Hyukjae shoots upright an unknown amount of time later, a scream stuck in his throat and the haunting sound of the monotone sound of a flatline echoing in his ears. He scrambles out of bed and nearly trips on his pants in his haste to get dressed. But eventually, he manages to pull on some sweatpants and a sweater and bolts out the door.

"Hyukjae!" Yesung says the moment he catches sight of him exiting the bedroom. "Where do you think you're going?"

"I—I need to see Donghae," he says, because he needs to confirm that his boyfriend is alive, needs to see him alive and breathing. 

"Hyukjae, you only slept for three hours," Yesung says and Hyukjae doesn't care, he can sleep later. 

"Yesung, please," Hyukjae pleads, his voice cracking. Yesung's gaze searches his face for a second before his expression softens and he heaves a sigh. 

"Fine," he says. "Come on, I don't want you falling over in the street."

Yesung hails them a taxi to get to the hospital. Hyukjae runs his way up to the stairs to Donghae’s room. He stops momentarily at the door to compose himself before he walks into the room, his gaze first flickering to the monitors, to confirm that Donghae's heart is still beating, that it really was only a dream. He nearly sags in relief when he sees the monitors showing a healthy heart rate and Donghae looks peacefully asleep, even with the bruising and oxygen mask on his face.

Hyukjae makes his way over to Donghae, gently cupping his boyfriend's cheek, grounding himself with the feeling of warm, smooth skin beneath his hand.

"Donghae…" he whispers, taking in a shaky breath. He drops down in the chair and takes Donghae's hand in his own. He rests his head on Donghae's arm and outstretches his other arm so it's resting on Donghae's chest. He closes his eyes, savouring that he can feel Donghae's chest rise and fall, unaided by any machines and can feel Donghae's heart beating under his hand.

"I missed you," he whispers, his voice lost in the crook of Donghae's arm. "I missed talking to you. I missed hearing your voice."

⸺

Hyukjae doesn’t remember falling asleep again, but he must have because he comes back to awareness to the feeling of someone patting his head. Hyukjae frowns, carefully grabbing onto the person’s wrist as he lifts his head.

He hears a breathy giggle as he does so and Hyukjae’s eyes widen, whipping his gaze over to Donghae. His boyfriend is looking at him with half-lidded eyes, still looking tired but his gaze has a refreshing sparkle of amusement to it.

“Hi Hyukkie,” he says, his voice still muffled by the mask. Hyukjae flounders for a few seconds, his eyes a little teary as he smiles.

“Hi babe,” he says. “How are you feeling?”

“Okay,” Donghae says. His boyfriend grimaces, moving to try and remove the oxygen mask, but Hyukjae grabs his hand before he can do so.

“That stays,” he says firmly. Donghae pouts a little but obeys, dropping his hand. Hyukjae nods, leaning close and kissing Donghae on the forehead. 

“What day is it?” Donghae asks as Hyukjae sits down again. Hyukjae blinks, actually having to think about it for a second.

“It’s Wednesday,” he says. Donghae squeezes Hyukjae’s hand lightly.

“How long…”

“About a week,” Hyukjae says, the back of Donghae’s hand with his thumb. And it was the longest week of Hyukjae’s life.

“Oh,” Donghae mutters. 

“Did you wake up before this?” Hyukjae asks. Donghae frowns.

“I don’t… did I?” he asks. He’s starting to look a little distressing at not remembering, which isn’t something that he should be too worried about. 

“No, don’t worry about it,” Hyukjae says. “It doesn’t matter anyway.” 

“...Okay then,” Donghae mutters. Hyukjae can see his boyfriend is already starting to drift off again.

“Are you tired, babe?” Hyukjae teases. Donghae shakes his head.

“No,” he insists. 

“Donghae, just sleep, it’s okay,” Hyukjae reassures. “We can talk when you wake up again.”

“Kiss?” Donghae asks and Hyukjae laughs, caught off guard by the request. He laughs for the first time since Donghae had been hurt, and he laughs freely.

“As you wish,” he says when he finally stops laughing and gets up, moving the oxygen mask just for a second to peck Donghae on the lips. His boyfriend's lips are chapped, dried out from being continuously exposed to high oxygen concentrations. Even so, Donghae's lips on his is still the best feeling in the world. "Do you want some water before you go back to sleep?"

Donghae nods, humming sleepily, so Hyukjae fills a glass. He holds the straw as Donghae drinks and by the time Hyukjae puts the glass down, Donghae is asleep again. 

⸺

He thought the nightmares would stop, given that Donghae was now clearly on the road to recovery. He was wrong.

Donghae spends the next three days waking up periodically throughout the day for a few minutes at a time. He often doesn’t remember the conversations they have the next time he wakes up (asking Hyukjae the day and how long he’d been out every single time he wakes up), but it is normal, so Hyukjae takes it all in stride. Donghae’s coherence increases with every passing day. He's able to hold longer and longer conversations, several minutes turning into several hours at a time.

