CHAPTER 12: CIGARETTE

There were such thing we needed to choose between falling in love with someone or falling apart with that person, even though it would cause too much hurt as long as it would do good for them in the end choosing between your own benefit and for their own stand as a person to the reality of this world will bring such a huge hard time for the both of you.

Happiness, the word itself was a finite one, it's up to you how you described such a thing, but for some reasons that would be too difficult to find the exact meaning of the word when everything had started to crumble and making such a huge mess.

Early in the morning when the snow started to fall, the western hemisphere of the world began to get cold just like how their feelings for each other, Seulgi sat at the end of her bed to start her morning routine, it was just like those typical days she had while living alone, misery and silence, the war was still going on inside her head as she remembered that night, she was thinking whether she had made it right or not but the only thing she stood up each day that had passed that she had made the right decision of letting her go

In the very first place, she was just concerned about her and to the reality she needed to face sooner.

The psychologist knew that for the short amount of time she had spent with the businesswoman, the woman had made her realize some things such as the development of love who never needed to take such a long time to develop as long as you knew you were doing things right.

But she ended up doing it wrong, in the very skimpy time.

A creaking sound of her door had made her look up just to see Jisoo peeking the half of her head while checking her that made the psychologist put up her fake mask to make her sure that she was just completely fine. "You know that I can see you, right?" She said, making the woman timidly smile and opened the door wide to welcome herself inside.

"Your mom asked me to come and woke you up though, I guessed I'm late."

"You're always late." Seulgi answered as she took her bathrobe and draped it over to her body. "When did you arrive?" She added as she walked towards her desk and turned her laptop on, for the meantime, the psychologist tried to move on from the past events by focusing on other things such as her work. Just like the way she used to before.

"You should at least wear some pants and a decent sweat shirt instead of wearing your favourite heart designed cycling and tank top, didn't the weather from last night remind you that it's getting cold? You never changed old woman." Jisoo shook her head as she proceeded to fix her ex-wife's bed, though the things were already over between the two of them, they had both agreed to keep in contact with each other and casually just checking from time-to-time. Kim still admitted to herself that she was still into the woman she had met a few years ago and seeing her now falling and crying over someone had obviously hurt her ego making her realize that she could have just taken care of their relationship before.

"Ah, you never like to wear one though." The woman added as she walked to the psychologist who was busy browsing to some online news in business, obviously looking for some updates to that certain person. "Have you heard about the news?" Jisoo said, making the psychologist look at her with her brows raising up as if they were asking 'what?'

"Jennie's pregnant with her first child." Kim said, Seulgi's eyes went wide as she looked at her in surprise.

"What do you mean she's pregnant? A few months Wendy told me that Lisa accidentally slept with he-"

Jisoo shook her head. "Jennie was actually dating a model for years now, your friend haven't known about it at all, besides she said to me that she had already moved on from Lisa and she's already willing to make a family with Kai, sooner or later this year or next, she'll be taking also her vows with him in New Zealand and would finally resided there to start a new life." She explained as she casually sat at the top of the psychologist's mahogany table, a usual habit she does whenever they talk inside her office.

Some things never changed in the single snapped of time.

"That might be the reason why Lisa asked to go back to her home country to sort some things out, it's been a while since she had called me though."

The woman crossed her legs and started to play with her hair. "The problem on her was she still hold for Jennie's old promise before they ended their relationship," Jisoo turned to face Seulgi who was also looking at her, the woman had been facing a lot for a while now, but she never got the chance to tell everyone about it since she was also hoping that one day she can go back to the time were there were just the two of them, naïve and lovely, just her and Seulgi falling deeper for each other. "I don't actually pity her, I do understand her situation."

Silence fell to the two of them, there's nothing you can't compare about the loss of having someone, from the years of being friends, to girlfriends, and to their marital relationship who ended up to be in waste in a single blink of an eye. Jisoo didn't expect it at all, she just knew that Seulgi had never stopped loving her from day one to the end but due to her selfishness, here she was now, looking at the love of her life falling in love with someone that is supposedly her.

"How about you?" The psychologist broke the silence between them. "How's your dating life?"

