I've been having a hard time adjusting, I had the shiniest wheels, now they're rusting. I didn't know if you'd care if I came back, I have a lot of regrets about that. [...] I don't quite know what to say but I'm here in your doorway, I just wanted you to know that this is me trying. [...]  It's hard to be anywhere these days when all I want is you. You're a flashback in a film reel on the one screen in my town and I just wanted you to know that this is me trying.

This is me trying - Taylor Swift

A/N: Listen to This is me trying by Taylor Swift here!

...

Pathetic. 

That was how she was feeling at that moment.

Joohyun sighed annoyed, watching the doctors and nurses hushing around busily, meanwhile she was seated in one comfortable chair doing nothing. 

She was about to stand up and just go back to work when she spotted her colleague, doctor Junmyeon, coming toward her with a nurse in his trail. Joohyun sighed again, getting ready for a few scolds and more awkward moments.

Joohyun-ssi, are you feeling better? - he worriedly asked.

Joohyun just nodded, pitifully, ignoring the needle in her vein giving fluids to her stupid body. 

You really scared me! I am glad I was close enough to catch you, otherwise you might have been hurt more severely. 

Joohyun held in the urge to slap herself in the face. 

Yes, her stupid self passed out in front of doctor Junmyeon while they were doing rounds to see the victims of the car accident. More than the shame, she was feeling really stupid and useless… so many people were actually sick in that place and she dared to steal attention.

Your glycemic levels were crazily low, Joohyun-ssi! - he continued to say. - When was the last time you ate something?

When was the last time you ate something, Sunbae? - Joohyun asked, instead. 

The man smiled and nodded. 

Fair enough. - he said. - But I didn’t faint, 

Joohyun mindlessly pouted, annoyed, and the man smiled.

 You’re going home. - he said.

WHAT!? Why! - Joohyun shouted, not minding the stare some staff sent toward her.

She didn’t want to go home, she was useless there.

Attendant orders… even if you hadn't faint, you have been working for more than 72 hours without rest. 

But…

This is dangerous, Bae Joohyun-ssi, think about your patients and recover your strength before coming back. 

Joohyun snorted.

She and doctor Junmyeon had become close somehow… sharing experiences and sometimes even having meals in the hospital cafeteria on the same table, when they happen to be there at the same time. The rumours about them were all around the hospital, because apparently she had never done that, so it had to mean something, but the truth was that she didn’t really care anymore and found out that he also didn’t. Besides, she realised that it was nice to have someone else to talk sometimes about the cases and their hospital routine, since they both worked in the same department… 

He was always polite and considerate with her, so she didn’t regard him with suspicion anymore. 

That’s why she even allowed herself to share some personal thoughts about herself, her care with her patients, her desire to always do more, and her fear of ever committing a mistake… and it was clear that he was using that knowledge to make her go home. 

Fine. - she just said, not hiding that she wasn’t pleased. 

His eyes shone brightly watching Joohyun mindless pouting again. He had noticed that she did that very often and it didn’t seem to be something that she was aware of.

Cute... He thought while putting his own bag on his shoulder. 

That called Joohyun’s attention, she then noticed that he was using his regular clothes and not scrubs. 

I am also leaving… attendant orders. - he said, answering her mental question.

Ah… - Joohyun muttered. 

At least she wasn’t the only one forced to leave, that felt better. She then bid him goodbye and went to fetch her bag and change clothes. When she managed to finish, making sure to make a quick visit to her patients, she made her way toward the exit door and to her surprise, she found him still there.

Oh, hello! - he greeted her again when she passed through the ER exit doors 

Are you waiting for someone, Sunbae? - Joohyun politely asked.

It was really cold outside, but she made sure to talk to him in order to not be impolite.

I was waiting for you, actually. - He said, walking side by side with Joohyun toward the parking lot.

Me? - Joohyun asked, dumbfounded. 

He scratched his neck, seeming a little… shy?

Well, I want to offer you a ride…

Oh.

Since you passed out I figured it would be the right thing to do… - he trailed off.

Joohyun nodded, somehow grateful for his attentiveness and not seeing any bad intentions in his proposal.

Thank you, Sunbae, but I am really fine. - she replied, trying to dismiss him politely.

You said you were fine just before you passed out in front of me. - he commented. 

Joohyun sighed.

Well, I thought I was…

So, how can I let you go home all by yourself? 

Joohyun was about to say something, to defend herself once again... the words were on the tip of her tongue and still she couldn’t say a thing, because she didn’t know how… her brain went completely malfunction.

Because a person was walking toward her with determined steps… but it couldn’t be, right? It couldn’t be her.

Unnie. - Seungwan whispered, but she heard it loud and clear.

