YUBIN.

 A year ago. 

"Why is she here? How did you get in here? Are people like you allowed to enter here?" Yubin ignored what Mihyun said and just continued on copying the texts Seunghee sent her earlier in pieces of paper. She called Hyojung and Mimi today at the library to help her out. Fortunately, Mimi doesn't have classes and Hyojung is free for today as Hyejin went out of town, they didn't know why but Yubin guesses she's with her boyfriend or something. 

"Kim Mihyun, are you an idiot?? I'm an alumni here ofcourse I can come here." Hyojung placed her sling bag on top of the table, their voices were merely a whisper. Yubin shushed them. 

"Makes sense.." Mimi nodded, resting her chin on the back of her hand on the table. Yubin felt the two watching her. The table was quiet for about 20 seconds until Mimi spoke again.

"Why am I here?" Mimi asked, still confused. Yubin finally finished writing, she looked at her friends and passed the two pieces of sticky notes with the same content to the two. 

"I will need your help with this." She said and pointed at what she wrote. Mimi and Hyojung both picked up the sticky notes.

Mimi looked at the piece of paper Yubin gave them while the latter went back to writing. 'Related Studies ********'

"What the hell can I do to help you with these? Have you forgotten that my girlfriend is the smart one?" Mimi whined.

Hyojung chuckles, agreeing with Mimi's statement. "True, Yooa would do better.. And why are we going to look for this? I thought you finished your thesis already?"

Yubin sighed and placed her pen down. She removed her reading glasses before looking at her friends.

"Stop underestimating yourself, Mimi unnie. Those are for Seunghee's individual thesis, I want to help her because she's stressed about her other projects."

"Aww that's sweet-" Yubin glared at Mimi, the girl smiling wide as she continued.

"I mean sweet that you think I'm smart enough for this."

Yubin stood up.

"No, actually you're here to help us take the books we can't reach from tall shelves."

With that, she left the two on the table and made her way to the bookshelves; Mimi scratching her head with Hyojung laughing.

"Anyway, I don't recall Yubin helping me with my thesis before. How rude of her."

"Mimi, she's literally younger than you to help you out, give her a break."

"Fine buuuut don't you think she's too good for a friend? Do you think she likes-"

Mimi was cut off when Yubin went back to the table holding another book... or a thick thesis.

"Please cooperate, I'll treat you snacks later, promise."

--

Yubin sat at the bench across the trees at that plaza. She checked her watch, it's already 6 PM. She and Seunghee will be meeting today.. for a date. Yubin smiled, thinking about another date with her first ever girlfriend, and surely be her one and only.

She wore her new yellow dress. Arin asked her where she's going when she prepared this dress last night. Of course, she couldn't tell her sister yet. Everything feels new to her right now and to be honest.. she's still uncomfortable but she trusts that Seunghee would make her feel better.

It's been an hour.. Where the hell is Hyun Seunghee? 

"Bin-ah!" That was Seunghee. Finally. Yubin was already in the middle of thinking whether Seunghee might have stood her up or that something happened to Seunghee. Thankfully.

Yubin couldn't help smiling at the sight of her.. girlfriend running towards her, all sweaty. 

"Why did you run? I just got here and I didn't even run." Yubin opened her sling bag, she takes out a handkerchief and looked at Seunghee. Should I wipe her sweat by myself? No.. she might feel uncomfortable. She passed the handkerchief to Seunghee.

Seunghee didn't seem to notice Yubin's hesitation though, the girl took the handkerchief and wiped the sweat on her forehead. "That's a relief, I thought you've been waiting. Sorry! Mimi asked for another game and-"

"It's okay, Seunghee." Yubin smiled and stood up, taking Seunghee's free hand. At least.. holding Seunghee's hand is easier in Yubin's case. She and Seunghee held each other's hand a lot before. After minutes, Yubin felt Seunghee's arm shaking a little.

"You okay?" Yubin asked, Seunghee nodded immediately.

"Ehe.. why wouldn't I?" Seunghee responded, her tone sounded weird. Suddenly, Yubin felt like Seunghee is being a little different towards her. 

--

"Wow.." There were lights everywhere, a few people walking through the pavements, it was almost like Hongdae, only that it's not as stuffy. There were business stalls all over the place, somehow resembles the plaza but this one is better because of the colorful lights. Yubin didn't know this place would be better than how it was way back in highschool. Somehow, her heart fluttered at how special this day is and the effort of Seunghee for picking this place for their date.

"Why did you take me here?" Yubin took her phone out of her bag and started taking photos.

She saw from the corner of her gaze that Seunghee was just standing next to her rubbing her temple. "H-huh? Oh uhm.. it's nice, nice yes-" Yubin had to cut her off, I knew it. She couldn't stop noticing how awkward Seunghee is acting right now.

"One more weird response and you'll get what you don't want." She warned her, Seunghee raised her arms in defeat. 

"I'm not acting weird!" Yeah sure. This is what Yubin's been so afraid of. Change. She hates the fact that something would change in their relationship. Look at Seunghee now.. or even herself, they're being awkward from time to time. 

