A/N: I'm so sorry for the long interval with my updates T.T I was just really caught up with college life and lately I am into reading mode than writing. But anyways, I hope you'll enjoy this update :)
“Joohyun-ah, wake up. You’ll be late.”
“Five more minutes, Seungwan.”
She heave a relief sigh as the shaking stopped.
“It’s Nayeon. Seungwan’s long gone, Joohyun-ah” Her friend’s familiar voice declared. Joohyun then tiredly rubbed the sleep out of her eyes and soon peaked through the covers. Nayeon’s pitying look immediately entered her sight. Now being fully awake, she lifelessly dragged her body towards her bathroom. Her friend just shot her a sullen look while shaking her head.
“I’ll just wait downstairs!”
It’s been almost half a year that they broke up and she has last seen the girl but she cannot deny how Seungwan’s remnants still linger in the air. How regret is slowly eating her up. And how longing keeps her awake sometimes at night. Every once in a while flashbacks to how they were will roll at the back of her mind. Every damn time, she cannot help but to also think how her life will be if they are still together.
A recurring gnawing feelings at the pit of her stomach that goes upwards towards her chest staying there for a little while until those will keep her on thinking what was wrong, which she cannot really decipher. All Joohyun knew was that something’s missing, something valuable, something she should have kept, something that revolves around Seungwan. But she’s too dumb to realize that, at that instant.
Due to the confusion and a drizzle of in denial, the regret didn’t happen right away. She’s sad for how she has hurt the girl but it’s not two months from the break up before she realized how her life does not seem so easy anymore. Upon realizing, she immediately broke it off with her boyfriend – yeah, the one she chose over Seungwan. That good for nothing guy. Joohyun doesn’t know why she has dragged out the impending break up when after her last encounter with Seungwan (a heartbreaking one), she was already on the verge of calling it off with him. But she guessed that it’s probably her selfishness getting the best out of her. She cannot afford to be alone.
Her happiness cannot be masked after opening an email which contained her application’s acceptance to one of the best media and arts school in Seoul. Joohyun has been eyeing this university ever since Seungwan convinced her and her parents to major in photography in college. So she called the first person that popped into her mind after reading such notification.
“Seungwan-ah! I got accepted in---” her words got cut off as the cold voice of the person on the other line stopped her ramblings, without even giving her a chance to form a coherent sentence.
Joohyun cannot blame her though.
“Stop calling me, Joohyun. We’re already over.”
Now, it finally dawned on her, that she doesn’t have the right anymore to call the latter. A piercing feeling is etching inside her chest. It’s suffocating her. But at the end of everything...
At the end of her regrets,
At the end of what she truly feels,
At the end of all the happenings after Seungwan left,
At the end of all the hurt,
It’s Joohyun’s fault. Not Seungwan's. Not anyone's. It’s her fault.
So with a heavy sigh, her grip on her phone loosens as she tried to utter any word to get away with the repercussions of her impulsive decision to call the girl.
“A-ah yeah, I’m sorry.”
A sigh can be heard at the other line. A frustrated one.
“This is the last straw, Joohyun.”
“I’ll block you.”
Those were the last words she has heard out of the latter’s mouth. The mark of them being completely disconnected.
[A/N: Italicized words in the present time means inner thoughts of the character : ) ]
How am I going to face her?
What should I say first?
What should I feel?
How is she?
How am I?
Is it going to be fine?
“Yah! Seungwan-ah?!” this time, Mina’s voice has finally disturbed her mental ramblings. Mina was Seungwan’s friend at the university, both were paired by their literature professor at a particular group work where they were tasked to compose a twenty-stanza poem (if ever that really exist, only their professor knew but surely it’s not the usual length of most poems). Upon hearing such task, they both think that their professor was somehow weird. Adding to that was the only two criteria she has given. First, to catch her attention as early as the first stanza. Second, make it interesting so she will read the whole output because if not, automatic failing grade on their first assigned task. Both of them, albeit their first encounter, truly worked hard to get comfortable with each other so they can freely express their thoughts. At last, they settle with Seungwan’s main concept, a heartbreaking, tear-jerking piece. After working on that task for a week, it just came naturally that they grew closer. Until they graduated, they have maintained such friendship.
