CHAPTER 7: EXCHANGE OF HEART

If I can't have you, what should I do? Should I just keep on thinking about the vivid memories of you or I should do something to be with you?

Were my dreams the only way for me to be with you?

Or

Can you just at least offer death? Since I already knew you were my only salvation.

"Thank you, can you tell Emilia to get me the med kit?" The woman politely asked to the one of the workers as she helped the wounded woman from standing, the cold breeze of the early afternoon were hitting their skins as they made their way to the pavillion who had the overlook of the whole vineyard, workers were already slowing down as the sun's heat was starting to get no joke, everyone was scattered all over the place without noticing their presences, the psychologist have thought that if the country they were sitting right know was Korea, their names would be all over the place once again.

Korean media just couldn't get over one single issue.

Irene took off her gloves and wiped her sweat with the handkerchief she had on her pocket. "What are you doing there in the very first place though," She said as she politely accepted the kit from the old woman who also brought a small basin of warm water to their place. "Thank you." She said and faced the psychologist who was still observing every move that the older did. "If you wouldn't mind," Irene looked at Seulgi's hand and motioned her if she could hold it.

"Ahh, yes." The psychologist replied and handed her hand to the businesswoman.

The whirling winds of autumn and the humming of the birds around the vineyard had calmed the shyness between the two women. Irene, who was busy cleaning the psychologist's wounds, took a glance at Seulgi and proceeded to go back on doing her work. "So, do you mind telling me why you are being shamed in front of the crowd Psychologist Kang?" She asked as she finished putting a bandaid to a scratch on the woman's knees. "I bet you would be able to answer me now." She added as she took her hands again and patted it dry with a clean towel before applying a cream to the open wounds.

The psychologist sighed and answered, "I was just trying to help him, he was close to Jisoo before and he's also kinda having a hard time to have me around since he did not seem to like me since then." She answered making the older to put a sudden pressure on the one of the wounds she had on her palm. "What was that for?" Seulgi asked as she hissed from the pain.

"That was for keeping people who did not like you in the first place." The businesswoman smacked the psychologist's wounded left knee making the younger to slightly groan from the pain. "And that is for not saying thank you to me." Irene fixed herself on the chair across the younger, the woman crossed her legs and looked at her, the businesswoman could clearly say that Seulgi was trying to fight any odds about the things she was facing right now on her new life as a free person, for the span of the six years of marriage, the businesswoman could also said that it was hard to let someone go and to those person who were once belong to the old love story but Irene could also thought that Seulgi will be able to achieve the true happiness in no time as long as she completely subtracted all those toxic people on her new life now.

Silence had reigned between the two of them when Seulgi decided to open . "Uhmm... I didn't expect you to own this place." She said looking at the glamorous view of the Hacienda de Romero, the psychologist could clearly picture the glamorous life of the place before minus the dark history of the previous owners of it, the manual labour of the workers and the parties that they have prepared back then, she was sure it was truly beautiful. "Anyways, I'm sorry." She said out of nowhere as she looked up to see the older woman playing with her own leather gloves. "There were a lot of things that had happened in Seoul even though there was nothing to blame on you."

Seulgi looked at the businesswoman who stood up and faced her. "You know what? I wasn't mad about the issue at the very first place, you're just hurt and I did not want the marriage set up that my father had planned so yeah, let's just enjoy this wonderful place." Irene patted her shoulder and started to stroll down the stairs. Even the businesswoman itself did not expect to meet the psychologist in this small town, she even thought that it might be the last time for her to meet her short-time friend in the airplane since they just spent the whole duration of the ride with peaceful silence, Seulgi did not even said her thank you before they even parted ways on the wait out of the airport.

"Aren't you coming with me?" Irene turned around just to see the psychologist still sitting at the bench.

"Ah yeah." Seulgi stuttered as she walked towards the businesswoman who was waiting for her to tag along at the side of the stair's wooden railing, the psychologist stretched her arm and smiled awkwardly to the older with her eyes silently screamed for help as her wounds were slightly aching as she took her first step. Irene laughed and rolled her eyes.

"Walk, you have a set of feet Kang Seulgi." She said with a smirk written on her face. Irene was clearly joking to make the younger pissed off but she did not expect the next move that the younger did, Seulgi pouted as she put her hand on her left thigh, as if she was supporting her leg to walk towards the only way to go out of the pavilion. The businesswoman chuckled and walked towards the younger.

"No I'm kidding but you must always know that I always got your back."