"You are, idiot, get yourself together. It's just us, what's wrong with this? Are you nervous?"

They fought a little more in the middle of the place. Thankfully, people are too busy minding their own business. 

Seunghee surrendered soon, immediately using her palm to cover her forehead that was already covered with her bangs when Yubin mentioned the forehead flick. "PLEASE! I'm trying my best to act normal okay??"

"Then why won't you??" Yubin rolled her eyes, walking ahead of Seunghee who started jogging. Yubin kept her eyes on her phone, taking pictures of the lights in another angle. When she stopped to take a photo of the lights at the corner, her annoying girlfriend blocked her view, Seunghee's nose is all-over the screen of her phone. Yubin just stared at her from the screen, still intended to take photos of Seunghee although she thinks the girl is making fun of her.

"What, why are you blocking the lights, I'm taking photos if you can't see them?" Yubin asked again, one more and she wouldn't be able to resist smiling. Seunghee didn't make it harder for her though because again, Seunghee looked stuck.

"Maybe because.. uh.."

Yubin sighed, she placed her phone back on her pocket and looked at Seunghee. "Seunghee, I told you, I dont want anything to change between us. We cared for each other for a long time already, you should stop being nervous around me."

I guess that applies to me too. Yubin noted to herself that the way Seunghee acted is already a lesson that they shouldn't change.

--

"Can I ask something?"

"Sure, anything but your games."

Seunghee scoffed. "Do you ever or have you ever experienced being nervous because of me?"

Yubin stopped for a moment, was she being obvious? No.. I tried my best to keep myself calm today, at least.

Playing the conversation safe, she asked back. "Why? Have you?" Yubin rested her elbows on the table as they occupy a four-person table. 

"HEY WHY ARE YOU ASKING THAT BACK. Aish." 

"It's a secret. You wouldn't know" Yubin stuck her tongue out, giggling when she saw Seunghee making face. Yubin sighed a little before speaking, she knew Seunghee is as worried as she is.

"I'm gonna say this just once and today only. I want us to apply this even until our future. I want us to be the most comfortable when we're with each other. I will accept all your strengths and weaknesses and I hope you consider mine as well.."

"What does that mean?"

"What?"

"Our future? OH are you indirectly asking me to be your wife" Yubin smiled at how Seunghee is cupping her face. God I wanna pinch her cheeks.

Yubin takes a cupcake from the box and Seunghee asks again. "How about the 'weaknesses'? What do you mean by that? Because for me, you're good at everything."

"Ah stop praising me."

"I'm noooot, just telling the truth."

"There's something I'm not good at."

"What is it?"

Comprehending my feelings.

 Present. 

"So.. why are you home so early?" Arin asks as soon as she entered their shared room. Yubin didn't answer but by instinct, she knew her sister will look over what she's doing. Quickly, she covered all the pieces of sticky notes that were spread on her bed. 

Yubin took a book on her bedside and opened it to act like she's reading. Arin just plopped on her bed with a sigh. 

“She walked me home." Arin blurted out. She may be talking about Jiho. Yubin guesses Jiho and Arin still haven't talked about what really happened.

“Yeah, I saw her earlier, she greeted me and mom." Yubin says while staring at the page of her book that she already read before. Maybe I could at least help Jiho out with a little sister talk. 

“Arin" Yubin calls her, though apparently she's still acting as if she's busy reading.

“Yeah?" 

“Give her a chance, hear her out." 

“I would.. but she’s not even initiating anything nor explaining anything to me." Arin sat up, hugging the big tiger stuffed toy that Yubin could recall, it was Mimi who gave her that. 

“She would, soon.. but give her a chance, okay? She’s doing everything for a reason." Yubin hopes this would help. She knows her sister, she knows that Arin is already thinking about what would happen with Jiho and her. Somehow, she could feel that Arin is confused right now, or empty. 

“I’m not even sure of what Jiho and I are right now.” Yubin's hunch was right, Arin is confused but Yubin already talked to Jiho so she trusts that Jiho would soon fix things with Arin. Or else, she'd never let her close with Arin again. 

“I just hope you two could talk about this. You were really good friends and if there’s one person I could trust in taking care of you, it’s Jiho” Though Yubin couldn't see, she knows that Arin might be blushing now. She smiled and placed her book back on the side table, closing the lights as she lets her sister rest.

Should I call her? Yubin checks her inbox under the sheets, careful not to wake Arin up with the light from her phone. There were no messages from Seunghee. The truth is, Yubin feels guilty and disappointed in herself. She wants to go back in time and stop Seunghee earlier from leaving. She could've just explained, right? You know me, Seunghee. She wanted to tell her girlfriend that she already moved on from Jiho but.. she was in the state of surprise when Seunghee asked her about Jiho again. What she's been feeling towards Seunghee in the past weeks are greater than what she had for Jiho. Yubin felt upset. She's such a fool.