A small smile had escaped to her lips as she looked at her, wouldn't it be wrong if she would admit that she was still hoping to have her back, right? At the very first place, she was the first and Irene just came into the picture when things were already out of place. "Nothing exciting? I guess? I've been doing lots of work in and out of the country, you already know that." Jisoo took a deep gasp of air as she tried to swallow the big lump building inside .

We all do something for someone's happiness, and Seulgi wasn't just someone for her, she's more than that, a piece of her life that she had accidentally fell out of hand, the gem she had treasured the most and the first and last person that would make her heart go crazy.

"Have you tried to paint her?"

Seulgi looked at the woman who was looking at her canvass hanging on the wall of her bedroom. "I haven't, I was about to do so. Why?" The psychologist went to see the woman standing in front of the painting that her parents had given to her a few years ago, it was the only painting left in the library of Hacienda de Romero before they had decided to sell the whole place, they gave it to her to preserve the memory of her great-grandmother before she died. It was painted back in the dates of December 1921 by the painter who was also the lover and the murderer of Lorraine, Alessa, the noblewoman, she had also taken her own life on the day of her wedding just a few hours apart after she finished painting it. It was a canvass of her bisabuela's back who got a lot of scars and scratches, her grandfather told a story about how his father had a talk with the noblewoman's supposed to be husband and the previous owner of Rodriquez Manor, that back in the small amount of time that two women had spent together, one of them was sneakily painted an explicit canvass of each other, it was also said that his sister had painted a painting of the woman but they never got the chance to see it after it was sold separately to the house.

"It looks so good, right?" Seulgi said as she looked at the masterpiece, it was said that it already caused millions to sell this art and a lot of people had offered such a huge amount of money to her grandfather just to buy it but the old man didn't sell it no matter what. The woman kept on checking the painting until she noticed a small letter written at the lower end of the canvass. "Oh, she said her final goodbye for her, though Lorraine wasn't really able to see thi-"

"I guessed you haven't seen the movie right?" Jisoo said as she read those words written. "The one that Irene's family and your father agreed to publicize? The story of her grandmother?"

"I have but I wasn't interested in it that much, it was all about her experience in the days she was suffering from her mental illness." Seulgi answered shortly. Up until now that she had a degree in psychology, she still didn't understand why some people needed to link their dreams to something they haven't ever known about.

"Her story was a bit confusing, that I myself still don't understand what she was trying to share. After all that's what she believed."

"So you refused to believe such a thing?"

Seulgi looked at her. "I refused to believe in obsession, that's what she was."

--

"What type of gown do you want to wear for your wedding?" The eyes of everyone was set upon the woman who was sitting silently on her chair next to her husband-to-be. Irene's mind was all over the place right now, she didn't know how to make a move every time she remembered about what Seulgi had said to her. "Irene?" Her father called her but still he hasn't got any answer from the woman.

"He's calling you." Mateo whispered.

The businesswoman looked up to her father noticing that he was also looking at her. "Wendy and I had been working on it, they've already got the design I wanted and maybe the day after this day, they'll be checking my size." The man nodded his head and looked towards the man sitting next to her daughter.

"We've already decided where the wedding would take place, everything was already planned. Irene also agreed to have the venue here in the hacienda and after that, we'll fly to Switzerland for the honeymoon." Irene turned her head towards him amused at what the man had said but instead of receiving an answer, Mateo pinched the side of her hand making the businesswoman agree to what he just said.

The lunch continued in peace when suddenly a silhouette of an unexpected visitor arrived. He bowed his head to Irene's father making the woman to get shocked from his sudden arrival. "I'm glad you were able to come here, Junmyeon." The man smiled and rolled his sleeves up to his elbow as he looked at the woman who was just looking at her, he nodded his head towards her and to his fiancée.

"We actually got the invitation for Friday, I and Jisoo had decided to come here ahead of time since she also has some plans to talk with her ex-wife." Ex-wife, the businesswoman knew who that was, there's no other than a woman named Kang Seulgi. "I bet they were giving it a shot, they seemed to get along lately so I don't want to feel out of place in the world between the two of them so I just decided to wander around and stopped by in here since I was also planning to tour my wife and child at the time they would arrive in here."

