Days passed in the same manner: they slept while the sun was out, Kyuhyun got up sometime and disappeared into the village but always returned before sunset, then they kept on moving. However, Kyuhyun already announced that he planned to find a place where they could stay for the summer since by then, they should have come far enough to not be discovered too easily. Ryeowook dreaded each coming feeding session because no matter with how much resolution he approached them and how much he collected himself mentally beforehand, the moment he tasted the first drop of blood, the hunger drowned out every bit of consciousness, and even on the few recent occasions where the hunger wasn’t quite as overwhelming, he still wasn’t able to follow Kyuhyun’s demand to stop.

Ryeowook hated to admit it, but he began to miss his life at court. Maybe it was boring most of the time. Maybe he knew the Classics by heart to an extent that he was trying to calm his mind before feeding by reciting the Classics silently. Maybe Kyuhyun hadn’t been there with him.

But on the other hand, life at court had been secure. It had been stable. There hadn’t been anyone he was running away from and no one who was worrying about him too much. It had been a lot less stressful and exhausting.

“What’s on your mind?”

“Nothing.” Ryeowook stared into the flames that brought warmth and promised needed rest after another night of walking.

“I don’t believe you. You seem to have something on your mind these days.”

Ryeowook shook his head without taking his gaze off the fire. “It’s nothing, really. It should be, anyway…”

“So it relates to your human life.” He looked up in surprise and right into Kyuhyun’s eyes before diverting his gaze again. “Tell me about it.”

“Kyuhyun, it—“

“No, I mean it, tell me about it. Maybe I can’t help much: I won’t bring you back and I can’t bring anyone or anything from court to you. But talking can nevertheless help, you know?”

Ryeowook looked back at the flames. He didn’t want to bother Kyuhyun with his thoughts, he knew that they were irresponsible and wouldn’t get him anywhere. And yet… “I miss them. I miss my family, Minhee, Minkyung, Changmin… All of them. I don’t exactly miss life at court, but I miss… not having to run away.”

“Do you think settling down eventually could help?”

“I thought we can’t settle down fully?”

“Not fully, no, but when we’re far enough away that the chances of them finding us become small enough, we can nevertheless settle down for a while, maybe even a few years. Do you think that will help?”

Settling down? It would at least help against his point of constantly running away and of not having a stable place to belong to. “I think it might.”

“Good. Then let’s make that our next big goal! It may still take some more months or so until we can accomplish it, but let’s work towards that anyway.” Kyuhyun smiled at him, so brightly and confidently that Ryeowook couldn’t do anything but to believe those words. “Oh, and there’s one thing I was wondering about: are you basically committing adultery these days? Or cheating on anyone?”

Ryeowook raised an eyebrow in disbelief and surprise at the sudden change of topic. “What? No, of course not! I wouldn’t have come with you if there had been someone else like that. I wouldn’t even have met you outside in that case.”

Kyuhyun frowned. “To be honest, character-wise, I didn’t expect anything else. But on the other hand… Aren’t we about the same age? Then why aren’t you married yet?”

Ryeowook shrugged. “There just hasn’t been the right woman yet whom my parents deemed fitting. And as far as I know, the families of those women that would have been of interest for my parents never responded to our requests.”

“How come? I mean, you’re so sweet and handsome and nice and—“

Ryeowook couldn’t help it, he burst out laughing, waving his hand in denial. “Stop complimenting me! And even if you were right—that’s not at all what matters in the world of politics.”

“But you’re still a prince. Well, you were. Why would other families not want their daughters to be married to you?”

“Oh, there were some families that did ask for their daughters to be married to me, but those were from families that wouldn’t have benefitted the royal family. Of course my parents would contact high-ranking elite families only, but those families still had higher hopes to get their daughters married to one of my brothers or probably someone with more ambition to take over the throne at one point. The soft-hearted, youngest prince? What benefit would I bring them? Maybe they’d become part of the royal family, but not in an influential position.”

“But… still…” Kyuhyun looked utterly crushed and at a loss of words, bringing a sad smile to Ryeowook’s lips.

“Why do you think I could easily get anything I wanted? Why did I only have two maids with me in public, no matter how well they were trained? Why was I allowed to work at the hospital with only my two maids around? Why was I able to even attend the spring festival so often with only my maids by my side? Maybe I was a prince, but certainly not the most important one.”