--

"Awh.. what are those?? Doesn't look like homeworks to me." Hyojung sat on the chair across her. Right now, she's at Yooa and Mimi's place. Hyojung just came about 10 minutes after Yubin started doing all these stuff she learned from internet.

"Are those for Seunghee?" Yubin raised her head and sighed. Why do I feel like everyone already knew about me and Seunghee? It seemed like Yubin's 'Let's not tell anyone for now' is useless, every actions and decisions she made only caused heartbreak to Seunghee. 

"Don't worry, I just realized it the other day hehe.. I rarely see you two hanging out with each other than you used to." Hyojung giggled while Yooa came to the table, placing a bowl of sliced apples in front of Hyojung. Mimi wasn't in there when Yubin came earlier, Yooa said that the girl went out early going to Jiho's place. Yes.. It's been how many days. She couldn't even catch Seunghee at the academy since their schedule didn't really match. Back then, they just find time to hang out together.

"I.. made a mistake and I have to apologize to her." Yubin explains to Hyojung, she's been thinking of what she'd do to make up with Seunghee. She hasn't really done this before. She already searched in google. 

"It isn't really a big mistake though, it's just a misunderstanding." Yooa said, now finished washing the utensils she used. When she finally sat next to the two, Yubin started talking. Though she didn't stop writing on the scratch paper, thinking of what better words to write. 

"Yeah.. it's a misunderstanding because I'm so bad at expressing myself, she misunderstood things." Hyojung and Yooa just watched her, Yubin knows these looks, her friends want to help her.

"We both know that Seunghee would always give you a chance to explain things to her, everything will be okay." Hyojung patted her hand and that's when Yubin realized she's been trembling.

"Calm down, Yubin. I'm sure Seunghee's just.. you know, want some space?" Yooa was lightly patting Yubin's back. 

Yubin shook her head. She's been thinking about Seunghee a lot and she can't help but to feel bad for herself knowing that she doesn't have the confidence to approach Seunghee. These stuff she's been preparing for days already. She doesn't even know how to give these to Seunghee. 

"First of, I feel like Seunghee is thinking the worst of me now."

"Hey, don't be hard on yourself. You're girlfriends. Whatever it is that causes pain to the both of you, you'll overcome this, together."

"Seunghee hasn't texted me though.." Yubin placed her pen down as she finally finished everything. Just a few touches here and there.

"Did you text her?" Yooa asked, Yubin shook her head. I wanted to but I'm scared she'd get pissed at me.

"BAE Yubin!" Hyojung slams the table, both Yooa and Yubin were startled by the sudden action. 

"Unnie! That's my table!" Yooa whined, caressing the part of the table that Hyojung slammed onto. Yubin wanted to laugh but her heart is too heavy to do so, she's got no energy to even smile. She can't understand why she's feeling this way.

"Why didn't you text her? She's surely waiting for your text, idiot!" Hyojung sat back on the chair and crossed her arms, ignoring what Yooa said about the table.

"Sorry Yubin, but I think Hyojung unnie is right, you're stupid when it comes to this."

Yubin sighed, even she agrees to this. She's been feeling stupid ever since Seunghee left her on the lounge.. or maybe ever since she developed feelings for Seunghee. Her experience with Jiho back then couldn't match the way Yubin is having a hardtime right now with Seunghee.

"So... you're doing what?" Yooa picked up a sticky note with a handwritten letter S. 

"Uhm.." Yubin glances once at the letter on Yooa's hand. "It's a poem.. With her initials."

Yooa chuckled and placed the paper back to her bed. "I didn't know I'll see you doing these stuff. It's just sooo cute, I hope she would like these." With that, someone entered the unit, it was Arin.

"Arin's here? Ariin! Come here." Hyojung called Arin and the young girl walked over to the dining area of the room. 

"I just came home actually, I was at Jiho's last night. Yubin unnie wanted to talk to us?" True, Yubin actually called them four here. They were the ones who were there for Yooa the day that Mimi asked Yooa to be her girlfriend, except Hyojung though, since it was JinE back then. Unfortunately, JinE can't join them now, because she has a plan today for some things Yubin knows it's more important than her thing. She'll just let JinE take a rest on her own.

Yubin feels like she's restarting again and now, she's planning to tell them about everything. I'm thinking about Arin though.. I don't really know if it's gonna be okay for her or she'll get mad at me. Anyway, it's in the past. Yubin thinks she should be honest with everyone first, this way she can start being comfortable with everything.

"Aside from I'm dating Seunghee.. I don't talk to her now.. or for how many days now." The three girls continued listening. Yubin started feeling that weird stuff on her stomach again, nervousness? She's feeling nervous the more she say things.

"It's not that we fought. I just had a hard time adjusting to things and I didn't know Seunghee was taking my actions seriously to the point that she doubted me. Though I know I doubt myself a lot too, but then I realized that I.. shouldn't have done that." Yooa gives Yubin a glass of water as soon as she finished talking. Stuff like this are usually hard for her but now, she feels better letting this out to her friends.

