They started the bi-nightly rhythm during the following night and it was only then that Ryeowook realized how much he, too, had needed a break like that. It was obvious why Hangeng and Heechul would need a break, and it was just as obvious that Kyuhyun still hadn’t dropped all his suspicions against the other two vampires. And of course Ryeowook knew that his constant awareness of the other two made him hold back with Kyuhyun. But having a night alone with the other, knowing that there was no one who could be aware of their quiet conversations, of their small signs of affection, of their longing kisses, and anything else that would or would not follow, felt like he was getting back the chance to explore with Kyuhyun and still get to know the other better.

After some going back and forth, Ryeowook and Kyuhyun agreed to use their feeding sessions as power practice, though they only figured out a good way to do it after a few times.

On another hot morning that promised a scorching day, the four of them left the house together. It was rare for all of them to go to the market, but Heechul kept on complaining about the four of them not spending enough quality time together and going to the market turned out to be the easiest solution. Plus, it meant that Ryeowook would have company for his way back!

Despite the heat, Ryeowook casually hooked his arm with Kyuhyun’s when they arrived at the market, still not comfortable enough to walk on his own. His free hand leisurely waved his fan as they passed a few carts that weren’t of any interest to them before arriving at one where Hangeng came to a stand, picking out some new vegetables. Ryeowook could feel people glancing into their direction, but over the course of the past weeks, he had learned to mostly ignore them: four men with proud postures, three of them dressed in black and one in light blue, how could they not draw attention? Even just two of them at a time drew attention, so seeing all four of them would probably be the most talked-about topic that week.

Several merchants tried to get their attention and Ryeowook felt reminded of the times that he had gone to festivals with his brothers. Intuitively, he did the same things that he had also done each time he had been in town with his brothers: he focused on his small group, let someone else lead, stayed aware, but also trusted his safety to someone who could take better care of it than he himself could. At the same time, his posture remained relaxed, the certainty that Kyuhyun wouldn’t let anyone harm him outweighing any anxious sparks and worrisome thoughts.

Ryeowook glanced across the market from where an unfamiliar scent wafted over, both enticing to the vampire hunger and repulsing, though not in the same way as the scent of human food. He frowned a little, trying to find the source to it while the other three were still busy, until he heard Heechul laugh softly. Ryeowook turned to him, taken aback when he found the other watch him in amusement, but before Heechul got the chance to say anything, he got distracted, his eyes darting to somewhere behind Ryeowook.

“What’s wrong?”

Heechul shook his head, excitement making his eyes sparkle. “Hannie, the theater group from last year will be back for the mid-autumn festival?”

Next to Ryeowook, Kyuhyun became more alert, but surprisingly, it was the vegetable vendor who answered, “Yes, yes, gentleman, they will! The information was just released this morning, it’s as fresh as my goods!”

Heechul hid his laughter behind his fan and Kyuhyun also turned away, obviously trying not to laugh while Ryeowook managed to keep his face clear of any reaction to the man’s self-flattery. “They’re a famous group?”

The vendor nodded excitedly. “You must not know because you’re new here. But the móhuàn group is the best theater group in all of China!” Hyung, doesn’t ‘móhuàn’ mean ‘magic’ or something like that? Ryeowook thought with a glance towards Heechul who nodded lightly as the vendor continued boasting, “It’s such an honor that they visit our humble city again. Not that Wuhan isn’t known for its mid-autumn festival! Gentlemen, wherever you’re from, once you’ve seen our mid-autumn festival, you will realize that no other festival can compare to it!”

Ryeowook inclined his head with a polite smile while Hangeng paid for his vegetables. “We were very lucky, it seems, that fate brought us here.”

“Oh yes, my dear gentlemen, this city offers only the best!”

“Very true, very true,” Heechul agreed just as Hangeng pulled him further, probably to avoid more self-flattery from the man, and Ryeowook nodded towards the vendor once more, finally breaking into a grin once they were out of view.

“Are they locally famous or actually famous?” Kyuhyun asked in amusement, making Heechul laugh.

“I think they’re overall pretty famous, but I’ve heard of them for the first time when they came here last year.”

“They gained fame in recent years, though the group has been active for a long time already. If my perception from last year isn’t wrong, there was at least one of our kind among them,” Hangeng explained.