Kyuhyun shook his head lightly and this time it was his turn to stare into the flames, seeming lost. Ryeowook smiled softly, feeling a little sorry to apparently shock Kyuhyun like that when it was nothing special for him. “Wait, but… when you say that… does it mean you’ve also never been in a relationship? Or anything like that?”

Ryeowook nodded. “Of course not. What kind of image would that have cast on the royal family?”

“Well, what kind of image does a prince who doesn’t get married and eventually runs away cast on the royal family?”

Ryeowook opened his mouth but then closed it again. “Enough talk about me. What about you? I guess it’s safe to say that you have already been with someone?”

Kyuhyun’s expression changed immediately and he nodded. Yet when he spoke, his voice held a deep affection and melancholy. “Yes—both in my human and my vampire life. Back before I was turned, I actually had a wife and a little boy. He was a very lively, happy child who fooled around a lot, but one word from his mother or me and he was the most well-behaved boy in our village.”

Ryeowook's throat tightened at that image, yet he couldn’t take his eyes off Kyuhyun. There hadn’t only been a wife but even a child. Of course that was normal for the common people of their age, but… Logic couldn’t take away the stabbing pain Ryeowook felt in his heart at the thought of Kyuhyun with his family, of the affection that he could still see on the other’s face in that moment, just that it was directed towards a small child and another woman and not towards him.

“Before I came to the spring festival in the capital, I actually went to my village. I only watched from the outside at first, the thought that Jangmi-ya could recognize me made me keep my distance. But it turned out that it’s my grandson who’s leading the farm that I grew up on and that he’s already an old man… I can’t believe so much time has already passed since I was turned… “

Ryeowook felt cold and that stabbing feeling of jealousy just wouldn’t subside. He blamed it on the fond tone that Kyuhyun spoke in and the gentle look in his eyes that stayed unfocused despite becoming harder when he continued to speak.

“The one after that… was actually my sire.”

“Your sire?” From all the things he had heard about Kyuhyun’s sire and from the way in which Kyuhyun spoke about her, Ryeowook would have never guessed that any kind of love or even ual relationship could have occurred.

“Yes. Like I told you, she loved to acquire things. And people. I’m convinced that she had some sort of -based relationship with everyone whom she turned, just to fulfill her sick need of conquering us to the fullest extent possible.” Kyuhyun’s voice was bitter, easing Ryeowook’s jealousy and instead awakening a need to reach out and comfort the other. “I think that the more we tried to stand up to her, the more she wanted to destroy us. She loved it when we lost control, she loved the cruelty, loved the drama and tragedy. And even when we wanted to, it was basically impossible for us to leave until she lost interest.”

“Why?”

Their eyes met and the pain in Kyuhyun’s eyes broke something inside Ryeowook, yet he was too afraid to reach out. A fire was burning inside Kyuhyun’s eyes, revealing a buried, decade-old anger. “Because her power is manipulation and she has mastered it. As I’ve stayed away from her, I noticed how different my thoughts became, and I reflected for a long time, realizing how much she had messed with my head while I was there without me noticing that anything was wrong. And if it gets really bad, she can take it to noticeable extremes, to the point where you feel like a mere spectator of your own life and have no control over your own words or actions.”

Ryeowook could merely stare at Kyuhyun wide-eyed. This explained why Kyuhyun had said that he didn’t trust memories concerning himself, and the mere imagination was enough for Ryeowook to also understand why Kyuhyun usually avoided speaking about his sire and his time with her. Losing control regularly—how many accidents had happened with Kyuhyun’s element? And feeding! How many people had lost their lives because of Kyuhyun’s sire? And being unable to control the own actions and words… Ryeowook had already been angry when his father hadn’t allowed him to speak up during discussion conferences, but he still had been able to speak and act as he desired and saw fit. How much worse must Kyuhyun have felt, being denied the ability to choose over his own actions and words?

“I’m so sorry. I don’t know what to say…” Ryeowook finally looked away, still trying to fully understand what he had just heard. “I’m glad you’re not with her anymore. Your sire, I mean.”

“Me, too. I really hope you’ll never have to experience something like that.”

