Joohyun left her work early again today. She wants to go home as early as possible because she will wait for Seulgi to come home tonight.

Again.

It’s already been three days since their anniversary;

Three days since Seulgi left; and

Three days of Joohyun’s suffering because of the mess she had made.

Because Seulgi hadn’t gone home since that night happened.

Seulgi’s mother, Kang Yejin called Joohyun that morning. She was asking if something had happened between them because Seulgi came to their home in Ansan at dawn and was crying so hard. Yejin also said that they asked their daughter what happened, but she didn’t say anything and just went straight to her old room, locking herself up inside.

Joohyun couldn’t help but break down during the phone call with Seulgi’s parents. She told them everything and asked for their forgiveness. They told her that she doesn’t have to— assuring her that they understand because it is pretty normal to have a misunderstanding like that in a relationship, so there is no need to worry about. They were also sure that Seulgi would’ve understood her as well if only she knew her reasons. But for now, they told Joohyun to just let Seulgi alone for a while to think and calm down first. They also promised to update her always, so that she would not worry too much and could focus on their company.

Joohyun gave the space that Seulgi wanted. She didn’t force the latter to come back home, but she still always sends her messages just to remind her that she’s waiting for her to come back. If only she could set aside her work and stay at their home for days to wait for Seulgi, she would. But, she can't because their company needs her. So, even though she wasn't in her best state, she still tried her best to fulfill her duty and be professional because a lot of people rely on her.

Walking inside the elevator of their condo building, Joohyun lazily pressed the last floor. She glanced at the mirror and observed herself while waiting. She looked so exhausted, even though she didn’t even do anything that much at her work today or even the past few days because she wasn’t able to work properly. Her father, Jiwoo even needed to assist and cover up for her sometimes when needed.

Her hair was messy, her lips were dry and the black bags under her eyes were very visible even if she tried to hide it with her eyeglasses. She knows that she looks so unattractive right now, but she doesn’t care at all. She knows that Seulgi would still love her even if she looked so ugly like this.

“Seulgi…”

She stared blankly in front of the mirror after she thought of her girlfriend. It made everything that happened three days ago flashes back through her memory.

A lot of what-ifs and regrets that are going through her head— the things that she shouldn’t and should have done to prevent this from happening to her and Seulgi.

Joohyun blames herself for everything. She loathes herself because of what happened, but she thinks she deserves this.

The elevator opened startling her, waking her up from her trance. She sighed deeply before she walked out.

She doesn’t know why, but she suddenly felt something unfamiliar, something that was off, that even her feet felt heavy. She looked around and was starting to get nervous as she felt like there was something wrong. She breathes in and out to calm herself down as she walks the hallway. She tried to think that maybe she’s just exhausted and that’s all.

Joohyun typed in their passcode and was surprised at the amount of light that greeted her. She didn’t enter just yet; she just stayed at the door and scanned their whole condo.

“Why the hell are the lights all open? And even our bedroom door was also opened?”

She was about to run and call for security because she thought that someone had just broken into their condo.

But a familiar figure suddenly came out of their bedroom, making her freeze in her spot.

“Seul,” she mumbled.

The said woman didn’t say anything. She just also froze in her spot, not expecting to see Joohyun either.

Joohyun immediately noticed that Seulgi was holding a duffle bag. She shook her head and walked towards her crashing herself onto her girlfriend. 

“No, no, no.” Her tears were already streaming down and were starting to stain the latter’s shirt.

She clutched tight onto the monolid’s coat, not wanting to let the woman go.

“S-Seul, I’m s-sorry, okay?” her voice cracked in between her sobs. “Let’s talk. I-I’ll explain everything, please. Please, don’t leave, Seulgi…”

Tears are also falling through Seulgi’s cheek. It hurts so much to hear and see her girlfriend cry and beg for her to stay, but she has already made her decision. She needed to do this for herself and Joohyun.

She gulped the lump in before speaking. “I-I’m just going to be away for a week.” The smaller woman looked up at her, but she didn’t look back at her. She knows if she sees Joohyun’s eyes, her decision will change and she doesn’t want that to happen.

All this time, Seulgi thought that understanding Joohyun would be enough to keep their relationship stable these past few months. All she thinks was to just understand and wait for the time where they’ll be back to where they used to— the time where she and Joohyun had a lot of time with each other and has very healthy relationship. She set aside her own feelings and put her girlfriend’s above anything else because she thought Joohyun needed it more than hers. She always prioritized the raven to the point that it was already draining her, and she’s slowly losing herself without realizing it. She thought that she’s getting used to their situation already, but her emotions just kept on building up silently until that night happened. All the feelings she tried so hard to ignore got triggered and bursted out that time.

And it was all too much for Seulgi.

She felt too damaged and broken now because of it. And going away for awhile is what she thinks she needs the most right now. A time alone in a place that could make her feel at peace to think and recollect herself.

