CHAPTER 5: MARCH 29, 2015. BJH.

Irene woke up with an arm wrapped around her waist, the curtains of their room were opened wide letting her feel the warm touch of the morning sunrise hitting her face. The baritone voice of her husband had brought her back to reality as he kissed her good morning before leaving her there with her duvet dropped on her body. 

Another day, another lies, the soul-less and tired woman left  the room nonchalantly as she felt her head floating, thinking about what she had done last night. The prosecutor knew that she went over board, that she couldn't even stop herself from falling to that wicked temptation. Her husband. Irene did not know if it's making love or just a casual but they're married, she knew that she also had to fulfill her husband's needs but she did not like the idea of sleeping with him.

It's not like, it's her first time but one, two mistakes shouldn't be done thrice if she hated it. 

"You're always been there saying that I'm enough but I'm not, you always promised that you wouldn't but you did, tell me why?" Her words from few years ago came rushing back like a truck of memories hitting her back to memory lane. The woman the shower as she felt the steams of hot water hitting her .

--

"Between you and us, it's always got to be you who never understand me, Seulgi." She said as she walked out of the convenience store living the freshly graduated monolid eyed woman embarrassed by the eyes of the other people looking at her strangely with some started to talk about what did just happen to them. 

"I'll be coming back in here later Mr. Lee, I just have to follow her." The man nodded his head making the woman to dash out to catch her up. It started to snow when Seulgi stepped out of the store. She ran as if her life was on risk while looking for the woman in each streets she passed by only to stop in front of  River Haven, a café owned by her girlfriend's family, the snow started to get heavier when her eyes landed to a familiar figure in her back talking to a man who was obviously in bliss as he talked to her lover in all charming smile when suddenly,

"Seulgi-ssi." A voice of a woman in early forties had appeared from her back as she stood beside her while looking at the inside. Kang felt her body froze every minute she saw how the man laughed with her, as much as she wanted to run and grabbed her out of the table to fix the things between them, she can't, she did not want to be that bad person to end someone's wonderful communication just because of her certain jealousy but what else she can do? How long does she need to wait for her?

"Mrs. Bae..." She whispered feeling the older woman's arm wrapped around her shoulder. Seulgi did not mean to misinterpret things but if action do really speak louder than voice she'd probably die from overthinking from it. "I have to talk to her..." Her voice were shaky and obviously were asking for help but instead, the old woman patted her shoulder and said.

"You need to be strong."

HANGGANG PARK, HAN RIVER, SEOUL, MARCH 1, 2009.

"Come on, what are you doing here? Why do you need to meet me up so sudden? We had already talked about this Seul, just leave me in peace." Joohyun protested as she saw the younger sitting on the bench with her hands holding a present she wanted to give. "I have a lot of things to do aside from seeing you, you could have just focus to your scholarship abroad or do something with your hobbies, I don't care just go, I have some things to d-"

"Does the things you need to do include seeing him?" Seulgi asked without facing her, her eyes were looking straight to the river's horizon. "What did you promise again?" She turned around to see her shocked by her words, for all those years of being together, the younger had never let those questions fell out of as she felt that she wasn't in the position to do so. The monolid woman chuckled as she looked down to the box she was holding just to avoid the woman's eyes as she also felt a lump on building up. She knew she couldn't afford to lose her in front of the older as the woman never got to see how she cries.

Feeling numb, Irene retorted. "Stop being childish."  She looked at the people passing by who was also looking at them mysteriously as if they were committing such a crime to deserve those gaze. "If you just came her to remind me about our promise then you better stop, you're putting me in shame."

Seulgi shook her head as she covered her face with her jet black hair as she felt her tears building up on the sides of her eyes. In a span of  a year, the woman felt how much did a Bae Joohyun changed just short after she decided to study in Seoul. "Since when did you become ashamed of me?" She asked but she did not get any response from the older making her to ask the same question twice when the unexpected arrived.

"Let's end this." Joohyun said shortly and stood up, the woman did the same and handed her the velvety box she was holding, the younger looked at her for one last time and left without saying any response from what the older had said to her. 

Their were no words for Joohyun to understand what she was feeling at the moment she watched the younger dispersed to the crowd without saying anything to her for one last time. From a far, the older woman could felt how heavy those shoulders are after leaving her there standing, Joohyun knew she did not just hurt her emotionally but also physically. From then on, she knew she just lost her.

This time, completely.

Her first love just left her there without knowing in the mere future, she would be needing her.

"Hyun-ah." His voice wake her up from that nightmare of her past just to see that they were seated in their kitchen eating their morning breakfast that her husband made, a usual thing he does to act as if he's that 'husband material' that everyone had ever thought to be.

Of course, it's a good night for him, it's just another way round to say thank you, right?