“How did you get away? If you’re fine talking about it, that is…”

“I was lucky, actually. I don’t think she would have lost interest in me anytime too soon, but at one point, she had to start with stronger manipulation because I realized that the life she had in mind for me wasn’t the life I wanted to live. But the effects of her manipulation wear off eventually, you see? And one time, I realized that the effects were wearing off again and I remembered even more clearly why I wanted to get away as I regained control over my body. So when she was out to feed with some others, I used the chance and ran away. That was actually the first time that I came to China because I knew I had to get somewhere far away, somewhere where she couldn’t find me…”

Ryeowook scooted closer to Kyuhyun and took his hand, intertwining their fingers. “I’m really glad that you were able to run away. I hope you’ll never meet her again.”

“Me too. And I hope that you will never have to meet her.”

Kyuhyun’s head came to rest on Ryeowook’s shoulder, surprising the former prince. Unless Ryeowook had to feed, they hadn’t been this close since the night that Kyuhyun had turned him. A new kind of warmth spread through him and suddenly, the jealousy from earlier felt insignificant and out of place. Those people were from a different life—Ryeowook on the other hand was part of Kyuhyun’s eternal life. And Ryeowook was there right in that moment.

“You need to feed tonight, don’t you?”

Ryeowook groaned at the unpleasant reminder. “I don’t want to.”

“We’ve already been through this.”

“I know.”

“So let’s do it now? Then you won’t need to worry about it again for another while.”

Ryeowook sighed, but he knew that he didn’t really have a choice. Kyuhyun was the first to move, pulling his hand back and wrapping his arm around the other's shoulders. Ryeowook took the arm and as if on cue, he felt the ever-present hunger flare up and his fangs extend. He took a deep breath, gathering all of his self-control, then he sank his fangs into the soft skin, instantly feeling the warm, velvet liquid fill his mouth.

Something inside him gave a content sigh at the taste, but he fought not to give in to the contentment, to the vermillion curtain that filtered out everything except the hunger and the next potential prey. He could do this. He could stay in control. For himself. For Kyuhyun.

And yet, he felt his control slipping, felt how each gulp strengthened the creature inside him that didn’t care about anything else but blood.

“Ryeowook.”

Kyuhyun’s voice sounded so incredibly far away, but the gentle pull on his arm felt a lot more real. Ryeowook’s first instinct was to hold on tighter.

No.

He could do this. For himself. For Kyuhyun.

“Ryeowook, it’s enough.”

He heard the words a little clearer this time. Good. He concentrated on the process of leaning back, letting go. He could do this. Just pull out his fangs.

There was another, slightly more determined pull and something inside him wanted to instinctively hold on tighter. No. It’s hurting Kyuhyun!

The sudden thought scared him and he leaned back, pushing the arm away. Without a warning, the scent of blood hung in the air, so heavy that Ryeowook’s entire world seemed to turn red and he clasped one hand over his mouth and nose. No. No! He had stopped. He wouldn’t… wouldn’t…

“ it.”

Ryeowook’s eyes widened and he quickly shook his head, but Kyuhyun’s voice was even, yet demanding, allowing no protest.

“Ryeowook, over the wounds. You can do it.”

Ryeowook shook his head again, his eyes focused on the two small trickles of blood that slowly ran down Kyuhyun’s wrist. His. He needed—

No. No, he did not. He was okay. He could—

But so good.

“Ryeowook.” Kyuhyun’s voice was more urgent this time. “You have to the wounds to make the bleeding stop. You can do this. Trust me.” He moved his wrist closer to Ryeowook, who tried to inch back even more, but Kyuhyun’s body stopped him. “You wouldn’t want any of the blood to drop down, would you?”

If it dropped down and on their clothes…

A red glaze took over Ryeowook’s vision and he shook his head lightly, watching as Kyuhyun adjusted his arm to keep the blood from falling.

Very slowly, Ryeowook reached out his hand, noticing that it was shaking. the wounds. Stop the bleeding. Nothing else.

He was tempted to take a deep breath to calm his nerves, but quickly discarded that thought when he realized that the smell of blood would have the exact opposite effect. He could feel his heartbeat in his entire body as he leaned closer to Kyuhyun’s wrist, trying to steady himself.

