Shuhua followed the trail around the park that was in front of their apartment complex. She’s taken multiple walks in this park during the late hours of the night. It was peaceful, and no one else would be out at this hour. It was a perfect place to have some alone time and clear her head. She loved to lay down on the grass and stare up at the stars. Sometimes she would talk to the moon, the topic always about Seo Soojin and reasons why she was so head over heels for her. Other times, it would be about her heart, and how sometimes it would hurt. She didn’t know who else to tell, but the moon. The moon would always listen, and she would feel better.
“Yeh Shuhua.” The voice was familiar. Shuhua blinked at the moon, before lifting her head up slightly to see Soyeon staring at her with a questioning look. Shuhua was aware that this was the same park that Soyeon got inspiration from when writing new songs. Shuhua wondered if Soyeon also spoke to the moon like she did.
“Hey,” Shuhua greeted lifelessly. She could hear the older girl’s steps getting closer by the way the grass blew next to her. Soyeon plopped down next to her in a criss cross position, leaning back on her hands before looking at the youngest member with a concerned look.
“Is everything alright? Did something happen?” Soyeon questioned, lifting one of her hands to move hair out of Shuhua’s face
as the wind blew.
Shuhua shrugged, “just talking to the moon and hanging with the stars.” Soyeon hummed in understanding, moving to lay next to Shuhua, letting out a satisfied sigh.
“The moon’s a great listener.” Soyeon acknowledged, remembering all the times she’s been comforted by the moon. “I’m not assuming, Shuhua, but from my experience, whenever I need the big ball to listen, it’s because I’m stressed about something.” Soyeon nudged Shuhua lightly. She knew her members well, especially when they’re feeling down, and she’d be lacking in the role if she wouldn’t do anything about it.
Shuhua sighed, “I don’t know. I’m just feeling a certain way, but Minnie’s right. I’m in no position to feel this way.”
Soyeon sighed, looking at the younger girl with sympathy. She knew it was about Soojin. This was a situation she couldn’t help with because it was personal, but the only thing she could offer was advice and listening ears.
“Shu, your feelings are valid. They’re yours.” Soyeon strongly said, never wanting Shuhua to feel like her feelings did not matter. Soyeon sat back up, wanting to give her full attention to Shuhua.
“Tell me what happened.”
Shuhua sighed, keeping silent for a few moments, before giving in. “I just didn’t like seeing Hui and Soojin together.” When Hui and Soojin first got together during their trainee days, Shuhua was hurt, but she understood why Soojin chose to be with him. Hui was nice and an admirable man. That is until he broke Soojin’s heart in the end, dropping her once he made his debut for no valid reason. Shuhua was mad, but she couldn’t have done anything, but comfort the older girl and let her cry on her shoulder whenever Soojin needed to.
“I agree with you. From a teammate’s or friend’s point of view, I wouldn’t like it either. But from someone who’s in love with Soojin, I can’t imagine how you feel.” Soyeon started off slowly, wanting to provide the best comfort.
“I don’t think Soojin is dumb enough to go back to him. And besides, I know she doesn’t show it, but Soojin likes you too. She’s just….. scared.” Soyeon genuinely said, running her fingers through the younger girl’s hair in a soothing manner.
“Is it scary to love me? Am I not worth the leap of faith?” Shuhua said with a strained voice, her breathing starting to heave, as the tears started to fall.
“Shu, that’s not it. I know you understand where she’s coming from, right?” Soyeon wiped her tears. “I do. I really do, but I can’t help it if I still feel hurt every time she pushes me away.” Shuhua sobbed. She was just a young person in love with the same girl for years now, and it didn’t help that her love just continued to grow day by day along with the pain.
Soyeon hugged and listened quietly for a few more hours, until the roads were completely empty. The leader made sure the youngest member was all cried out, and to see Shuhua walk into the apartment complex, before going home to hers.
Shuhua felt drained, but she did feel a little lighter after crying out all her stress and being comforted by Soyeon. If it wasn’t Soojin listening to her problems, it was Soyeon, even though she preferred to keep it to herself and talk to the moon instead.
It was about three in the morning when she finally got home. Shuhua expected Miyeon and Soojin to be fast asleep already, but a light in the kitchen said otherwise.
Once she lightly shut the door, footsteps staggered towards her in a hurry, and the girl she had been crying over was coming towards her in a state of worry.
“Where have you been?” Soojin questioned, a scolding tone to her voice.
Shuhua avoided her eyes, wanting to hide the puffiness and redness. “I was just with Soyeon at the park.” She honestly said, trying to escape by walking past Soojin and into her room, but the older girl just quickly followed in her trail.
“Why didn’t you wait for me? Like you always do..” Soojin’s voice was a little quieter this time, a hint of disappointment in her voice. Shuhua didn’t respond, opening her closet instead, and picking out her sleeping clothes.
“Yeh Shuhua, talk to me.” Soojin said, her voice soft like it always is. Even if she was frustrated or angry, her voice always remained soft.
“What do you want me to say? You know how I feel about you, Soojin. Did you think I was just gonna stay there when you were with him?” Shuhua sighed, closing her closet doors and leaning her forehead against it. She didn’t want to raise her voice, worried that she’ll wake up Miyeon, and especially worried that she’ll scare Soojin. The older girl didn’t like being yelled at. Her anxiety would sky rocket, and she’ll end up in tears.
“I’m sorry… I didn’t realize…” Soojin sounded guilty. She saw the way Shuhua couldn’t even face her, and her heart hurt. Soojin was aware that some of the things she does, unintentionally of course, hurt Shuhua, but she didn’t know what else to do.
“Shuhua… look at me..” Soojin pleaded, taking slow steps towards her.
“I don’t want you to be upset with me.” Soojin reached for her, hugging her from behind and resting her chin on the younger girl’s shoulder.
“Hui only asked if I could sing the demo for a song he’s making for a TV show.” Soojin explained, turning her head to see if she could catch a glimpse of Shuhua’s face through their position.
“Why are you telling me this?” Shuhua questioned, leaving Soojin confused. The older girl was aware that this was the reason why Shuhua was so upset, so of course she was going to explain herself. She didn’t want Shuhua to be mad at her, and avoid her. Soojin wanted them to be okay.
“B-because that’s the reason why you’re upset with me?” Soojin said, sounding almost like a question, and Shuhua hated it.
“I’m not upset with you. You don’t have to explain yourself. Especially not to me.You don’t even like me like that. ” Shuhua said, giving a reassuring tap on the arms that were holding her tightly. Soojin lowered her arms, pained at the distance in Shuhua’s voice, but what was she expecting?
“Shuhua…” Soojin was surely close to crying at this point. Frustrated at herself that she couldn’t just tell the other girl how she truly felt for her. Soojin couldn’t even admit it to herself.