“I love you, Hyukjae,” Donghae repeats, pulling back to actually look him in the eyes. Donghae’s expression takes Hyukjae’s breath away: even though he looks shaken from his nightmare and the onslaught of memories, the adoration that shines clear as day in his eyes. It’s intense, but it’s exactly how Hyukjae feels every time he looks at Donghae as well.

“I love you too. So much,” Hyukjae says and kisses him. He’s mindful to make sure not to hurt Donghae as he does so, Donghae has no such restrictions, his hands grabbing all over Hyukjae’s upper body. When they pull apart, Donghae falls into his arms, his hands grabbing tightly onto the material of Hyukjae’s shirt.

“Hyukjae… I don’t want to go back to sleep,” he mutters. Hyukjae rubs Donghae’s back.

"Okay, that's fine," he says. "Do you want to go to the living room? I can make some hot chocolate."

"Can you handle that?" Donghae mutters.

"Mean," Hyukjae says, kissing the top of Donghae's head. "I'm a barista, in case you've forgotten. But you can supervise."

Hyukjae pries himself free, his heart breaking at Donghae's distressed whine.

"Sorry, sorry," Hyukjae mutters. He grabs a throw blanket from the closet and wraps it around his boyfriend. "Come on, let's make some hot chocolate."

Donghae follows Hyukjae out to the kitchen, but clings to him rather than sitting down.

"Okay little koala," Hyukjae says. "Do you want dark or milk chocolate?"

"Dark," Donghae mutters, directly into his back. 

Hyukjae has to awkwardly shuffle around the kitchen to get the hot chocolate powder, with Donghae basically attached to his back like a limpet.

"Are you going to let go at all, babe?" Hyukjae asks mildly as the milk is heating up. Donghae shakes his head. "Okay then."

It isn't until the hot chocolate is finished that Donghae finally detaches himself to take the cup. 

They head over to the couch and Donghae sits in the corner. The blanket is wrapped tightly around him so that just his head pokes out. He's holding the cup through the blanket. He watches as Donghae tries to curl up, only to stop with a hiss of pain. Hyukjae grabs Donghae's cup before it can tilt over and spill. 

"Careful, babe," Hyukjae says.

"Sorry," Donghae mutters. Hyukjae holds onto the cup until Donghae settles and hands it back to him. "Thank you."

Hyukjae sits next to his boyfriend, watching as he sips tentatively at his hot chocolate.

"Can you talk to me?" Donghae asks quietly after a few minutes of silence. "I want to hear your voice." Hyukjae nods, thinking about what to talk about.

"I started watching One Piece," he says and Donghae nods, not looking particularly surprised.

"I know," he says. Hyukjae frowns.

"How did you know? I never told you."

"I… You didn't?" Donghae says. "I remember you saying you were watching it. It made me happy when you told me you finally started it."

"I—The only time I told you that was when you were in the ICU," Hyukjae says. Donghae blinks a few times, looking down at his cup.

"...Oh," he says. He shudders a little bit. “Oh. I—uh—I don’t like to think about that. It makes me uncomfortable, thinking about uh… death. And that other stuff.”

“We don’t have to mention it,” Hyukjae says, quickly changing the subject. “I watched up until the Alabasta arc.”

“Really? That’s so far in.”

“I had a lot of time,” Hyukjae says. “We can watch it now if you want?”

"Okay," Donghae says. 

They watch until the morning, interrupted when Heechul and Leeteuk show up at the door. They have breakfast as well as Donghae's guitar and laptop in hand. It's a pleasant breakfast, Donghae seeming much happier by the time they leave the house for Donghae's physical therapy appointment.

⸺

Hyukjae had hoped, perhaps naively, that because Donghae seemed relatively happy throughout the day, the nightmares would be just a one-off thing.

He is wrong.

The next few nights are a struggle—Donghae wakes up every night screaming. He's nearly inconsolable, and it takes Hyukjae around thirty minutes each time to sufficiently calm him down.

