Despite the cool evening breeze passing through the quiet neighborhood, the air was still warm, sticking to Youngjae's skin comfortably like a thin blanket. Junhong's apartment was in a building with a few separate flats, up a small hill at the edge of Deungchon Ro.

Youngjae had always liked the narrow roads, leading up to a park further on the hill.

There never was much to do, but Junhong and Youngjae liked spending their late summer evenings just walking around the pathways.

Sometimes they would be waiting for the families with kids to leave so that they could use the playground which was truly the only construction the park could offer.

Youngjae would usually just sit on the makeshift climbing frame, while Junhong let his long legs slump against the still slightly warm metallic surface of the slide that was attached to it.

It was a nice neighborhood Youngjae thought, there weren't many people on the streets when he was walking down to his bus stop and right now Youngjae didn't have to feel as drained as when he was dragging his feet up the hill in the summer heat around noon.

The sun was close to the horizon, it would probably already have set by the time Youngjae arrived home and for some reason, Youngjae wanted time to stand still. He didn't want the sun to move, not a centimeter, Youngjae wished the world would just stop.

Junhong's words from earlier were still ringing in his ears, and Youngjae couldn't help but feel a little bit sorry. He hadn't known that Junhong was worrying about him to this content.

How could he? Youngjae had never thought of himself as an open book, he wasn't very good at expressing himself most of the time. People had told him that.

For Junhong to be able to tell that he's been in pain wasn't necessarily a shock per se, Junhong was incredibly caring after all, but Youngjae couldn't believe that the hurt he had been feeling for a while now was so evident in the way he carried himself.

Youngjae hadn't been able to pinpoint this particular feeling at first, the sharp stinging in his heart or the way his fists would weakly clench alongside a strange feeling in his gut.

Youngjae had never believed in the saying love hurts, love is painful.

Not until he saw Daehyun on their last day of classes before the summer break. His smile so bright, the sun should have been ashamed to rise and be.

It had been hot that day, the sun blaring down onto the pavement without mercy. Junhong had been grumbling about how his school uniform stuck to his skin uncomfortably, and how they should just get some iced coffee before going home.

They had already bid their goodbyes to their friends and were on their way out of the building.

Although nothing in particular had been wrong that day, or any different from other days, Youngjae felt a strange twisting in his stomach, and it just wouldn't go away.

And once he saw Daehyun just outside the school building, standing by a couple of benches with his friends, everything came to a standstill. The blood in Youngjae's veins stopped rushing, like the calm before a storm out by the sea.

Youngjae felt his throat constricting as if someone else was strangling him with a thin red string, cutting into his throat.

As much as Youngjae had tried to avoid the thought of Daehyun graduating and leaving school, he wasn't able to ignore his eyes drifting towards the older boy as Junhong stopped in his tracks to look for something in his backpack.

With every second passing by, Youngjae felt his tears gathering above his waterline, so warm yet so harsh on his skin once they slowly trickled down.

It was then when Daehyun caught his gaze, his smile faltering for a moment as he looked at Youngjae with his warm, honest eyes. There was recognition in them, of course, there was. Youngjae had been dropping by the senior's classroom to talk to Yongguk from time to time, occasionally wishing to catch a glimpse of Daehyun.

A few times, Daehyun would walk into the classroom with the intention to ask Yongguk something about practice, as Yongguk was the captain of their school's track and field team which Daehyun was a part of.

Daehyun would greet Youngjae with a soft smile, politely asking how his studies were going, and then turned to Yongguk to check whether the sudden April shower could be at fault for them to have to cancel practice.

Youngjae wasn't sure if Daehyun remembered his name, they had only really exchanged formalities with each other once a few months back.

Youngjae had found out Daehyun's name through a coincidence created by Yongguk in his first year, and he hadn't been able to forget it ever since.

The sudden eye contact at that exact moment was terrifying, leaving Youngjae to turn away abruptly, his cheeks too hot for him to blame the heat.

Youngjae lifted the back of his hand to wipe away the few single tears that had drifted down to his jawline, hoping Daehyun had been too far away to notice them.

Junhong however, had slung his backpack over his shoulder and was clearly looking at Youngjae, already frowning in confusion as to what could have made Youngjae tear up during the few seconds he wasn't looking.

