Ryeowook didn’t feel good. There was no denying that anymore.

During the past few days, he had become more and more certain that he had caught whatever disease was going around, even though he didn’t know how he had caught it. Had that still happened while he had worked at the hospital? Through Kyuhyun somehow?

Kyuhyun… Why was he still not there?

Ryeowook’s eyes went around the darkness around him once more, then he pulled his legs up onto the bench and wrapped his coat around himself a little tighter, the night feeling even colder than before even though the day had been nice and warm.

The night before, they had fought, and throughout the entire day, Ryeowook hadn’t been able to think about anything else. Kyuhyun had called him fragile and reckless for not taking care of himself properly, but at the same time, he had looked so worried that Ryeowook couldn’t even be upset with him. Instead, deep regret filled him. Where was Kyuhyun? He had to apologize. For not taking care of himself well enough, for having been so stoic the night before, for all his assurances that he certainly hadn’t caught this disease.

Something rustled and Ryeowook quickly glanced into that direction, holding his breath—but nothing happened. No figure dressed in all black came out of the shadows, no gentle laughter mocked him for his carelessness, no one scolded him with worried eyes.

The prince looked away and readjusted his coat, feeling the coldness seep into the folds. He sniffled, but when that didn’t help, he wiped over his runny nose with his sleeve, not caring about dirtying it. Who would judge him for it anyway?

Had they closed the gates completely? Had Kyuhyun run into any guards? Had he gotten hurt somewhere on the way? Why was he suddenly not showing up, why was there no sign of him?

Kyuhyun wouldn’t like this, would he? Or did he stay away because of the fight? Was he still angry? Had he changed his mind and left that day? Or was Ryeowook thinking too much about it and everything had just been fun and games for Kyuhyun and he was turning away because now the stakes were getting too high? No, that definitely had to be wrong! Right?

Another sound made Ryeowook turn his head, but this time, it was just a breeze. The prince shivered when the soft wind blew over him and he wished he had brought a thicker coat. How could Kyuhyun just leave him sitting in the cold like that?

Ryeowook pulled his legs even closer, hoping to warm himself like that, yet it seemed like a futile attempt. Tiredness made him feel heavy and he wished he was either with Kyuhyun or at least in his room where he could sit either by a fire or sneak under his blanket, but he wasn’t ready to leave yet. What if Kyuhyun still came?

He stayed in his spot for as long as he was able to hold out against the cold and the tiredness before he gave up with a sinking heart, slowly moving his stiff limbs to get up. He instantly felt even colder than before and did his best to hurry, glancing back occasionally to make sure that he didn’t miss out on Kyuhyun.

Back in his room, Ryeowook quickly undressed and slid under his blanket. Finally, he was lying someplace warm! His body seemed to let go of the tension all at once, though the same uncomfortableness that he had felt all day remained. He was so tired that falling asleep shouldn’t be a problem, but just like the night before, his thoughts went back to Kyuhyun. Where was he? What was he doing? Had he moved on? The same worries kept on circling in his mind, keeping him too preoccupied to fall asleep quickly.

☆ ☆ ☆

Sticking to what the doctor had told him, Ryeowook mostly confined himself to his room, hoping that no one else in his family or from the staff members would get infected. He nevertheless got regular guests throughout the day who came to check on him and helped him chase away his boredom. He had tried reading the Classics, but he couldn’t concentrate on them. And if the fever he was getting wasn’t already annoying enough, he was also developing a cough. That morning, the doctor gave him a cough syrup that woke memories of disgust in the young prince, but he took it without objection, hoping that it would help. And he could hardly go out and hopefully meet Kyuhyun again if he was coughing the whole time! The guards would definitely notice that.

The day seemed to pass agonizingly slow despite the many visitors he got and when he had bid the last person goodnight, the sun still hadn’t gone down. He distracted himself by watching the outside world, disappointed when a bird that had settled down nearby quickly flew away, startled by a coughing fit.