She looked around in order to search for some realness in the craziness that was her seeing Seungwan there when she was supposed to be in the U.S? Was she still sick, perhaps she fainted again and was dreaming? Her glycemic levels were supposed to be fine now, so that wasn’t an hallucination, right?

Joohyun gave a step back, managing to, pitifully, trip on her own feet, but this time, besides Junmyeon's hands, there were also Seungwan’s supporting her.  

Are you ok? - Both asked at the same time, making her snap of her torpor.

That was Seungwan’s voice.

Seungwan-ah. - she managed to mumble, despite her state of complete fright. 

Junmyeon let go of her arm seeing that she was standing well, but Seungwan didn’t… her hand on her arm, despite the heavy coat she was wearing, was still like an electric wire, it made all the hair in her arm stand.

Hello, unnie. - Seungwan said. 

That was Son Seungwan for real.

Oh my...

Joohyun then smiled, a full smile and her eyes turned into happy crescents… her smile for Seungwan only. Seungwan smiled too, brightly and sincerely for the first time in months, and they just stared at each other not saying anything. 

W-what, what are you doing here? - Joohyun asked after a few seconds of stupidly smiling toward Seungwan. 

To see you, of course.

Me? W-why? - Joohyun asked, mindlessly, like that affirmation didn’t make sense to her… well at least it didn’t anymore.

Seungwan sighed, also seeming to notice the same thing.

Why? Because it’s you. I always want to see you, unnie. - she replied, her eyes staring hard at Joohyun trying to convey as much sincerity as possible.

Joohyun's mouth opened, but no word came out. She just continued to stare at Seungwan with eyebrows shrugged and curious eyes. 

Junmyeon then giggled, watching their interaction with interest. 

In fact he was in awe seeing Joohyun so out of her daily character! Her cheeks had color, she was acting all shy and vulnerable and the smile she just gave to the other girl? He was sure he had never seen her smile so brightly like that before.

And hearing him giggle startled Joohyun and made her gasp, she then turned toward him fastly, that action making Seungwan’s hand to let go of her arm. 

Why did it look like Joohyun didn’t want him to see her hand on her arm? 

Oh my, I am so sorry, sunbae. This is my friend, Son Seungwan. - Joohyun fastly introduced them, remembering her manners and successfully putting some distance between them, which Seungwan also noticed. - Seungwan, this is doctor Junmyeon, he is my colleague.

Seungwan then stared hard at Joohyun’s colleague. 

Suddenly her mind was filled with information Sooyoung had shared with her through the years, about how Joohyun was chased by the majority of male doctors and nurses inside that hospital, getting involved, innocently, in all sorts of gossip and romantic drama.

And judging by the way that man kept stealing glances toward Joohyun, he was one of them. 

He had handsome features, she noticed immediately… tall, looked sophisticated, a doctor, like Joohyun herself and a man. Both him and Joohyun seemed to belong to the same reality, where people this pretty were allowed to exist. 

They looked somehow perfect together. 

Seungwan sighed hard, acknowledging that, then she showed him her best and most charmily smile, making sure to show her best manners and also her own sophistication and education. 

It’s a pleasure to meet one of Joohyun’s colleagues, please take good care of my Joohyun. - Seungwan said, bowing formally.

Junmyeon noticed how Joohyun smiled shyly hearing her friend’s request and how her eyes shone brightly watching her like she was… everything.

And somehow, he felt like wanting to receive a little of that attention too...and since the mood was very easy going he thought it was ok to make a little joke to receive her attention.

Of course, Son Seungwan-ssi, in fact I already am! - he said.

Seungwan’s smile was still on but her eyes changed, Joohyun noticed it immediately. 

Guarded, wary. 

I am more than her sunbae now! - he continued, not noticing how the atmosphere became strange around them. 

What? - Seungwan asked before Joohyun could say a single word or ask what he meant.

I mean, saving someone’s face from hitting the ground must count for something! We are close friends now, right Joohyun-ssi!? - he said, proudly, then laughed. 

And after a few seconds of awkward silence, Joohyun laughed too and so did Seungwan.

But her laugh sounded… forced? Joohyun analysed, it was awkward.

I don’t get it. - Seungwan said, and this time her voice sounded interested, like she really wanted to know the details.

Joohyun noticed how her posture changed, her hand searched for hers and when she found it she held it tightly, how she ended the distance Joohyun had tried to put between them, and how her eyes were staring at him with something that Joohyun had never seen there before… 

Competitiveness. 

But not simply competitiveness... it was Analytic Competitiveness.

She fainted today.

And just like that Seungwan’s posture changed again, her eyes focused on every inch of her body like a scanner, completely ignoring him. Her warm hands held her cheeks, staring straight at her eyes, their faces were centimeters of each other. 

Joohyun could barely breathe.