Their afternoon was spent at Junhong's place, inside his room with Youngjae crying into his friend's pillows as he told him about his hopeless, useless crush on their senior.

Youngjae had never been one for big goodbyes, he had always thought that saying goodbye was the worst, especially when he couldn't know what was waiting for him afterward.

But with the certainty of the next semester being Daehyun's last, Youngjae couldn't help but cry and sob as Junhong tried to comfort him with soft touches on his back.

It was so stupid, crying over a boy who didn't care about him, or even really knew him. And Junhong's words back then nearly echoed the ones he's told Youngjae before he had left to go home just a couple of minutes ago.

Try to talk to him, he won't think anything of it. They wouldn't leave Youngjae's head.

What would happen if Youngjae confessed?

Youngjae couldn't tell, there were too many things he didn't know about Daehyun. Small details which he sometimes tried to imagine on his own.

Like the way, Daehyun woke up before school, hair messy and his eyes still squinted close as he was brushing his teeth, maybe. Or how he would tell his parents goodbye before leaving home. What he would do if a boy confessed to him.

He might laugh, tell Youngjae how ridiculous he is, believing that confessing his feelings would actually have Daehyun consider them. Or he'd yell, raising his gentle voice as he spat ugly words at Youngjae, that he was disgusting, that his feelings were sickening, repulsive.

Youngjae stopped in his tracks, struggling to swallow the lump that has formed in his throat.

He was close to the bus station, the sun had already disappeared and left the streets in a warm, orange hue, changing to soft pink as the minutes passed by.

Daehyun might smile at him, thanking Youngjae for being honest with him and his own feelings. He might tell Youngjae that they could meet up if he wanted to, to talk, or to get something to eat. Maybe he'd laugh sweetly, embracing Youngjae in a gentle, comforting hug.

Maybe Daehyun would kiss him.

A soft wind suddenly tousled his hair, like gentle , running through it.

The street was mostly empty by now, most people at home or maybe out with friends, a little closer to the bustling life of the city. It was quiet, and Youngjae continued to walk by the many small coffee shops and various electrical shops with their neon signs hanging on their windows.

The main street was close, the sound of moving vehicles disrupting the tranquility of the neighborhood Youngjae was leaving behind.

It felt so familiar, the city lights slowly brightening up as Youngjae left the narrow street.

The air had cooled down with the gush of wind, leaving Youngjae with disheveled bangs before he quickly ran his fingers through them, conscious of the people who were busy going home with bagged vegetables they've most likely gotten from their relatives.

Walking towards the bus stop with his hands tensed up by his side, Youngjae wondered if he should give thought to Junhong's words, just to try.

To try and talk to him. Nothing terrible could happen, it wasn't like Youngjae would be confessing his love for Daehyun immediately, in front of everyone.

Youngjae wasn't sure if he would be able to muster up the courage, brush aside the heavy layers he's put around his heart.

He was afraid of rejection but less so than losing every ounce of hope.

Once Daehyun rejects him, Youngjae had to give in. He had to leave his feelings behind as if nothing had ever happened as if he had wasted two years of his life dreaming about never to be.

Youngjae didn't know if he would be able to handle that.

The thought lingered in his mind for the entirety of the bus ride, the pink sky slowly turning into purple and then a dark blue as Youngjae imagined Daehyun smiling at him.

Youngjae couldn't remember how exactly he fell for the older boy, it happened so slowly and gradually that Youngjae hadn't even noticed at first.

Strangely, Youngjae was able to picture the day he first saw Daehyun in their school's hallway perfectly.

It was during the second month of his first year, with their classes so close to ending that Youngjae's eyelids were steadily growing heavier.

He had decided to get out of the classroom for a while before his last class would start, lazily walking down the hallway to the vending machines by the staircase.

It had been a cool spring day; the sky was a blend of a light blue and gray and Youngjae had nearly stopped to lean on the windowsill and look outside as his mind wandered.

But the vitamin water which he was determined to get was more tempting, having Youngjae turn his head from the large windows and head over to the vending machines.

The first thing Youngjae had heard was Daehyun laughing alongside a couple of friends, they were leaning on the railings of the stairs, two of them with water bottles in their hands.

Youngjae didn't look at first, trying to ignore their loud chattering as he felt a small headache creeping into his skull as he walked past them to get his drink.