When the sky finally started to go dark, Ryeowook gave up his spot by the window and went to his desk. He filled the prescribed amount of cough syrup into a small medicine cup, diluted it a little with some water, took a deep breath, then he downed the full dose. The bitter taste caused a shiver to run down his spine and he instantly wanted to scrub his mouth clean from the taste, but even clear water didn’t do much to chase it away. “I hate you,” he mumbled towards the bottle that held the syrup and glared at it, suppressing another shiver, then he got comfortable again by the window, finding an unwelcome distraction from his normal thoughts by the reminder of the syrup’s awful taste.

Darkness settled over the garden and in his room, but he didn’t light a candle, not wanting the absence of light to give away his own absence later. He waited for what he hoped would be long enough for Kyuhyun to make it into the court, then he grabbed his black coat and another piece of fabric that he used as a substitute scarf and mask. Soundlessly, he sneaked out of his room and into the safety of rose bushes and cherry trees, following the familiar path to the bench.

Ryeowook’s heart sunk when he found the bench empty, but he sat down anyway, wishing for Kyuhyun to come. Hadn’t Jungsu always told him that if he only believed in something enough, that thing could come true? He didn’t know if that principle also applied for things that he could influence as little as Kyuhyun showing up, but by that point, it was certainly worth a shot.

“You look like you’re contemplating something very serious.”

Ryeowook jumped and looked up. “Kyuhyun!” He quickly rose to his feet while the other bowed towards him. The prince couldn’t do anything to stop the smile on his lips. “You weren’t here yesterday. I thought you left,” he berated the fire artist.

Kyuhyun straightened and their eyes finally met. The darkness did little to conceal Kyuhyun’s seriousness that was still so foreign to Ryeowook that he subconsciously sat down again. The fire artist walked over and sat with him, still studying his face. “How are you feeling?”

“I… Well, I’ve been better, I guess.” Ryeowook looked away. He hadn’t expected the tension that hung in the air, heavy with a foreboding that he couldn’t quite interpret. He pulled his hands further into his sleeves, knitting the fabric between his fingers. “I got medicine and the doctor comes every day, but…”

“But you doubt that any of it will help.”

Ryeowook clenched the soft fabric of his sleeves. Spoken aloud, those words suddenly woke an anxiety inside him and he bit his lip. Because if they were right… If the medicine didn’t help… He closed his eyes, trying not to think about it, but he couldn’t block out the only option that was left.

“Ryeowook. I may have a way to help you.”

The prince spun around in his position at those words.

“But you said there is no way.”

Kyuhyun nodded. “None that you or the doctor would know of. It’s a way that is bound to a lot of consequences.”

“What is it? Kyuhyun, please, just tell me.” He could live. There was a chance that he could live despite having caught this disease, despite the medicine doing nothing to help him! His heart fluttered and he reached out to take Kyuhyun’s hands, noticing only then how tense the other was. “Kyuhyun, please.”

“If I tell you, there’s a chance that you will never see me again after today.”

“What do you mean? Kyuhyun, don’t keep me waiting.”

“I promised you that I will give you all the answers that you’ve been waiting for, didn’t I?”

Ryeowook nodded quickly. “So you’ll do that today?”

Kyuhyun looked away, then he gave a small nod, his expression seeming twisted. “But first tell me how far the disease has come already.”

“Kyuhyun, you—“

The fire artist turned to face him in a quick motion and the intensity in his eyes took Ryeowook’s breath away. “Tell me.”

“I… I think today’s the fourth day. A light fever started yesterday and coughs today…” the prince answered in a whisper.

Kyuhyun seemed to think about it for a moment, then he gave a curt nod. “Whether I will help you or not will be your decision.”

“Of course I want you to help me.”

“Don’t say that so rashly; you don’t know the conditions yet.”

Ryeowook frowned, trying to read in Kyuhyun’s eyes, but all he could see was a cold determination that slowly made him let go of the other’s hands. “Then tell me.”

“You want to live, right?”

“Yes.”

“Do you want that for yourself or just to help others?”

“What kind of question is that?”

“Answer me.”

