Brave

After Zitao’s reading, Baekhyun hadn’t expected to find Song Hei up at the deck in the middle of the night, freezing to death in the rain. He can’t quite shake off the feeling that it’s his fault.

Set: End of chapter 21 to chapter 22 in Cutlass, after Zitao’s reading.

Baekhyun starting to simp before he knew he was simping :’)

__________

Hei wasn’t particularly hard to carry—she was pretty light—but between the bags of things they bought and making sure her weight was balanced so he wouldn’t fall over, Baekhyun was still a bit tired by the time they made it to the docks. She had drifted asleep, head resting on his shoulder and breathing coming out in longer, more even intervals.

He found the small rowboat, still in the sand. Carefully, making sure that he had at least one hand gripping Hei, he set down the bags on the ground. Hei didn’t stir, and miraculously, he didn’t drop her either.

Baekhyun hesitated for a moment. It wasn’t too long of a boat ride to get to the ship, but he couldn’t possibly sit down in the rowboat with Hei still asleep on his back, which meant he’d have to wake her up. But when he had turned briefly to look at her, she had looked so peaceful—especially after Zitao’s reading—that Baekhyun couldn’t bear to wake her.

The only solution Baekhyun came up with was standing absolutely still on the beach for another ten minutes. So he did, watching the waves in front of him, knowing very well that it was very late and they really ought to start heading back, but unwilling to disturb Hei. It was well over fifteen minutes before he finally tugged gently on her hand.

It didn’t take much for her to stir. With a quiet groan, Hei lifted her head. Baekhyun turned so he could meet her gaze. She was blinking rapidly, looking rather disoriented. “Awake?”

Hei glanced forward, beginning to frown. “Where are we?”

“Going back to the ship,” Baekhyun replied. “Can you walk by yourself? I don’t think this’ll hold if we both sit on one side. You can go sleep as soon as we get back, alright?”

When Hei didn’t reply for a good fifteen seconds, he prompted, “Hei?”

She unwrapped her arms from around his neck, and Baekhyun gently set her down on the ground. She managed two shaky steps forward by herself before stumbling, and Baekhyun reached out to steady her.

To his immense relief, she didn’t flinch like she had right after the reading, and Baekhyun could only hope to take it that she was feeling better.

Hei didn’t say a thing when he pushed the boat into the waters and hopped on. The rest of the ride, albeit short, was absolutely, pressingly, uncomfortably silent, and Baekhyun knew that whatever Zitao’s reading had done to her, it hadn’t been pleasant. The problem was that he had no idea how to approach it without frightening Hei all over again.

Luhan was waiting for them on the deck when they arrived. He watched from the railings as they climbed onto the deck, with Baekhyun half afraid that Hei wouldn’t have the strength to pull herself up the ladder rungs. She somehow made it to the deck on her own, and Baekhyun hurried up behind her as he secured the rowboat.

“You’re back a lot later than I expected,” Luhan said as they both got onto the deck. Hei was still wearing his coat, and while it was too dim for Baekhyun to see much, she seemed to be shivering still, looking incredibly small and tired. “We should be setting off at this time. I don’t know how well the wind will hold up, but it’s best if we get out of Aesta as soon as possible. The Song family’s doubled the price on your head and hers.”

It wasn’t the right thing to say in front of her, because Hei flinched at the words. Luhan seemed to notice something wrong with her for the first time, because he looked at her, a frown beginning to appear on his face. “Are you alright?”

Hei chewed on her lip for a few moments. She shrugged off Baekhyun’s coat and handed it to him. “I’m just tired,” she said, staring at the deck, voice so quiet that he had to strain to hear. Baekhyun could feel his heart dropping. “I’m going… I’m going to go sleep now.”

She turned and headed below-deck. Both he and Luhan stood in silence as she left, the door shutting softly behind Hei, footsteps barely audible. It was a couple seconds later when Luhan turned to him. “What did you do?”

On any occasion, Baekhyun would’ve protested, because he hadn’t done anything. Disregarding what had happened at Zitao’s place, it had been a pretty successful day. Or maybe successful wasn’t the right word, because while he’d initially planned to go with Hei to make sure she felt more comfortable around him, it had turned less to be a mission to achieve that than a simple outing, and it had been fun. It’d been happy. Until she’d volunteered to be read rather than him, and Baekhyun had made the stupid, stupid mistake of letting her. So really, Luhan was right—it was something he’d done, or maybe something he’d been too cowardly to do.

“I should’ve stopped her,” he muttered back.

“Stopped her from doing what, Baek?”

Baekhyun scrubbed a hand over his face. “Zitao’s reading,” he replied dejectedly.