Although they have such bond, both have tried to keep it real professional in their workplace, due to the request of the penguin-like walking girl. Mina wanted to start at the bottom and went upwards due to her hard work and not because others favor her because she’s a close friend of the editor-in-chief. Seungwan respecting her decision, immediately agreed. It’s not as if Mina isn’t capable to let her name be known as a writer/reporter/interviewer. Seungwan truly believed in her. It’s just that sometimes, due to her timid and shy personality she’s mostly underestimated by the higher-ups like Mr. Jang. Hence, the reason why she also cannot keep herself to stay still after hearing such commotion a while ago. Although due to that, she’s in this predicament.
“Yeah, what is it?! Why do I have to interview my ex-girlfriend, huh?! “ she immediately clasped her hands on after blurting loudly her final question to her self. Everything’s messed up already. She cannot help but to feel slightly angry at how fate has been playing with her ever since. Everything’s not right and she’s not going to be fine as long as Joohyun was intertwined with her life. The older girl was her downfall since the beginning. She actually wasn’t blaming her. It is more on blaming herself on why did she has pushed her feelings back then when she knew that her heart has always been for Joohyun to crush into pieces. Now, what is she supposed to do? Seungwan guessed that fate must probably testing her before finally being tied to someone.
“I-I mean. Wh-what is it, Minari?”
“First, thank you for saving me from Mr. Jang. Second, don’t worry, I’ll interview your ex-girlfriend for you.” After uttering those words, Mina’s familiar lopsided grin was plastered on her face. She isn’t the one whose going to pry and tease about someone’s life but after realizing that she’s probably the way for her favorite boss/friend and photographer to get interconnected again, after having an interesting past—surely made her feel giddy inside. As an avid reader of romantic movies, she’s excited to see how things will unfold. Although, there’s a little guilt at the back of her mind. But what’s bound to happen, will happen. And she knew that there’s a reason on why Seungwan is fated to meet or get interconnected with her ex-girlfriend again. Whatever happens, she’s always rooting for Seungwan’s happiness. So her friend’s decision, is always the same as hers.
Still a little dazed with all the happenings, she just nonchalantly replied to her junior, “Yeah, interview my ex-girlfriend for me. Thank you.”
A dead silence past for a little while before Mina’s timid laugh reverberated through her office. It was timid but coming from a quite girl she knew that she must have really blurt something funny.
What is there to laugh actually? I just said thank you for interviewing my ex-girlfriend.
What’s wrong with that?
Seriously?! How can I be this dumb to give away to this cunning friend of mine that Joohyun’s my ex-girlfriend just like that?
After laughing for a little while, Mina stopped her ministrations and looked at the latter teasingly, “So, I really heard it right that Ms. Bae was your past girlfriend? “
“Interesting.” Mina finally smiled wickedly at the confirmation.
“Yah! We’re friends but shut it, Minari! It’s all in the past!” she whined on her seat.
“No need to get too worked up if it’s all in the past. I’ll interview her anyway.” Her friend suddenly shot her a wink.
“Hey, why do I feel like you will do something.” Seungwan gulped nervously while scrutinizing Mina.
“If you are that worried, then interview her, Ms. Son. “ Mina challenged.
After hearing such suggestion, she immediately decline, “N-no, you do it! Besides Kyungsoo will not like it.”
“Oh right, does he know about your ex?”
“Well, he knew that I have an ex-girlfriend before him.” She shortly explained. It’s not a secret to her current boyfriend that she swings both ways. Seungwan was glad that he doesn’t even mind it. Reasoning that, ‘love is love’. After reminiscing such moment and realizing how her boyfriend has always been good with her, she’s confident that there’s no way that she’s going to let him go and be tied again to her past.
“Well, I knew too that she’s the subject of the poem we wrote back then.” The latter replied nonchalantly, trying the catch the mouse for the second time.
“Yeah, she is. Wait what—No! “
Mina just smiled at her teasingly and she is sure that she didn’t have the burning desire to wipe of that smile out of her friends face for their seven years of friendship except for now.
Her friend pat her on the shoulders before walking out the door but not before she uttered the realization, also the first thing that came into Seungwan’s mind after internalizing all the happenings, “Things are getting complicated, Seungwan-ah. Seems like fate is testing you before finally tying the knot.”
