We live our own life now. You with your paradise and me… with my own,

Sure she had said that out of anger and disappointment and not an ounce of regret are coming off from her, she had made herself clear that she wants nothing to do with Mina anymore. But, why did she find herself hiding behind the big oak tree watching someone she loves cries herself out in the park they always stayed in after school. A sacred place for them to bare of all their feelings and confession.

It breaks her heart seeing Mina alone sobbing and tearing up without any consolation and Jeongyeon couldn’t give her one because she decide it would be better for her and Mina. Her head fall heavy on the tree, constricted from holding on too much pressure to cry, a silent tear fall down on her lips from when she force her eyes closed. She could feel her heart bleeding and it hurts her so much she wanted to just stop breathing. She falls down on the sandy floor, not minding the dirt sticking to her.

She need to stop herself from going there and comfort Mina, to say sorry for all the things she had said before, to start over and act like it was nothing, to back to being friends, to back to time where she never realized the feeling she had for the girl and to never fall for her.

But she can’t.

She needed Mina to hate her, to spite on her every being, to throw shade every now and then so that her heart would shatter to pieces and never would heal again.

So that one day she could say that she once loved – Myoui Mina.

---

Everything started to spinning in weird direction, all too fast and so confusing. A deep frown scrunching on her face, her eyes concentrated on different pictures and soon her body becomes light as a feather and she lost her balancing before making contact with the hardwood floor. Her head bounce back from the hard fall and the last thing visible was the ball rolling further away from her.

Mina had heard from the librarian that Jeongyeon had a fall inside the court and pass out. She runs with all her might leaving all of her stuff alone inside and her shoes. Her bare feet seem to know where it’ll be taking her though with little steps, she was fast enough to reach the nurse room in minutes, given that the room wasn’t all that far from the library.

The dark hair wasn’t thinking when she heard the news of Jeongyeon in pain even though the blonde athlete despise her, she shoved away the hurt she feel days ago when her friend had wanted nothing to do with her. She couldn’t bear knowing Jeongyeon was hurt and alone.

But Jeongyeon wasn’t alone, accompany her on the bed is Nayeon with her hand holding tight on the blonde small one, she look sad and far more concern on the laying athlete right now. Mina stop in her tracks, the shallow voice she heard just before she ran away rings clearly inside her mind now – Nayeon found her.

Mina was too late, she’s not wanted anymore, Jeongyeon had made herself clear and still Mina in dazed, still barely accepting that they weren’t that close anymore.

She never like the older unnie for Jeongyeon before, the mere presence of her bring nothing but dispute to their relationship but now it seems like Nayeon is just anywhere the blonde is, where Mina used to belong to. It was hard for the dark hair girl accepting that Jeongyeon no longer in need for her, that there’ll someone exist who could love Jeongyeon with all her heart and that someone is Nayeon.

So she left with her world crumbled down on her feet.

Flashback

“I like you, Jeongyeon” she spoke in a soft voice, Jeongyeon strained to listen over the noise of traffics, one or likely multiple shout can be heard pass between the street.

What has changed the mood, they gone out for a little hang out together, having most of the time together, sharing tasty food, exchanging opinion in everything and just a second ago they were just laughing over a guy who trip over nothing and fall face on the ground. They were happy and enjoying most of themselves.

She know not to read so much on the confession, maybe it was a spurt in the moment but the seriousness crown on her make Jeongyeon question the honesty in every word.

Couldn’t process the sudden confession, the blonde athlete look as a dumb girl and the girl could almost believe that Jeongyeon hadn’t heard her confession so she tried again, this time taking her hand in her slightly bigger palm a distance she feel was safe before she could project any kind of physical contact.

“I think I’m in love with you” the voice heavy and clear, the loud noises was muted by honesty and sincerity delivered in that speech.

Jeongyeon eyes waver with such blinding gaze, a beautiful dark eye just like nightfall. She used to her laughing like an idiot, whining just like a child, pouting over a small matter but she had never seen her more confident than right now.