The buttons of the vending machine were oddly cold against his skin and Youngjae wondered if he was coming down with a fever, since the weather had been so inconsistent, and his schoolwork had started to pile.

After grabbing his drink from the slot, Youngjae stood still for a moment, wondering if he would have to greet his upperclassmen.

It was obvious that they were second years, if not third years, with how they were talking to each other so comfortably about school and practice. Youngjae quickly decided to act on instinct, if they were looking his way, he'd greet them.

And if not, then he would have one awkward encounter less to think about.

Youngjae swiftly turned around to head back to his classroom, glancing over to where the group of boys was standing, still engrossed in their conversation about what seemed to be running practice.

It was odd, Youngjae could have sworn he didn't take his time as he walked past them.

But somehow, within those few seconds, he caught Daehyun's eyes and time seemed to have ceased to exist.

Like warm honey, drizzling caramel met the rare sun rays peeking through the dull-colored sky.

The older boy was standing closest to him, one hand buried in the pocket of his uniform's trousers as he looked over with such an indecipherable look on his face that Youngjae could feel his cheeks darken in color.

He was handsome, no doubt, with how his dark hair fell thickly over his forehead, his bright eyes that were directly looking at Youngjae, and sinfully thick lips, slowly stretching into a smile.

They seemed to be looking at each other for minutes, although Youngjae knew that a mere few seconds had passed before he had walked past them and out into the long hallway.

The look on Daehyun's face that week had stirred something up inside of Youngjae, but he was never able to pinpoint it whenever he thought of those brown eyes.

And for some reason, they were the only thing Youngjae could think about at all for the next few days, just until he saw Daehyun again, by the staircase with his friends.

Youngjae didn't think much of it at first, there was no way he could have come to a conclusion about his feelings that fast if he looked back at it now.

The slow, simmering feeling of excitement stirred up his heart in an odd twist, and for days to count Youngjae went to get something from the vending machine in the afternoon.

Daehyun was always there, sometimes standing by the stairs with his friends or sitting on the first step as he looked down on his phone, something to drink in his other hand.

And as the weeks started to pass, Youngjae started to grow to be more conscious of his surroundings. Always looking out for Daehyun's dark, warm eyes, smiling just as much as his lips did.

He wasn't able to call it admiration anymore.

Youngjae wasn't stupid, he had realized that the way he was looking at Daehyun wasn't how he looked at anyone else.

The way Youngjae's body reacted towards seeing Daehyun in the hallways or the school gates was beyond anything he had ever felt before. His knees grew week, his heart would start pounding and he could never take his eyes off of Daehyun.

It hurt. It was a feeling so strong, and it was cutting much deeper than anything Youngjae had known before.

He wanted to know more, know in which class Daehyun was, know which clubs he belonged to and if he was as tired as he was every morning, just before the first period as his form teacher spoke about choosing a university and preparing for their upcoming tests.

But Youngjae desperately wanted to know his name.

For the first few weeks, Youngjae couldn't put a name on Daehyun's face, and it completely tore him apart. There was no way Youngjae could have found out without directly asking the older boy, but Youngjae had not dared to even think that far.

It was close to unbearable, to think of Daehyun without knowing his name. It led Youngjae to wonder more and more about Daehyun, to think of names which could fit him, but nothing ever came to his mind.

How could Youngjae choose some random name to fit those gentle eyes, the sweet lips, his strong physique. It didn't quite feel right.

It wasn't until Youngjae encountered Yongguk, not much later than his first encounter with Daehyun by the staircase.

Yongguk was in the same year as Daehyun, a tall, lanky boy who seemed to be very unapproachable, but only until he started talking with a soft, caring smile on his lips.

Yongguk was nice if Youngjae were to judge, probably too nice for his own good sometimes but that was simply how Yongguk was and Youngjae would never want to change anything of it even if he could.

The first time Youngjae had seen Yongguk was by the end of April during Youngjae's first year.

It was the week after the freshmen had been asked to join at least one club on their school's list, and Youngjae had found himself on the outdoor sports area by the time his classes had ended for that day.

The area was situated sandwiched in between the two buildings in which lessons were being held, elevated to the fourth floor with their school's gym and parking lot right beneath.

It was quite a large place that was used during the warmer months for physical education, consisting of a large green field, used for soccer and basketball, and the surrounding track area.

