EPILOGUE: LOVE, SEULGI.

I've got a lot of things I can't undo in life and that would probably include of losing her. 

One, two, three years had passed by yet it was still about you in this end. I don't know what my life would be right now, it could probably be just ending up me all alone through these years ahead of me. To my well being and everything that come into my mind, I would still choose to be with you.

As usual I can't. You did not want me to follow you.

Their were lots of things in my life that I had regretted not to do so, for not being able to fight for her and to live with her. I misinterpreted happiness to be something to be concluded with our opposite gender but I guess not all male to female relationship would be that happy at all, it would always be that quote, 'follow your heart' that you needed to agree with until the end.

"Unnie!" I heard Wendy's voice before I completely fell off from the terrace down to the cold waters of the ten feet pool under our room's terrace. I did it, everything had come to an end now, we found the criminal, and hopefully he will be punished to death.

I felt the water hit my skin as I completely felt how that tingling sensation on my abdomen had made me almost sunk through the water. Everything became so vivid, nostalgic that it made me wanted to burst into tears. Seulgi deserved this but I would never deserved her entire existence and determination to have me back.

Everything had started to get blurry as I floated back to the top of the pool. I'm starting to get unconscious and the water surrounding me had started to look like my blood when I heard her voice for one last time.

"Thank you..."

"Earlier was the last court hearing for them why didn't you come?" My father asked as he put down a cup of freshly made hot chocolate. It was the first snow of this year, the same month when I graduated from college and saw her making out with Krystal Jung. It still lingered inside my head like it just happened yesterday but I was also glad to know that even though Seulgi had tried to change the idea of loving me but it was still me the reason why she came back. She never changed, that's why I always love her. "She's happy now." He said and fixed himself across me. Father had always supported me to who I am in my life, he was there when he found out that his eldest daughter's first love was a woman and was still here to remind me again that his daughter's first love was already happy looking at her from a far, in the place where no one can hurt nor touch her.

"She would have to, she had too so I would have too." I said as I looked out through the window of our café as I noticed the few drops of snow. "It's her favourite season, I could have seen her having those rosy red cheeks she always had during winter." I laughed to the idea of it, it would always be those cheeky smile of hers I'd always love, the way she called me from a far and asked me how my day had went all along after she had waited for hours to just be with me for the rest of the night.

I missed those old days that I would surely not be able to go back.

"Appa." Father hummed in response and looked at me. "Do you think... she was worth it?" I asked. What kind of question is that though? Of course she was, she was more than just a piece of that priceless painting she had ever made. She was more than nothing but the love and owner of my entire heart.

"I think this would answer your question." He leave a sealed letter in front of me and patted my back. "She loves you but be happy, she's here but not in the presence you were used to." My father smiled and left me there sitting alone on our favourite spot.

Kang Seulgi was really a woman full of wonders and secrets. She was that the same person who always never failed to surprise me to the things she could do even from before, she made me realized that she was that magician who never lied and had just wanted me to be happy, I wonder what type of magic that she had put in here once again.

I was staring to tear off the envelope's lid when I felt someone looking at me from a far. I smiled, it was Lisa. "How long have you been there?" I asked as I watched here walked into my front, a bouquet of flowers on her hands.

"I just came here to visit you before I go back to Seoul for my flight tomorrow morning." She answered and gave me the present she had bought. It was years ago when I met her back to that restaurant in Gyeonggi-do, she was there throughout the process of Junmyeon's case and was also there with me when I was recovering from my accident only to find her there with a broken arm were she almost got to lose it due to her injury.

Lisa knew how sorry I am to the things that had happened to her and to her friends but instead of getting mad she did understand my situation and had stood up there by my side to watch me getting to the better things in the life ahead of me.

"She's finally free, I just came here to unwind to some things and to visit her and her mother's grave. Hopefully be able to stay here until the end. I wanted to rest in here, with my family." I recently found out that things might have started to get better by now, but luck wasn't that devoted to be with me, as always, it failed me. It was also the reason why I wanted to ask Lisa to go back home to her parents so she can freely accept if she ever came back when I'm already here lying lifeless on my death bed.

The Thai had recently asked me if she could have court me until I decided to say yes to be her girlfriend which I don't seem to give her at any of this moment, I also don't find it that negative to date just after three years of being freed from that hell marriage I had with Junmyeon  and I also knew that Seulgi did not want me to grieve forever that's why I wanted to give her a shot but I'm getting weaker.

Each every single day.