He haltingly over the two spots where his fangs had pierced through the skin and watched in awe as the wounds indeed closed immediately. The intoxicating taste hit him again with full power and he couldn’t resist leaning in once more to the trails of blood as well.

It cost all his remaining self-control not to give in to the taste and sink his fangs right back into the soft skin but instead turn away. He scooted away from Kyuhyun, the other’s scent and sheer presence momentarily overwhelming and unbearable. He stared into the fire instead, finding comfort in the quiet, unchanging crackling.

He didn’t know how much time had passed, but the rising sun had already brought back a leaden tiredness, when he finally looked up in wonder. “I did it.”

Kyuhyun nodded, his concerned expression fading into a proud smile. “You just did it for the first time. Congratulations.”

“So it’ll get easier now?”

The excitement that flared up inside Ryeowook was extinguished almost instantly with the gentle shake of Kyuhyun’s head. “It’s sadly not quite that easy, no. Chances are that you won’t be able to stay in control next time or, at the latest, the time after. But it means that you’re a step closer to being able to control it.”

“But I just did it… why would I not be able to stay in control next time?”

“Because the first success usually brings a lightheaded self-confidence that makes the next time when you lose control even more difficult to process, yet also more likely. But if you noticed that you did something different before feeding today or went into it with a different mindset, try to replicate that next time. That might make things easier.”

“I don’t want to talk about former relationships again so soon, though.” Ryeowook turned to the fire again, staring at it gloomily. Why couldn’t process be that easy? Why couldn’t it be that him managing to stop once meant that he wouldn’t lose control again?

“Me neither, actually…” The silence that followed barely had time to settle between them before Kyuhyun spoke up again, “But I’m actually surprised that you were able to just stop the bleeding like that.”

Ryeowook looked over again, frowning. “It wasn’t ‘just like that’. And what do you mean you were surprised? You were the one who said that I could do it!”

“Of course I said that you could do it—should I have said ‘You might be able to do it, but I don’t quite believe it; give it a try anyway’? Come on, that definitely wouldn’t have had the desired effect.”

“So you’re saying you basically lied to me.”

Kyuhyun clicked his tongue. “I didn’t lie to you. I cheered you on. And I’m very proud of you that you managed to do it.”

“But if you didn’t think that I’d be able to do it, why did you ask me to close your wounds then?”

“Well, one thing is that the sooner you know that closing the wounds is also a part of feeding sessions and how to do that, the better. And another thing is… I just wanted to try it, actually. Compared to other newborns I’ve seen, you give me a rather… composed impression, which I’m assuming is thanks to your upbringing as a prince as well as your character. So I was curious about whether you’d be able to do it or not.”

“I’m composed?” Ryeowook raised his eyebrows incredulously, but Kyuhyun merely nodded.

“Yes. You wouldn’t believe all the things I’ve seen from the few years that I’ve spent with my sire. Some of it was sheer madness. Like I told you from the very beginning, I’m already grateful that the mere absence of blood is enough to bring you back to your senses. I’ve been in and seen a countless number of fights that resulted from the inability to regain control after feeding… It can honestly get really ugly.” Their eyes met again and this time, Kyuhyun was smiling. “But you’re not like that at all. And I’m really happy about that.”

Ryeowook wanted to protest that Kyuhyun should have told him about all of that—but what good would that have done? If he was honest with himself, Ryeowook could completely understand why Kyuhyun only told him all those things now.

The longer he stared into the flames, the more did he feel the tiredness settle in until he couldn’t suppress the yawns anymore.

“We should go to sleep.”

Ryeowook looked up and, after another few seconds of contemplating protest, eventually nodded and pushed himself off the ground. “You’ll take the bed tonight, right?” He could feel Kyuhyun’s glare without even having to check, making him sigh. “I get it, I get it. It was worth a try.” He let himself fall onto the bed, cumbersomely pulling the blanket out from underneath himself shortly after. He could hear Kyuhyun’s stifled laughter but decided to ignore it. “Good night to you, too.”

“Good night and sleep well, little prince.”

“I’m not a little prince.”

“Whatever you say.”

Ryeowook attempted to huff, but he wasn’t even sure if he still managed to do that before sleep overcame him.

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Happy New Year everyone! I hope a lot of joy and health will await you in 2021 <3