TOTGA

Shots at Love

They always say that you’ll only realize the importance of someone, until you let them go. Joohyun would probably laugh at that cliché line, not until Seungwan is not hers to hold anymore.

 

~~~~~

A/N: Italicized words are flashbacks.

“For our last question Ms. Bae Joohyun-ssi, what is your inspiration for most of the photos you took?”

 

Hearing the question have let a small smile out of her face, but the glint of sadness in her eyes cannot be denied after a familiar smiling face passed through her mind and how that face quickly changed into a crying mess that one rainy night. She can vividly remember everything, from how the woman’s tears rolled down her cheeks (although it was mostly covered by the rain drops) but her redden eyes gave it all away – to the retreating figure of the girl as she left her, the first time she walked away to a thousand she have endured all throughout their relationship. That is why she just let the girl be. She deserves to be happy. And Joohyun cannot give that, not when she’s still blinded by her emotions towards another person-- a man that cannot surpass the amount of love and care that her girlfriend, now ex. Joohyun was too late to realized that though. She knew that she will forever regret it.

 

During that particular time, never in her life did she has foreseen that the latter would be the one to break it off. She loved Joohyun so much. Loved.

 

She doesn’t know that she’s already staring blankly for awhile as she recalled some of her moments with the girl and the main reason for the chosen subjects of her photography. “If you can notice, most of them are in shades of blue. It just reminds me of someone. It warms my heart seeing the sea and sky. That person have provided me the same warmth ever since. I want others to feel the same warmth too through my shots.”

 

Right now, I can just only cherish the memories, just like how each photos I took do with the sceneries. 

 

“Okay! That’s a wrap up. I would like to ask more about your last answer but I do respect your privacy." That made Joohyun to smile brightly at the interviewer. She then bowed while muttering a thank you to the latter. It was indeed a tiring first day on her homeland.

 

What they did was an exclusive interview for a woman’s magazine to be published by the end of the month. The magazine will feature some of her outputs on its June issue. Everyone’s rushing it so Joohyun cannot do anything but to fly back to Korea after a few years of travelling around the world to capture photos. She has been doing photography as a passion more than a job. She do get something from it, but she’s more on portraying the beauty of her subject through the lenses of her cameras. Money is a necessity. She cannot deny that but the satisfaction she always feel throughout the years after taking a perfect shot and how other people gives recognition to her works is much more fulfilling. She’s really grateful for the person who pushed her to do it.

 

~~~~~ 

“What did you write on the career evaluation, Hyun?” Seungwan curiously asked her girlfriend.

 

Joohyun on the other hand rolled her eyes internally. Not having a plan to share her future plans with the girl, besides she knew that their relationship wouldn’t last.

 

Yeri not reading what she wants to imply with her silence spoke nonchalantly, “Joohyun wants to become a photographer." 

 

That made for Seungwan’s mouth to form an ‘O' at the newfound information about her girlfriend.

 

She then smiled brightly at her for the nth time that day, “Pursue it, Hyun! I want to have a whole gallery full of our photos in the future.” She just scoffed at the enthusiastic girl.

 

“I do want to be a photographer Seungwan-ah, but I don’t have a plan on making you my subject.” Her friends just stared incredulously at Joohyun after she have uttered those words, their eyes soon diverted on the girl beside her and pity was evident on their eyes as the girl sported a small fake smile at them.

 

 

 

“You sound a little too harsh back then Joohyun-ah.” Nayeon pointed out after Seungwan went to her next classes. Joohyun knew something was off as the girl just bid her goodbye without planting a kiss on her cheeks like she usually does. She aren’t complaining though. it’s better for her. Seungwan will just come around later and act like nothing has happened. It’s all good.

 

“Don’t act as if you aren’t one of those people who told me to try it out with her. If you all did not pushed me, all of these wouldn’t happened.” She reasoned out.

 

“I know, that’s why I’m really guilty every time you treat her like that. If I just knew, I will not pair the two of you up. Seungwan is hurting Joohyun.”

 

“You all do know that I have tried on the first few weeks right?” She really do. She’s not that heartless as what her friends see her right now. But she just cannot put up with the girl. She’s too bright, loud, enthusiastic for her liking. Not to mention she’s so clingy. Too understanding. You cannot blame her if the relationship is too boring for her.

 

“We know, but we think you need to stop it now if you are not really into her.”

 

“I am really not into her.” She uttered as a confirmation. It’s true. Irene knew that. Seungwan too for sure. They all knew that it’s only Seungwan who’s making it work.