She was so sure of herself. No wonders she got so many heartbreaks.

She could for someone like Jeongyeon, whom are far more idiot than her – to fall for her best friend.

***

“Do you still love her?”

They were having a break at the moment and Jeongyeon was in relaxed position, sitting with her leg wide open – not minding the manners, she was enjoying the cool windy breeze at the rooftop of her class.

The conversation wasn’t all expected by the slightly taller athlete but she was all too familiar with the sudden mood changes with her. She looks at the birds fly so freely on the wide clear skies, how complete it must feel to be free of expectation – just to fly away.

“How do you stop liking someone, unnie?”

That question sure get them thinking so hard, there is no clear answer on how to stop loving someone. You care so much of their happiness but you just wish that it was with you and no one else. But that not how the world functions, if so, no one should ever suffer from heartbreaks and disappointment.

“Fair enough… let me help you, Jeong” she was serious, the feeling she had for the younger girl hasn’t subside down even a little, she grows to love her more each day even when she know it was hopeless.

“I can’t let you do that unnie” the blonde change her position from sitting to stand in front of her admirer, a trouble looks display on her face. “I don’t want that, I can’t promise that your sacrifice would change the feeling I had for her”,

“It was stupid, I don’t want you to hurt yourself… I don’t want you to suffer in between, don’t do something that would hurt you, don’t do anything stupid”

Jeongyeon look so convincing with her soft touch on her face, she would be a better lover for her but she just wasn’t the one – maybe in another lifetime.

“You’re precious to me, Nayeon”

***

It was hopeless the tears shed for the younger girl would go unnoticed. It was heartbreaking seeing someone she loves hurting herself for the love that wasn’t meant for her.

It wasn’t supposed to be this hard and Nayeon gave up entirely on her knowing that Mina will always be the one for Jeongyeon, no matter how precious their relationship is – Nayeon couldn’t compare to the oblivious Mina.

She cried so hard, suppressing thousands of emotion for the blonde she had always loves.

“Idiot” she bit hard her lips, her white collar crumpled from being grip too hard, she tried too hard holding her tears but all in vain when she see the innocence Jeongyeon, the one she fall in love with laying on the bed helplessly.

So she ran away from the room and broke out huge cries, wailing at her heart from seeing her loves one being so weak and so broken.

***

Jeongyeon open her eyes slowly, adjusting to the brightness of the room her head feel heavy from having spent too much time in the darkness. How long she had been sleeping here – did I fell asleep?

“Thank god you awake now, how are you feeling?”

Her body felt heavy and numb like she tired herself, trying to wake up from her position a firm hold held her body tighter and helped her lean on the head of the bed.

Now sitting on the bed, she could clearly see the person speaking to her before.

She did not expect her at all.

Jihyo pour her a glass of water and helped Jeongyeon drinking from the glass, she was too vulnerable to even hold a cup of water.

“How long I was out?” her voice was deep and hoarse.

“The whole day, we’re worried about you”

“We…?”

“Nayeon, she found you unconscious at the court…” she felt warm and comfortable when Jihyo draped her body with a white blanket that had fall down when she was struggling to wake up before. “She make a quite fuss in the staff room earlier, she was so worried”

“Oh, where is she?”

Jihyo went silent for a while, the look she gave Jeongyeon was one she could not apprehend to.

“Why is this happening, Jeongyeon..? Why did she found you unconscious and all alone, why did the nurse say you been starving and overworked yourself?”

The blonde felt guilty and ashamed of her situation right now. “I too don’t know, Ji”. A lot has happen the past few weeks and none of them in the knowledge of her friend. She kept Jihyo in the dark for the reasons not wanting Jihyo get in the fight between her and Mina.

Mina shouldn’t feel judged by the selfishness of Jeongyeon.

“You need to stop torturing yourself Jeongyeon…, you sho