It hurts, to see Donghae so terrified, shaking and crying and unable to stop. 

From what Hyukjae can piece together from Donghae's babbles as he cries, Donghae's remembering that night with more and more clarity. And besides night terrors about getting injured, Donghae also tells him of dreaming of suffocating, which Hyukjae realizes are nightmares about being on a ventilator. 

It's gotten bad enough, in the past three days, that Donghae has basically refused to sleep at night, opting to nap during the day instead, where he doesn’t sleep long enough to dream. But those naps are clearly not enough, especially given that Donghae is healing and needs rest. Hyukjae can already see how badly it's starting to affect his boyfriend: his skin is pale, dark circles under his eyes, and he's started moving through the day with extreme lethargy. And the lack of sleep is also making it difficult for Donghae to gain any weight at all. If anything, he's losing weight he can't afford to lose.

It's starting to scare him, because if this continues, Donghae might have to be readmitted.

He glances over at Donghae who's just finished curling up on the couch across from him, clearly ready to stay stubbornly awake for yet another night.

"Babe, you have to sleep," Hyukjae pleads. Donghae looks up at him.

"I don't want to," he mutters. His hands had started shaking the moment Hyukjae had mentioned sleeping at night.

"You need to rest and you're not getting it," Hyukjae says. "I'm worried about you." Donghae curls up on himself tighter.

"I don't—I'm scared," Donghae whispers, shaking his head. 

“I’m here,” Hyukjae murmurs back because there’s nothing else he can really think to say. "But let's try? One more time?"

Donghae gnaws on his lower lip,  considering.

"Fine," he says. 

“I’ll make you some tea first, okay?” Hyukjae says. “You can go to bed.”

Donghae shuffles off to the bedroom and Hyukjae goes to the kitchen, happy to find some chamomile tea in the cupboard. It should be good to help Donghae sleep, and while Hyukjae doesn’t think it will do much for his nightmares, at least it should help him relax a little.

Donghae has pulled the covers completely over his head so there’s only a lump on his bed.

“Babe,” Hyukjae says and Donghae emerges, pouting at him. “Here.”

“Thank you,” Donghae mutters, taking the cup from him so Hyukjae can get into bed with him. His boyfriend takes his sweet time finishing the tea before he puts the cup onto the side table. 

“Come on,” Hyukjae says, holding his arm up so Donghae can snuggle close. “Good night.”

“Good night.”

He can see Donghae fighting sleep every step of the way, but eventually, he does fall asleep holding onto Hyukjae’s shirt.

For a few hours, nothing happens. Hyukjae wakes up every hour and when he sees Donghae still asleep the fourth time he wakes, he is cautiously optimistic that Donghae might sleep through the night. But just as he's about to drift off again, Donghae shoots upright with a scream. The scream becomes terrified tears and Hyukjae quickly turns on the light and pulls Donghae into his arms. He mutters calming words to Donghae and rubs his back as his boyfriend sobs, which at this point he's learned is all he can really do to offer Donghae comfort.

"Your appointment with your doctor is tomorrow," Hyukjae says softly when Donghae starts hiccuping away the last of his tears. "We can ask her if it's possible to get some sleeping pills because this is not a solution. You need sleep. Sleeping pills should be able to tide over your night terrors until you can sort out more of your memories and issues with a therapist."

"Do you think it will work?" Donghae says, tucking closer to him. Hyukjae sighs. 

"I don't know," he says. "It could. It might not. But at this point, anything that could help, we'll try, right?"

"Okay," Donghae whispers, but the lack of any kind of hope in his voice is upsetting to hear. 

"Okay," Hyukjae repeats. "Then let's go to the couch, yeah?"

⸺

"Everything is healing well," Dr. Kim says as she finishes her checkup the next day. Hyukjae gives Donghae a hand to put his shirt back on as she continues talking: "But your weight is a concern and I can tell you're exhausted. This kind of stress on your body isn't good for you."

Donghae bites his lip and nods. She glances over at Hyukjae for a second before she turns back to her computer.