 

“Then what’s stopping you from breaking it off with her? “ Yeri spoke for the first time since Seungwan left, she was just silently listening as Joy and Nayeon was giving Joohyun a piece of their minds. 

 

That question shut Joohyun for awhile. She too is asking the same question.

 

 

“She’s good.”

 

“Seungwan is good for me.”

 

---

She always listen to what she says.

 

“Cancel your plans with your friends. I want to go on a date.” She muttered on the phone, more like an order than a request.

 

She was bored and what’s the best to relieve the boredom than be pampered with a girlfriend who’s willing to do anything for you.

 

Joohyun knew Seungwan was contemplating as the dead silence on the other line goes on for a few seconds.

 

“I--- okay. Where do you want to go?”

 

She smirked after hearing the latter’s reply.

 

Unbeknownst to her, Seungwan is ready to go to their friends night out that she’s been skipping because of Joohyun. The first time it happened, Joohyun was suffering from menstrual cramps so she find the need to stay with her. The second time was when Joohyun was wasted in a bar and she needs to pick her up. The third time was now.

 

It took Seungwan a good ten minute talk with her friends, consoling them and uttering a lie again for the nth time. All for Joohyun.

 

---

She knew what she wants.

 

“Here. Happy Valentine’s Day, Hyun. ” Seungwan handed her a box that was neatly wrapped.

 

“B-but I don’t have anything to give to you.”

 

“It’s fine. I know you’ve been busy lately. Open it.”

 

Her eyes widened in surprise and admiration as the new limited edition Prada purse entered her line of sight upon opening the box. Now, she’s wondering how the hell Seungwan knew that she’s been eyeing on this one since a few days ago.

 

Reading her mind, “You’ve been liking many posts about this particular purse. I bet you really want it.”

 

She really does.

 

---

She always drove her home.

 

“I told you already not to wait.” Joohyun said as she sat at the passenger seat of Seunwan’s car after a few hours of cheerleading practice.

“It’s fine. I can’t settle my mind as long as you’re not home safe.” Seungwan confessed while smiling warmly at her.

 

 

---

She’s always there.

Loud cries can be heard throughout Joohyun’s living room as her girlfriend sat beside her. She doesn’t know how long she was bawling her eyes out after the news broke about her father’s accident.

“Everything’s going to be fine, Hyun. It’s okay, I am here. I will not leave you.”

 

A lie.

 

She left her. But it’s all Joohyun’s fault.

 

 

“How long will you make me look dumb, Joohyun?!”

It was the first time Seungwan raised her voice at her.

 

“How can you cheat behind my back?! “

It was the first time that the latter got angry at her.

 

 

A dead silence followed suit, just with Seungwan’s heavy breathing and Joohyun hanging her head low. As much as she wanted to take it all back. She knew that the damage has been done. She has hurt the girl and she knew she’ll probably continue on hurting her. Maybe, this was the time to let the latter go.

 

 

“I g-give you everything I could for heaven’s sake! I know that you don’t like me that much but just… “

 

“Just how can you do this to me, huh?”

 

Joohyun looked up for the first time, and it was the most heartbreaking scenario that she knew will be forever etched on her mind. The crying face of a girl who loved her dearly, with anger, hurt and sadness all on her features.

 

“I-I’m sorry…” was all she could utter as she diverted her line of sight.

 

The sky must have probably sense how sad this confrontation is as heavy droplets pour out from above. But that didn’t made them  to move even an inch.

 

 

“You’re sorry?”

 

 

 

“Break it off with him.” She flinched a bit as Seungwan hardly clutch on her shoulders, like her dear life is depending on it. This time her eyes are pleading.

 

Her next words have made Joohyun to look at the latter like she has lost her mind. How can someone be this masochist? That realization made her even more guilty. Have made her more determined to let go of the girl.

 

“Just tell me that you don’t really love him and you want to continue our relationship. I’ll forget everything that I have seen.”

 

Another dead silence followed after. The both of them continued to stare at each other for a few moments. It was Joohyun who broke it off first, not being able to handle Seungwan's pleading and hurt expression. 

 

 

“I-I’m sorry… “

 

“Just answer me Joohyun! Do you really love him?!" 

 

 

No.

 

If you would ask me this question yesterday, I would have said yes. But after hurting the girl, she knew that she’s not really capable of loving. Not back then and maybe not in the future.

 

 

 

 

“Y-yes.”