"What could Seunghee be thinking now?" Hyojung asks to herself, although it was a little low, it was enough for Yubin to hear it. 

Yubin looks at her sister beside Hyojung and heaved a sigh before speaking. "She thinks that I still like Jiho."

Arin who was quietly listening finally raised her head, looking back at her sister. "Jiho?" Arin repeats. Yubin nodded and forced a smile at her sister. Yooa who was next to her spoke just after. 

"Listen to your sister first, Arin." Yooa said, but Arin and Yubin just continued to stare at each other. Yubin couldn't tell what Arin was thinking at that time. Only when Arin stood up, shaking her head, Yubin came to a conclusion that she can't stand seeing her sister mad at her. Just as Arin went out of the room, Hyojung volunteered to follow her. Yooa, on the other hand, stayed with Yubin on the room. Yubin sighed as she covered her face with her hands. First, Seunghee. Now, Arin. 

"Hey, we can fix this. One at a time, okay?" 

"I.. I don't know unnie, Seunghee's still out there mad at me." Everything is so messed up. It's all my fault.

"Take your time to think about these, Yubin. You're smart, everything will be okay." 

--

SEUNGHEE.

Seunghee, Jiho and Mimi sat on the carpet of Jiho's living room. Jiho just came back that afternoon after walking Arin home. Apparently, Arin stayed on Jiho's place last night. I'm glad they already talked it out. 

It's been days since Seunghee last talked to her friends. It's not that she doesn't want to talk to them, she's just not in the mood to do so. But after days of waiting for Yubin to talk to her, Seunghee had some time thinking about things.

"You're not mad at me, right?" Jiho asked, her voice is casual like she always had but Seunghee knows that Jiho could be feeling guilty about what happened. She can't blame Jiho though. The girl is totally out of the picture and Seunghee's overthinking caused her what conflict she's facing right now.

"You know I wouldn't." She answered. Her parents went out today and Seunghee thinks it'll be a good day to talk to Mimi and Jiho. For days, she wanted to keep everything to herself but then she realized that she wouldn't fix all these by just herself. She misses Yubin so much. Seunghee thinks she's the worst girlfriend ever, saying those harsh things to her girlfriend. She wanted to apologize for acting that way but everytime she gets a chance seeing Yubin at the academy, she ends up feeling negative again.

Why isn't she texting me?

Why isn't she talking to me?

Why isn't she explaining things to me?

Am I not worth it?

Was I really right about her and Jiho? 

These are the questions that circles her everytime. But then, sometimes.. she would think of what are the possibilities that Yubin is having a very rough time because of her. Seunghee can't handle seeing Yubin miserable.

"It's Code B, Seunghee. I know it. We know. And I'm.. really sorry." Jiho says, taking a sip from the orange juice on the center table across her. Seunghee sighed, actually she had a feeling that Jiho would keep on apologizing once she found out. Jiho and Seunghee didn't need to talk about what really happened.. 

She knows Jiho could've heard what she said to Yubin last time. 

"I'm dating Yubin." Seunghee started. Mimi looked surprised while Jiho was unbothered. Well.

Seunghee nodded as she fiddled with her fingers. "Just after the graduation, we started dating. But we kind of fought.. or maybe I was just being stupid." Her friends continued to listen silently. Seunghee looked at Jiho.

"She changed, I can feel her distancing herself from me lately. At first I thought it was just random but.. I noticed how it only happened when Jiho came back." Seunghee was being careful. She isn't sure if she should really tell this to Mimi and Jiho since she promised Yubin that she wouldn't tell anyone but.. this became her problem now too and soon they will need to deal with everything so Seunghee is planning to deal with Jiho today. Whether Yubin still.. has feelings for you or not, I have to fix this.

Jiho placed the glass back on the table. "I know, Seunghee. She told me." Jiho said and Seunghee sighed once again. Of course, she already told her. 

"She's already past my phase, It's time you let go of that and live with what you have now, Seunghee. I'm sorry you had to feel bad because of me." Jiho said as she was holding the glass, staring at it. Maybe she isn't used to saying these words, it's okay if she doesn't look at me. Seunghee's already thankful that she and Jiho could talk this out. Seunghee already knew the possibilities of Jiho knowing this and telling her this. Who knows? Maybe Jiho and Yubin already talked. This just means one thing. I messed up. 

"You should talk to her, Seunghee. We both know Yubin, she may be good at studying but not in dealing with her feelings." said Jiho, Mimi was just quiet on the side, listening to the two.

"She was avoiding me, Jiho. I can't understand why she's doing that if she's already moved on from you." 

This time, Mimi stood up from her seat and raised her hands. "I.. am out for now. I'll let you two talk." Seunghee nodded at Mimi. Seunghee isn't really the type of person who's only a chatter, or only a quiet girl, or only a party girl. She may be outgoing but she uses up a lot of moment at home thinking about things where she realize a new set of things. For example, Jiho already knows everything so it means Arin will also know about it soon.

