“Love is a fragile matter. As humans, we aren’t always the best caretakers. We sort of just muddle through and do our best, while at the same time, hoping this fragile thing survives against all odds.”

French Vocabulary:

1Merci: thank you.

 

Amber’s lips part and I hold my breath.   What will she say?   Am I ready to hear it?   “Sung Yeol...” Her voice comes out like a gasp. I look up at her anxiously. “Is this a joke?”   How I wish it is. I could hear Flic, Pedo, and Yuri exhaling before the tension builds up again.   “No,” I say firmly, although panic is seizing my whole being. I don’t want her to think I’m playing around, because this is serious. “I’m serious.” I gulp as I wait for Amber to speak again.   A moment of silence comes, torturing me.   “Guys,” she raises her shaky voice, “can you please leave me and Sung Yeol for a bit?”   Without a fight, the three of them leave to Flic and Yuri’s room. Henry doesn’t want to go initially, but the Choi drags him with them. I know they are going to eavesdrop anyway, but I’m past caring for that. If Amber wants to reject me, I want it out in the open so I can figure out my next move; and if she wants to accept me, I want the whole world to know. Maybe I’ll cry by the end of this, but this is a choice that I’ve made. Amber waits until the room door is closed before continuing.   “Sung Yeol, please tell me this is a joke.” Her voice sounds almost like pleading. I’ve always wanted to give Amber everything that she wanted, but I apologise, not this time.   “I’m sorry for the shock, but I’m not sorry for what I’ve said.” I don’t know where I have received this courage from, but I’m glad I find my confidence increasing.   “What about Myung Soo?” she whispers. “He’s your best friend.” Her voice sounds strained and I begin to blame myself for it, but I can’t let this open secret go on any longer.   “He is, Amber,” I say, “and he will always be... But there’s no rule that says I can’t fall in love right?”   She opens , only to close it again. She is lost for words, I know. I don’t blame her. This is like a bombshell to her. How could the best friend of the man she loves fall for her out of all people? The thought of how tragic it all seems comes to me again. Why is it that Hyun Ah and I fall for people we shouldn’t fall for? But this is reality, there’s no point asking ‘why’ anymore. And Amber is right here in front me. I can’t let her go.   “You’re just doing this because you don’t want me to leave right? But Myung Soo’s dad has passed away, Yeol. I’ll be fine in Paris.”   “First, I’m doing this because I don’t want you to leave my side.” I pause, searching her eyes, which are blank. “Second, Uncle may have passed away, but my dad is still in Paris. He has taken over the city. If he knows you’re in town, there will be more than a dozen groups of men hunting down you and Paris.”   “But I’m not with Myung Soo anymore—” I notice the hurt and sudden realisation in her eyes for what she just said. She must be thinking she shouldn’t have said that. “I-I mean he’s not with me at the moment. Moreover, they should have been looking for Myung Soo right. For all we know, he could be with them.”   I feel my knee wobbling. She notices and tells me to get up. She helps me in the process and I hold on to the ring box.   “But my dad doesn’t know where he is, Amber. He even said forget about finding L. Don’t you think it’s a sign that… he’s not around anymore? It has been ten years, Am, when will you let go?”   I know my argument isn’t even strong enough. One second I’m telling her how Appa could get to her because of L, but the next second here I am talking about how L may not be around anymore, meaning Appa wouldn’t go near her as long as they aren’t together, but the thing is, there’s Paris. If Appa ever finds out, which I hope he doesn’t and that Hyun Ah would keep her words, I know there will be a massive massacre and search for the innocent girl. Not really that dramatic, but something similar.   I become aware of Amber’s solemn mood and I stop myself. I slump back on the couch and sigh. I better give her time and space.   “Sung Yeol, I appreciate everything that you’ve done for me and Paris in the past ten years that we’re here.” I look up to find her already collected with resolved eyes fixing on me. “I love you. I really do. And I don’t want to lose you. I know I’ve once said that if I could choose one person to spend the rest of my life with, disregarding Myung Soo, it will be you. I was serious.” I wait for her to continue, wondering whether she’ll actually accept me. “But not this way.” She blinks as she couldn’t take the way I look at her. “I can’t believe you…”   “Amber,” I call her and she looks up, “I’m in love with you.”   Silence slips in and stays for a long moment as my words linger in the air. I have never felt so confident in my life and it surprises me that the words came out smoothly from me, smoother than my first one. This is the second confession, which I hope would end differently. Her expression looks like a thunderstorm has just struck. Her body stiffens and time seems to stop, despite the ticking sounds the clock makes.   Tic toc.   Tic toc.   Tic toc.   “Why aren’t you saying anything?” The silence is killing me.   She takes a deep breath before answering, “I really want to get angry at you. How could you do this? You ruined everything.” She averts her gaze to the floor in remorse and I clench my fist.   Breathe, Sung Yeol!   “But I know it’s not your fault. I’m sorry.”   “What are you being sorry for? It’s not your fault either.”    “You really deserve better, Yeol,” Amber says. “Don’t put your hope in me. I’m a mother already. Y