“I guess then it’s reasonable that I’ve never heard of them even though I haven’t left China in a while. Except from my rather short trip to Joseon.” Ryeowook glanced over at Kyuhyun on whose lips a playful smile had appeared. No wonder, regarding how much longer Kyuhyun had intended to stay! But if there was a festival in town soon…

“Will you also perform?” Heechul asked the question that crossed Ryeowook’s mind as well and he continued to watch Kyuhyun who immediately grew hesitant, then thoughtful.

“I don’t know…”

“Wouldn’t it be a great finale to our time here?” Ryeowook asked quietly and squeezed Kyuhyun’s arm gently in hopes to be more persuasive. The thought that they would leave when the temperatures got bearable again still saddened him, but he also knew that it was too dangerous to already stay in a place for too long.

If Kyuhyun performed, Ryeowook definitely wanted to see it! But could he? “How long is it until the festival?” he asked and turned to Hangeng and Heechul, not wanting to pressure Kyuhyun any further.

“About two and a half months,” Heechul replied and looked at Hangeng who nodded in confirmation.

“Wuhan’s festival is indeed very famous in the area. I guess it would be a good opportunity to earn a lot of money before you move on—but it might also attract unwanted visitors.”

Was there a chance that someone from Joseon could find them? But weren’t they all busy with their own mid-autumn festival? Then again, a lost prince might still have priority over the own festivities…

“I’ll have to think about it. Or we. I can’t make a final decision just yet,” Kyuhyun finally said.

“If you think it’s safe to stay, can I watch you? I mean, I would have to practice before, of course, but do you think I could be ready by then?” Ryeowook asked further, keeping his eyes on Kyuhyun. Maybe the other two’s powers were better fit to give him an answer, but Kyuhyun knew him better.

Their eyes met and Kyuhyun’s eyes searched in Ryeowook’s, the lighter spots in his eyes seeming to shine in the sun, giving his eyes a sparkle despite Kyuhyun’s seriousness. Ryeowook smiled at their beauty before he managed to pull himself back into reality and look away, a blush rising to his cheek. For how long had he gotten lost in Kyuhyun’s eyes?

“Let’s go with the usual answer: practice is the only way to find out,” Kyuhyun opted and Ryeowook nodded, not daring to meet the other’s eyes again just yet. How could they practice well? Him doing something all on his own was still scary, especially when he thought about the last time that he had done that. But wasn’t there a chance to make use of the fact that Heechul and Hangeng were there as well?

They walked a little further and slowly, a plan formed in Ryeowook’s mind. When he was somewhat satisfied with what he had thought of, he was about to share it, but noticed Hangeng was in the middle of paying for the next vegetables. Once the interaction was over, he spoke up, “I have an idea. How about I go ahead a bit with Hangeng-hyung? In that way, I have someone else by my side who can check in on my feelings and easy communications wouldn’t be interrupted. We can start small and then maybe see how far is okay?” Arguably, a long time had passed since Ryeowook had dared to stray from Kyuhyun’s side in a crowded place like this. If he was honest with himself, the last time he had done that, they had met Hangeng and Heechul. But he had made so much progress in the meantime, so this would certainly be fine, wouldn’t it? Or at least a good way to test what he could do.

The others looked at each other, Hangeng and Heechul’s eye contact lasting a little longer, before Heechul nodded. “I like the idea.”

Everyone’s eyes went to Kyuhyun, but when Ryeowook caught himself doing that, he looked down. No, Kyuhyun had told him not to do that, there was no reason why Ryeowook would need to wait for the other’s explicit agreement.

“Just remember: total transparency,” Kyuhyun said softly and Ryeowook raised his gaze to find the other flashing him a somewhat sheepish and somewhat comforting smile. Had they thought the same thing?

“Kyuhyun is right—maybe I can read your feelings, but you have to be honest with yourself. Try to ask for help before you become overwhelmed.” Ryeowook nodded quickly, but Hangeng held up a hand when Ryeowook started to pull his hand away from Kyuhyun. “What do you want us to do if you get overwhelmed? Last time, you said yourself that you got so caught up in those feelings that you blocked the rest of the world out. If it happens again, what do you think will help you?”

