https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n6BwAWiHcSg

I met Wendy on my first official day as the Head Cardiologist. She was accompanying her aunt who I have been seeing in the hospital for a while now. She was assigned to me when her old doctor got transferred to a bigger hospital. I've seen her aunt's records and things are not looking good.

"Mrs. Kim, upon reviewing your records, right now the best option is to do a surgery. It would really help you ease the chest pain you've been having" I explained the type of surgery that needs to be done, cause and effects and everything she needed to know about it. Wendy just sat there next to her aunt, and from time to time, we would steal glances at each other.

It took several more appointments before Mrs. Kim decided to push through with the surgery and Wendy was with her all through out. During those times as well, we started to get to know each other. In a friendly way of course, well that's how it started.

The surgery was a success and her aunt had just been transferred to a regular room after spending a few days at the ICU. And that was also the first time, I accepted her invitation. A simple dinner to properly thank me for all my help with her aunt's road to recovery.

When I arrived at the restaurant, I saw her repeatedly fixing the utensils and sipping from her glass. I smiled cause even from a far, she's so adorable being nervous like that. I slowly approached the table and she was still arranging her spoon and fork. Like no matter where she moves it, it's still not properly set.

"Hi" I softly greeted and her reaction was priceless. Eyes almost bulging from its socket, like a kid who got caught doing something bad. She stood up and accidentally bumped on the table making the glass of water spill on the mantle. She was panicking as she took some tissues out of the box trying to wipe it. I held her hand and motioned a waiter to help us instead. She was gulping so hard I could really hear it.

"Are you okay?" I asked and she gulped one more time.

"Ugh. Y...yes. I'm sorry about the mess" she then guided me to my seat,even pulled out the chair and let me settle before going back to her seat.

The night went on smoothly after that. We learned a lot about each other and eventually, after her aunt was discharged, we officially started dating.

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I had a routine I religiously followed. I wake up, eat breakfast, go to the hospital then go home. On rare instances,  I would meet up with my friends but most of time, I'd rather just stay home.

When Wendy and I got together, I would find myself strapped in the car and off for another roadtrip that she would spontaneously decide on and there was never a dull moment when I'm with her. She eventually moved in with me after a few months and we fell into our own routine.

As her profession is a writer, she would mostly stay at home. She would wake up earlier than I do and prepare breakfast and would just wake me up and we'd eat together. After I take a bath, my clothes are already laid out, freshly ironed, my shoes and bag all set with some packed lunch from time to time. On my rest days, we would go on different adventures and she tells me it's also for her to get inspiration on the novel she was trying to finish. On some days, we would just stay at home, do our chores and just cuddle in bed.

I easily get cold and at the first sign of shiver, she would immediately envelope me in her arms to keep me warm. When I get home late, I would find her sleeping on the couch or typing in her laptop wearing those dorky glasses and always with a hot choco ready at the kitchen counter. When I have scheduled surgeries on top of surgeries, she would massage me before we go to sleep and I would fall asleep in an instant. And random days when she shows up at the hospital with gifts like my favorite flowers or baked goods. She even gives out cookies or pastries to the hospital staff.

I never thought I'd meet someone as perfect as her and really, I could not ask for more.

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Wendy surprised me big time on our third anniversary. We went on an out of town trip with our friends Seulgi and Joy. We were just having dinner after a full day of activities, looking over the beautiful ocean,  when she called my attention and dropped on one knee with a little box in hand. Before she even finished asking the question, I already have my answer. It was one of the happiest days of my life.

We got married six months later. It was a small wedding with just our parents and a few close friends. I can still remember how nervous we both were as we exchanged our vows.  "For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part".

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Wendy is such a great person and one hell of a writer and when she tells her stories in her books and in real life, she doesn't spare any details. It makes the reader or the listener feel like they also experienced the things she writes or tell.

But I should have seen the signs. I should have seen the changes.

Despite how detailed she was when she shares other things, the one thing that mattered most, was kept a secret. I wanted to hate her but I just couldn't. It made me feel like a fool as a doctor, a heart doctor that is.

