Shuhua held her close, feeling the shaky hands clasp tightly onto her favorite oversized green shirt as if it was the only thing keeping the older girl grounded. It was a routine whenever Soojin’s anxiety attacks came, but everytime it happened, the same worry and look of pain flashed onto Shuhua’s face because of how vulnerable and afraid the love of her life looked. 

“You’re okay, you’re okay.” Shuhua would whisper over and over again like a beautiful poem, trying her best to do whatever she could to calm Soojin’s nerves. These attacks only started a year after they had debuted, and if Shuhua could list some of the scariest things she has ever experienced in her life, seeing Soojin in that state would be on that list. 

Shuhua had picked up a few pointers from the first few times it started to occur. Soojin needed to be held and cradled. Shuhua needed to be wearing baggy clothes that Soojin could hold onto, and if not, she would notice the way Soojin’s hands would scratch at her skin, or how her nails would dig into her palms. After noticing that habit, Shuhua made sure to always wear baggy clothes, or if their stage outfits prohibited it, made sure to bring a hoodie to throw on when necessary. 

“I’m here, I’m right here. Always.” Shuhua placed a soft kiss onto the space where Soojin’s eyebrows met in distress. 

It would last for a few minutes, the longest ever being an hour long. When Soojin’s body has gone still, breathing back into a steady rhythm, hands limp on Shuhua’s chest, the younger girl knows it will take a few minutes for Soojin to recover. Shuhua still holds her close though, still whispers sweet nothings, and still gives Soojin soft kisses on her head. 

“I’m sorry.” Soojin said, timidly. 

“Hey, don’t you ever apologize for things you can’t control.” Shuhua sternly said, a scolding tone to her voice. That was the last thing she wanted to hear from Soojin in this situation. “I mean, I figured if it’s tiring for me. It must be tiring for you to always have to deal with me and these stupid anxiety attacks.” Soojin mumbled, and even if her words seemed very disoriented in her exhausted state, Shuhua heard everything loud and clear and it stabbed at her heart to hear Soojin talk about herself in that way. 

Shuhua moved to sit both of them up, so that she could look Soojin in the eyes. She instantly almost regrets doing, so because even though Shuhua thinks Soojin looked beautiful every second of every day, the exhaustion and bloodshot eyes from crying clenched at her heart in painful ways. 

“Stop talking about yourself as if you’re a burden to me.” Shuhua grew frustrated, but not at Soojin. Maybe herself for not being able to do more than her limitations. Maybe frustrated at the world, or both. Just not at her. 

“Isn’t that what I am?” Soojin shrugged. 

“Seo Soojin, if you don’t cut the crap.” Shuhua threatened. It was clearly nonsense, but Shuhua was going to spend the time to reassure the love of her life that she is all that she cares about, and very far from a burden or a nuisance. 

“I care about you. I am here for you, always. Nothing’s going to change that. Don’t you ever talk about yourself in that way ever again.” Shuhua looked at the older girl with the softest, yet the most serious expression ever. If Shuhua could kiss Soojin right then and there, she would pour all of her emotions and love into it and make sure Soojin never doubts what she means to Shuhua ever again. But clearly, Soojin was not at that point of readiness yet, and Shuhua controlled her urges. 

“Thank you.” Soojin said, genuine and in disbelief at how great Shuhua was to her. She still felt unworthy of Shuhua’s affection. Soojin felt like there was someone out there, someone who was not afraid to love and to be loved by Yeh Shuhua, someone that was more deserving of the younger girl’s affection. 

Shuhua gave her a look, eyebrows raised, and eyes questioning. She turned around, opening her nightstand drawer, something in her fisted hand. Shuhua took Soojin’s palm, placing a copper coin onto it, before offering Soojin a small smile. “Penny for your thoughts? Tell me what’s on your mind, love.” 

Soojin’s heart leaped at the heartwarming label of affection, and Shuhua’s stupid smooth pick up lines. A small giggle left her lips as she looked at the penny in her palm. Once Shuhua started to laugh with her, Soojin’s laugh only grew, only hoping their late night antics won’t wake up Miyeon, who was fast asleep in her room on the other side of the apartment. 

“You’re such a dork.” Soojin managed to say in between breaths of laughter. 

“Mission accomplished.” Shuhua murmured to herself, her smile wide, as she delightfully listened to the beautiful sound of Soojin’s laughter. 

_

Shuhua stood by the door of the practice room, waiting for Soojin who took her time gathering her things. “I’ll be in the car, Shu.” Miyeon walked past her, ready to go home and crash in bed from exhaustion. 

Shuhua walked up to Soojin to speed up the process and help her carry her things. “You’re still here?” Soojin questioned, a look of surprise on her face as if Shuhua didn’t always wait for her. “Of course. I wouldn’t even think of leaving without you.” Shuhua smiled, slinging Soojin’s bag over the shoulder opposite of where her own bag was resting. 

“Shuhua, I to