That was a good question. One that he did not have an ultimate answer to. “Maybe the same as last time? Take me away from the crowd and get Kyuhyun…” His gaze lowered automatically and he felt incredibly small and disheartened at the vocalized reminder of how badly the last time had gone. This was something everyone around him could do easily, only he wasn’t able to just go to the market place on his own, they had to take extra precautions because of him. If he was so afraid of the market, how did he think he’d be able to visit a festival, especially for Kyuhyun’s show?

“Or maybe let’s not do it. It’s okay…” He gripped the fabric of Kyuhyun’s sleeve a little tighter as his heart sank. No, he wouldn’t be able to do it. There was no way. If things like this already scared him witless, he wouldn’t be able to become that independent in just a little over two months.

A hand appeared in his vision, making Ryeowook look up and into Hangeng’s calm eyes. “Let’s try.”

“But I—“

“If you want to do it, you can. It’s okay. You’re not on your own, you have all of us around you and none of us will judge you.”

“Hey, maybe you won’t be ready by this year’s mid-autumn festival, but maybe you’ll be a step further than where you are right now. Isn’t that worth it?” Heechul also encouraged him.

Orange flashed before his eyes and a very familiar set of black characters demanded his attention. “Wherever you go, go with all your heart. You said I can do it, so there’s nothing stopping you either. Aim for today’s best, who knows, it might lead you to a new average best.”

“That’s not how I meant it,” Ryeowook protested, but the playful smirk was still on Kyuhyun’s lips as he smoothly shut his fan and motioned towards Hangeng.

“That’s what I’m making of it now. So? Will you try to aim for today’s best? After all, I remember you saying that you always do that…”

Ryeowook nudged Kyuhyun’s side with his arm, then he slowly let go. With a small step, he was by Hangeng’s side and linked their arms. His heart was beating fast at the thought that he was about to leave Kyuhyun behind and a gazillion worst-case-scenarios rushed through his mind as his grip tightened a little.

“Thank you.”

“Just remember to call out if you need us. There’s no need for you to push yourself too much, okay?” Heechul reminded him and Ryeowook nodded, though he wasn’t sure how well he’d be able to stick to that. His eyes met Kyuhyun’s once more and he found the other smiling at him warmly, nodding once in silent assurance.

Finally, Ryeowook turned to Hangeng and flashed him a tiny, uncertain smile. “Let’s go.”

Hangeng nodded and led the way, allowing Ryeowook to walk between him and the vendors’ carts, minimizing his exposure to the other townspeople. Each step felt like a step into uncertainty, but he refused to give in to the same downwards spiral that had gotten a hold of him during his last try. And yet, he couldn’t help the heightened awareness of his surroundings.

One step. A group of women chatting nearby, so close that the words were easily discernable from the remaining background noise. One step. The old wood of the next cart looked brittle, but still sturdy enough to hold. One step. Had the scents been this strong and overwhelmingly human, sweaty, dusty, sweet, salty, fishy just a moment earlier? One step. Movement next to Hangeng, but those were just some elderly women walking past them while chatting loudly.

Two carts later, they came to a stand and Ryeowook immediately glanced towards his side, finding Kyuhyun and Heechul having turned to the cart where they parted ways. The vendor excitedly talked to them while neither of his two potential customers looked particularly interested. Ryeowook’s heart gave a funny twist at the distance that already separated him from Kyuhyun, at the amount of people between them, and yet Kyuhyun was still in sight. Hangeng was right by his side, adding a weird, fragile sense of assurance to the fickle mix.

Ryeowook turned to the cart in front of them, finding the woman on the other side advertising her goods, though he hadn’t even realized that she was talking, her voice still blending into the background noise.

Someone walked past them, the fabric of their clothes brushing against Ryeowook’s. He tensed, listening closely to the person walking further ever so slowly, speech so slowed that Ryeowook could hardly recognized the words. A tremble crawled through him. What was that person saying? Was it about him? Was it just a maneuver to distract him before the actual attack was launched?

A warm hand over his own distracted him and when he tore his gaze away from the table with goods that he still hadn’t really taken in, his eyes met Hangeng’s worried ones. “Are you okay?”

Ryeowook nodded. “I’m fine. I’m fine,” he mumbled stepped a little closer to Hangeng as he looked back, his heart skipping a beat when he couldn’t spot Kyuhyun right away. A person moved and the field cleared, his eyes immediately meeting Kyuhyun’s. Ryeowook took a deep breath, and the world around him continued at normal speed. The person behind him and Hangeng was already gone and the woman in front of them still talked about her honey snacks. From what Ryeowook understood, she hadn’t come too far yet, so he probably hadn’t missed out on too much.