Joohyun grunt loudly at the noise that’s reverberating throughout her room early in the morning. She even kicked some pillows out of her bed as frustration immediately kicks in. Tiredness is eating her up while she blink her sleep away. Whoever this bastard is, she’ll make sure that she’s going to see the depths of hell for disturbing her precious sleep. Joohyun is not usually this grumpy, but if a 6-hour photoshoot, an interview, making a review for one of the blogs online and securing physical copies of the photoshoot were her schedule the day before, for sure no one in their right mind will let anyone to disturb their sleep afterwards.
As the noise blaring from her phones subsided, she heave a relief sigh and pull the covers above her head again, planning to continue her sleep and forgive whoever is calling her.
Or maybe not.
With a forceful stride, Joohyun abruptly or rather grumpily snatched her phone on her night stand.
“Yah! Can’t you see the time?! I need sleep so piss off! “
Oh. With this kind of tone. A calm before the storm for sure.
“Open the freaking door this instant! I’ve been knocking on your door for the past half an hour!”
Her best friend’s voice shouted on the other line. Joohyun even need to get her ears away from the phone because of how loud her friend’s shouting was. It’s rare for Seulgi to shout and if she does, it will do you no good if you don’t obey her. Hence, she immediately rushed towards her door and a fuming Seulgi was what welcomed her the second she opened the door.
“Thank God, you finally opened this up. I’m on the verge of knocking down this freaking door. “
“And it’s already past three in the afternoon, Joohyun.” Seulgi exclaimed as she pinch her friend’s side, who’s just staring at her groggily. And soon let out a few ouch at the latter’s pinching.
“By the way, are you free on Monday next next week?” Seulgi asked after almost an hour of catching up. Joohyun should have known that there’s always something behind her friend’s sudden visit since Seulgi is a busy person. She shouldn’t have believed her when she said that she’s visiting because she misses her.
“I don’t know actually. I’m kind of busy these days, It’s been three years since I came back so there’s job offerings here and there. But let me check my schedule.” She explained and soon opened her phone to see her schedule.
“Wow, you’re actually very lucky since I don’t have any schedule on that day.” Joohyun can see how her friend’s face lit up after hearing that. But soon turned sour as she uttered the next words.
“Except taking my rest. So no, I am not free, Seulgi.”
“Yah! “ a whining Seulgi is cute except she’s really persistent and not to mention hard headed.
“That girl, she still wouldn’t take no as an answer tsk tsk. Should I just unfriend her?” she uttered lowly while massaging her now aching head as her friend finally walked out the door after a grueling several minutes of convincing her. Having no choice but to agree to Seulgi’s constant bargaining for her to do a wedding photoshoot since the initial photographer experienced a conflict with her schedule has left her friend which is a wedding coordinator, to pester her until she says yes.
Her encounter with her best friend has left her to heave a long sigh, a pout and a tired mental state for the nth time.
But at the end of the day, Joohyun is truly thankful for her existence. She has become her pillar since her three friends during her senior years in high school have all been busy chasing their own dreams. But from time to time, they still hangout though. Seulgi was already even included in their circle. Joohyun sometimes feel like it’s the four of them that’s been friends ever since by how close they are. Joohyun was almost left out during some of their conversations, just listening quietly to their talk. Now, she’s wondering when can the four of them have a girl’s night out since she’s already back. Unbeknownst to her, it is actually because of her personal life on why they’re going to have an emergency girl’s talk.
“It’s nice meeting you again, Ms. Bae. I am really sorry for another inconvenience but our assistant Editor-in-chief insisted on this one.” Mina apologetically uttered as soon as she settled in front of her. Both of them have decided to just lounge inside a café to do the interview.
“It’s actually fine. I agreed on this follow-up interview too. Don’t worry.” She assured the fidgeting girl.
Joohyun doesn’t know on why she feel this unknown comfortableness with the girl. It’s as if any request from the latter, will make her say yes. It’s probably because of the kind gesture she made at the latter part of their past interview or was it the fact that the girl admitted that she’s actually a big fan of hers and her works.