Thinking about this, Seunghee felt the guilt building inside her as her imagines what would happen between the sisters. Yubin did the right thing for herself back then with Jiho and Arin. 

“I'll stay at Jiho's room to nap.” Mimi said before walking into Jiho's room. Jiho looked at Seunghee whose eyes were on the floor. She couldn’t think of anything, just Yubin.

"What do you think Yubin was thinking all these time? and after what I told her?

"Hm.. I don't know, among all of us, you're the one who knows her the most." Jiho’s right. It only came to Seunghee now that other than anyone else, she should’ve understood Yubin’s action but.. I still can’t figure out why she’s been acting that way towards me.

"Seung, you've been filling in the blanks without the facts. You guys should take advantage of how you two knew each other for a period of time. Your bond is your strength, can't you see that?” Jiho was right. God why am I being stupid. We just started dating and I already messed things up.

"Hey Seunghee, give it some time, you two will be okay soon when you’re both ready.” Mimi said as Seunghee walked them out of her place. When they reached the main door, both Mimi and Jiho looked at her. Seunghee gave them a small smile as she slightly shrugged.

"We've already took our time a lot."

Seunghee waved a goodbye to Jiho as she walked out of the building. She didn't really plan to stay long after the talk since Mimi would be helping Jiho setting up her place and they told Seunghee to focus on fixing things with Yubin first.

Dating Yubin isn't supposed to be this hard. It only made it hard because Seunghee felt incompetent. Maybe she was too focused in the past. Still though, it doesn't explain why Yubin has been distant.. Perhaps.. has she realized that she doesn't really want to be my girlfriend and just wanted me close as her bestfriend? See this? This , I keep overthinking.

When Seunghee reached the gate of her house, she decided that today, she will have to do something to make up with Yubin. She has to. 

Seunghee was about to close the gate when she saw a familiar face running from the street on their right. Arin? But she's not alone, wow.. Hyojung unnie?

--

"I wasn't planning to come here, but Arin came here and I promised Yubin I'll go after Arin." Seunghee nodded and gave Hyojung a glass of water. They're looking at Arin who was sitting on the couch of Seunghee's living room. Seunghee met Arin at Jiho's place earlier. Funny how their circle lives all around the place that they could just go to any of which's house any time at a day. 

"What happened? You were with Yubin?" Why were they together? Should I also ask her where Yubin is right now and just go to Yubin to apologize? 

Hyojung hummed. "Yubin called us to share the news that you two are dating but you fought." Oh.

OH. Seunghee's eyes widened when she realized why Arin looked upset. She then looked at Hyojung. It means Hyojung knows about Jiho too. Seunghee felt a little ache in her chest thinking about what Yubin is going through right now. She wants to know if Yubin has company. But something tells her this isn't the right time for her to go to Yubin, knowing that Arin is here at her place, it means that the discussion didn't go well.

"I'll talk to her." Seunghee said and Hyojung nodded. The two of them used to always laugh when they're together but right now? Seunghee feels unmotivated and she can't enjoy joking, what she wants is to see Yubin but she confusedly can't do it. 

Seunghee was about to walk back to the living room when Hyojung called her. "Seunghee." 

"Yes?" Hyojung smiled a little. Seunghee knows that expression. I guess we're all distressed right now. Seunghee hasn't heard about how Hyojung is doing with her lovelife recently but she thinks maybe it's worse than hers. She took note that she'd do her best to keep Hyojung in company after she fix everything with Yubin.

"Everything will be fine." Hyojung said and this somehow made Seunghee chuckle. 

"Yes unnie, for all of us." Seunghee says and took Hyojung's hand, the two made their way to the young girl on the living room. Hyojung and Seunghee sat next to each other while Arin is on the other couch.

"Hyojung unnie said you came here after your sister told you what happened." Seunghee started. She's trying her best to be careful and gentle on this conversation. She can't read Arin right now but she's sure Arin would want to open up to her.

Arin looked at Seunghee for seconds and nodded. "I'm sorry for coming here unannounced.." The girl said to Seunghee then gave Hyojung an apologetic look. "..and for causing you a headache." Hyojung smiled at Arin. 

"Don't worry about that Arin, you didn't cause me headache, just tired feet." Seunghee nudged Hyojung, the latter gesturing a 'peace' sign. 

"Are you mad at Yubin?" Seunghee asked soon, she didn't know any other better question than this to start the discussion. At least she'd want to know what Arin thinks about Yubin at that moment. Hyojung on her side whispered, "I asked her that too but she said she isn't. Can't understand that kid." 

So she isn't mad? then..?

Seunghee saw Arin shaking her head, confirming that what Hyojung said was true.

"I don't know what to feel.. guilt, confusion, betrayal, loneliness, and guilt again, unnie. I feel so bad for her. I felt betrayed because she didn't tell me but at the same time I feel like I caused her pain many times." Arin muttered. Seunghee took her hand and lightly patted it as she lets her continue. 

She said guilty twice.. She's been feeling guilty. She isn't mad.. but guilty. These sisters.. how can their hearts be this pure?