He briefly shook his head towards Kyuhyun, then flashed Hangeng a smile. “I’m fine,” he repeated, his voice steadier and a little louder than before. This time, Hangeng seemed to believe him because he smiled and nodded at him before turning to the lady in front of him and buying some of her snacks—whether out of pity, responsibility, or because he had actually wanted some, Ryeowook couldn’t tell.

“Have you tried these before?” Hangeng asked as he pocketed the snacks, but Ryeowook shook his head.

“Not yet.”

“Even better then that I got some! Feel free to try them later with Heechul—but leave some for me, will you?”

“Of course.” Ryeowook glanced over his shoulder once more before he let Hangeng lead them further. Just how far away was he from Kyuhyun? This was definitely the farthest he had been, at least regarding their visits to the market. Anywhere else, this distance could be crossed in the blink of an eye, but with the crowd around them and people between them, that wasn’t possible.

Ryeowook’s grip on Hangeng’s sleeve tightened and he glanced back once more. His chest felt tight and he clenched his second hand as well when a new tremble tried to take over his body. They weren’t far apart and yet… and yet…

Heechul-hyung. Heechul instantly looked up and just a heartbeat later, their eyes met. Can you two stay a little closer? Maybe with just one cart separating us?

Heechul nodded and turned away to nudge Kyuhyun who looked up, first at Heechul who most likely relayed the message, then at Ryeowook, nodding as well a moment later, then the two leisurely moved on to the next vendor, inspecting his goods as well.

Ryeowook let out a quiet breath, but the tension prevailed, his anxiously beating heart racing fast like it wanted to shake the rest of his body as well.

“Are you okay?” Hangeng asked quietly and Ryeowook nodded, a little too fast.

“Yes, I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?”

Ryeowook nodded again, at a more moderate speed and he tried to take a deep breath against the weight on his chest. He glanced towards Heechul and Kyuhyun once more, finding them talking among themselves and ignoring the slightly flustered vendor. This was no different from the times when his maids had given him some privacy with Changmin at festivals in Joseon’s capital, if anything, he was even safer in this exact moment than he had been at the capital.

He took a deep breath and forced himself to relax his shoulders. He could do a little more. Maybe not much more, but there was an alley behind the next cart. He could get there at least. The cart before that held nuts.  

“Hyung, let’s buy some nuts and then meet the other two in the alley there?” Ryeowook suggested out loud, nodding towards the next cart when he had Hangeng’s attention.

Hangeng nodded and looked past Ryeowook who also turned around, spotting Heechul who flashed them an ‘okay’ sign, proving that he was paying close attention to Ryeowook’s mind.

All four of them moved one cart over and Ryeowook applied every trick he had ever learned to keep his expression neutral, his attention on the assortment of nuts, and his posture appearing relaxed. He blocked out the vendor’s talking, though, focusing solely on the task at hand, on the knowledge that Kyuhyun was nearby, and on Hangeng standing right next to him.

“Are there any nuts in particular that you’d like to buy?”

Ryeowook took in the variety as he nodded, making a mental list of the ones that he wanted, trying to figure out what might get too expensive. He definitely wanted peanuts. And walnuts. Cashews wouldn’t be a problem either, would they? Would almonds or pistachios fit better into that mix? He would lean towards almonds, but hadn’t he seen Heechul snack pistachios quite a few times? So maybe those would be better?

When Hangeng took a step to the side, Ryeowook followed automatically, still trying to figure out whether almonds or pistachios fit better.

“Hyung, doesn’t Heechul-hyung—“

Brown robes appeared in his vision and the person came to a stand so close next to him that they almost touched. Ryeowook’s body tensed, his hand immediately clenching Hangeng’s sleeve. Too late. Too dangerous! His maids weren’t there. This shouldn’t happen! Did those people plan to kidnap him? Use him as bait against the king? Threaten to kill him if his father didn’t give in?

Blood rushed through his ears, drowning out the chatter and other market noises around him as an icy claw suddenly clenched his heart so hard that it couldn’t possibly beat on. Nausea rushed through him so intensely that he couldn’t breathe and all he knew was that help came too late. His maids were too late. Kyuhyun… What about Kyuhyun? No, he couldn’t possibly make it in time.

