✵ ch.1 -  gone.

「 ☽ Ian's POV」

"Pose for me, Chae".

I hid a smile behind my beloved camera. I had captured countless breathtaking sights in every nook and cranny of the planet during my several trips with the DPR crew, but I perfectly knew, deep down, that Rin’s beauty couldn’t possibly be replicated by a still image. All her moves, little expressions. How perfect was the mole under her red lips?

Every view was unique, vivid with colour, rich in sound and smells. Seeing her surrounded by the emerald-coloured sea strengthened my desire to just take her with me, make her hop on my motorcycle, and travel around the world. Just the two of us and our little adventures. Unfortunately, I had to suppress all of those fantasies for my own sake.

She leaned on an off-white wall, spreading her arms like an eagle ready to fly off, her usual bright smile printed on her lovely face. The Greek sun was kissing her golden skin. God sure had his favourites and Chae was one of them.

"Just like this?".

"Perfect".

I zoomed in on her face and noticed a rebellious lock of hair levitating in the warm breeze brought by the sea of Crete.

I took a few steps towards her and slowly brought my hand to the strand of hair covering her shiny eyes in the attempt of tucking it behind her ear.

“Here”.

She avoided my hand, a slight hint of panic in her voice. I knew she did not want it to make it awkward for me. My heart sank. She was like that. Making people uneasy wasn’t her thing.

“I-I got this!”. She fixed her hair by herself.

That small episode perfectly mirrored the unrequited feelings I had been growing for a year and a half in her favour. I resented myself for not being able to keep those feelings from developing any further. That strong admiration slowly became a solid friendship and before I realized it, I was into her world.

✵

She unknowingly became my muse, the source of my inspiration. I found myself clinging onto her way more than I was proud to admit. I couldn’t lock up my feelings, even after knowing of Dabin’s. Saying my friendship with him had inadvertently changed because of the sentiment we both had for Chae was an understatement.

Knowing her was both a blessing and a curse. If only I stayed home that day, the day of the networking party. I hated those events anyway. If only I didn’t succumb to Dabin’s insistence to attend that stupid event.

Chae had always been very reserved, always avoiding the topic of love life and turning it into a joke. I hated myself for noticing. For noticing anytime her usual smile vanished when the topic was brought to the table. We were similar in a sense. I would look at her and see myself; hurting, perfectly knowing we had to let go but being unable to do so.

 ♪

There are still a lot of words I couldn't tell you

the feelings I couldn't give you

might lose their place to go

can't you stay a little bit more, a little bit more

and have my everything?

 ♪

sudden shower - yong junhyung

✵

“To the future!”.

Our beers almost clinked when I pushed hers with the bottom of my bottle, making her beverage overflow in bubbles and ultimately wetting her denim jacket.

“CHRISTIAN!”.

She called out my name with indignation – if video-making was my passion, pranking Chae was second in line.

“Sorry Chae, I couldn’t help it”.

“Idiot”. She stood up from the deckchair and annoyed, removed her jacket, revealing the oversized graphic tee hidden under.

“Anyway, this place turns into something completely different at night”.

“Right? It’s incredible how the view changes when it’s kissed by the moonlight”. She sipped at what remained in the bottle.

“They’re taking an awful lot”. I whined.

“I thought they were just buying more booze, maybe they’re drinking it by themselves”. She chuckled, covering with one hand.

I tried to enjoy those few fleeting moments alone with her as much as I could. I couldn’t let myself go any closer than that. I couldn’t believe how well I could cover up my feelings for her. Those precious sentiments lied safe deep inside me, not even Dabin knew, that’s why he left me with the woman of his dreams with no second thoughts. What a terrible friend I was.

She suddenly crossed her arms, uselessly trying to endure the cold, her body shivered when the night breeze hit the hotel terrace where we decided to spend our last night in Santorini.

“Here”. I placed my green jacket on her shoulders, I couldn’t stand to see her suffer in silence. Not even cold.

“I can get another jacket from my room”.

“Your room it’s too far from here, just stay”. I stopped her from standing up again.

“Thank you…”. She held onto the jacket, closing it with her hands and smiled at me with gratitude.

The waves crashing on the beach in front of us made the perfect background for the conversation that slowly deepened as the night fell onto us, brightening Chae’s face with a slight glow. It all looked too serene not to be a sweet dream.

“Will you ever talk about the person you’re in love with? We’ve been friends for awhile, but that part of your life is still unknown to me” - I blurted out because of the extra shots I had. If only I didn’t ask something so stupid.

She was clearly taken aback by my sudden question, she averted her eyes and reached for the glass shot she placed at the side of her deckchair.

“You know what? Nevermind”. My stupid mouth started blabbering again.

She drank the shot, the alcohol in her glass glistening under the moonlight.

“The person I love. Jiyong. That bastard…”.

“Chae...”.

“If only he knew I’m still not over him after all these years, I’d make myself pathetic”.

That er. I burned in envy at the thought of him choosing to reject Chae’s love when I couldn’t even express my true feelings.

It was clear she was fighting hard to prevent her eyes to pour out all her pain. She looked up to the sky, avoiding my gaze.

“To be truthful, I accepted Dabin’s invite to come to Greece with you all just because I wanted to flee from him. I couldn’t stand to see Jiyong at the company anymore”.

Witnessing the tears travel down her cheeks for the first time broke my heart. I couldn’t forgive my stupid self for asking. I wanted to blame the alcohol, but I knew deep down - the toxic curiosity of knowing why she was hurting so bad was the true culprit. I felt weak. Unlike Chae, I just couldn’t let go of the person I loved. I preferred to suffer in silence, loving her from afar. Never touching her, keeping my safe distance, but never letting her go - like a coward.

I caressed her back as she wept in silence. She then embraced me tightly, the sound of her sobbing was agonizing.

“I’m sorry for not telling you sooner Ian, you’re a real one”.

She whispered, destroying me. I couldn’t help but hold her even closer to me, her body shuddering against mine made me feel all her pain. All of it.

Being a good friend to her was all I could do.

If only I knew that would be our last night together, I would’ve embraced her even more tightly. What a fool I was for expecting her to always be my side.

✵

“Man, she already took off with the plane to LA, she didn’t want to interrupt your sleep”.

Dabin placed his hands on my tense shoulders. I didn’t even have the chance to say goodbye properly.

And just how unexpectedly she crashed into my life, she was gone.

ps. I embarked on a new journey! I felt so inspired by dpr Ian's single, "so beautiful" and I thought it was the perfect occasion for me to try and write something new. Let me know if you want to read more, my "author" Twitter account is @darawonplease as always.