Wendy slumped her tired body on her bed. Her academic life is really starting to take a toll on herself. Assignments, quizzes, recitations and not to mention the upcoming examination. As she lifelessly stared at her ceiling, flashbacks of what transpired weeks ago came back. She groaned again in annoyance, she still doesn't have any idea if she had done the right thing but at least she saved their friendship. That is what's important. Days continued to pass by normally between the two of them after that…

Lie.

Irene: Was it you?

Wendy felt her heart stop beating for a while as she held her breath. Sensing her friend's panicking self. Yeri worriedly glanced at Wendy and unto the cellphone she's holding. And she too, felt like combusting.

"Holy crap, Wen."

"I… " Wendy can't find the right words to say. She's really taken aback. Why would Irene ask her this? She's sure that no one was there when she entered and exited the classroom so it can't be that Irene caught her.

What to do? .

After some time of thinking, she typed her reply. Now's still not the time.

Wendy: No. Why would you think that?

After sending her reply, she heard a groan from her friend beside her. Wendy knew that Yeri is so close to smacking her head for still not confessing despite the perfect opportunity to do so. But she just can't. Not when she knew, she didn't stand a chance. Most importantly not when she's aware of the fact that it's Irene she's having all these feelings for. Despite having no knowledge if she has any suitors, Wendy knows that Irene is being admired by many. They probably still do not have the guts to confess and express their admiration. Just like her.

To add up, Irene is also straight. That she knew for a fact. Which clearly ruled out the possibility of her getting the girl's affection back.

Seen.

Her nervous eyes are glued on her phone as she prayed to all the God's up there for Irene to believe her blatant lie.

Typing...

Please. Please. Please.

Irene: Oh, nothing. Just because.

Wendy: Besides, Rene. You're receiving it on Valentine's Day. It wouldn't make sense that I'm the one who will give you that haha.

She mentally facepalmed at her stupidity and cowardice. She's taking all these lies on another level just because she's still not yet ready to blurt out all her honest feelings for the latter.

Irene: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA right.

Her laugh sounds so unconvinced. What to do? Am I too obvious?

Irene: It's just that...the way you express yourself and make efforts with your gifts is quite similar to this person.

Oh. How can I forget that I have given her a bunch of presents already. Stupid, Wendy. She then mentally scolded herself and promised to not do this secret admirer thing. She'll just dig her own grave with this.

Wendy: Oh, is that so? Who's doing it better then?

Wendy: Shoot. That's kind of…

She hastily added after realizing that it may come out as if she's competing with Irene's secret admirer, which is in fact her. This situation really messed up her brain and emotions big time.

Irene: You're right, that's kind of suspicious. Seems like you're just playing a game haha. Anyways, I got to go.

After bidding her goodbye too to the girl, that's the time Wendy knew that she's actually holding her breath. She then sighs both in relief and annoyance. Way to go to get your crush's heart, Wendy.