--

"Oh, come on." A woman said as she walked around her friend's office in her distressed state. "At least once?" She said as she tried to act cute towards the older. "Pwetty pwease? Aren't you going to accept my cuteness Ms. Son? I swear this will be the least favour I would ask." The Thai said as she sat at one of the visitor's chairs across the older.

The two had been friends for a while now. Wendy who spent most of her time looking for something new, she had decided spontaneously to bang in her friends clinic just to find out that she was on her vacation leave, leaving this annoying Thai woman with her, the older sometimes wonder that her friendly side was already getting out of hand that she even add a burden to her social life. "I really wanted to go home, Lis, please." She said as she took all of her belongings back to her bag. "It's already past ten, weren't there any person who would be looking for you?" She said diverting the younger's request.

Lisa Manoban, or also known as 'the woman who is madly in love with a kitten' had kept on persuading her request to the older after she had found out that Jennie a.k.a 'the kitten' had a huge connection to the older but Wendy did not want to act as a cupid to the two of them since she did not want to cause any harm if ever something would really clicked between the two of them.

"Please, I will do anything, absolutely anything! Do you want to go to Thailand for free? Sure! I will be playing all of your expenses, absolutely, all!" The Thai said almost kneeling to the woman's feet. "Please?" A smirk had escaped from her lips as she looked at the older. "I also know that you like someone and I can absolutely help with that." Wendy shook her head and chuckled.

"Gal, you're blackmailing me."

"I know right. Joy." Lisa crossed her arms to her chest as she rolled her eyes mockingly to the older. "As if I didn't know about you sending flowers to her..."

"Yah!" The Thai laughed as she saw how her friend's cheek flushed. "I-I mean, she's cute..."

"Are you going to help me?" Lisa asked as she raised her brows up and down while looking to the older who was still flushed from what she had said. "I mean if you helped me with Jennie, I can help you with Joy, that would be a fair win for the both of us unnie, nonetheless you're like..."

"I'm not, okay? I'm not." The Jisoo thing had been the topic between the two of them and Wendy also considered that fact on what her friend's ex-wife had done, Koreans will always be Koreans, their beliefs of a women should be always be with men will forever be there and it will always be there, Wendy, herself wouldn't be able to erase that fact and that was the reason why the businesswoman was afraid of entering that same relationship, other than that everything was all flawless.

"So you would just let Joy date someone who's an ?" Lisa said as she fixed her coat as she sat back to the visitor's chair. "I swear unnie, if you're just going to act like a coward then nothing would happen if you're just going to sit there." The Thai said as she took the shot glass and a bottle of whiskey from the woman's table.

Wendy might be showing off a lot of charms as a funny and outgoing type of person but lately, she seem to realized things went downhill when she found out that she was also being caught up with time, Wendy became perceived about she had done to the things she had did for a while when she noticed that the life of leaving alone wasn't that easy, she couldn't also say that her friend, Irene, will always stay on her side forever, they were not getting any younger and sooner or later, that friend of hers would found the true definition of happiness, it's not that she depended on her but she also got her own life.

Lisa drank the whiskey in one shot and looked at the older who had her back facing the busy street of night life Seoul. "Unnie, you can't just tell that you can be happy with all the things you have right now, maybe you can say that I am contented with travelling and owning things that others can't have but soon you will realized that instead of making things with the person you can say that can be able to define the true meaning of happiness to you but instead, you just put it into something that were irrelevant and temporary."

Wendy turned around and faced the Thai psychologist. "Am I really that type of person?" She asked looking at the younger. The woman shrugged her shoulders and poured her glass with another shot of the liquor. "I mean I was just afraid..."

"Of what?" The Thai stood up while holding her shot glass. "Of what the people would say about you? Oh girl, we're already centuries away from the old beliefs of people thinking that a women should always be ending up with men, do you think that those women from thousands and hundreds of years ago don't even try think of having the desire to sleep with there the same ? Of course in the 100 population of a woman there will always be the one who is different from the others."

"And there will always be a chance for that person to suffer from the shame she did, just like what Jisoo had done to Seulgi."

--

If I ever get to have the chance to run around the world, wouldn't you mind if I take that opportunity to start looking for you? Since it hurts us a lot if they always try to separate me from you but I also don't know, I don't know how to make a start to those things when I already feel that the time is about to come to an end.

But you promised me right?