And during those three days, Hyukjae wakes up every night with the same heart-racing nightmare of Donghae dying. On the fourth day, Hyukjae gives up trying to sleep at home. Instead, he takes to sleeping on the small couch in Donghae’s room. It works wonders for his nightmares, allowing him to get a relatively good night’s sleep with Donghae within arm's reach.

He wakes up that morning feeling fresher than he has in a long time. 

He sits up and stretches, automatically looking over at Donghae. His boyfriend is curled up on the bed, and since they had taken him off oxygen yesterday, his face is buried into the Togepi plush Hyukjae had brought him. Hyukjae smiles softly, moving closer to Donghae. He runs his hand through his boyfriend's hair, scratching lightly at his scalp.

Donghae stirs, his nose scrunching up a little like a kitten before he opens his eyes. He blinks up at Hyukjae for a few seconds before he smiles.

"Good morning," Hyukjae says.

"Morning," Donghae murmurs, rubbing at his eyes with his fist. 

"How are you feeling?"

Donghae blinks at him for a second before he bites his lip and looks away. "I need to pee."

His cheeks flush at the admission, but Hyukjae pays it no mind.

"Okay," he says. "Do you think you need a wheelchair or can you stand?"

"I can stand," Donghae says quickly and Hyukjae raises an eyebrow.

"Are you sure?" 

Donghae nods, his face set in a way that Hyukjae recognizes as stubborn determination. Hyukjae sighs and holds out his hand, which Donghae takes. Hyukjae bears most of Donghae's weight as they hobble to the bathroom together. 

Hyukjae stays in the bathroom, just to make sure his boyfriend doesn't brain himself on the toilet or something equally horrific. When Donghae's finished, Hyukjae wets a towel for Donghae to wipe his face before they head back to bed. 

Hyukjae fusses with the covers and with Donghae's IV. Donghae tracks his every move silently. Hyukjae is about finished when Donghae grabs his wrist.

"What… What happened to me?" Donghae asks and Hyukjae stiffens.

"You don't remember?" he asks delicately. Donghae shakes his head. Hyukjae sighs, reaching out, his fingers trembling as they ghost over the bandage on Donghae's head. He lets out another shaky breath before he bends down to kiss his boyfriend's cheek. Donghae moves at the last second, so the kiss actually lands on the corner of Donghae's lips.

"Sneaky," Hyukjae mutters. Donghae gives him a small smile.

"Are you going to tell me?" he says and Hyukjae sighs.

“It’s best if I don’t,” he says. Donghae's face falls, his arms wrapping around his abdomen. 

"The doctor said I was stabbed," Donghae says and Hyukjae's heart drops. Donghae's hand goes up to his throat, where the bruises have only just started to fade. "I don't—I mean. There's only one person who could have done that, isn't there?"

He says it so casually as if it's no big deal. Hyukjae lets out a breath and leans in, pressing another kiss to Donghae's hair. It's a little matted and smells like antiseptic from days of not being washed, but Hyukae can still make out Donghae's scent. He savours it before he pulls back.

"Try not to think too much about it, okay babe?" he murmurs. "Your memory will come back in time." But Hyukjae hopes to hell it doesn't. He hopes with all his heart that Donghae will continue to live without remembering that horrific night, so he can live without that burden.

He knows he wishes he could forget.

"Okay," Donghae says quietly. "Then… do you know where he is?"

"Gone," Hyukjae snarls, so harshly that Donghae flinches. Hyukjae quickly schools his face, grabbing onto Donghae's hand. "He's gone for good. You don't have to worry about him."

Donghae looks apprehensive.

"You guys didn't… kill him, right?"

Hyukjae lets out a startled laugh, caught off guard.

"No, nobody murdered anybody," Hyukjae says. He pauses."Though I'm sure Heechul would jump at the chance. And Siwon's barely holding back. I wouldn't be opposed to the idea, to be honest."

Donghae shakes his head.

"You're all ridiculous," he mutters.

"Ridiculous for loving you?" Hyukjae counters. Donghae shrinks in on himself and doesn't say anything, which an answer all on its own. Hyukjae's face falls. "Why... Why do you feel that way, babe?"

Donghae shakes his head again, wiping furiously at his eyes with the back of his hand.

"I don’t know. I'm being stupid," he says. "I know you all l-love me, but I just, I just don't know."

"Your feelings aren't stupid," Hyukjae says. He sits down on the edge of the bed. "You know… I saw those messages."

Donghae's eyes widen.

"I—I'm sorry," he says. 

"Don't apologize, babe," Hyukjae says. "You know those things are completely untrue, right?"

"Y-yes," Donghae says. 

"And I just wanted to say that if something like that ever happens again, we can help, Donghae. You don't have to do any of this alone," Hyukjae continues. Donghae looks away.

"I didn't want to bother you," he mutters. "Everything was going so well, and I was so happy. And then suddenly he was back and I just wanted him to go away, he was this stain on my life I just wanted to wipe clean. And I didn't want it infecting everything else as well." Donghae tugs lightly at Hyukjae's arm and Hyukjae throws caution out the window and crawls onto the bed with his boyfriend.