Yeri can only sigh beside her too.

~~~~~

All those denying, didn't only come once. As frustrating as it may sound to other people. But that's just how she is. Always afraid. Never the one to take risks. Usually overthinks.

-

April Fool's Day (Year 2020)

Irene and Wendy caught up again in another banter. Teasing remarks were thrown along the way until she felt like she went overboard with one of her jokes and asked the other girl if she ever got annoyed with her.

Irene: Open forum? Hahahaha.

Irene jokingly asked since Wendy is asking her that question that's frequently asked in an event like that.

Wendy: If you want to, sure.

The girl played along.

Irene: Okay, I'll ask you a question then.

Sensing no harm… yet. Wendy agreed.

Irene: Who…

The girl stalls.

Irene: Who is…

Wendy, now getting impatient and curious immediately typed her response,

Wendy: Who is what, Rene? Hahahaha. Finish your question already.

Irene: Who's your crush? That blockmate crush of yours.

Here we go again with this conversation. Well, this caught her off-guard and that she's still nervous but it's quite bearable now. She's in this situation too many times.

Wendy: You really want to know?

Irene: Yes. Everyone probably knows it already except me -_-

Of course, because it's you. Wendy thought.

Wendy: It's you.

Wendy chuckled. Now, feeling quite bold.

Her phone chimed continuously after a few seconds.

Irene: ?!!!

Irene: Really?!

Irene: Yah! Stop kidding!

That's what she expected to be Irene's reaction. The girl wouldn't really think that she's her crush. Not when Wendy's sharing her crushes to her.

Wendy: It's really you. I'm not kidding.

Irene: Oh.

Irene: What did I do to you? Is it because we're seatmates?

The latter's reply amused Wendy big time. What kind of reasoning is that? Maybe Irene was just taken aback with the newfound information. She's really enjoying this. Actually, Wendy is doing this to somehow gauge the girl's plausible reaction when her real confession happens.

Wendy: HAPPY APRIL FOOL'S DAY, RENE! :P

Wendy: I'm just kidding hahahaha.

Wendy: Did you really fall for it? We're now even :) HAHAHAHAHA.

That was a jerky move, really. She may regret this someday. But this cannot be helped, since she's really not into confessing. She's afraid of the judgments that may be thrown her way. Irene's too precious to her also to make the girl stay away from her. Although she knew that the latter isn't that kind of a person. But she's also afraid that it would be her who will stay away from the girl. Rejected or not. Wendy knew for a fact that even though they may come into terms of not letting her feelings get away in their friendship, some things may really change. Some actions may not be done again. Some words she will utter may not be thought of as coming from a friend anymore. She's more than afraid of that. Of being the reason for her to ruin their relationship albeit it is just platonic. Because what they have now, she truly cherishes it more than having that possibility to be with the girl as more than friends.

Irene: Don't talk to me again.

-

Talks about who her crush sometimes gets in their conversation but every time it did, Wendy will just say that if Irene can guess who it is. Then, she will tell the girl that she's correct. So far, all of the latter's guesses were wrong. Since she never once mentioned her name, ever again. Actually, Wendy knew that this is better than lying to the girl because Irene of course will not say that it's her. So every time she asks, Wendy's safe.

Wendy assumed that it's going to be just a normal day, with normal occurrences. Not until, because of her prying self. She discovered something about Irene that somehow hurts. A little. Wendy tries to convince herself. Only a little. Just like what Irene said when she confessed that she's crushing on someone a little.

Wendy is walking towards the cafeteria with Irene and Sooyoung to eat lunch. She usually does not go with them but then her circle of friends decided to eat first since she's still finishing one of the assigned worksheets. Upon knowing that the two girls still haven't eaten yet, Wendy proposes that they should just eat together. She's quite close too with Sooyoung actually. She is, with most of her blockmates. Wendy and the girl usually banter too. In fact, she's one of Irene's guesses about who her crush is. Sooyoung, on the other hand, thinks that it's Irene.

"How come the two of you always ask about who my crush is?" she inquired since it has been three days straight that the two best friends were so interested to know about it. Randomly blurting out names.

"Just because. We're really curious since everyone has been teasing you a lot lately."

"Maybe I should ask you two about your crushes. Although, I knew that Irene does not have… " she trailed on her sentence as she took notice that Sooyoung was looking at Irene teasingly.

"Or maybe not." Wendy finished.

"You finally have a cush on someone?!" 
 

"Only a little. Like just 2%." the latter confessed.

Oh. Ouch.

Just how little can that 2% be.

Wendy can feel her mood immediately went down but she masked it with a teasing remark. She then diverted the topic, not wanting to know who it was. One hurtful truth at a time.

-

Irene's 2% crush was thrown at the back of her mind for quite a few days since she's been so busy with academic related things. Moreso, she also doesn't want to bask in the fact that there's someone who has already caught the girl's attention. Irene reiterated back then that she's not the kind of person who likes someone easily unlike Wendy. So, this guy must probably be special to be able to do so. She could only wish.

Wendy found a perfect timing to ask who it is when they're schedule isn't that busy. They can talk for hours if they want.

Wendy: So, who's that 2% crush of you, Rene?