Obviously, it’s part of the interviewer's job to become nosy to someone else’s life but this girl in front of her respected her privacy. Joohyun adored her for that. Although, with this succeeding interview she will be sharing glimpses of her personal life. But then she realized that this may become a way for her to remind other people to not take anything for granted on their lives especially the person who’s willing to trade everything just for them. Maybe she can save someone from the misery that she’s been dealing with since then.
“If there’s a question that makes you uncomfortable, feel free to not answer them. I am really sorry Ms. Bae. These were all pre-determined by the assistant editor-in-chief so it may go overboard.” Mina uttered apologetically while sporting a small smile.
“Shall we start? “ upon her nodding, Mina gestured to the camera man to start rolling in for the interview.
“Can you share more about this person? “
Should I give it to Seungwan?
This may change her mind.
But this may also prove her love for Kyungsoo is much more.
Mr. Jang sensing that his subordinate isn’t paying attention on her surrounding during office hours started to get irritated. So with a heavy sigh, “Ms. Myoui?!” this time his voice went louder, finally getting Mina’s attention, who quickly went on her feet and bowed at him at a fast-paced. A clear display that she wasn’t on her focused-self at this moment.
“Yes, sir?” she inquired a little nervously, upon sensing the atmosphere brought about by the glaring eyes of Mr. Jang.
“I said that have you already give to Ms. Son the transcript of the interview? Next week is the deadline and you have the audacity to slack off? “
“I’m going to give it to her this afternoon, sir. She’s out for a business meeting as of the moment” Mina was kind of relieved that Seungwan isn’t at the office for she still have a little time to contemplate everything.
I do. I still love her, although it was long overdue to say that.
If I would be given a chance to go back in time and do something about the past. It most probably revolve around that person.
Shaking a way those flashbacks she then proceed on finishing the article, afraid that she will be scolded again by the old man.
Beep. Message received.
Joohyun was busy in editing some of the pics from today’s pictorial, when a message came in. Upon seeing the sender, she immediately let out a sigh. It’s Seulgi. Tomorrow’s the wedding photoshoot. Hence, she is sure that her friend will remind her about it for at least three times today. Here comes the first one, she guessed.
Joohyun-ah, don’t forget about the photoshoot tomorrow hmmm? I’m counting on you! I love you my dear best friend mwah!
See. I’m right.
She just typed a simple ‘okay’ before getting back to work, with a goal of finishing the editing of some photos early since tomorrow’s event starts at eight in the morning.
She was busy thinking of a good angles for the photos when her assistant came in sight while smiling slightly at her, “It’s all set Ms. Bae. The client will be here in a few minutes.” she informed.
“By the way, miss…Ms. Kang said that she’ll dropped by later to check on things.”
She should be. She’s the reason for all these. That’s the least she can do. Joohyun internally scoffed.
“The client is here Ms. Bae.” Sana (her assistant) informed, looking at the door with her usual bright smile. She then ushered for the man to come in. Joohyun on the other hand, looked up from the photobook she’s holding and smiled at the man albeit not that wide compared to her bubbly assistant.
The man bowed at them politely. Joohyun waited for bride to be to enter so she could discuss the flow of the photoshoot when the said person isn’t still on her line of sight. Sensing her curiosity, the man stated that his fiancée just went to the comfort room for a while. The photographer nodded at that and soon went back to skimming through the photos, looking for nice shots to recreate for the last minute as they await for the soon-to-be bride.
“I heard the original photographer backed out…”
“Ah yes, it’s actually due to conflict of schedule. Seulgi is my close friend so she passed me the work. Don’t worry she already informed me about the theme and how this photoshoot would turn out the way you like.” Joohyun reassured knowing that by how the groom’s first sentence was about that, she knew that there’s a bit of hesitation on his side to change the photographer last minute especially if they already discussed about everything.
“Okay, thank you. I just want everything to be perfect for her.” The guy declared with all the love he could muster with that one sentence. Joohyun smiled warmly at him. How nice it would have been to find love and to live the rest of your life with that person.
“Babe, sorry it took me a little while. I retouched a bit.”
