Five Steps Back (and One Forward)

Baekhyun thinks that he’d spare himself a lot of misery if he were physically restrained from making important decisions while running on no sleep, because he’s ed up royally. And it’s really, really unfair to Song Hei.

Set: The talk between Baekhyun and Hei in the beginning of chapter 6 of Cutlass!

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Baekhyun was an idiot. He wanted to blame it on the fact that he was running on a criminally low amount of sleep, but at that point, he was convinced that he was just stupid.

They remained in absolute silence after Hei didn’t answer his question of whether she was okay or not, although it was quite clear that she wasn’t. Baekhyun fought the urge to reach out to steady Hei, because she looked like she was going to topple over at any moment. The concern that she wouldn’t be comfortable with a man touching her anywhere after what had just happened won over, and he lingered a pace behind, wondering why in the world he had put them five steps behind when he really should’ve been working on moving forward.

The dress she was wearing didn’t have sleeves long enough to cover her wrists, and Baekhyun could see the angry red marks on her right arm, where she’d clearly tugged her hand out of the rope. That he had stupidly tied her to the bed with. Because he was an idiot. Who clearly did not consider long term consequences, or the fact that being an absolute to Song Hei because of his own exhaustion would get them nowhere. Hearing her insistent defence about her family had set something off, or perhaps reminded Baekhyun a little too much about himself. For a moment it wasn’t Hei but him, sitting on the cobbled rooftops next to the girl with short hair, insisting that everything his family had given him—scars, pain, countless sleepless nights—somehow deserved his loyalty and unfailing devotion.

Clearly, very clearly, directing his anger about the families onto Hei was a horrible idea. Something he should’ve known better than to do, and something she didn’t deserve the least bit.

They entered the cabin just as silently. Hei didn’t look at him at all, moving silently towards her bed and sitting down, gaze fixed on the floor. It took Baekhyun a couple moments to realize that the action was probably because she was frightened of him.

“I’m sorry I tied your wrist,” Baekhyun told her, and her head snapped upwards, expression wide-eyed and shocked. “I have to apologize for that.”

She opened as if to reply, then shut it and continued staring at him, as if the fact that he was apologizing for something he clearly did wrong was shocking. (Given that the Song family had clearly spent the best part of the girl’s life heaping their responsibility and blame onto Hei, Baekhyun supposed he shouldn’t feel as surprised as he did.)

Then there was the fact that she’d scraped her wrist raw and bleeding to get out of the rope. Although it had been a terrible move on his part, Baekhyun was certain he hadn’t been so out of it that he’d tied it uncomfortably tight—he’d made sure to be careful and give her enough leeway so that the rope only ensured she wouldn’t leave the cabin. There was clearly something else behind it. “What happened before?” he prompted.

Hei still didn’t reply. She had finally ripped her gaze away from his face to her hands, which she had folded (or clenched; her knuckles were turning white) on her lap. “Well?” Baekhyun pushed. “I don’t suppose you made yourself bleed and decided to check every single cabin down here for help if you had been in the right mind. Anyone else would’ve bolted for the captain and reported that there was an outlaw on the ship. What exactly happened?”

Something to do with being tied up, he had to guess, but Seungwan hadn’t mentioned an aversion to ropes or anything. Then again, from what he’d seen from Song Hei, Seungwan had barely glanced at the tip of the iceberg about Hei.

It hit Baekhyun that perhaps she wasn’t speaking not because she was purposefully ignoring him, but still potentially too scared to. He took a deep breath. “I’m s