(A/N): Before you start reading, I want to say HAPPY NEW YEAR! Also, apologies for taking so long to update, been caught up with work the past couple of days. Still busy but I had time to sit down and write this out.

Before I forget, this Book isn't going to be as long as the first two so we're so close to its end, everyone. The entire trilogy is coming to an end soon.

I'll save the thanks and long essays later, for now.. Enjoy.

Cheers to bountiful, healthy and merry 2021!

Stay safe,
xo.

***

Ever since that fateful day of the break up, Jennie had started to avoid — with all her might — and hated confrontations. Not all though, because working as an attending surgeon has moments of left and right confrontations with her co-attending surgeons or the residents. Then what type of confrontation does Jennie despise the most? It's the type of confrontation she had no clue if she would win or not. 

You see, Jennie is very outstanding of what she does in her profession. Every (healthy) arguments with her co-employees would always result to her winning every single one of it.

In this case, however, with Lisa sitting quietly on the couch across her own inside their once shared house, it's a different story. Lisa had been by far very unpredictable. Jennie could no longer read her the way she did back then. She had no clue if this is even considered as confrontation but she highly thinks that it is and she hates this.

After their lunch earlier, their way back to the house was awkwardly quiet. Lisa did not even turn on the radio or play any music which literally made Jennie fidgety throughout the ride and Jennie disliked it. Oh she hates and dislikes how this is starting.

She told herself after Lisa announced her sudden departure back to Barcelona that she won't let the woman crumble her defenses again but that did not age well, the determination with a hint of plea in those doe eyes weren't easy to say no to. It's always been like that. 

Unable to stand the quietness in the room after probably 5 minutes since they arrived, Jennie cleared . "So.."

She saw Lisa took a deep breath before finally looking at her, it almost snatched Jennie's breath away. The mysteriousness and intensity of those eyes are making her dizzy. "Apologies for being so quiet, I've been trying to come up with words to say but for some reasons I have inability to speak English."

"Spanish, Korean or Thai then?" Jennie tried to joke, tease more likely.

Lisa chuckled. Hey it worked! Jennie thought. "Cheeky."

"I tried."

Lisa's chuckles died down before she sighs quietly, Jennie couldn't look away from staring at Lisa's face though. "I'm sorry." That's what Lisa said.

"You've said that already, it's really oka—"

"That's not really what I meant. I'm just sorry for everything."

"Oh."

A conversation that starts with an apology always ends up with something bad. Jennie had grown accustomed to it especially that she uses the words "I'm sorry."  whenever she's about to deliver bad news to her patients or the families. And now she's growing even more fidgety.

is slowly becoming dry, she has a lot of things in mind to counter that or to tell Lisa that it's okay and that she had moved on but no voice is coming out. Her chest is being hammered by her heart beat and it's slowly making the back of her neck heat up. This is bad.

After hearing no replies from Jennie, Lisa decided to continue. "I know what happened almost two years ago hurt you, it did to me too. For all these years, I blamed myself for our fall out. I had and still have so many what ifs that I had no idea if there would and could be answers."

Lisa's eyes looked down, the wall she built up are slowly crumbling down and Jennie could feel it. Lisa will look into your eyes when she's confident and to see her diverting those beautiful brown eyes downward is a vulnerability that Lisa rarely shows. It's taking all of Jennie's strength to stop herself from wrapping her arms around the younger and tell her it's okay, that they're okay but she would be lying if she does that.

Lisa looks back up to meet her eyes once again, the eyes are still mostly hollow but Jennie sees the confidence somewhere in there. Jennie suddenly feels hopeful. For what? She had no clue.

"I regretted a lot of things but meeting you once again was and will never be one of it. I could only wish our reconciliation didn't start off of us having though, you deserve something appropriate and better than that but it happened."

Jennie could only wish her cheeks aren't visualizing what she's feeling inside just by the mention of   and the memories of them doing God knows what. Please God, don't.

There's another long pause after that. Lisa's head is slightly tilted with her eyes staring at Jennie's. Lisa is seemingly waiting for Jennie to talk but the latter got lost in those eyes. She wanted to go deep and deeper until she could see the familiar light and spark that never fail to comfort her. 

She missed looking right through it.

She missed getting blind because of it.

She missed her.

She missed Lisa.

She wanted to say it.

So she did.

"I miss you."

She herself had a lot of what ifs and the one that tops her list is :

What if she trusted her more and never let her go?

That question haunts her every single day. That question constantly makes her hate herself. Not even a single moment of her life for the past years that she had only blamed Lisa for the fall out, she blames herself too.

Lisa will be flying back to Barcelona and she has no idea when will they be able to see each other again or if she would ever see her again. Having Lisa around only for a few days — with their extra escapades in between — made her realize how much she had missed the younger.

Although it was different, although Lisa was a bit different but for Jennie it's still her. It's still the same Lisa she used to love. No, what a lie. It's the same Lisa she loves.

Jennie used to think she's okay.

Jennie used to think she had moved on.

Jennie used to think that if she would ever see Lisa again, she will no longer long for her.

Jennie used to think her words are trustworthy.

But it's not.

She's not okay.

She had not moved on.

She still longs for her.

She's a big fat liar for feeding herself with her own lies.

And she's done with it.

If she won't do anything right now, she's afraid that Lisa will slip off from her completely. Her memory suddenly flashed itself back couple of years ago when she woke up from a bad dream and decided to take a leap and gave her 0.01% chance a go.

This time though, instead of a farfetched dream and intoxicated brain.. the realization of losing her is enough to make her brave once again.

Will she give her another chance?

"What if I want you back?"

Lisa frowns, confused probably. "I'm sorry?"

"What if I want you back?" Jennie clenched her jaws, gathered all her courage to stand up and finally crossed the line of uncertainty. "What if I say I want us to work again? Will you give me a chance? Will you give us another chance?"

"Déjà vu."

Jennie chuckles nervously, she bravely — though terribly shaking — sits right beside Lisa. "I know but I am serious though."

Silence.

Lisa's eyes had grown much more unreadable, so Jennie decided to continue. "I've spent almost two years of trying to feed myself with lies like I am over you, or like I'll be okay if I ever see you again but bloody hell that's all a blunder."

Jennie swall