Irene went back to herself while showing her smile towards him making the man to look at her in flushed just like those good old days that the younger version of herself  would love to see it in every single day but tables were turned and she did not like the idea of seeing those grin. "I was thinking if you were still taking the birth control pills." Junmyeon asked as he took the plates and put it on the sink leaving the woman there, sitting and looking at his back.

Since then, the prosecutor had been taking the prescribed contraceptives she had just to avoid getting pregnant, that was also the first sin she had committed to her as Irene secretly take those pills to keep her relationship going in both Seulgi and Junmyeon after she had slept twice with him in her freshman year in college and the younger had never known about it.

At first, she thought it was just an all out fun but it ended up separating her to someone close to her heart that she did not even realize anytime sooner. And she knew she will be forever be regretting on it which was true.

"Yes, why?" She asked as she took her belt holster and started putting it. The woman heard him chuckled and turned to face her.

"Do you have plans to have a baby?"

"Yes." But not with you. "Why?" Irene asked while stopping herself to say what was really going on inside her. She knew to herself that it's obvious already that the man had wanted to become a father but as much as she also had wanted to become a parent, she guessed it would never be best suited for her husband, in just even a simple task of taking care of her he can't do it properly, how much more to have a child that he always wanted to have, right?

"I'll be leaving it up to you, love." He said as he walked to the living room. "We're not getting any younger, I hope we can talk about that soon, I wanted us to settle down." His voice were obviously coated with sweetness to the point that even Irene, herself did not seem to be pleased on hearing him talking like that. Junmyeon grabbed the woman's waist as he put a careful kiss to her lips. "I love you."

Disgusted, she replied. "Take care." She walked him to the entrance of the house and watched him wear his shoes when the man talked.

"I wouldn't be home tonight, is it okay for you to stay at Wendy's? You can also go to mom's if you wanted to." She's used to it, she sometimes saw him sometimes not, there's nothing new after all and he even wanted to have a child? Such a no, even her own parents had already disapproved about the idea of her having a child with him in such an age. 

"I can take care of myself, I'd probably be also staying up late in the office tonight, I have some things to do. I will be just going to text you on what will be my plans." She said making the man to nod his head and bided his last goodbye to his lovely wife who wished again for him to vanish just like a bubble.

.

Irene was about to turn her back as the door was shut closed when she heard the chimes of their doorbell indicating that someone was there, the prosecutor went back to see someone standing in front of their doorstep holding a small box of a parcel. The woman did not expect any delivery right now, so as her husband, if there's any, it might be just some of his clients giving him a thank you offering. "Good morning." She said as she opened half of the door, making sure not to expose half of her body who was already completely dress with her uniform. 

"I'm sorry to interrupt you ma'am, but are you perhaps the woman named Bae Joohyun?" The delivery man asked politely while preparing his inventory paper to be signed by the owner of the parcel. Meanwhile, Irene felt anxious in hearing that name, as she remembered, just short after she graduated in college, she decided to legally change her name to Irene for some emotional reasons. It's been quite awhile for her to hear her former name.

"Yes, why?" Sensing that there were no harm threatening her to not show herself, the woman opened her door just enough for the man to see her uniform, the man nodded her head and gave her the inventory papers she needed to sign. While signing, the woman felt something wrong, as far as she remembered, only a few of her friends in Seoul had known about her name, even on her college years, she had been using the name Irene to cover up the thing that had happened to her back in her hometown. "May I know the sender?" She asked before the delivery man turned her back.

"It was sent to as by a woman named Ms. Foxy." 

Foxy... Irene never knew anyone named Foxy through her entire life, perhaps if it's something related to her work, it would be understandable but those mysterious parcels she received through her career, it was all addressed to her office and not exactly to their apartment building. 

In rush, the woman shut the door closed and went to the living room, not minding the running time of being late. Carefully, the prosecutor put the parcel on the coffee table as she abruptly took her phone to shot a picture if ever things had gone wrong. The woman was taking extra precautions as she started tearing off the tape of the box, strangely, her heart stopped at the very moment she saw a single VHS tape with the familiar writing she had always known from the beginning.

March 29, 2015. BJH .

"Eomma." The woman fell to the warmth of her mother's embrace as she entered their café filled with the infamous black graduation cap to celebrate her college graduation, four years had passed and their were a lot of things that had changed from the interior of their business to the emotional sentiment she had craved, though she'd been dating the man of her dreams now, she still don't know if she was truly happy after all. "Thank you." She said smiling, her eyes started to form the tears of joy as she hugged her once again.

Every person invited to the event were happily celebrating with them, you can easily spot that they were glad to see her achieving the best milestone on her life just by how they smiled towards her but there was one thing missing in there and she was afraid to admit it.