Time stood still as she heard the familiar voice, followed by the loud beating of her heart as soon as she realized who that voice belongs to. A thud can be heard as Joohyun loosens her grip on the photobook which led for the thing to be on the floor. All of the occupants' eyes inside the room were on her. Including hers. Which mirrored the same expression as hers upon seeing Joohyun.
It’s been a while.
Joohyun can feel how her breath hitched every second she stared at Seungwan’s face. The youthfulness was gone but she cannot deny how her now more sophisticated self enamored Joohyun to the fullest. Her chubby cheeks back then were replaced by a sharper one. But she’s still so beautiful.
You’re beautiful. A compliment she knew Seungwan wants to hear from her back then in which she didn’t have the chance to say. Or maybe her stubborn self was also so blinded by that fact. Her old camera films were a witness and proof of it though.
It was Seungwan who gathered her thoughts first and composed herself. She cleared and soon extended a hand in front of Joohyun for a hand shake, “Nice meeting you, Ms. Bae”. All were said without looking at her. Joohyun grasped her hand nervously, but as soon it came in contact with hers. Joohyun knew that she doesn’t want to let go. There’s no denying to that as she hold Seungwan’s hand a little too tightly and longer compared to a normal hand shake between strangers.
“It’s my pleasure to meet you too, Ms. Son and… “
“Mr. Do, Do Kyungsoo.” If it wouldn’t be for the extended hand of the groom to be, Joohyun wouldn’t find any reason for her to let go of Seungwan’s hand and shake this man’s hand instead.
Then a realization hit at that instant just like how fast she recognized her ex-girlfriend’s voice.
She’s getting married.
Her mind went blank for a while as she tried to digest everything. And as the raw events formed a coherent realization, the pain on her heart becomes quite unbearable. It felt like it the air out of her which left her breathless and helpless trying to deal and overcome everything.
Seungwan showed up again for the first time.
But now she’s getting married in a few months.
I am the photographer for their wedding photos.
My eyes would witness everything as they shared their precious memories through her lenses.
This man in front of her is the one Seungwan currently loves.
They’re tying the knot.
She truly moved on from me while I did not and cannot.
The last was the hardest pill to swallow. So with hurried steps she excused herself to use the comfort room for a while. Before she can fully went out the door, she glanced back at Seungwan, it which she shouldn’t have because her smiling self as her fiancé hold her hand was the scene that welcomed her line of sight.
Joohyun doesn’t know on how long she has been sharing at her reflection in the mirror as she tried her best to contain all the emotions she felt at the turn out of events. Maybe, fate was doing its work for her to taste karma in one blow. And she cannot deny how this revelation truly knocked her out. It’s a losing battle already. If she’s hoping that she can get back together with Seungwan before this after saying how much she regret everything and exerting efforts to win her again. Now, those are all fleeting thoughts, with no chance of becoming a reality. With that, she splashed some water on her face for the nth time already, trying to calm herself.
She knew her neck would probably hurt by how fast she turned her head towards the origin of the voice but she could care less about that. At the door, there stood the girl that occupied her thoughts ever since she walked in on her life again.
“Y-yes?” she of course will stutter. Joohyun did not expect for Seungwan to reach out to her first, even calling her on a first name basis. Oh she miss how her name to roll out the latter’s tongue.
“I just have a favor to ask, if you don’t mind. ” The girl started in which Joohyun immediately urge her to continue.
“Kyungsoo doesn’t know about you, can we not make it obvious? I don’t want him to overthink everything.” Seungwan uttered while scratching the back of her neck, her mannerism whenever she’s asking for a favor she knew was too demanding to be granted. Joohyun knew that, that was her actions during the time she asked her if she could kiss her during their first month together. But unlike now, she uttered an ‘of course' instead of saying ‘no’.
Seungwan smiled gratefully at her, “Thank you. Shall we go? I still have a meeting to attend to in the afternoon.”
As they walked towards the studio, Joohyun was full of questions about everything. About the latter’s life, about her fiancé, about her actions just now…
“If you want to ask something, go on…” Seungwan started without looking at Joohyun, her eyes were fixated in front.
“By the time we walk inside, you are just a plain stranger to me.” The latter finished and soon stopped on her tracks by the door. Joohyun panicked at the sudden proposition and hastily blurted out the first questions that came into her mind.