Someone pulled him away from the cart. Into safety? Yes, that was Hangeng, he—

But what if he cooperated? What if that wasn’t Hangeng? What if someone was just acting be him to gain his trust? What if—

“Ryeowook!”

Someone loosened his fingers from the fabric that he was clinging to and he tried to hold on tighter while the earth seemed to slip beneath him. No. No! He couldn’t… couldn’t…

Kyuhyun!

Ryeowook was engulfed in a tight hug just a heartbeat later and suddenly, reality hit him. The heat. The noise. The smells. He was trembling. He could breathe. Somehow, that icy claw hadn’t made his heart stop. But when it let go, tears started to flow.

Ryeowook clung to Kyuhyun, hiding his face on the other’s shoulder, feeling those warm arms surround him safely, Kyuhyun’s gentle voice whispering a stream of comforting words to him.

“I can’t do it. Why can’t I do it? I did it in the capital, I did it so often when I was human, when I just had humans around me to protect me! Why can’t I do it now? Why… why am I like this?”

“Shh, it’s okay,” Kyuhyun mumbled, but Ryeowook shook his head.

“No, it’s not. It’s not okay, I’m not okay, I don’t feel okay! Everyone else can do it, they just go to the market, there’s nothing about it! I used to be fine, even when my maids weren’t right with me! Why am I not fine now? I just… just want to be okay!”

“I mean it, little prince. It’s okay. Maybe you can’t do this a lot yet, maybe you can’t do this as casually as the rest of us. But you’ve already become so much better at it.”

“But—“

“Hear me out first,” Kyuhyun cut him off gently, “because there are things that everyone else can do that you can’t just yet—and there are things that everyone else can do that I can’t just yet. I will do whatever I can to help you do your things. And whether you know it or not, you are helping me work on the things that I can’t do.”

“But you can do everything.”

“No, I cannot. I can’t let you spoil me. And I wouldn’t have known how much her actions still impact me if it hadn’t been for you.”

Ryeowook leaned away, wanting to protest, but someone else caught his attention, making him remain quiet. Hangeng and Heechul were waiting at the mouth of the alley and Heechul had taken the basket with their groceries. They had seemed to be conversing nonverbally, but they turned towards Ryeowook and Kyuhyun, likely sensing that Ryeowook’s immediate need for comfort had been stilled.

Ryeowook looked down and slowly dropped one arm, linking the other with Kyuhyun’s when the latter also pulled away.

“I’m sorry, Ryeowook, I should have been more careful about that. I’ll keep this in mind if you want to try again someday.”

Ryeowook’s head shot up at Hangeng’s apology, quickly shaking his head, but Hangeng’s kind smile remained in place. “No, no, you—“

“I mean it. I should have been able to guess that letting someone else stand so close to you wouldn’t work out. I’m sorry for not thinking about that before.”

“No, hyung, really… I might have been okay with that. Thank you for reacting so fast. All of you, thank you.” Ryeowook looked at each of them, then down. No matter how much Kyuhyun assured him that it was okay, he still felt like a failure.

“Don’t think about it too much. Think about what you accomplished instead. Promise?” Hangeng coaxed and Ryeowook nodded, not wanting to argue but also not daring to agree to a promise that he was certain he’d break. “Alright. I have to get to work. Take care and I’ll see you later, okay?”

Ryeowook nodded again while the other two bid Hangeng goodbye properly.

Kyuhyun accompanied them all the way to the edge of the forest before he bid Ryeowook and Heechul goodbye as well, asking Ryeowook several times if he was really okay, eventually bringing the hint of a smile to Ryeowook’s lips as he kept on assuring Kyuhyun that he’d be fine. Having Kyuhyun close for longer than expected and getting away from humans did wonders to his formerly anxious heart to the point where he indeed felt like he meant it when he assured Kyuhyun that he was fine before they parted ways.

☆ ☆ ☆

Fear woke Ryeowook up sometime close to sunset. Not his own, no, Kyuhyun’s. The vampire sensed it, woke him up, was eager to find its prey—Ryeowook ignored it.

Instead, he slowly opened his eyes, taken aback when he saw Kyuhyun tremble. He was panting and even more tense than he had been after any of his former nightmares, sitting slightly bent over.