 

 

Seungwan lifted her chin as she seek for her eyes with her own ones pleading at her. It was like she’s convincing herself more than Joohyun that she’s lying. That Joohyun does not love him. “You’re lying. You can’t look in a person’s eyes if you are lying Joohyun-ah” Seungwan uttered as a matter of fact, but those brown orbs speak otherwise, she’s not sure anymore with everything and more than anything, she’s afraid to know the truth. Maybe she already knew, how would Joohyun cheat on her if she do love her. Although since the beginning she already knew that she don’t stand a chance to be loved by her. But still she just cannot accept the fact that despite giving her all—it is still not going to be her. She is still not enough.

 

“Look at me in the eyes and tell me you love him. If you can, I will let the two of you be.”

 

 

It was breaking Joohyun more than anything, she have never felt this regretful before. As much as she wants to tell the girl about the truth. What will it mend?  She let temptation to consume her. She should carry the consequences. And most importantly, Joohyun still cannot give Seungwan her whole heart. She just cannot love her back the way she deserves.

 

It is the best choice to let her go.

 

Gathering her courage to look at the girl in the eyes, she finally uttered the words that broke the both of them into pieces. Leaving scars and pained hearts for only God knows how long, “Yes, I do love him. I’m sorry.” Joohyun can feel how Seungwan’s grip on her shoulders slowly loosen. Joohyun can see how a surge of pain has painted the latter’s whole face. Joohyun took noticed how hard her tears are falling even if the rain drops have been doing its great job to wipe it off.

 

One step.

 

Two steps.

 

 

 

 

“Be happy Joohyun-ah…”

 

 

Seungwan bitterly laughed at first before continuing, “You should be, because it was at the expense of mine.”

 

 

 

 

 

Those final words have hunted Joohyun ever since.

 

 

 

~~~~~

 

 

“How can you not ask her about it! It was a great scoop! How many times do I need to tell you that as an interviewer, you need to pry about everything! It is up to the guest whether they will answer your question or not. It is not broadcasted live! This was for a magazine issue for Pete’s sake! We can always edit it out! "

 

A woman in her working suit just massaged her temple as a commotion on her workplace was what welcomed her after landing from a business trip overseas. Some employees have shown her respect as she walked towards the scolding voice of Mr. Jang – the assistant editor-in-chief, probably scolding an employee again. Tsk tsk tsk. She should have gone straight to her home.

 

“M-miss. You’re back? “ the older man bowed slightly, followed by an exaggerated one coming from the scolded employee.

 

“Obviously. What was the commotion all about?” she inquired authoritatively.

 

 

“This good for nothing employee just let a good opportunity to slip off! It was the best time to ask her about her personal life! In which she's so private about."  the latter exclaimed, even making hand gestures to prove his point, the editor-in-chief cannot help but to just roll her eyes internally.

 

 

“Who trained this one?”

 

“Me.”

 

 

“Who assigned her to do the interview?”

 

“Me.”

 

 

“So who’s fault is this?”

 

 

“Me--- I mean of course not! It’s her fault!”

 

She smirked internally at that. It surely puts her in a good mood. 

 

“No need to get work up Mr. Jang, you’re the top reason why most of our employees are resigning. Tone it down a little, will you?” She try to coaxed the fuming man after noticing how the employee was on the verge of crying already before she came in between the two of them. She cannot afford to put up a hiring announcement again and interview each of the applicants. Besides, she knew that Mina is a smart one, maybe she’s just too kind-hearted and well-mannered for the job.

 

“Don’t worry, I’ll interview the model if you want. Just cut the girl some slack. I’m too tired already with all the recurring hiring process almost every after two weeks just because of you.”

 

With that Mina smiled thankfully at her. She returned the smile but it didn’t lasts long as a familiar name rolled out the man’s tongue.

 

 

“Okay, that’s good. Mina kindly give Ms. Son all the details about Ms. Bae Joohyun. A photographer and not a model” The man instructed, before making his way back to his seat. 

 

All that transpired after his sentence were in a blur. If only a fly was present on their floor, it would be on by now with how dumbfounded she looked like. 

 

 

She shouldn’t have interfered. She should have just gone straight to her home.

 

Seungwan with her poor life choices.

 

 

Now, what am I going to do?

 

 

 

 

~~~~~

 

A/N: Hello everyone! It’s been a while since I last updated and I’m sorry for that. It was just that school was occupying my time lately since it’s our finals. Anyways, I’m up for some angst y’all. I’m not usually into it because I’m more into fluff ones but I guess, it’s not bad to try hahahaha. Comment your thoughts below if I am kind of effective in hurting you. The next part will be up for the next few days so stay tuned : )

 

Btw, I did not proofread this one. So please bare with any mistakes. Will do a thorough editing tomorrow. I need to catch some sleep now. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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