid.

Or the tiny, barely noticeable grimaces he made when Simon continuously propositioned him drinks after he turned them all down.

I wait for a beat because my head is spinning way too fast from these realizations and booze. “You didn’t leak the tape, did you?”

Baekhyun shakes his head. “Why would you ever come to that conclusion in the first place? Sure, call me an . I’ll admit. But I’d never stoop that low.”

“I just assumed because you were an editor for yearbook. You guys were in charge of the slides during graduation. And who else would film a ing tape of us? You were quite deep into your -all-think-later mindset.”

“It wasn’t me,” he insists. “I didn’t film it either.”

I scrutinize his appearance. “You could just be saying this for the hell of it.”

Baekhyun is silent for a long beat. Then, he says, “the reason why it would be impossible for me to be involved is because I was forcefully withdrawn from school and put into rehab, cerise. We weren’t allowed to have phones.”

“What? Why would you go to rehab—“ Just how much did I miss that last week before graduation? “Baekhyun, you seemed fine,” I insist, trying to believe that he was fine. Because I needed to believe it.

He raises a curious brow. “I was a high-functioning alcoholic, cerise. I wasn’t fine. I was caught stealing aged liquor from my parent’s cabinet. Whereas normal people couldn’t stomach aged bourbon, I drank an entire bottle like it was cheap beer. Does that sound fine to you?”

I stare at him. “I can’t believe I never noticed. I just thought you had an attitude problem—never because of alcohol…”

“Doesn’t matter, cerise. It’s the past.”

“No, Baekhyun. This changes everything.”

“I don’t need your pity—“

I shake my head vehemently. “It’s not pity. How can you say that? You were sick, Baekhyun. Abusing alcohol until eighteen? And for who knows how long—that meant that there was something going very, very wrong under the surface. Yet, I blamed you for everything. Every grade I didn’t get. Every little setback I had. It wasn’t even your fault. My com—“ I cut myself off from finishing my sentence. “I mean—don’t get me wrong. Your alcoholism doesn’t excuse everything, but I hated you because I thought you were an insufferable who couldn’t take no for an answer. That’s the problem. I condensed all of you into a ing caricature.”

I give it a second before continuing, “I dehumanized you because it was easy. It’s hypocritical, Baekhyun. I thought you ran away, so I thought of you as someone lesser because it was—easier. Because the other option? It’s not viable.” At least for someone with uncontrollable compulsions. Except I don’t say that because this moment isn’t about me.

His smile is twisted and he has that dismissive look in his eyes. No. No. No. He still doesn’t get it. He still thinks I’m just pitying him.

“I didn’t care about the ing tape, okay? Even when I thought you were responsible. I couldn’t report it to the police. I was just so angry back then because you just ing disappeared after that night. But I still couldn’t do that to you.”

Baekhyun’s eyes are lost on mine. I can see him think. “That night?”

“A lot of nights,” I correct. “You weren’t always that bad. But sometimes, you were, so it—it confused me. I thought you were just stringing me along.”

“I wasn’t stringing you along, cerise. I liked you. I didn’t give a about any of those things. Did you honestly think I cared that much about school? I could care less about being president of the debate club. The only reason I went out of my way was because it was hard to be around you otherwise. Your stupid ex-boyfriend—“

“Will?” I bluster.

“Yes, ing Will, he had you, cerise. But he ed up nonetheless. His problem was diminishing the all-mighty you as his trophy girlfriend. You couldn’t be anyone’s trophy girlfriend if you tried. You’re outspoken, rightly opinionated, and far too intelligent. Yet, he was only ever affectionate when I was around. Have you wondered why? I was never going to steal you from him. I never had that intention, until you—cried.”

I do remember what he’s talking about. Senior prom. Will had brushed me away again like I was merely an accessory. I’m not sure what I ever saw in him. Maybe it was the part that he wasn’t Baekhyun. But maybe that was the problem. No one could be Baekhyun. The irony of it all.

Will and I won prom king and queen, only because Baekhyun dropped out mid-race. The night was fine, but even Senior Yun didn’t want to settle. She was tired of Will being overly possessive at all times. And the last straw was when he didn’t want me to leave his side to talk to Chanyeol. My own ing brother.

I wasn’t crying out of sadness. I was furious, and somehow, Baekhyun saw all of that. He followed me out, and things got a little heated and I kissed him. But he kissed me back, and before I knew it, we were in his car, too busy ripping each other’s clothes off.

I swallow. We stand in silence for a couple of seconds. “Do you think he knew about it?”

“I don’t know, cerise. Considering the fact that River knew we disappeared from prom, I wouldn’t say he’d be far off from that conclusion.”

Our eyes meet, and I think we both knew exactly what went down. And when I think about it, this entire thing was ridiculously blown out of proportions. All because of my jealous ex-boyfriend.

“I guess I kind of deserve it for cheating on him,” I murmur. “I went to college on the west coast, so it wasn’t even that big of a deal.”

Baekhyun tsks, lifting my chin with his finger. “Hey,” he scolds. “Don’t you dare invalidate what you went through. What he did was ing ty. You don’t record minors and leak because you’re insecure. He had something special and then blew it like the he is.”

I contemplate, “I can’t believe I’m in the same vicinity as you, and I don’t want to rip your hair out.”

“While you peruse that thought, I’m going to kiss you now.”

“And what about after?” I tease, pulling his face in my palms.

“You tell me, cerise. We have all night.” Then, he kisses me so hard that all I can think about is holding on tight.

[a/n] lol yall went from hating him to being chill again. caught in 4k too. anywayyy i was having a hard time figuring out what to update because i have a million stories. i think i'll finish this one before i update other stories. oop.

look at the adulting and being honest though. im so proud.

me casually dropping a double update out of nowhere. what is wrong with me