Immediately worried wide awake, Ryeowook moved to sit up, freezing mid-movement when Kyuhyun flinched and spun around, eyes wide. “It’s you. It’s you. It’s just you.”

Ryeowook nodded, his worry increasing by a tenfold as he sat up slowly. “Yes, it’s me. It’s just me,” he repeated slowly, searching in Kyuhyun’s eyes. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Kyuhyun shook his head and pulled Ryeowook into a tight hug, like he was holding on to the younger vampire for dear life. Ryeowook wrapped his arms around Kyuhyun as well, feeling the other’s fast heartbeat with one hand, caressing Kyuhyun’s hair comfortingly with the other.

“It’s okay. I’m here. You’re okay. You’re safe, we both are,” he mumbled, mixing further sweet assurances into his repetitions until Kyuhyun’s breath became even, his heart slowed from its frenzy, and his body relaxed into the touch.

“I saw her,” Kyuhyun whispered eventually. “I never do. I’ve had a feeling for a while now that many of my nightmares connect to her, but it has never been this blatant. We were in my village, I was still human, and she just looked me in the eye and…” A shiver ran through Kyuhyun and his embrace tightened for a moment. “The hunger was so overwhelming, I… no one could stop me. And then she smiled at me and when I turned to run away, I was home and my son was playing outside and then…” Kyuhyun shook his head and leaned away and his hands fell into his lap, his eyes searching in Ryeowook’s. “You were there. But all I knew was that I had to kill you to satisfy this hunger.” His voice was barely audible and a shiver ran down Ryeowook’s spine at that image.

He moved one hand to rest against the side of Kyuhyun’s face, shaking his head lightly. “It was a nightmare, don’t worry. I’m here, I’m alive. You are here, you’re in full control. And she is not here.”

“I know. I know that, but…” Kyuhyun looked away, his expression still conflicted. “I don’t have these nightmares because she’s around. At least I don’t think it’s because of that. I think it’s because I keep thinking about my time with her.”

Ryeowook felt a jealous pang in his chest and withdrew his hands, but he kept his voice free of his ache when he asked, “Why do you think of that time?”

“Because of you.” Finally, Kyuhyun met his eyes and this time, he looked forlorn while Ryeowook was both confused and hurt by that statement.

“Because of me?”

Kyuhyun nodded, averting his eyes again. “Because I want to be better for you. Because through you I find out about all the things that I thought were normal about me but aren’t. Because I want to understand why I can’t do some things, like… Why I can’t let you take care of me, why I have to make you come first, why I keep on having nightmares about losing control or not being in control… At least that’s what I think they all come down to. Because I want to be able to give you what you want, I don’t want to feel on edge when I get too close to coming but you haven’t finished yet either. I want to know who I am. I want to believe in the good in our kind. I want to be able to trust my memory. I don’t want to question myself at every step I take and still come off as controlling. I want to be complete for you, I want to be perfect for you, but…”

Kyuhyun shook his head as Ryeowook’s heart broke. He wanted to reach out, to comfort Kyuhyun, but at the same time, he knew that he had to wait, let Kyuhyun speak.

“Ryeowook, I want to… I just want you to be happy, but I’m so afraid.”

“What are you afraid of?”

Kyuhyun looked up again and his eyes were so full of pain that Ryeowook couldn’t resist to at least take Kyuhyun’s hand into both of his. “I’m afraid to be like her. I’m afraid that everything that I am is because of her. I’m afraid of treating you wrong, that I might not be who I think I am, that she might find me or, even worse, you. I want to leave her in the past, but I can’t. Because suddenly, you ask me why I have nightmares. Why I can’t do some things. And I want to give you an answer, I want to be honest with you, I want to stick to our promise of total transparency. And yet the more I think about it, the more do I feel like I’m just her product.”

“But you’re not.”

“How can you say that?”

“Because you’re here with me.”

Kyuhyun shook his head. “How can you say that proves anything?”

“You said it yourself: she wanted you with her, no matter the cost, even if she had to mess with your mind constantly to a degree where she could not let her manipulation over you weaken because you’d realize that’s not what you wanted. Because you’re stronger than her, because you’re so gentle and caring. From what you told me, she’s neither of those things.”