The raven furrowed her eyebrows, looking so confused at her girlfriend's statement, “B-but, where? And why?”

“I-I just need some time alone, for now, please let me go, Joohyun.”

Seulgi untangled the hands that were wrapping around her waist. She could feel that Joohyun was too weak right now as she didn’t try to stop her from removing her hands. She finally dared to glance down at her girlfriend. The latter just kept her head hanging low with her lips slightly open, probably processing what the younger woman had just said and thinking about what to say.

The monolid waited for a few more seconds, but she didn’t hear anything. She sighed before she started walking and went past her.

And it alarmed Joohyun, “Seulgi!”

She couldn’t think properly and she couldn’t move either. All she can think is Seulgi was leaving her. She’s already getting anxious and panicking. She closed her eyes and thought so hard of any way that could stop her girlfriend from walking away.

Seulgi was already near their door when words suddenly came out of Joohyun's mouth, which caused the brunette to actually stop from leaving.

“Kang Seulgi, if you leave our condo right now, i-it’s over.”

What Joohyun did was too risky, and she knows that. She actually silently curses herself right after that. She just put their relationship on the line, but of course, she didn’t mean any single word she just said. It’s supposed to be just a threat, nothing else, just to prevent the younger woman from leaving her. She was just too desperate, and besides she trusts Seulgi— she knows she will not let her down.

But, Joohyun’s heart shattered into pieces when Seulgi continued to walk and leave the condo without looking back at her.

“Seulgi!” she screamed at the top of her lungs as she fell onto her knees and choked on her own cries.

--

“Aigoo, Seulgi, you’re not the only one who’s being selfless here. Of course, Joohyun cares about you and your relationship. She may look cold and doesn't care about anything or anyone, but you know that deep inside she really cares.” Yejin says as she carefully the back of her daughter, comforting her.

Seulgi finally opened up and talked to her parents properly today before she leaves them and goes somewhere alone. She lived with them for the past few days, but she didn’t talk about her relationship with Joohyun. They didn’t force her to talk and gave her the space she wanted. And Seulgi was so grateful to have her parents because of that.

“Look, both of you got hurt here, okay? Joohyun was also hurt, but I will not stop you from leaving. It’s your way of healing, and if you think this will help you and Joohyun in the end, we will let you.”

Yejin observes her daughter for a moment before she continues. Seulgi wasn’t looking at her directly, but she listened to her mother very attentively and she nodded.

“You know, Seulgi, sometimes being selfless isn’t always about the people you prioritize are the only ones that are benefitting from your efforts. Sometimes you're being selfless because it is also for the sake of yourself.” Yejin calmly explains, and then chuckled when she saw the confusion that was written all over her daughter’s face.

“Let me ask you a question, why do you always keep prioritizing Joohyun in everything that you do in your life, Seulgi?”

“B-because I love her. I love her so much that I always wanted to make her happy because she deserves it. A-and seeing her happy makes me feel at ease, and it makes me happy too.”

“Exactly, Seulgi. You’re not just doing everything for her just because you love her and she deserves it, you’re doing it because that makes you happy too. You keep doing it because you also benefit from it, isn’t it? We do something for other people to help them, but little did we know that we’re helping ourselves as well. What happened between you two is because of a lack of communication that caused a misunderstanding in your relationship. Both of you should’ve been open about your feelings and worries to prevent miscommunication.”

Everything that her mother just said suddenly hits Seulgi. It made her understand why she sometimes feels like she and Joohyun have become a little distant these past few months. It’s not just because of having a lesser time together nor the distance. But also because of not being vocal about what they feel and what they thought of something in their relationship— the reason why there’s like an invisible barrier that keeps on building up as time goes by. They will not get rid of it if they will not talk it out together and fix it.

All of the years she had been with Joohyun, they didn’t encounter a problem like this. They may have a lot of petty fights, but it’s just something that will be gone after a few minutes of apologizing with some spoiling and cuddling. It’s a serious matter at this time that they needed to be mature, to take the time to talk and listen and understand one another.

“Just take your time to heal and then go back to her after, okay? Have a little more patience with her, princess.” Her father, Kang Rowoon, pats her shoulder. “Remember, you will not find another Joohyun in this world!” he added, and that made Seulgi chuckle for a while.

“But, I shut her down last night and didn’t listen to her explanation, and I wasn’t able to explain properly why I am leaving either. I know she was hurt and is mad at me right now. And I know she’s just threatening me, but what if she really means what she said? What if she’s really serious that we’re done already? What if she will not forgive—”

“Shh!” Her mother got irritated because of her being so negative and keeps on worrying unnecessarily. “What made you think all of that, huh? Joohyun loves you so much more than you ever knew. She will not make a promise to us if she will just let you go just like that.”

The monolid glances up to her mother immediately, “She made a promise to you?”

Both of her parents looked at each other and laughed