"Any reason in particular you haven't been sleeping?" she asks.

"He's been getting night terrors," Hyukjae fills in when Donghae doesn't say anything. "Very bad ones."

Dr. Kim nods.

"Well, I can't say that's a surprise," she says. "That's definitely going to be something to talk through with your therapist, but in the meantime, I can prescribe something to help." 

She types something up and a few seconds later, pulls a paper from her printer. She hands it to Donghae, who hands it to Hyukjae. 

"We'll try this for the week and you can tell me if it works, okay?" she says and Donghae nods.

Hyukjae hopes it'll work because he can see that Donghae's reaching the end of his rope. And Hyukjae's starting to feel the weight of it as well. 

⸺

That night, after they'd finished showering and getting ready for bed, Hyukjae picks up Donghae's newest medication to add to the list of painkillers and antibiotics.

Prazosin, the label reads. Hyukjae doesn't recognize the drug, but a quick google search tells him that it's a medication commonly used for PTSD-related nightmares. He just hopes and prays it will work. He takes one out of the bottle along with all of Donghae's other medications before grabbing a glass of water and heading to the bedroom.

"Here," he says, handing them to Donghae. He crawls into bed as his boyfriend takes his medication. He puts the glass down on the side table when Donghae's finished with it and opens his arms when Donghae gets close.

His boyfriend gets close, hugging him tightly.

"I don't want to have another nightmare," he mutters. 

"You won't," Hyukjae says. "It'll be okay."

"Okay," Donghae says. He can see Donghae is trying not to sleep but is ultimately fighting a losing battle. Hyukjae doesn't comment on it, instead gently massaging the muscles of Donghae's uninjured side until his boyfriend finally falls asleep.

He falls asleep not long after and the next time he wakes up, it's to the feeling of the sun warming his face. Hyukjae's eyes shoot open and he glances over to his side. Donghae is next to him, his hair splayed out around him on the pillow and his face peaceful and lax in sleep.

Hyukjae can hardly believe his eyes. He sits up slowly, careful not to do anything that could wake his boyfriend. Donghae's grabbing onto his arm so Hyukjae has to pry himself free.

He stands, stretching. It's not just the first full night's sleep Donghae had gotten since getting home, it's also the first full night's sleep Hyukjae had gotten as well. It feels great and Hyukjae is elated that the Prazosin has worked. 

Donghae can finally start healing. And that's the most important part.

He kisses Donghae on the cheek and his boyfriend doesn't even stir. He chuckles softly to himself. 

"I love you," he whispers before heading off to the bathroom. He takes his time getting ready, especially since he hasn’t had any time to himself in a while. He loves his boyfriend so much that sometimes it feels like he’s going to explode with it, but he does like having some time alone. He opts to take a long, hot bath. When he’s done with that, he calls a nearby breakfast place, ordering some waffles.

They have some ice cream in the freezer so it’s going to be a fun breakfast.

When the waffles arrive, Hyukjae sets up the table, takes out the ice cream so it can melt enough to be scooped, and then heads back to the bedroom to wake Donghae. He takes a second to admire Donghae’s sleeping form—adorable and peaceful and sparking something tender in his heart. He bends down, gently shaking Donghae’s shoulder. 

Donghae doesn’t stir.

He shakes his shoulder a little harder and finally, Donghae shifts. He lets out a little mewl, his face scrunching in displeasure at being awoken as he turns and buries his face into his pillow.

“Donghae,” Hyukjae coos. “Breakfast is ready.”

He waits. Donghae gingerly turns, accommodating his injury as he does so, and looks up at him with sleepy eyes.

“Breakfast?” he asks, his voice a little hoarse from just waking up and his eyes bleary. 

“Yeah,” Hyukjae says, smiling. “Guess who slept through the night?” 

Donghae sits up, rubbing at his eyes. 

“It worked,” he says, his voice dripping with awe. He smiles up at him, his eyes bright and his teeth proudly on display from the size of his smile. “It worked!”