"Guilty because?" Hyojung asked.

"Because she rarely develop feelings for someone and she decided to help me with Jiho when she could have just used her chance as she was the closer one to Jiho back then."

Hyojung stayed silent next to Seunghee so she decided to just talk.

"Why did you come to me?" She asked. It's not that she didn't want Arin to come to her at times like this but.. Hyojung was already there for her earlier, why did she still chose to come to Seunghee's place.

"Because I want you to fix things with her. I saw how much my sister changed because of you. She smiles a lot, she laughs louder now. She talks a lot too. If I already broke her heart years ago, then this is the least thing I could do to help her now."

"I will fix this, Arin. You don't need to worry about that." 

"It's been days already and my sister doesn't eat dinner as much as she used to. I feel more guilty knowing that she's sad and the fact that she was hurt before too."

Seunghee wishes this could be easy. 

"I.. still don't know why she's been acting weird with me."

"Then talk to her." That was Hyojung now. Her tone is a little higher than usual. It seemed like she wants this to end already. Seunghee wants to end this drama too though.

--

Seunghee locked her door after eating dinner with her parents. Her mom told her to organize her school stuff tonight so if ever she has things to dispose, they could throw it tomorrow on the garbage collection. 

Arin and Hyojung stayed another hour earlier. All they did was catch up with each other. Seunghee being neutrally close to everyone in their circle, Hyojung and Arin are like the oldest and youngest in the group, Arin being busy at school and Hyojung on her work, they really haven't spend time together with just the three of them alone. Hyojung shared some of her worries in the past weeks, Arin too. Seunghee smiled thinking about how Arin grew up as a matured lady now, even giving her ideas on how to please Yubin. 

Seunghee started picking up the notebooks under her study table that were stacked. She used to always organize her stuff so it won't really take long cleaning all these. She sat on the floor and organized the pieces of papers, some of them she could recall writing with Yubin on the library. A smile grew on her face when she saw a familiar journal at the bottom of the pile. 

OO1. New life, new Seunghee.

OO2. A set of cool friends. FAILED.

OO2. A set of cool friends.

OO3. A GIRLFRIEND (A MUST!!)

OO4. Good Grades = Girlfriend

She chuckled as she read the first page of the journal. Why was I like this? Seunghee four years ago is a lot more carefree than I am now. 

New Seunghee.. She remembers how she always wanted a new identity for Seunghee. She thought it was that cool but now she realized that she was happy by herself back then. One thing that changed is.. she fell in love. Funny, she really got good grades and a girlfriend anyway. It's Yubin who helped her and Seunghee admits how grateful she is to have Yubin, whether as a friend or.. a girlfriend.

I miss her.

Speaking of Yubin, Seunghee still hasn't decided on what she'd do. Technically, she was the one who got mad and threw tantrums, but a big part of her still feels like something about Yubin isn't cleared yet. It's a good thing to know that all of their friends are there to help them. Lucky for them to be close to each others' houses. 

Wait. 

Should I go to her house right now? Like what I did before.

Just when Seunghee was about to stand up, she heard her mom calling from downstairs.

YUBIN.

Yubin took a piece of bread from the dining table as she walked past it. She saw her mom cleaning up in the kitchen but she chose to just go upstairs. She can't talk to her mom right now, not when she still isn't in good terms with Arin.

She hasn't eaten dinner yet. Yooa fed her some snacks before leaving the place though. With the bread in between her teeth, Yubin carefully pulled the doorknob, not wanting to wake up Arin if ever. She had a feeling that Arin is already on her bed after dinner.

Well, turns out her gut feeling has been failing her constantly now. Arin was there sitting on Yubin's bed, as if waiting for Yubin to enter the room. The girl was looking at her, she noticed that Arin's wearing the same face she had earlier at Yooa's place. Yubin couldn't stop the guilt on her stomach. The least she wants was Arin to be mad at her.

Yubin immediately finished the piece of bread and closed the door behind her. She ran her fingers through her hair as she sat next to Arin. Well, here it is. Yubin feels desperate to fix all of these. She could still take Seunghee being mad at her, but Arin? I don't think I can handle it.

"I'm sorry for not telling you." Yubin muttered, she couldn't think of any better things to say.

Arin was silent. Yubin had let her be, she knows Arin. She's the kind of person who takes her time thinking before responding. Their mom said this is one of their similarities.

"I would've told you but.. I thought it's not necessary, you like her, she likes you. And I was better off by myself. I was happy for you."

"Yubin unnie.. you shouldn't do that again." Yubin closed her eyes after finally hearing Arin's voice. No matter how complicated things were, her sister responding to her apology makes her heart at ease.

"I know, and yes I won't anymore." She answered. Now that everything is spilled, no more secrets, Yubin thinks that as soon as she fix her relationship with Seunghee, their circle would be on another upgraded phase of friendship. A stronger and mature one.

"I don't know how deep your feelings for Jiho were but I know you, you're my bestfriend and my sister. You're the best person I could trust."