Youngjae had chosen to join the soccer club since there hadn't been any other clubs he could have seen himself in, and he'd always enjoyed playing soccer with friends.

There wasn't much more to it, he wasn't exceptionally good or had a profoundly deep connection to the sport like some other team members did.

It was a mere coincidence, that Youngjae was sitting in the middle of the cool grass of the field during their club's cooldown on that specific day.

Youngjae had his head tilted up, enjoying the chilly breeze and how the sun was hanging so low in the sky, it peaked through the clouds. He had nearly closed his eyes, to drown out every sound surrounding him before something moving in the corner of his eye distracted him.

Youngjae tilted his head to the side, turning a little so that he could see the group of people that were walking out from the locker rooms properly. There were mostly boys who were dressed in sports attire, chatting among themselves as they were seemingly heading to practice.

Youngjae didn't particularly care, he wasn't able to identify anyone at first as they were too far away, and he couldn't make out a single face.

It wasn't until a boy who seemed to be the team's captain came over to talk to some of the third years, that Youngjae overheard that they were the track and field team who had practice right after the soccer club.

Track and field and Youngjae's mind was spinning.

Every single piece of conversation that Youngjae had overheard while he was getting something to drink in the afternoon, every afternoon for two entire weeks, echoed in the air. Just until Youngjae remembered.

---

I can't, the team is meeting up in the afternoon, I told you this morning.

Right, right. Running, practice, I get it.

Sorry, you know I can't ditch. Try next time.

Mhm, next year maybe. Your team captain this year sure is scary.

---

Running, practice. He's a runner.

Youngjae gulped, suddenly feeling as if there was not enough air to breathe, as if his throat had abruptly closed up because his heart was beating itself to death.

It couldn't be, Youngjae must have heard wrong.

The track and field team captain was still talking to Youngjae's seniors as the other members were sitting by the tracks, stretching their muscles.

Youngjae wanted to look over again to try and see if Daehyun was there, or maybe he was wrong, maybe Daehyun didn't mean their school's team. Youngjae might have misunderstood.

"Dohwan Hyung!" A deep, deep voice had captured Youngjae's attention, calling out for the captain of the track and field team.

Youngjae looked up without thinking, his eyes meeting a tall figure standing just a little apart from the soccer team. Intimidating was the first thing Youngjae thought.

And then his eyes drifted to the second person, standing behind the unfamiliar boy.

Youngjae's heart physically skipped a beat, the uneven rising of his chest not doing much to cover it.

He wasn't as tall as the other boy, but his build was stronger, thicker arms and thighs visible thanks to the short black uniform.

Youngjae had never been able to look at him for so long, neither had he ever really taken in the older boy's face like now. He had a strong nose that accentuated his thick lips, their rosy color catching Youngjae off guard.

Youngjae usually wasn't much of a daydreamer, nor did he have an unusually vivid imagination.

But just the mere thought of kissing him was enough to leave his cheeks burning. It was nearly unbearable, Youngjae could only hope that he hadn't noticed him.

Youngjae dared to look up, relieved to see that the boy wasn't paying attention to him while Youngjae ignored the slight twinge in his heart.

It only worsened once Youngjae looked up into his eyes. They were so warm, so gentle although he wasn't looking at anyone in particular.

Youngjae knew their color, he had spent countless nights thinking about the soft brown that seemed to be melting whenever Youngjae caught a glimpse of them.

"Ah, Yongguk. What is it?" Dohwan asked. having turned to the two boys who had come over.

"Your notebook, Daehyun, and I wanted to go over our times from winter break."

"Mh, sure."

His ears rang, all Youngjae could hear was the rustling of the wind through the small forest that was behind their school. Youngjae's heart seemed to beat in the same rhythm.

Out of order, disrupting the forest's peace.

Daehyun.

It fit so nicely, chiming in the air like the first summer day of the year.

There was nothing to compare it to, Youngjae thought, of course, there wasn't.

The only thing Youngjae could think about that day was his name.

And the way Daehyun's feet hit the ground as he ran, his steps so light and free that it was difficult for Youngjae to keep walking. He doesn't quite remember the subway ride home.

_______________________

reuploaded (yes I finally split the first chapter into 3 different ones, it kind of bothered me how long it was)