“You should be angry at me. Y-you should slap me or anything. Shout at me Seungwan-ah. That’s what I deserve. Come on, do it!” she hastily blurted out in one go. Even going to the extent of clutching on the latter’s hand to slap herself. This whole ordeal is so suffocating for her, and if Seungwan will inflict any pain on her, that may ease some of the guilt and regrets inside. Right?
Joohyun was grasping on her hand like it is some sort of a lifeline as she continuously try to slap herself with Seungwan’s right hand. Some of it successfully landed others were not as the latter tried to pry her grip off.
Soon, Joohyun can feel like the girl just let her be. And that action actually broke the dam that she’s been trying too hard to keep inside. Her tears continuously flow out of her eyes, as sudden surge of emotions hit her. She’s pushing the girl again at the edge so she can save herself. Hurting the latter is probably her forte.
“I can’t believe you. After all this time, you are still selfish.”
Throughout the whole duration of the photoshoot, Joohyun doesn’t know on how she survived a few hours of taking pictures of her subjects without looking at them for more than ten seconds every shot. Aside from the sight hurt every inch of her body. Her guilt was the other reason. It was not unknown to her that she really spoil Seungwan’s mood although the girl has been trying her hardest so that her fiancé will not notice it. All Joohyun wants to say was how sorry she is. Albeit knowing that it will not change anything. So with all her might, she tried her best to finish the photoshoot immediately. For the both of them. That’s the least she can do for Seungwan’s sake. She knew how her presence must have brought up the girl’s most vulnerable moments back then and what happened a while ago was adding to the fire. Oh just how stupid and heartless can Joohyun go?
This is the last shot, Joohyun-ah. She encouraged herself as the two inched closer to each other. Both their lips having just a few centimeters apart. As soon as their lips brushed, Joohyun immediately clicked the camera, capturing the most painful photo for her.
“Okay! That’s a wrap for today! Thank you.” She said simply and bowed politely at the two which was returned with smiles but Joohyun can sense that Seungwan’s a fake one. She abruptly put the camera down and ask her assistant to finish all the packing of the equipment before exiting the door. She can not bear to be in the same room as them, Joohyun might burst anytime and she knew she should not. That is why although her actions may appear weird and rude, she immediately flew away from the scene, leaving a dumbfounded Seulgi who take into action to save her and excuse her odd behavior, reasoning that Joohyun must probably just tired.
Even her friend’s arrival a while ago was clearly out of her mind, as she’s too out of focus on something but too focus in finishing the shoot early. If that made sense. But if one thing should make sense, it is the fact that Joohyun was out of her head. And Seulgi noticed it too the first moment she stepped foot in the studio. By how Joohyun continuously diverts her gaze. How sometimes her attention wavers and how her grip on her camera loosens from time to time.
I should go for a drive.
She drove to places to calm her mind, a habit she developed ever since, albeit it very dangerous to do especially if her mind is so out of place as of the moment. She can even remember how Seungwan scolded her during that one time she almost hit a lamp post due to reckless driving after she received the news about her father’s accident. How she wish the girl would still look out for her the way she does back then. She sigh in annoyance at the thought of really moving on. Not just for the sake of forgetting the pain, but as a must-do thing since the latter is getting married for pete’s sake. But how can she really? With that in mind, her speed went a lot higher than it should have been. Joohyun doesn’t care anymore about her surroundings and even about her life. If she would die this instant, it would be okay to her. At least she’ll be spared with the realization that Seungwan will be married to some man soon. To a person that isn’t her.
As the ringtone disturbed her thoughts, her hands are immediately looking for the source of the irritating sound. Once it was found, she immediately turned it off, not even bothering to see who it was.
I just want to be alone.
Blinding lights welcomed her as soon as she entered their usual hangout place. A not so crowded bar at the heart of Seoul. Patrons do not usually visit this place since it is not located where all those behind the scenes acts usually took place. The main reason why their group particularly chose this place to hangout every now and then. Joohyun knew she must look like someone who hasn’t slept for a while. In which she really is. But with all the happenings, who would really have a good night sleep? When every time she closes her eyes, Seungwan’s disappointed face was all she could see despite the darkness.
“I can’t believe you. After all this time, you are still selfish.”