Ryeowook shook his head lightly, trying to catch up with Kyuhyun, but he felt lost. The thought that he could continue helping others pushed his hope even further and he knew that this was the answer that Confucius would want him to pick, but… “Both. I want to live. But I also want to help others.”

“If I help you, you will have to hurt a lot of people. You won’t be able to stay here anymore. Can you do that? Can you leave everyone behind?”

“Why would I have to do that?”

“Can you, Ryeowook?”

“I thought you would answer my questions as well?”

“I will. But before I make you the full offer, I have to know a few things.”

“Why?”

“You’ll find out in just a few minutes, okay? Just answer for now. Please, Ryeowook.”

The prince held Kyuhyun’s eyes until he couldn’t take their intensity anymore. Could he leave everyone behind? His brothers, his father, his mother, Changmin, the staff, the doctor, all the others whom he could help here…

“Will I be able to help more people if I leave?”

“After you have fully healed, yes.”

His family would be hurting. His father would be furious. Suddenly, he realized the most obvious part and let out a short, bitter laugh that made him cough in turn. The loudness shocked him, helping him fight against the coughing fit, then silence settled between them, Ryeowook looking at the other with widened eyes and one hand clasped over his mouth while Kyuhyun’s expression revealed his worry. When everything remained quiet for a few seconds, Ryeowook slowly lowered his hand, but Kyuhyun was quick to press his own in front of Ryeowook’s mouth before the prince could usher even a single word. He flinched from the speed of the movement, his eyes widening once more, but Kyuhyun just shook his head, facing slightly towards the side, his brows furrowed in concentration.

Ryeowook didn’t move until Kyuhyun’s stance slowly relaxed and he lowered his hand.

“So?”

So? Ryeowook tilted his head in question before he realized what the other was waiting for. “You forgot that I’m under confinement already. There’s no way that my parents would allow me to leave. I’ve tried countless times after my last shift at the hospital, they’re not going to let me leave court.”

“That’s exactly why you can’t tell them.”

“What? You expect me to just run away?”

“Precisely.”

“That won’t work. The guards—“

“I can come in, can’t I? If I can come in, I can also get you out.”

“But all the gates are protected. No matter how much you might bribe the guards, there’s no way they’d let you take me with you.”

“I don’t bribe the guards.”

Ryeowook squinted at Kyuhyun. If not by bribing, how else did he manipulate the guards to let him pass through?

“And I don’t come in through the gates. I come over the wall.”

“That’s just—“ The word ‘ridiculous’ died on Ryeowook’s lips when Kyuhyun’s expression didn’t lose its sincerity. “Impossible,” he finished his sentence eventually in a whisper.

“Not for me. Are you ready to hear the truth?”

Ryeowook nodded, more confused than before.

☆ ☆ ☆

Ryeowook somehow managed to quietly sneak back into his room. He made sure that the window and door were closed properly, then he went over to his desk, sinking down next to it. His knees felt so weak that he wasn’t sure if he’d even make it to his bed that night. He looked down and noticed that his hands were shaking, a tremor that spread through his entire body even though he kept his coat tightly wrapped around himself.

His head was spinning, but he still tried to make sense of all the things he had heard. He trembled more the longer he failed to apply logic or anything else he had learned to what Kyuhyun had told him.

Ryeowook couldn’t tell how much time had passed when he noticed that he was chewing on his bottom lip, rocking himself back and forth. No, this had to stop! He had to think of something else!

His mind flashed back to Kyuhyun bidding him goodbye, leaning closer and closer until he had whispered Remember, you have three days to make your decision. Don’t forget that you will have to accept everything into his ear before leaning back, still so close that his lips had brushed against Ryeowook’s cheek. The prince raised a hand to that same cheek, finding it hot, though he couldn’t tell whether that was from a blush or from the fever that seemed to be stronger than it had been throughout the day. With everything he had heard… that brush hadn’t been accidental, had it?

Ryeowook’s heart beat faster and he closed his eyes, only thinking about how close they had been, relishing in that memory while banning everything else from his mind.