Four years and counting but the weird feeling of looking for her was still there, she couldn't bear but to accept the fact that she was the one who chose to complete cut off the things they had together, she lost her and she did not even know where to look for her.

The simple dinner party had ended in a blast but the woman was left sitting on the side of the window, her eyes studying the empty streets as if she was waiting for someone whom she knew that would never arrived. "Hey princess." The voice of her father had made her soul to bring her back to reality, the man sat right next to her, silently getting ingulf from what her daughter had truly felt. He asked. "Do you love him?" 

Joohyun turned to see him looking at her seriously, his eyes were saying that there were no jokes attached to his question, as usual, it was his duty to know if her daughter was okay or not, she's always been the center of his life and would be soon be given to someone. She nodded her head as an answer and started to play with her fingers. The only thing that she knew to herself was she's loving him just to completely forget about the idea of that younger as her first love.

How clever to think that she's looking for someone that she'd  pushed away just because she lost her interest towards her, hopelessly, she looked outside in desperate, as if wishing in just a single snap of her fingers that she would arrived but she never did, even with just her silhouette, she wished to at least saw it one more time but no one came. "You're confused princess." The man stood up and left her with the keys of their café  and his car. 

"But dad..." The man turned around and showed her a knowing smile before he replied.

"If you have plans on waiting for her, you can stay up here late but I don't want to see you cry."  His father threw a black pouch towards her that she gladly caught with her hands, the woman slowly pulled out the hidden treasure she forgot to exist for the entire time,

The compass.

"... I trust you more than the way I trusted myself but Hyun, I don't trust temptation, that thing is always there and I, myself wouldn't be able to stop that. If things messed up in the future don't forget about me, this piece of memory would be there to store everything that had happened to us..."

With that, Joohyun already knew that there was something that had completely changed after they parted ways. She knew to herself if there's anyone she needed to blame, it was herself and not the person who loved her truly, Seulgi might have left her there without any words but Joohyun knew just after she left that she's the one who messed them up.

Without even saying goodbye, the woman stood up and went out to chase what she truly felt, her hand holding the compass too tight as if she was afraid to lost it in ashes. She was running everywhere as if she was looking for a toy that she accidentally lost in the middle of the way when her eyes suddenly fell to the compass who was leading her to a house somewhere near to the school they used to attend. 

The house of her true home.

Panting, she stopped just a few meters away from the location she needed to go, Joohyun was in mixed emotions as she catches her breath, while walking slowly she saw two figures of a women who seemed to be happy by  how the way they sounded while talking to each other.

"There were a lot of things I haven't been able to enjoy." The unfamiliar voice of a woman said as she stood in front of a sedan parked on the side of the road. "Thank you." She said as she held both of her hands while looking straight to her eyes, they both smiled to each other when her accompany suddenly talked making Joohyun to stand frozen on her feet.

"Should I be the one who was going to say thank you?" The two laughed without noticing her presence from a far. "I'm sorry, I wasn't able to drive you home tonight, I'm too dumb to drink that whole champagne right? I looked like a tomato right now." Seulgi said as she rested her arms to the woman's waist who also made her to put hers around her neck.  

"But you're a bear." Her hands landed to her cheeks pinching it slightly making the woman to giggle to what she had done, on the other hand, Joohyun felt that she was being stabbed for a thousand times just by looking from where they stood up but she did not want to let the jealousy eat her first, the woman calmed herself by saying that she was just a friend or a close cousin that her ex had when the next words of the woman had made her dropped the conclusion. "Let's go back to Netherlands, let's finished our studies there and have our relationship be official to everyone, how's that sound?" There's a silence after the woman said that when Seulgi suddenly held both of the woman's cheeks and smashing her lips to hers with no hesitation.

Joohyun clenched her hand into a fist as she watched them make out in the middle of the road, as much as she wanted to cry, scream and grab the hair of that woman, she can't, she was just an ex after all, an ex who was afraid to let everyone know that she once had the most wonderful woman that every people could ever met. 

The seconds turned into half an hour, she was eager to talk to her, to fix everything with her, Joohyun was willing to let go of everything she had just to be with her for the second time around even though she knew to herself that it wouldn't be the same as before. Short after the woman left, she gathered all of her strength to walk into her, with slow and heavy steps, she shook all the negativity and called her name. "Seul-"

"Stop." The younger said after she catch a gaze on her. "What are you doing here? I have a lot of things to do." It seemed like the table were turned, the woman pleaded her to listen and grabbed her wrist which surprisingly the woman did not shake away. 

"Let's talk, please." Joohyun said but the woman chuckled as she looked at her straight to those eyes she used to love before. "Stay with me." Seulgi snatched her wrist from her and answered.

"It's over."