There, she finally asked that one question that's been lingering on her mind since the day she knew, although such thoughts were always thrown away at the back of it. Now, she has more free time. Of course, she's usually going to linger on all these unsaid thoughts. Well, she just said it now.

Irene: Promise me that you're not going to tell anyone?

Wendy: Promise.

Despite knowing for a fact that it's not going to be her and will never be her. Wendy cannot deny that she's somehow hoping that all this time, her feelings are actually reciprocated. So, imagine her heartbreak when it wasn't her name that popped out on Irene's new message.

Irene: It's Sehun.

Frown formed on her face after reading the name. It was totally unexpected. Never in a million years will she ever think that it's actually him. She's been blockmates with Irene ever since the first semester and it's only in P.E. during the second semester that this Sehun guy can be with Irene since he's studying another course. That is why Wendy is so shocked with this newfound information.

Oh. A realization hit her.

They were groupmates in that subject! And since it's Physical Education, most of the tasks were in groups. They probably made a special bond during the span of that semester. Wendy is actually eyeing a possible person that Irene can catch feelings to, Sehun never crossed her mind even a bit. She's actually leaning more into Suho since he's always getting teased about the girl. And it's so obvious that he really likes her.

Afraid that her silence will raise suspicions, Wendy hastily typed her reply.

Wendy: Oh. That one classmate of ours in P.E.? That was unexpected. I thought it was Suho.

Irene: Yes. That one. I didn't expect this either hahahaha. And how many times will I tell you that it's not Suho?

Wendy: I couldn't think of anyone! I thought it's really him.

Wendy's clearly not in the mood already. She's now thinking on how to divert the topic. But then her curiosity about the details behind Irene's crush get the best out of her.

Wendy: So...does he know?

Irene: Not yet, but he's actually the first one to confess. We then talk and the rest is history.

Ouch. Level 2.

Wendy: Would you tell him?

Irene: Maybe. You know me, I'm not into confessing. If ever, he'll be the first one. But I'm still thinking about it.

Ouch. Level 3.

Wendy: You must really like him since you're considering confessing.

She's just torturing herself. She knew that. But Wendy knew that she needed to know.

Irene: Kind of.

Oh.

Ouch. Level 99999.

Wendy: That's good, yieeee. I'm now the one who's going to tease you :P Confess already! Don't be like me lol.

Continue to mask your pain. She's really good at this. Well, if Irene's happy, she should too, right?

Sensing that it's enough heartache for this day, Wendy finally decided to change the subject.

Wendy: By the way, have you finished that one assignment in Intermediate Accounting?

Of course, what would be a great diversion than switching it to academic-related things. She's really a smartypants when it comes to these things.

If only she's this good in sensing that this might happen with her being unable to even shoot her shot. She is probably not going to deny her true feelings in those times Irene has jokingly or seriously asked her if Wendy likes her.

Well, regrets surely do not come first in the equation called love and cowardice. Wendy approves of that. She's the living proof.

If only.

-

Months passed by the usual, Wendy tried hard to fight the Irene filled thoughts. She's quite successful, if she's going to be honest. Reasons could be: First, she already predicted that Irene's straight. Second, it's not going to be her. Third, the doctor is back again. Yeah, for the past weeks she got into contact again with her online friend. Although, it's not the same as the way it was back then before the rejection but they converse lately. Usual rants, deep talks and advising 101. Wendy is somehow thankful for the latter's entrance into her life again. At least, her boundaries are clear since she has a boyfriend and Wendy already moved on. Wendy just wants a diversion from Irene. Her online friend is exactly what she needed.

But then, we know that timing is a real deal. It will hit you right when you're moving on.

The usual inquiries about school stuff have brought the two blockmates to chat with each other again after some time. As usual, it will surely bring them to the topic of their crushes. With Wendy's curiosity again, although she's reminded of the last incident she let her curiosity win by asking about Irene's status with Sehun.

Irene: We stopped talking already.

Oh.

Wendy knew that she shouldn't feel any happiness about the revelation. But she just can't help it. You really cannot blame her, right?

Wendy: Huh? Why?

Irene: It's a mutual decision. Maybe we both lose interest. We've been busy with life these past few months. It cannot be helped.

Wendy: Sorry, I thought you're okay with each other.

Irene: Why are you sorry? It's fine. Really. Maybe, it's not just meant to be.

They continued to talk about the topic. Irene shared about what she thought had brought the two of them into that situation. Sehun's plausible reason for not contacting her again after they talk things out. Irene's "first times" with Sehun (Not the first time about, you know). And everything in between. Wendy listened to all of it, even giving out advice that Irene should reach out again with the bastard to clear all her questions and to have a proper closure. Honestly, it hurt her to hear the girl talk about her failed supposed to be wonderful mutual understanding set up with someone. Any ounce of happiness she may have felt when Irene broke the news to her vanished at the possibility that the girl may still be hurting while they talk right now. Irene should be treated right. Sehun clearly let go of one of the best things that life could ever offer to him. Such a jerk. Wendy isn't the type of person to give judgments easily on someone. But it's Irene they are talking about here. Sehun should have known how stupid he was for hurting the girl. Some people would want to be in his position. Including Wendy. And that fact infuriates her more. She can't let go of the fact that someone throws the person that she's dying to take care of ever since. Such a jerk.