"That's good for your sister though."

Irene put her utensils to the side of her plate, she couldn't bear listening to it. She doesn't want to hear it. "Then they shouldn't go back to Korea if they wanted to bring back their relationship. Tell them not to include my name. That issue had made me sick before." She said and threw her napkin to the table. "I'm just going to ride around the town."

The woman left without any further notice, they didn't even bother to stop her from leaving when after all her fiancée was the only one who knew on what did the woman felt at all, hearing such a surprising news just a week after they thought they were all over to each other had gave her such a hard time. Irene was willing to let go but for now, she can't.

She was closing the button of her shirt when she heard a knock on her bedroom's door. "Come in." Irene said as she took her jodhpur boots from the side of her bed. "I know you come here to tell me that I acted too much in front of everyone but can he just stop his mouth for a while?" The woman walked towards her nightstand and grabbed her leather gloves, Irene turned to see the man sitting on the couch of her room while lighting up a cigarette stuck in between his lips. "Come on." She grabbed the ashtray and put it on his side.

She continued doing her job when Mateo suddenly spoke. "He's provoking you." He blew a smoke around the room and put the cigar's ash in the tray. "There were a lot of things happening right now and I know that woman wouldn't do such a thing after saying those words in front of your face."

Irene chuckled, all the thing she wanted to do right now was to cease on believing in Seulgi, she knew that if she would continue on thinking about her lovely words, those were just enough to make her insane and she was avoiding that to happen. "What are you? A magician? How come you've known about it? I'm not the first, we met a couple months ago, Mateo, everything happened so fast and you still believed that we could give it a shot? No."

"Then you're rooting for me?" The woman faced him. "You're rooting for someone you just saw in the business magazine a couple weeks ago, someone you don't know if he would be a good husband to you and a father to our future children, have you ever thought about that? You've got a couple of ways to think about the right thing to do Irene, I know you're such a unique and mysterious type of a woman, everyone is all over you, how come you can just go to a conclusion of thinking that you have to let go of that person you love?" Mateo brought his cigarette up showing it to the woman. "This is a cigarette, let's say this is your desire for her and it would continue on burning slowly if you wouldn't blow her fast away," Irene just kept on looking at the thing that the man was doing. "But what are you doing? You've kept on blowing her faster and faster until her fire and later on, you will see her fire was completely gone," the man stood up and walked towards the door. "and little you did not know that she had entered inside your system and without any further notice, you will get sick of the things you've knew about her and her ex-wife and that would be the cause of your hatred towards her that will later on lead you to kill your own self." He opened the door and stepped his foot outside her room when he remembered something.

"And now, I would advise you to stop blowing her away, she isn't just a desire for you, Irene, I know, there's more than that."

--

But the monster would remain with us, they are slowly ruining the two of us, please don't runaway, don't leave me here, if you ever do,

I will end you.

"Hey." With her long coat and scarf hanging on her right arm, Seulgi walked towards the model and sat next to her side. "Do you have any plans?" She asked as she looked at Jisoo's work, the woman was creating a presentation for her winter-fall collection for the next year. The psychologist had truly believed that the woman had done so well after their divorced, Jisoo turned around to see the woman looking at her work when the flashbacks of their third winter as a married couple hits her, it was just like the same time as what the psychologist had looked like when she asked her to dance around to their living room that she never thought that she would decline to do such work, such a selfish side of her. "I guess you have some plans, I was about to ask you to come with me, there were a lot of things that had changed since the last time you've come here, especially to Trevino's café, I just finished my work so I wanted to wander around." The woman explained making the model laugh the awkwardness to her changes from how she used to ask her out before.

The childish woman she loves before has changed into something she did not expect at all.

"I can do this tomorrow though." Jisoo closed her laptop and took her jacket from her side. "So, game?" She asked, the psychologist just looked at her in disbelief making the woman laugh. "Come on, you still have to drive to Alcala de Henares." The woman threw the psychologist car keys towards her making Jisoo to smile and thought,

What if it's never been over to the two of us? What if this was just a trial?