Shaking the thoughts away, she immediately spotted her friends at their usual table. Nayeon with all the bright energy radiating through her, welcomed her with the tightest hug.
“How are you, Joohyun-ah? Seulgi was restless for a whole three days. Where were you?”
“Stop it, unnie. Let the girl sit for a while.” Yeri uttered while rolling her eyes.
Joohyun knew that all of them were dying to ask the same thing. Nayeon just get to it a little too early. She roamed her eyes at the four girls. Seulgi was just eyeing her intently and curiously. Joy on the other hand, was busy sipping on her martini but she too was sporting a curious look. Actually all four of them, they are just masking it. Yeri with eating and Nayeon with her bright smiles.
After their second round of drinks arrived, the atmosphere turned serious as Seulgi finally asked her the very burning question at the pit of her gut. Clearly, a little intoxicated due to the sudden braveness. “Have you known my client, Joohyun-ah? “
All eyes were on her as she heave a heavy sigh. She was really contemplating on blurting it all out or not. But she knew that the former should be it. If anyone knew the situation or what is the right thing to do, it were these three girls who witnessed how Seungwan loved her with all her heart and how dumb Joohyun is back then and until now.
“Yes to that question of yours… “ she started and smiled bitterly at the latter. The other three on their table immediately stopped their ministrations and put their interest on the conversation.
Seulgi nodded at that slowly getting why Joohyun acted that way at the studio, “Oh, so you knew Ms. Son. “
With the mention of the familiar surname, the three immediately looked at Joohyun with widened eyes. If it was any situation. She will probably laugh with their bewildered state. But Joohyun doesn’t have a heart to laugh anymore. Well, not at least at the time she can truly move on from Seungwan and from the fact that she’s already married to someone else.
“W-wait… “ Nayeon started trying to connect everything.
“Son? As in Seungwan? Son Seungwan? ” Joy inquired.
Seulgi just watched the three curiously not having any clue on why it is such a big deal that Joohyun met her. “Yeah, why?” she answered nonchalantly.
“What was the event?” Yeri this time blurted out. Seulgi was mainly a wedding planner but she too handle some other events.
“Don’t tell me it was a for a wedding?” With that, Joohyun just sipped quietly on her glass. The bitterness from the drink is the same to how she feels with the word ‘wedding' right now. Kyungsoo is surely one hell of a lucky bastard.
“It is. Why? The couple was really so cute. You know what when we first met I can really see how much they love ea—Joy! What the hell?!” Seulgi yelled as Joy just spilled all the contents of her glass… intentionally.
“O-oh I’m so sorry, Seulgi-ah. I didn’t mean it, my hands slipped.” Joy uttered while wiping Seulgi’s wet shirt. While her attention should be on wiping Seulgi, her eyes were actually fixated at the silent Joohyun, who knew that it was indeed intentional.
“It was intentional Joy!”
“It wasn’t, I swear! “ Joy fired back, clearly lying. But that’s actually the only way she could think of so that Seulgi will not finish her sentence. The three of them knew how much Joohyun was regretting everything. Although they also knew that it was clearly her fault but by how she constantly blamed herself for the past years about hurting Seungwan. Joohyun already paid for it, enough to break her heart at that time.
During their college years, Joohyun actually met someone who’s like Seungwan as she described this guy from her photography class. During their hangout session, Joohyun usually talked about this particular guy and the trio have already an inkling that they will be together soon. But then during another hangout, their friend was actually on her drinking mode which was quite unusual since she doesn’t usually like to drink. She hated hangover and alcohol’s after-taste. Only to find out that upon the guy’s confession, she turned him down despite having feelings for him too. When they asked the reason, that’s when they knew that what happened back then with Seungwan left scars that were too deep that Joohyun will think she is not capable to love anymore and in the end will just hurt anyone for loving her.
“I just can’t. What if I’ll hurt him too? Just like what I did to Seungwan? I can’t be the same monster again.”
“Joohyun-ah, it is not like---” Nayeon got cut off by Joohyun’s slur words as she abruptly looked at her with tears brimming at her eyes.
“Another thing… “
“I don’t deserve to be happy anymore after what I did to her, didn’t I?