You told me before everything fell into darkness that I'm your world. I wished this wasn't just a dream so I will be able to stay with you the whole time. You know what? It hurts me a lot when you despised me as your lover but thinking that you were afraid to let everyone know about us hurts me also, but will he be the only solution for you to come with me? Or he'll be the reason why we ended up hurting each other with the fact that we will never be together.

Lorraine, I always do love you.

A spacious space for a soul searching person, that is how Irene defined her life in the huge space she had inside the whole hacienda, the peaceful air of evening had given her a solace as she sat next to the woman who was feeling the wonderful rhythm of the river. The businesswoman had decided to tour the younger around the hacienda, they have seen a lot of the mansion's interior and how the farm work was done with the cooperative workers, Irene even offered to have an afternoon snack with the psychologist as they catch up to some things that had happened to the both of them in the past few months.

Seulgi looked at her palm who was now covered with gauze and bandages, as she let the feeling of the cool autumn evening air hit her face, the two were just feeling each other's presence as they looked at the flowing water and the vivid lights coming from the other side of the river. "I've already known where I've seen your grandmother." The psychologist said as she tried to break the silence between the two of them, Seulgi drank her beer and glanced at the older who was just sitting there while attentively looking at those people walking at the other side.

"She was the special patient that my father was talking about." Seulgi said as she remembered how her father had used to talk about the long-time patient that their facility had been taking care. "Before she was even diagnosed to have that kind of mental illness, she was just like you." The compilation of the articles she had read from before proves that the Bae Joohyun was a strong woman from the clan of Bae's and it would take a lot of outputs if she were to explain the things that the businesswoman's grandmother had done throughout her life as a sane person.

"Hey." Seulgi nudged her shoulders but the woman did not answer, the psychologist turned to face the woman to find out it was slowly dozing off. "Okay, again? I mean you're going to close your eyes now instead of blabbering about here and there?" The younger woman stood up and held both of the businesswoman's hands.

"Ani..."

"Why not? Are you trying to say that I need to bring you back there," The psychologist pointed to the dim lit kitchen from afar as she watched the older almost shutting her eyes close. "of course I can't, girl,so come on don't be so stubborn." Seulgi said as she forced the older to stand up, she gently pulled her up from sitting and let the woman's left arm be wrapped around her waist. "You're not light as what you looked like sis." She said as they started to walk back to the mansion.

For the last part of their tour around the hacienda earlier, the two had decided to have their dinner in the small cabin at the farther end of the hacienda, it was well kept and the room was obviously cleaned every month which surprised the psychologist to see how old were that cabin was, the businesswoman had also shared some story about the said place, since a lot of people had told her that even though that she was the new owner of the hacienda, still, she needed to follow what the previous owners had done to keep the place be lively as what they have looked before even though some of the structures in and out of the place have been renovated for the past years.

The moonlight was the only guide for the two to walk back peacefully to the mansion, the quiet air blowing had made the whole place welcoming as they stroll making the younger to hum a single song.

"Remember me, though I have to say goodbye
Remember me, don't let it make you cry"

The businesswoman gazed up to the younger. "Should I sing the next part? And damn, who hurt you ?" The older asked, making the both of them laugh.

"Forever, if I'm far away, I hold you in my heart
I sing a secret song to you each night we are apart"

"The night's beautiful isn't it?" Irene asked as they both stopped at the pavilion where they can clearly see the whole dark vastness of the vineyard. That evening was truly beautiful, the vivid light coming from the moonlight with the harmonic whispers of the wind, it was a complete solace for the two as they watched the sky engraved deeper into the night.

"Have you and Jisoo tried to dance before?" The older woman asked. "Just the two of you underneath the moonlight."

"No."

"Why?" Irene looked at her with wonder.

"It's because she told me that I was too cliché and she doesn't have the time to deal with my sweetness." Seulgi plainly said. "How about you? Have you ever tried doing it?"

"No." Irene answered. "I don't even get the chance to date someone how much more with dancing right?" The older chuckled. "And it's not cliché, it's just she did not understand the rhythm of love. For me, to whoever the person I would be ending up in the end of the day, I wouldn't ever get tired if he or she asked me to dance, to whatever it is, from the hard times to good, from memorable to heart breaking as long as that person would know how we wanted that dance to go, we'll do it."

Seulgi looked at the older. "A she?"

"She, Seulgi, there's no gender in love and I'm not that type of person who will use the phrases, "According to the bible" and "Based on our beliefs", the judgement in the peoples eyes were not enough to bring your guard down, as long as you ever can really define the word you were looking for to that person then that's it, that's love, there's nothing wrong about falling in love to the same gender as you are, the real problem was the homophobic mind of others." Irene said as she looked up to the sky as she felt a little bit sober from the words she had said to the younger.