I don't deserve her. Yubin gave her sister a hug, Arin hugged her back. Her once heavy chest had its break for a moment as they hug. 

"I.. I kept all of these for years. I don't know what to say." She muttered against Arin's shoulder. She felt her sister patting her back before they pull away.

"You shouldn't worry yourself about me or Jiho. You have a Seunghee to think of."

Right.. Seunghee. Yubin opened her backpack and takes a hold of eight pieces of paper hearts with Seunghee's initials. She had them compiled and used a thick cardboard as it's hardcover so that it'll look like a very small heart-shaped book with just 8 pages.

"Please don't do it again, I don't want to get mad at you for keeping things from me. We're bestfriends, right? You're my role model, unnie.." Arin shyly said, now hugging Yubin's big pillow. Yubin smiled at her as she pinched the younger's cheek.

"Well I guess your role model failed you today."

Arin pouted sadly. Yubin looked down at the gift she prepared for Seunghee again. It's been days, we already took our time a lot.

"But.. you're right. I still have things to take care of." Yubin kissed her sister's temple and stood up. She grabbed her coat before leaving the room, running her way out of their house.

She already made many unnecessary decisions in the past weeks, it's time for her to accept everything about herself; that being Seunghee's girlfriend is different from being just her friend, that she's not a cool type of girlfriend who's chill all the time because she loves Seunghee so much that she can't stop admiring everything Seunghee does, and.. now she realize what she's been feeling for days, 

she misses Seunghee.

--

"Yubin?"

Yubin was panting as Mrs. Hyun let her in. "I- Uhm good evening, Mrs. Hyun. I'm sorry for coming here late at night.. I-is Seunghee here?" Yubin has been outside for the whole day, she must be in her most exhausted look in her entire life but she doesn't care anymore. What she wants right now is to talk to Seunghee.

"Oh yes sweetie. I'll call her."

Seunghee's father handed a glass of water to Yubin as they sat on the living room. Mrs. Hyun already called Seunghee earlier but it seemed like Seunghee didn't hear it. Yubin wanted to tell her parents that she'll just go to Seunghee's room to talk quick but it looked like her father wants to discuss something with her. 

"It's already late, Yubin. Seunghee didn't eat much earlier. Something's wrong, isn't it?"

Yubin has spent many days on Seunghee's house, she bonded with her parents too for how many weekends before in their college days. I guess he could really tell when Seunghee and I aren't okay. Yubin sipped from the glass of water to calm herself, the somehow-long run earlier really tired her out.

"It's just a little misunderstanding, I really want to talk to her now because.." Because what Yubin? Should I tell him that I can't stand another night without thinking about his daughter? Should I tell him that I'm dating his daughter?

"No matter how little that is, I hope you two fix it. Fights like this is common for married couples, this is just a beginning to the both of you." What?? What does he mean by that? Does he know?

Yubin couldn't answer anymore when someone took her hand. It was Seunghee. Yubin's heart started to rush beating faster than it used to when she had to run her way here, just because of Seunghee's effect. I missed her so much. Is this real?  It still pains Yubin when she remembers the last encounter she had with Seunghee. Seunghee pulled her after seconds of staring at each other. 

"Dad, if you don't mind, I'll take her to my room, bye!" Seunghee was walking too fast but her hold on Yubin's hand was still so gentle. "Thanks mom, don't forget to close the lights, Yubin said she's staying over." What? I'm staying over? 

"U-um" Yubin wanted to say that she wouldn't because Seunghee's parents might think that she's a burden but Seunghee shushed her by pulling her inside her room.

"You're staying here." Seunghee said as soon as she locked the door of her room just next to Yubin. We're too close. We're too close... Yubin slowly nodded as she stared at Seunghee's eyes. It just happened that when they got in Seunghee's room, Yubin was pushed against the door as Seunghee locked it. Now here they are, stuck against each other.

Is it okay to kiss your girlfriend even when you two are not really okay?

Seunghee seemed to not care about their current position though. The girl started talking.

"Do you want to know what was on my mind the whole week?" Yubin didn't answer, of course she wants to, Seunghee continued talking. "I thought of so many things. Things like.. You didn't want to pursue our love because of studies.. You wanted to make sure that you don't like Jiho anymore. You weren't sure of what you felt for me. All this time, you only thought of yourself while here I am, always looking out for you. Yes. You didn't ask for it, and I'm an idiot for continuing knowing I'll have a hard time."

No.. That's not true. Yubin wanted to explain but Seunghee isn't done yet.

"I know those actions Yubin, I know you. I know you're like that when you're into someone."

Yubin furrowed her eyebrows. Seunghee was right. She's right. That's it. 

"You're right, like I told you, you know me, you noticed that I became too distant and that's definitely-"

"When you like someone, Yubin. That's definitely how you acted towards Jiho years ago, and that's what I saw in the past week ever since Jiho came." No. That's not that. Seunghee wasn't even looking at her. The girl's eyes were glued down on the floor and Yubin couldn't hold the girl up because she's still hesitating, she's shy and she admits it. But then, what's the point of coming all the way here if she won't explain herself.