“Stop it already, you two.” Joohyun sternly said as their voices get too loud that it’s already irritating her. With the tone of her voice, the two immediately sat down.
The table was filled with deafening silence, all were sensing if they should speak or not or what words are best to utter in this kind of atmosphere.
“Joohyun-ah…” Nayeon started trying to gauge the situation. Receiving no response, she just opted to wait for the latter to speak up.
After a few minutes of just blankly drinking and eating their food, Joohyun finally break the silence, “Seungwan is getting married. And yeah, she was the client Seulgi was talking about. And me? I’m their freaking photographer.” She chuckled bitterly at the last words and abruptly filled her glasses only to empty it in one go.
“Karma is hitting me real heard this time. But I deserve it though and Seungwan deserves to be happy. But again, I have hurt her. Dumb Joohyun, dumb dumb dumb!”
Nayeon on her side hastily stopped the latter from banging her forehead on the table for the fourth time, "H-hey stop it!” The three in front was watching the scene unfold with pity evident on their gazes. Seulgi albeit confused was slowly connecting everything. Seungwan was probably the ex-girlfriend Joohyun always drunkenly ramble about. The girl whom she has taken for granted back then. Guilt was slowly eating her the instant she realized everything. She was the main reason why Joohyun had to go through this. Seulgi should not have forced the latter to agree with this, if only she knew.
“But she looks happy though. And I am happy for her. I’m okay with it hahahaha” again, another bitter chuckles left .
“I am okay, right? “ were her last words before she passed out.
Her days went the usual after that. Photoshoots here and there. A drizzle of interviews and reviews of other photographers' works. Seungwan? she never heard about the latter again. She knew that even Seulgi avoided the topic. They hangout again after the incident at the bar, that time they were all sober. Joohyun was relieved to finally let all her inner feelings out, without alcohol clouding her mind. They were able to talk things properly and even the girls were so keen on giving her advices. Up until now, she still doesn’t know what to do. Even the four were divided about their opinions. Obviously, Joohyun is not doing any better.
“I guess it is best if you should let her go, unnie. I can see with my own two eyes that Seungwan is happy already. Although they may always say that we should let our feelings be known. We all know that there are things that are better left unsaid.” Seulgi with her oh-so innocent heart blurted out. Joohyun knew that the latter will be the one to say these words.
“Yeah, even if we always fight. I agree with Seulgi on this one.” Seulgi just scoffed at Joy but soon smiled for her support.
“Let’s not ruin Seungwan’s happiness now, unnie. If she’s happy already, we should be happy for her too.” Joy finished, softly caressing her hand.
“But what if there’s a reason for all these?” Yeri declared.
“I mean if fate will just let Seungwan to get married to him. Joohyun-unnie shouldn’t have entered the picture.” The other three nodded at that and wonder. Even Joohyun was also thinking the same thing too for quite a while.
“Maybe it is to punish unnie?”
“Seulgi!” Yeri, Nayeon and Joy shouted at the now bowing girl.
“As much as I am rooting for Seungwan’s happiness Joohyun-ah. I am rooting for yours too. You have suffered enough already and I guess you meeting her is the way for you to finally have that. Give her and yourself the closure that was long overdue. Free yourselves from the chains of the past so that both of you can finally move on.” Nayeon uttered after being quiet since she sat down and listened to Joohyun’s rambling about Seungwan.
“Talk it out with her. Pour everything. Say you love her, you miss her and that you regret everything. Say it all and let Seungwan have the choice.”
Even though all were hesitant, they all find themselves nodding at Nayeon’s suggestion.
A closure? Can Joohyun do and survive that.
The sound of her door bell ringing disturbed her train of thoughts. She hastily arrange the photos on her red room and head towards the door to open it, without even checking first who it was. She should have, to prepare herself at least for the sight of a familiar face that will welcome her.
Why is she here?
To be continued...
A/N: Again, I apologize for the slow updates and for dragging this story a lot longer than I expected. It's just that when I write, sometimes words and thoughts just flow without me realizing that the chapter's long already. So yeah, I decided to make this a three-chaptered story. If you dont mind hehe.
Anyways, which advice should be followed by Joohyun? Also, are y'all still angry at her for breaking Wannie's heart? Hahahaha. Let me know your thoughts :)