“It did,” Hyukjae says. He knows it’s not a long-term solution, but it’s everything that Donghae needs right now until he’s in a more stable position. Donghae laughs a little, wiping away the tears that have started falling down his cheeks.

“I slept,” he mutters. 

“I’m so glad you did,” Hyukjae says, his voice cracking a little. He kisses Donghae on the temple. “Come on, I bought us waffles.”

⸺

Donghae being able to sleep without night terrors is a game-changer. The medication doesn’t stop the nightmares completely, but gone are the nights of screaming and crying. Some nights there are no nightmares at all and even on the bad nights, the content of his dreams are milder, less vivid, and Donghae is able to fall back asleep again relatively quickly.

For the most part, Donghae still spends a lot of time during the day sleeping as well, catching up on what he lost on those sleepless nights. And Hyukjae spends a lot of that time fussing. It's very difficult for Hyukjae to let Donghae out of his sight for even a second. But by the time the second week home together is over, Hyukjae can tell the fussing is starting to get on Donghae's nerves.

Of course, his boyfriend, being the sweet angel he is, doesn't say anything, letting Hyukjae continue doing what makes him happy. He's probably the best patient Hyukjae has ever experienced, bless his soul and his patience. But Hyukjae can see the annoyance in Donghae's eyes whenever Hyukjae swoops in to do something for him, no matter how hard he tries to hide it.

"Hey, babe?" Hyukjae says. Donghae, who is currently sitting between his legs with his back against Hyukjae's chest reading a book, tilts his head back to look up at him. 

"Mm?" 

Hyukjae smiles down at him, noting with pleasure that the bruise on his throat and his cheek have healed to the point where it's barely visible. And the dark circles are almost gone too; it's amazing to see Donghae looking so much better.

"Let's go out for groceries, and then you can cook something tonight?" he asks because Donghae's mobility has increased exponentially over the last week. A good first step to independence.

Donghae face brightens, his smile wide.

"Really?" he says and Hyukjae laughs, kissing his forehead. He's never seen anyone quite so happy to be allowed to cook before. 

"Yes really," he says and Donghae turns so he can kiss him properly on the lips. It's a very authoritative kiss, a 'thank you' and an 'I love you' all in one.

"What do you want me to make?" Donghae asks when he's finished making Hyukjae see stars. His blinks, his brain blank.

"Uh," is all he says and Donghae laughs, getting up.

"Dalkgalbi? Bibimbap? Kimchi?"

"All of the above?" Hyukjae offers and Donghae punches him on the arm. 

"That's too much," he says. Hyukjae winces slightly.

"Well just bibimbap and kimchi, then," he says. "And if you make more we can just have the leftovers tomorrow."

"Okay," Donghae says. "Are we going now? Can we go to the park together too?"

"If you want," Hyukjae says. Donghae nods planting a deliberately wet kiss onto his cheek. 

"I love you," he says, because ever since that night and the first time he's said it, he's been obsessed with saying it every chance he can get. Not that Hyukjae is complaining or anything.

"I love you too," Hyukjae says. He moves to get up, only to realize that his legs have fallen asleep from Donghae sitting on them and nearly falls on his face. He stumbles, barely managing to catch himself and Donghae throws his head back, cackling at his misfortune.

“Ah, stop making fun of me, this is your fault,” Hyukjae says, but in reality, he’s just happy to see Donghae laughing like that again.

They get dressed quickly to go out—Donghae is practically vibrating out of his skin with excitement as he waits for Hyukjae to finish. Their routine for the past while had simply consisted of Hyukjae accompanying Donghae to his various appointments and then going home. Donghae would nap on and off and then they'd watch reality television when Donghae is awake. The only real human contact Donghae gets beside himself and his doctors is when his brothers drop by every once in a while.

It's a little boring and it's obvious Donghae is going stir crazy.

“Okay babe,” Hyukjae says, laughing as he takes his boyfriend’s hand as they head out th