“It’s not about waiting anymore; it’s about moving towards the future.”

 

What the is going on?   This has got to be a nightmare.   Hyun Ah’s dying and L’s back.   Is God playing a joke on me because I didn’t keep that promise to go to church?   I almost passed out when I saw L appearing with Yuri. Yuri and Min Ho’s expressions were grim as the immediate silence choked us. When I expected L’s face to be in complete utter shock when he saw me, he was more anxious and restless. In my rage of his appearance, I marched up to him and threw him a blow with all my strength. I had not used my fist for ages and it felt good to finally fulfil the promise I made to punch L until my knuckles were bruised before Flic pulled me away.   “Where the have you been?! Do you know how much Amber has been suffering for you all these years? Do you know that she had to raise your child on her own?”   He groaned and Yuri helped him up.   “Yeah,” I repeated, shoving Flic away, “she was pregnant and she had your child!”   “We’ve told him that,” Yuri said softly. “We’ve told him everything.”   “He has been in Korea,” Flic said.   Yuri stood next to L with her arms folded on her chest, looking anywhere but us. “With Hyun Ah,” she added forlornly.   Apparently, the bastard turned up at 01:00 last night at the doorstep, scaring these two out of their life. They could not go back to sleep and they told each other what had happened in the past ten years.   I turned to L in disbelief. “You’ve been with Hyun Ah all this time?” Our eyes locked for a moment as the truth dawned on us. “No, you’re lying! I’ve been in contact with Hyun Ah all this time and…” I accused him, but I knew I had no proof. “Min Ho sent you a letter, didn’t he?” I roared. “Why did you not reply, you bastard?”   “He thought Amber is dead from my letter,” Flic explained, his jaw hardening. He’s angry too, I know, but he was trying to handle the situation sensibly.   I spun my head to L and shouted at him, “How the did you think Amber was dead? Oh, sorry, I lied. She was almost dead.” His eyes widened at this and I carried on, “The day she gave birth to your child and the day Hammer came to hunt them down.”   In the next few minutes, I screamed profanities at him and spat out all the questions in my head that had been piling up in the past years. Min Ho and Yuri let me get everything out of my chest and stood there without a word. What angered me was when L said nothing and kept his eyes down. I charged forward to throw him another blow, but Flic held me back and Yuri stood in front of L as she told me to calm down.   “Don’t tell me to calm down, Yuri! He’s lucky I haven’t pulled out a knife and kill him!”   “Sung Yeol,” Flic said, “let’s talk in the living room.”   I could not calm down. And I refused to. My hands were itching to throw another bloody punch at that bastard or even better, actually take a knife from the kitchen behind me and just stab him with it.   It did not make me feel better after they told me the situation. I could not believe Hyun Ah had been lying to all of us. I wanted to scream at her at how selfish she has been. How could she act like nothing has happened? Telling us to let go of L when he was with her this whole ing time? Amber has gone through hardships having to raise L’s child on her own and there Hyun Ah was, enjoying her golden, precious time with L? How could she be so selfish? Someone else has been living in pain while she had been with the person she loves? This is absurd! I am undeniably repulsed at her behaviour.   If she had told me back on the day Paris was born, I wouldn’t have fallen for Amber. All that happened would not have happened. We could have avoided all of these!   But then, I remembered what she said before I dropped my phone. I searched the ground for it and grabbed it to discover an incoming text. It was from Hyun Ah: L Oppa is in France. He might go see you.   I could not breathe.   I did not know what to think.   I asked L about Hyun Ah. He told me about her illness, her current treatment at the hospital right now, his proposal, and her request for him to return to France.   He WHAT?!   “You ing proposed to my sister?” He held my gaze and I knew I did not hear that wrong. “Are you ing kidding me? After everything that Amber has done for you, you’re marrying my sister?!”   He took a deep breath to prevent himself from stuttering. I know his mind was in chaos like me, but I did not have time or even the will to think about how he actually feels. “Look, I thought Amber was dead. Hyun Ah had been with me all that time I was dealing with Amber’s supposed death and I found out that Hyun Ah was dying. I could not leave her on her own, Sung Yeol. Even now, after I found out she has been lying, I—”   “ing hell, L! You’re making this even more complicated!” I groaned in exasperation.   “Alright, can we just deduce down that this is all Hyun Ah’s doing?” Min Ho concluded and rested his eyes on me.   “Did Amber really…” L started, his expression guarded. “Did she really…”   Are you ing kidding me?   “Yuri, did you not show him those albums Amber left?” I asked Yuri, my tone sounding obnoxious. The tone was not intended for her, but it came out as that.   Fortunately, she understood and managed the situation maturely. “I don’t know where Amber put them.”   After finding out about where L had been in the past ten years and the fact that it was my sister who fooled us all, I decided I need a moment and space to breathe.   However, even as I sit here on the swing at the park, I still cannot get around this whole ridiculous situation. I bring myself up and kick a can of soft drink on the grass, putting out all my frustration into it. There are things I want to do, but I can’t.   First, I want to yell at Hyun Ah for being selfish, but I can’t. She’s dying and I can’t do that to her. Nevertheless, I’m going to scold her for lying.   Second, I want to kill L for his lack of initiative to find out the truth, but I can’t. Because I realise that if I were in his position, I may not be able to take it. I would not want to listen to anyone and choose to live in my own world, in what I believe in. Nevertheless, I have a strong disdain against the fact that he chooses to believe Amber is dead. I wonder how he had been living through these years. I didn’t ask; all I thought about was I had to leave the house before I kill anyone in sight.   Third, I should tell Amber about this, but I don’t want to! I’ve waited for ten years. Can I really throw away this chance and let L take everything? Besides, he had asked Hyun Ah to marry him because he thought Amber was dead.   Why is this so ing complicated?!

 

∞∞∞

 

I fish out my phone from my pocket and stare at the black screen for a while. I brood in my agonising dilemma on whether I should tell her. I stop the train of thoughts coming into my mind to debate with my conscience. I move my trembling thumb and press on the number two speed dial.   “Hi Yeol,” Amber’s bright voice greets me. “What a coincidence. I literally was just about to call you!”   A small simper tugs on my lips at the fact that she is thinking about me this morning. A warm and soft sensation infiltrates through me, taking my mind away from my predicament.   “What’s up?”   “I want to talk to you about your offer,” she commences.   I hold my breath when I receive her words. I quickly recover and exhale as I tell myself that she is probably going to reject me again. As I think about whether I want to hear it or not, Amber is already talking.   “I have thought about it carefully and…” she takes in a gulp of air before carrying on, “I think I should give you a chance.”   The wind probably has passed by my ear. The roaring of the car engine on the street probably blocks the actual words she is trying to tell me. I must have tuned out in that split second when she talks.   I hold on to the swing rail for support. I become speechless as I try to comprehend her words.   “What?” I shriek out.   I pinch my cheek so hard and have to cry out in pain.   This isn’t a dream.   Oh my God!   Really?   Amber’s laughter reson