What Sorrow Feels Like
Straight to HellMinji sat crosslegged on her bed and absentmindedly petted the fur of her demonic cat. The feline always wanted to be close to her when she was home and trailed after her wherever she went. It was quick to follow her, especially when it had the opportunity to snuggle up to her on the bed. Minji had decided to call the demon Mochi since it was unexpectedly cute for a creature from hell. Usually, she would be delighted when the cat joined her, but now she had too much on her mind. A day had passed since she had discovered Jaehyun’s true identity and since he had betrayed and nearly killed her. She felt pathetic for letting herself be deceived when she should have known better, but Minji had been sure his interest in her had been genuine. She was unlucky regarding relationships with men since they tended to end badly, more often than not. Her last boyfriend, Dongmin, was the best example of this. Jaehyun’s betrayal had revived the unpleasant memories she had buried deep in her mind. It hurt to have her trust broken for the second time. She felt worthless.
The pain in her heart surged. She rolled herself into a ball, hugging her knees with her arms. It felt like she was ripped apart from the inside, the anguish growing steadily. Pitiful sobs shook her body. She didn’t notice Mochi meowing at her, the sound falling on deaf ears. There was no strength left in her to get up. She was sick of everything. Needles pierced her heart, the ache intensifying and dulling in turns. Minji rubbed her bloodshot eyes, sitting up and glancing at the blanket draped over her legs. Her stomach was empty, but she didn’t have an appetite, preferring to just sit here, to stare at the wall.
Minutes later, the door to her bedroom opened, and Baëkhyun walked in. He stopped in front of her bed, wearing an odd expression on his features. His brows were furrowed, and his lips curled in disapproval. If she hadn’t known better, she would have assumed he was concerned about her, but a demon didn’t get worried… or did he?
“Are you still sitting here? It’s been hours, come on, get up,” he ordered, but she didn’t budge. Raising his eyebrows, he was about to yell at her for ignoring him but changed his mind and stayed silent, opting to study her. She was as white as a ghost and hadn’t acted like herself since yesterday evening. Baëkhyun didn’t like her behavior and would instead want to deal with her stupid rambling than with this apathy.
“Do you have a heart disease?” he asked out of the blue, suspiciously narrowing his eyes at her.
“No,” she answered, not understanding why he would ask such a question.
“Don’t lie to me, human.”
“I’m not lying.”
“Then why the does my heart hurt so much? This hasn’t happened before, and I hate it,” he growled, touching his chest.
Minji laughed without humor as she caught on to what was happening to him. “Looks like the bond is getting stronger. What you’re feeling right now is emotional pain.”
Baëkhyun was silent for a long time, his scrutinizing eyes attempting to understand what was going through her head. The silence unnerved her. Eventually, the corners of his lips curved down, forming a frown.
“I don’t blame you for being confused; a demon wouldn’t understand,” she said coldly and hit a nerve. His eyes flashed red.
“I know what sorrow feels like,” he hissed bitterly. Tiny particles of light came into existence around his body, controlled by his rage. “I lost one of my closest friends because of a human like you!”
“Then you should know that sorrow doesn’t disappear from one second to the next,” Minji replied emotionlessly, staring right through him.
Hours later, Baëkhyun entered her room again; this time, he was at the end of his tether. His skin shade was paler than normal, and his eyes were rimmed with shadows. “Stop it, human,” he muttered.
“It doesn’t work like that. I can’t control my emotions,” Minji answered, still sitting on her bed. She hadn’t moved an inch this whole time.
“Then how does it work?”
Minji stared down at her blanket, hugging herself with her arms. If only she knew the answer to his question. She felt helpless—there seemed to be no end to her sorrow. Although she wished the pain would fade, it didn’t.
“Damn it, stop!” he growled, clutching his chest, clawing at his black shirt. He kneeled on the bed beside Minji, the mattress shifting under the added weight. Mochi stiffened, jumping off the bed and scurrying away from the stronger demon. Trying to get her attention, he put his hand on her cold cheek, moving her head towards him until her gaze bore into his. “Did you care about the demon hunter so much that you’re torturing yourself because of him? A murderer like him isn’t worth the trouble,” Baëkhyun said.
“You’re right. In the end, both of them aren’t worth it,” she muttered. Baëkhyun’s proximity caused her mark to tingle with pleasant warmth. The star-shaped crest was glowing like it always did when he was nearby.
“What do you mean?” he asked, his thumb moving over her cheek, catching a tear.
“There’s someone out there who treated me worse than Jaehyun did. Much worse. He’s done things I can’t forgive.”
“Tell me his name, and I’ll drag him to hell myself,” he snapped, his tone harsh. “It will make you feel better.”
“Violence is never a solution, Baëkhyun.”
Her words caused his hold on her chin to loosen. A raw emotion flickered through his eyes, but he quickly hid it, a scowl manifesting on his face. He remained silent when he let go of her and left the bed. He didn’t speak a single word as he walked out of the room. She heard the front door open and fall shut. Baëkhyun’s crest on her wrist lost its golden glow, and she felt strangely empty.
Perhaps she should have been more careful when talking to him, maybe she shouldn’t have said certain things, but dealing with a short-tempered demon wasn’t something she could bear right now. A small part of her wondered where he went since he preferred to keep an eye on her, while another part of her could care less. She got up and walked to the bathroom to take a long hot shower, staying under the water until her fingers began to wrinkle. After she had dried her hair and put on a comfortable hoodie and sweatpants, she trudged back to the bedroom. When she passed the kitchen, she noticed that Baëkhyun had returned, rummaging through a cupboard, but she didn’t linger to see what exactly he was doing. She stayed in her room for another thirty minutes until the door opened, and the demon barged in again.
“Get up,” he commanded. Unfazed by Minji’s lack of reaction and fed up with her attitude, he strode to the bed, took her wrist, and tugged her towards him with a gentle but firm grip. Before she knew it, he had thrown her over his shoulder as if she weighed nothing.
“Let me down, you jerk!” she complained, hitting his back with her fists but not doing any damage. She might as well have punched a wall instead. He strode into the kitchen and put her down right onto a chair. Glaring at him, she waited for an explanation or maybe an apology, but the latter was out of the question for him anyway.
What he did next astonished her so much that her jaw dropped. He put a plate with her favorite dish, kimchi fried rice, in front of her on the table. “Eat,” was all he said before he leaned against the kitchen
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