“But what if she messed with my mind so much that I will end up becoming like her, that I will hurt you, what if I will remember new things about me or what if the version of me that I’m living right now is still someone she created, what if I used to be different, what if even the memories of how I was before I was turned are wrong?”

Ryeowook shook his head, unable to believe that any of those things should be true, but he knew that those words alone wouldn’t be enough to convince Kyuhyun. “Do you… when you’re with me, do you feel like you have to pretend to be someone that you’re not?”

“I do take extra care of you and I do watch how I’m behaving. Because I don’t want to hurt you.”

A thought crossed Ryeowook’s mind and even though it seemed cruel to him, he hardened his heart. “Are you pretending right now?” Shock and hurt flashed over Kyuhyun and he quickly leaned away. “Were you pretending when you kissed me goodnight? When you touched me? Were you thinking about how to make me suffer when you taught me how to feed safely or when you rushed to my side when I found out what my power was? Were you disappointed when you found out that my power is healing and not any kind of easily harmful power?”

Kyuhyun shook his head over and over again, looking more aghast with each question until something seemed to click in his mind.

“Then how can you be like her when you don’t want to use me, when you take care of me, when you’re so gentle with me, when you never overstep any of my boundaries, when you listen to my worries, when you trace back hurtful memories just so you can better yourself? You’re not like her, Kyuhyun.”

“But what if I become like her?”

“Then maybe I’ll have to find out how to extend my power to heal the crooked path that you’re walking on.” Ryeowook smiled at Kyuhyun who looked doubtful at first before he looked away.

“I don’t deserve you.”

“How so?”

“Because I’m broken. I’m a murderer. I can’t let go of my past. I’ve hurt people, and I didn’t always care about it. I’ve destroyed with my power. I can’t protect you properly. But you’re so pure, so gentle, so sweet. You’re—“

“A spoiled brat. That’s at least what my oldest brother usually called me when he heard about the next thing that I got away with.”

Their eyes met and Kyuhyun looked like he was upset about being interrupted, especially in such a manner, but in the end, he just shook his head. “You’re not a spoiled brat.”

“Oh come on, I’m so spoiled rotten that I can’t even take a single step on my own because I’m certain everyone on the market is out to kidnap me because I’m so important. Now tell me that’s not spoiled-brat-thinking.” Ryeowook flashed Kyuhyun a grin that felt as fake as his lighthearted dismissal of his own very real fear, but it seemed to work.

The hint of a smile lifted Kyuhyun’s lips and relief washed through Ryeowook, so strong that it wiped the fake expression from his face and he pulled Kyuhyun closer once again, hugging him tightly.

“Now listen closely and try to use this for your dreams instead: you’re great. You’re strong. You’re caring. You’ve always been incredibly patient with me, listening to me spill my heart and whine about not being able to control my hunger or having a power. Your need to protect me is stronger than my fear of people being out for my royal status. Well, former royal status, I mean. You’re kind. You go out of your way for me so often that I don’t even know how I can ever repay you. You’re funny. You have a big heart. You know who you are and you will act accordingly despite someone having messed with your mind. You got away from someone who abused you and you are actively working on overcoming that time. I’ve never met anyone stronger than you. You’re so handsome that you make me speechless several times a week, and I think you can take that as a huge thing coming from someone who’s been surrounded by beauty and riches all his life. You’re honest and mature. And when there’s something you don’t like, you will change it—whether it’s about yourself or not. Whether you believe me or not: you’re wonderful the way you are.” Ryeowook leaned away a little, just far enough to be able to look into Kyuhyun’s eyes again. “I love you.”

Kyuhyun’s eyes widened and for a moment, he looked like he wanted to argue against that. Without a warning, Kyuhyun hugged Ryeowook so tightly that he could hardly breathe, but he responded to the hug the same way. “I love you, too. I love you so much.”

A smile appeared on Ryeowook’s lips and his heart fluttered, sending buzzing excitement and love through his body. Kyuhyun leaned away, his eyes shining and still filled with wonder, yet the eye contact didn’t last long before he kissed Ryeowook.

Ryeowook melted into the sensation and leaned back, pulling Kyuhyun down with him, responding with the same intensity that Kyuhyun was giving him.

Very slowly, the kiss became more leisure, less intense without losing any of its affection, turned into pecks, and, without him noticing, into no more than a part of Ryeowook’s dreams as he fell asleep.