"No, are you blind, Seunghee? If you think it's because of Jiho then you're wrong. It's because I'm so into you and I wasn't used to handling these feelings. If I acted worse than how I was before with Jiho, it's because I kept falling in love with you and I can't keep myself from being whipped every single time you're close to me. I love you Seunghee. Stop dragging Jiho into this because,"

"It's.. because of me?" Seunghee raised her head, finally Yubin could see those beautiful eyes again.

"Who else? Aren't you my girlfriend?" At this point, everything Yubin would think just comes out of , she's tired filtering herself. If she wants to tell Seunghee how much she likes her, then she would. Without hesitation.

Seunghee remained silent for a minute. Yubin could see how warm Seunghee's face are right now. "Why can't I read you lately? Why is it so hard to know what you're thinking? I thought I already know you a lot.. it seems like I was wrong most of the time.. I'm okay with you being clingy to me, I'm more than okay to see you opening up to me. We weren't this disconnected to each other before.. why are we having a hard time right now?"

Yubin asks herself the same questions. She knows the answer though. The problem is herself and now she's willing to do everything just to fix this. After a minute or two, Seunghee lowered her head again, looking down on the floor, there were little sniffles and sobs. Is she crying? "Please don't break up with me." Yubin's eyes widened as she heard Seunghee whispering. 

"Hey.." She held Seunghee's shoulders. "I won't break up with you, I'm not here to break up with you." Seunghee looked at her and wiped the tears on her eyes. "Really?" God she's so cute. How should I take this cuteness?

The last time Yubin saw Seunghee crying became a very bad memory to her but this Seunghee.. is just so cute, Yubin smiled, cupping Seunghee's cheeks. "Don't cry please." Seunghee nodded, still sniffing though. 

How should I make her feel better? 

Oh. Yubin took the small book in her pocket and opened it. She was suddenly nervous. She didn't really prepare on how she'd give this to Seunghee so.. I'll guess I'll just read this for her. Sweet lovers did these kinds of stuff too, I'll be okay. 

"What's that?" Seunghee asked. Yubin smiled at her, "Listen."

 Seunghee.. Before, I think as if the world revolves only for me.

Everything around it feels like just a prop for my reward in my everyday goal, I was dependent of my surroundings.

Until one day, I realize that it wouldn't stop even when I'm in pain, my breakdowns won't affect the world.

Narrow journey as I started to live lonely, keeping all my achievements and downfall by myself. It's like.. 

Gliding along a sea of random events by myself, it was caging me so I thought that I'd be good alone

Hard as it seemed, I thought I won't need anyone. That anyone would need me instead because of this sea around me, I thought me being good by myself is my strength better than anyone.

Easy to say those... but then I met you, and you gave me everything that brought out the best in me in the past years, I started to think the the sea wasn't just a random sea at all, it's a wide sea of many reasons for me to be happy and I just need to explore all of it.

Everyday with you seemed so new to me, they kept lingering in my thoughts everynight in my sleep. I've been so happy and it made me realize that.. I don't have to explore the sea alone, I want to bring you with me.

Hyun Seunghee, it took me long to realize how much I appreciate you, you waited and I wish I could stop disappointing you constantly. With everything that happened, I realized that we receive more things we thought we never needed until we learned to appreciate it, we'll find out how these things changed us, for the better. For my case, it was you, Seunghee. I didn't know how much I'd love to have you next to me and now I keep missing you when you're not around me.

Phew. I didn't know I wrote that long. Yubin heaved a deep sigh before looking at Seunghee. The girl was smiling widely, like an idiot infront of her.

"Please say something. You shouldn't smile like that after what I did to you in the past week." Yubin said, it was true though. She thinks Seunghee is being too nice to her now. 

"That was cheesy, Bae Yubin." 

Everything was fast and then slow. For a moment, Yubin could only see Seunghee's eyes, could only feel Seunghee's hands cupping the side of her neck and her jawline, could only smell Seunghee's scent and.. could only taste Seunghee's lips. Our first kiss. Yubin's heart must've exploded at that moment. She couldn't think of anything as she leaned in to kiss Seunghee back. Yubin missed Seunghee so much but it never crossed to her mind that she wants to do this with Seunghee. She regretted not thinking about kissing Seunghee when it would feel this.. good.

After a while, Seunghee pulled away. Yubin could feel herself blushing all so red but it was fair because she could see her girlfriend walking all over her room now out of embarrassment. 

"You.. better keep those words. A-and please put too much effort on making my heart flutter or I'll kiss you everytime, without hesitations. That's a warning, Yubin."

Yubin chuckled. "I spent days thinking about everything and now I decided to accept and do everything with you as a girlfriend, without hesitations."

And without hesitation, Yubin walked over to hug her panicking girlfriend. "Calm down, I know how to refrain myself from kissing you." She whispered against Seunghee's ear, the latter laughed a little and hugged her back.

"Unless you want to kiss me again."