And she's such a coward.

-

These days, strangely, her friends have been bugging her to confess. Yeri on the affirmative side and some others, while of course some of them are leaning on a more realistic perspective. Wendy is more of the latter. She's actually rejecting all of Yeri's attempts to make her confess. Not until the girl reminded her of her promise back then.

"If you can retain being an accounting student until our third year, you'll confess to Irene." Yeri challenged.

Wendy, sensing already even though they are still in their first year, how hard their course will be, accepted Yeri's proposal.

She's clearly not expecting that she will come this far without failing any subject for the past two academic years. But now, she's thinking that she should have failed it already. Of course, she's just kidding. Wendy would rather confess than fail when she's done halfway with this dreading course. So here she is, constantly dealing again with thoughts about Irene and how she would confess. She's just months away before this year ends so she must think of ways already. Wendy doesn't like to just blurt her feelings out without even exerting any effort. She's not born and raised like that.

Sensing that she has all the will today, she decided to first write a letter to the girl. Getting her phone, she started to draft her thoughts.

I don't know how to start this hahahaha but maybe in saying that I am sorry. I really am, Rene. I know that this is a selfish move because even if I know that something may change afterwards ( we may admit it or not but surely some things cannot be done the way it used to be) I still took the risk. But if being selfish entails telling you and making you realize how amazing you are then maybe, Rene, I am more than willing to become selfish this time…

Now that she's finished with it. The big question now is…

When?

But most importantly, should she really do this?

-

"Don't worry, you'll know soon. I'm planning to confess." Wendy uttered after the girl asked her again who her crush was.

Who is on the other line?

It's Irene.

Things just happened. This is actually the first time they get to talk on the phone specifically on Google meet. As strange as that may sound. But their first talk on the phone is on this meeting app.

Their examination in Auditing, one of their major subjects, is approaching. It's usually an occurrence that before the start of an examination, a bunch of their blockmates which includes the two of them would ask questions alternately to everyone as a form of review. Since it's pandemic they cannot do the reviewing face-to-face. Hence, Wendy proposed to which some of them agreed, Irene included, to hold a meeting so that they can do their review online.

After a few hours of reviewing, slowly the number of people decreased, until it's only her, Irene and Yeri. Being presented with a great opportunity to talk with the girl. Wendy sent Yeri a message to discreetly leave the meeting to which the latter immediately obliged. So here they are, an hour later talking about the most random things until their conversation falls back again to Sehun and Wendy's unknown crush. Wendy actually realized and it's already proven so many times that they may start it off with random things but along the way both of them will soon find themselves talking about their crushes. If you ask Wendy why it's like that? She too doesn't have any idea.

"Really? You're going to confess? Finally, Wendy."

"Yeah, this year probably." She's actually giving Irene hints.

"Although I know that I don't really stand a chance." Wendy immediately added.

"How sure are you that you don't have a chance? "

Because it's you.

"You wouldn't know unless you try." Irene encourages.

"Okay, let's put it this way… " Wendy trailed off as an idea popped inside her brain to somehow get the possible reaction of the girl. She had done this one April Fool's Day but this may turn out really different. Maybe, a little too heartbreaking if this will not end well.

"If… "

Irene just waited for her to continue. Wendy on the other hand, let out labored breaths as she mustered all her courage to continue her sentence.

"If it's you I'm having a crush on, what would your reaction be?"

The line went silent after that. Wendy can feel her heart picking up a pace as every second passes by. Even her grip on her phone seems to get tighter and tighter. She was going to take back her words when Irene let out a hum. Probably thinking. Wendy is glad that the girl is taking this seriously.

"I m-mean it's not really you, b-but what if I tell you that someone like me likes someone like you, what would you tell me? " It's a form of damage control, if ever the odds will not be in her favor today. At least, it will not be too embarrassing and obvious. She can withdraw her confession plan and be content to be just friends with the older girl without the unnecessary drama of blowing up her covers.

"I…"

"I will really appreciate it. Like really."

Wendy waited for the girl to continue but then it seems like she doesn't have any words to describe what she would really feel if ever other than she's going to appreciate it.

Ouch. I guess that's it. Good game but not really well played. (A/N: Salamat nalang sa lahat pi :) )

To be continued...

~~~~~

A/N: Sorry for that another cliffhanger but it must be done hahahahaha. For that reader who said that he or she will cry if ever Irene likes someone. Are you crying already? Joke. Anyways hope you have enjoyed this update. Any comments are appreciated. You can scold Wendy too, if you want lol. Take care ♡