She seemed nice but I did not want her to wait for me knowing my existence wouldn't seemed to last that long anymore. September last year when I was sent to the hospital for a severe headache only  to find out that I had a late grade three brain cancer that had been there since then after I got married to Junmyeon, as much as her, my parents and friends had pushed me to go and have myself get a surgery, I choose not to. I would rather chose to die on my bedroom's bed rather than dying in the hospital's. I think it would be miserable for my family to see me suffering in the hospital.

It was also considered incurable in my stage, I was already in the middle of third and fourth grade brain cancer which only had five chance of survival rate out of one hundred percent. If I was just destined to die, I would rather keep all the pain to myself.

I was lost back to my train of thoughts when I suddenly felt a warm hand touching mine. I turned around to see Lisa smiling at me comfortably, she might not be the person I was looking for but her actions do look exactly like hers. I missed her and I still do yearn for her.

"Please take care of yourself." Those words, those same exact words were the things that Seulgi had always said to me when we're still together, she never forgot to remind me in every single day that I have to take care of myself and that I should be taking every means of care that I can do for myself which I also found to the Thai making me to agree with the idea of being with her.

"Do you want me to read this?" She asked politely but I just shook my head and took it carefully from her. It was something more important for others to read, it would be exclusively for me and myself only. This could probably also the reason why I was still alive, this might be her letter letting me to know that I can already be with her.

Which I would never dare to mind at all.

--

Weeks had turned into months and her body went weaker and weaker until one day, at a cold evening of December, it was the day were they did not expect to arrive at all.

"Hyun?" Her mother called from the other side of the door. It's already nine in the evening yet the woman did not come out of her room for the whole afternoon. "Wendy and Jennie's here, they came to visit you, would you like me to tell them to just come and go to you room now?" Still no answer, as much as her mother would love to just enter her room, she didn't. The woman did not like to get ask about how her life was going on each day, if she was okay or not. Irene did really keep it to herself without seeking for others.

"I think you should go inside." Irene's younger sister had said and asked them to follow her lead.

It's been quite a long ago when the woman had left her job to focus on her life, she wasn't also be able to see her friends frequently which leads them to come to her place and see her personally. They knew that she was struggling on her daily normal life which they also prayed to be easier for her now that she's sick and lonely.

"Unnie..." It was the prosecutor's first words when she met her role model laying on her bed and seemed to be sleeping peacefully with her wool comforter warming her to this cold evening. Son got promoted to the woman's former rank just after a few months of its vacancy, she was happy but it really did felt like she was working harder than she used to before. "Are you okay?" She asked as she motioned Jennie to close the door, they were left with the dim light and the soft music of the Righteous Brothers' Unchained Melody inside her room when Son's eyes landed to a folded letter right next to the older.

It wouldn't be that bad if she would read it right?

Dear Joohyun,

A few months had passed since you had asked me to focus on my college, I got accepted to a scholarship abroad to study Fine Arts in a prestigious school in the Netherlands. We were both in college now but the bad idea was I wasn't that person around your slender arms anymore. I miss you.

Tonight, I will be spending my evening putting all of my emotions in this letter that I know you wouldn't be able to read sooner or later. I don't have such a courage to confront and to give this to you personally since you might think that I maybe acting as a silly person once again.

That's right, I wanted you to take care of yourself, I wouldn't be able to know one day, if I'm still alive to that time if I will be able to take care of you, to spend the rest of my life with you and to study your physique as the love of my life, I don't think I can. I wasn't in that place anymore.

I maybe going to disappear but speaking of disappearance is another season to begin.

I wanted you to know that I always love you, until death, I would never dare to forget you, I may be able to find another person to love and hopefully be able to spend a lifetime with, you're always going to have that special place in my heart where I store the memory of us.

Let's part each other's way without hurt and hatred, I wanted you to be happy and would wished you to find a better version of me from another. As on this day onwards, I will be waiting for you until you came back into my arms. I will be willing to accept you. Don't make it hard for yourself.

I love you.

 Love, Seulgi.

Wendy smiled and looked at the older. It seemed like it was all over in here, she might had live a not so wonderful life but she had done a lot of things to make it seemed to look a little bit better. "Wendy-unnie...?" Jennie whispered as she walked towards the prosecutor, Son smiled sadly and patted the younger's shoulder. "But... no..." The prosecutor automatically showed a snappy salute and said.

"You've gone home but your legacies will always remain with us." The door was slowly creeped open revealing the woman's father who was holding something in his hands. The compass she refused to let go no matter what tragic happenings that had happened to her life. "She's happy now, sir." Wendy said making the man to nod his head and answered.

"She's back to her arms."