She might not be able to experience on having a relationship before when she was younger but seeing people falling in love to a wrong person was enough for her to learn that love don't only work from having a simple attraction to someone, love is a lifelong education, you might know something about it but that doesn't me you already know everything, that's why she preferred to live her life to the fullest until she was ready to face everything in that certain path.

Silence fell to the two of them, they were just both thinking about which part of their life they have went wrong, especially to the psychologist who thought a lot about the things that had happened to her life with her ex-wife, there were no more tears left to cry for her, she did not want to do that also. She did not want to pity herself anymore as she would looked more like a fool if she did that whilst the businesswoman had thought about how can she be able to free herself from the problems she needed to face day by day as she had already knew that those things were already been her twin sister since then, but indeed, she needed to take a break before she could even completely lost her mind from it.

"Will we be able to be okay?" The two turned around to face each other when they realized that they had both said it in unison. Their laughter was mixed to the peaceful night of Alcala de Henares, they were sitting on the same boat as well as being in a sober state. There was too much drama happening in their life but still they were glad that they were able to laugh on it, silently, the two had wished they could have just stayed at that moment a little bit longer when suddenly the older woman grabbed her phone from her pocket to look at the time.

"It's already late." She asked slightly smiling at the younger. "I bet we needed to go back now?"

Seulgi opened her palm to the older, as she gave her a signal for her to put her hand in there. "Why?" The older woman asked as she tried to process what was the younger is trying to comprehend.

"You told me earlier that you never get the chance to dance under the moonlight, how about..." The younger shrugged her shoulders with a small smile slowly being drawn to her lips. "I mean if you wanted too... the moon right now is really beautiful and it would be hard to look for it in another time, right?" Irene laughed making the psychologist a little bit shy.

"I already know why Jisoo declined your offer, you at asking." Irene joked. The older chuckled and moved a little bit closer to the younger. Seulgi met her eyes were everyone had been said to be afraid of, she admitted, the businesswoman may appeared to be serious every time but that will just remain as your expression not until you've got to personally know her.

Irene put her hands at the top of the psychologist's waist making the younger to  smile sadly as her mind completely remembered the time where she asked her ex-wife to dance with her. The businesswoman looked at her. "It's okay." She said silently. "You don't have t-"

"One-sided love broke the see-saw down
I got to get rough when I hear the grudge"

Seulgi put her hands at the top of Irene's waist as she silently hummed the song of David Slater from the deepest part of her heart making the older felt the pain that the woman had been facing through, the heaviness from the first words of the song got her, making her a bit moved from hearing it. Underneath the moonlight and the darkness around, the two can be seen softly swaying around.

"And you went your way and I went wild
And girl, you'd understand if your heart was mine"

"Come on, just this once." Seulgi said as she put her chin at the top of her lovely wife's shoulder with her arms wrapped around its waist, it was winter and they were just stocked inside their home without anything to do, the psychologist was left watching her wife who was busy doing her job as a fashion director of a magazine company.

"Seulgi, darling, I have to finish this first." Jisoo said with her eyes still focused on her laptop. It has been a while for the psychologist to see her wife inside their home, and she did not like the fact of her being too focused to her job, it's not that she don't want to see her doing her passion, it's just from the time she had decided to enter that field, everything had seemed to be changing.

"Just this once please?" She said as she closed her laptop screen with her face going near to her lover, but instead of receiving a positive answer, the woman stood up and looked at her in a stern way.

"Stop acting like you're a child, Seul, we're not teenagers to do such a thing."

"If we had an exchange of hearts
Then you'd know why I fell apart."

Seulgi's voice cracked as a tear escaped from her eyes, from that day, she had already known that there was something off happening to their relationship and now their flashbacks hit like a bullet as it was killing her slowly when she suddenly felt a warm and soft feeling holding her cheek. "It's okay, you can cry." Irene said as the younger continued to dance.

"You'd feel the pain when then mem'ries start
if we had an exchange of hearts"

The older woman conpleted the song as she made the younger to stop from moving and let her cry on her shoulder. "People can come and go, remember that there were a lot of things we had always wanted in life and then one day we're going to realize we just need to let it go to make ourselves be happy to what we really need to face ahead of us." Irene hugged the woman tightly as it continued to sob her heart out harder to her shoulder making the older to feel an unusual feeling of hurt inside her chest.

"Everything will be okay. We'll be okay."