"I understand that," Hyukjae says softly, drawing idle circles on the bare skin of Donghae's arm. He takes a shaky breath. "But...I was there when they brought you in. I saw how bad it was. How close you got to… d-dying." 

Donghae shifts closer to him, letting Hyukjae cling to him. Hyukjae does so gladly, drawing as much comfort as he can from the touch while still being mindful of Donghae's injuries.

"It's okay," Donghae says. "I'm here now."

Hyukjae shakes his head, burying his nose in Donghae's hair. He shifts his hand so it's resting on Donghae's chest and he closes his eyes, counting the strong beats he can feel beneath his hand. It's a comfort, to feel it, the certainty that Donghae is alive.

"It was too close," he says. "Never again, you hear me?"

"Okay Hyukjae," Donghae whispers. "Never again. I promise."

Hyukjae nuzzles further into Donghae's hair, pressing a kiss to his boyfriend's scalp. 

"I'll hold you to it," he says. He stays on the bed with Donghae in his arms for a few minutes longer before he reluctantly extracts himself. He stands up just as a kind, older-looking nurse knocks on the door and enters the room with a wheelchair.

"Good afternoon Donghae. How's my favourite patient doing today?" she says cheerfully and Donghae beams at her. It's the kind of smile that lights up the room and a smile that Hyukjae had missed so badly in the last week and a half. The sight of that smile is like balm on Hyukjae's frayed soul and Hyukjae savours it.

"I'm okay," Donghae says. "And how are you? I know you said you had a night shift, so you must be tired." The nurse's cheerful smile takes on a softer, fonder edge as she brings the wheelchair to Donghae's bedside. Of course, Donghae's already charmed the nurses.

Hyukjae isn't even surprised.

"I'm perfect," she says. "And you have a physical therapy appointment."

Donghae deflates a little at the statement.

"Can Hyukjae come with me?"

The nurse shakes her head. "I'm afraid not."

Donghae deflates further and Hyukjae reaches out, patting his boyfriend lightly on the head.

"I can go out and buy you lunch while I wait," Hyukjae says. "What do you want to eat?"

Donghae lights up at the suggestion and then looks contemplative.

"I want tteokbokki," he says. Hyukjae glances at the nurse for permission and she nods. 

"As long as it isn't spicy, it's okay," she says. 

"Okay then, non-spicy tteokbokki it is," Hyukjae says. He leans down and Donghae meets him in the middle for a quick kiss. "I'll see you soon, babe."

Truthfully, he says that last bit more for his own benefit than for Donghae. He doesn't want to leave his boyfriend, at all. It feels like an itch under Hyukjae's skin, whenever Donghae isn't in his direct line of sight. 

There's a voice in the back of his head, listing the possibilities of what could happen while he's gone. It's a foreboding thrum of apprehension that leaves him jittery and jumpy. He had initially wanted to try and enjoy some fresh air, but it's a futile effort.

Hyukjae finds a good tteokbokki place on google, makes his purchase, and heads straight back to the hospital. There's still half an hour before Donghae is finished, so Hyukjae heads up to the breakroom to wait. 

He ends up drifting off a little on one of the couches, only to snap awake, heart racing from the same nightmare he's been having for days. He sits up and then promptly recoils when he sees Yesung sitting on one of the chairs across from him, staring at him with narrow eyes.

"What the , how long have you been there?" Hyukjae groans, slumping back onto the couch. Yesung raises an eyebrow.

"How long have you been having these nightmares?" he counters. Hyukjae straightens, frowning. 

"I don't see how that's any of your business," he says. 

"It's my business because you're my friend," Yesung snaps. "Look at you, you're barely holding yourself together. You're ready to fall apart at the seams."

"I am not," Hyukjae says. "I'm fine."

Sure the nightmares are… difficult, but ultimately not an issue.

"Bull."

"I don't know what you want me to say," Hyukjae says.

"What I want is for you to admit you need help!" Yesung yells and Hyukjae stands.

"I don't."

"You do! You put on a brave face in front of Donghae, but you're not fine!" Yesung is standing now, panting a little from yelling. "What happens when you do fall apart? What do you think Donghae—"

"Don't."

Yesung stops.

"Don't bring Donghae into this argument," Hyukjae says. He doesn't wait for Yesung's response, getting up, grabbing the food, and leaving the breakroom before they could devolve into a full screaming match in the middle of a hospital.

He takes the stairs back to Donghae's room, feeling a little calmer. He shakes off the last of his anger as heads towards the door.

He stops just outside when he sees Donghae's mom and Heechul talking with his boyfriend.

"I don't want to go back to Mokpo!" Hyukjae hears Donghae say, sounding distressed. "I can stay here, it's fine."

Hangsook lets out an aggravated sigh.

"You'll need someone to help you around for the next few weeks," she says. "And your doctor has already given me a list of physical therapists and psychiatrists back home."

"I can s