One night when I came home late, she was already in bed, sleeping. I saw the scattered papers on her table and a manila envelope with something inside that I didn't paid attention to. I made myself some tea, washed up and cuddled beside her. She didn't even move, seems like she was really exhausted cause I know her deadline for the book she was writing was the day after tomorrow. 

I woke up first which was also unusual and when I was about to leave, I checked up on her.

And that's when I felt her cold for the first time.

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I immediately did everything to confirm what was wrong and when it hit me, I felt like I failed myself as a doctor.

I called my friends with the strength I had left and they came as soon as possible and helped me bring Wendy to the hospital to be properly assisted.

She was officially declared dead because of a heart attack. A ing heart attack!

The three day viewing followed and our parents and our friends were all gathered. I was out of it most of the time and by the time we reached the cemetery to lay her on her final resting place, I couldn't even say goodbye. I couldn't. I wouldn't.

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I remember the last day I saw her, she visited me at the hospital and brought me her own recipe of my favorite tteokboki. Partnered it with a bouquet of my favorite flowers and a hand written note saying she loves me so much. After we ate, I got called in for the surgery I was scheduled that day but before she left, we shared a long kiss. Everything that happened that day was normal except for the kiss. We would usually peck before she leaves and just make it up when I get home. Who knew that, that would be the last one.

How I never saw nothing wrong with her, I don't know. She kept it hidden so well.

When I got home, if I could still call it a home, I walked into our room. I wanted to just lay down on our bed where her scent still lingers. Succumb to the loneliness I feel now that she's gone but I know she wouldn't want that. So I sat on her desk and just stared at the stacks of paper, still scattered, like how it was a few days ago. The envelope got me curious so I opened it and inside was the book she just finished. My tears just fell as I stared at the cover. Heart Beats by Son Seungwan. It also has a letter inside and my hands were shaking as I open it.

To my dearest wife Irene,

By the time you're reading this, I am no longer with you and for that I am truly sorry. I regret not letting you know about what's really going on and I admit that, that was selfish on my part. I tried my hardest to be strong. I tried my best not to dwell on it. I really tried. But I guess I can only be given a certain number of chances in this life.

Meeting you was something I never thought would happen.   But you gave me the chance and I sure as hell did not waste it. If we do meet again in another lifetime, I promise to never leave you again.

Thank you love for letting me be a part of your life, for giving this goofball a chance to be called your wife. Thank you for keeping up with me on days when I get my mind blocked of things to write, for letting me see that even in the dark there is light. Thank you for making my lonely heart beat again, for being with me until the end.

I love you Irene. I always have and I always will.

All my love,
Wendy Son

P.S: This book is the first one that was printed with my signature. Limited edition just for you.

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Reading the last part brought a smile on my face, the first one since you said your last goodbye. I don't know how I would live my life that you're not here. You brought out the best parts of me I've never seen. You showed me love I've never known. You turned my world around. So how am I supposed to move on now that you're gone?

It took some time for me to get back to my old routine, the one I had before you were here. There were moments I just stare into space, wishing I could see you face to face. I remember what we said in our vows but I know that you're in a better place now.

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I stood in front of your grave with your favorite flowers. It's been three years since you left Wendy and I still miss you everyday. Seulgi and Joy had been helping me ever since but somehow I just couldn't make my heart beat again for someone else. I feel like I'd be betraying you in a way. Three years isn't enough to just replace you in my heart. But if you give me a sign that it's okay, I guess I can start.

The wind blew a little harder that it made me step back and as I squint my eyes of some dust that entered, from a distance I see a silhouette. It maybe just a light trick or my mind is going crazy. But I swear it looks just like you.

Is this the sign I asked for Wendy?

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I left the cemetery and went to the hospital. I am supposed to meet up with the director who will introduce an addition to my team. So here I am knocking on her door.

"Ah Irene, here you are. I sent the new doctor to your office to get settled. She's waiting for you there" I just nodded and proceeded to my office.

When I came in, the new doctor was rummaging her bag. I made my presence known and when she turned around, flashbacks came flooding through my mind.

She extended her hand and greeted with a big smile on her face and said, "Hi my name is Son Seungwan".

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