Luhan went stock still for a moment. “Zitao?” he finally exploded after a long span of silence. “You let Zitao read Hei?”

“Yes, because I’m a ing idiot.”

“Yeah, you are.” Luhan rounded on him, then jabbed a finger dangerously close to his eyes. “You let that psycho read her knowing how bad it can get? She’s getting better, Baekhyun, but you told me what happened on the ship to Ezentia. The last thing Song Hei needs is another reminder about what her family did to her, and Zitao’s reading is exactly that. It’s that, and it emphasizes all the bad and all the hurt and all the fear.”

Baekhyun shut his eyes. “I know I messed up. You don’t need to tell me again.”

Luhan gave him a once-over. “Then don’t mess up again.”

He didn’t say anything else. Baekhyun headed up the helm to his shift, hoping that Song Hei would be fine.

***

Baekhyun wasn’t sure if he’d heard the door to below-deck slam shut because the storm was incredibly loud already, but after managing to calm the waves around the ship enough to leave the helm, he headed down the stairs to check.

For a couple moments, he didn’t spot anything out of the ordinary. Then something moved in the shadows, and he followed the movement to the shape curled up against the wall.

He stilled.

He wasn’t sure how long Song Hei had been sitting there in the sleet, but for one awful, chest-constricting moment, Baekhyun was scared she’d frozen to death. But she was clearly moving, which he could easily tell even with her knees pulled up to her chest and arms around her legs, her whole body trembling like a leaf. He could hear Hei gasping for uneven breaths despite the rain splattering across the deck and the wind’s violent tearing.

For a couple of moments, Baekhyun was too shocked to move. Then he snapped into action before any coherent train of thought settled in. Bending down beside her, he reached forward and tried to steady her around the shoulders.

Hei flinched from him and tried to shrug his grip off. Baekhyun tried again, gentler the second time, and she seemed to give up trying to fight him. Her dress was completely soaked, sticking to her skin, which felt scarily cold.

“Hei,” he got out, though she didn’t give any indication that she recognized her name. “Song Hei, are you even bre—how long have you been up here?”

To Baekhyun’s relief, she was responsive enough to have heard him. Her teeth were chattering when she finally lifted her head to look at him, though her breathing remained erratic and she didn’t reply to the question. Water dripped from her hair and down her lashes and cheeks, but Baekhyun wasn’t sure if it was rainwater or tears on her face because she looked like she’d also been crying.

“Hei,” he tried again. He took a deep breath. “You can’t just stay up here. You’re going to freeze. It’s raining, for God’s sake.”

A new wave of panic seemed to cross her face. “I d-don’t—” She broke off, gasping for breath. “I—”

Baekhyun knelt down fully in front of her. “You have to breathe.”

“Can’t—”

“Hei, breathe. Stop speaking for now. Follow me.”

He took a slow, deep breath in to demonstrate. Hei tried to follow the example, though she broke off halfway through. Baekhyun tried again, hoping that his expression remained calm. He didn’t feel calm. He felt the same as he had back on the passenger ship to Ezentia, when he’d woken up to find Hei gone, and the terror that had faded abruptly into anger and frustration at her family, and then himself. But it wasn’t something he’d do any good focusing on at the moment, so Baekhyun concentrated on taking steady breaths and listening for Hei’s breathing patterns to follow. At some point, he’d started rubbing absentminded circles on her arm in sync with each breath, and it seemed to help her match his pattern.

When Hei finally seemed to be taking semi-steady breaths on her own, Baekhyun sat back on his heels to look at her. Her teeth were still chattering non-stop, which was unsurprising because it was freezing, though she seemed to be calming down.

“Hei,” he started slowly. “How long have you been up here?”

“D-don’t know.”

He gave her arm a gentle pull. “You’re going to freeze if you stay up here. You need to go back down.”

Hei shied away from him again, shaking her head vehemently. “I don’t want to go back there.”

He glanced at the door to below-deck, a couple feet away from them. Unless Kim Junmyeon had broken out and was wreaking havoc, Baekhyun had an inkling that whatever the reason was was related to her past and exacerbated by Zitao’s reading. “Why?” he asked carefully.

“It’s dark,” Hei said in a small voice. “I don’t want to go back there.”

Dark. He frowned, trying to wrack his head about what it was about the dark. She’d mentioned Song Miyeon had used to tie her wrists in… a dark room? The basement? Baekhyun couldn’t remember her exact words, but Hei didn’t look like she was in the state to be questioned about it further. He extended a hand to Hei, who stared at his fingers like the gesture was completely foreign. “Let’s go back down,” he offered in the gentlest voice possible. “I’ll ligh