GOOD NIGHT, GOOD MORNING

REQ:  Long-distanced relationship. Ultra sad. Happy ending

They say distance make the heart grow fonder and Minju never believed that until now, until she was in their position. She never thought that she would be in a relationship, specifically a long distanced one. Minju always thought it was absurd to enter a relationship like that – relying on video calls, texts, calls if the former option is not available. She wonders how people from before managed to wait for weeks to get a reply from their written letter.

But now here she is, just ended a video call with girlfriend – Hyewon, saying that Minju needs to sleep since it’s already late in her location. Having this huge time difference is a big pain in the , even if they wanted to talk to each other, they would always worry if it is getting late. A big pain in the .

Minju walks to her bathroom to freshen up a little, washing her face and brushing her teeth. She removed her hair from its loose bun, letting it all to her shoulders. She looks at the mirror, staring at her own reflection – she couldn’t remember when was the last time she has physically hugged her girlfriend. No, actually she remembers it. But it’s been so long that she is starting to forget how Hyewon’s body feels like against hers.

Turning off the lights in the bathroom, she walks to her bed – to their bed, the one that they used to share. The faint sweet and calming scent of Hyewon is slowly fading away, and Minju doesn’t know what to do if it eventually does. It was the only thing that helps her sleep at night – a reminder that Hyewon used to sleep there, and one day she will come back and hug Minju to sleep; like she always does.

But tonight, Minju needs to accept that all she would have is Hyewon’s faint scent on the pillow and bed sheets. Another night to spend alone – only Minju and the faint memory of the arms wrapping around her to sleep.

Minju hopes to wake up with the smell of coffee and bacons, the sound of the television echoing in the apartment. But she woke up with silence, and her heart clenched a little bit. She misses the person she used to live with.

 

/

 

Minju met Hyewon accidentally, it was a late-night trip to the 24-hour grocery store near her just because she has this sudden craving for some sushi. Since she knows that no Japanese restaurant would be open at this hour, it was already 11 in the evening. It was up to her to save her own craving .

As expected, no one would be there, save it for a few customers that looks so tired and the 2 to 3 clerks that seems so bored out of their mind. Minju didn’t pay any attention to them and went straight to looking for her sushi, she quickly walks over to the section – those premade sushis that always comes in pack.

No matter how much she wants to eat a legit sushi, she needs to settle for this sorry looking one. Why does she need to crave in the middle of the night?

Frowning at the selection, a very limited one, 2 packs of assorted sushi and 3 packs of California roll. Can she be any unlucky tonight? Minju cannot choose between the two options, glancing from one pack to another. Deciding to just pick the California roll, she bent down to pick it.

“I wouldn’t choose that if I were you.”

“!” Minju shrieked and whips her head to shout at the person only to stop upon seeing the said person. Maybe having this late-night craving is a blessing in disguise if she would always see an obviously looking bored clerk with visuals to die for.

“That’s been there since yesterday,” The clerk, Minju discreetly squints her eyes on the nametag but it is being covered by her hair. “The assorted ones were just added 3 hours ago.”

Minju may have been standing there for too long not moving an inch, because the beautiful clerk just walked towards her grabbing the packed California roll from her hand and changing it with the assorted one. The still unknown clerk smiled at her, “Don’t want to have a stomachache tomorrow now, don’t we?”

Minju is sure she looked like an idiot, but it’s not like many people are there to witness how speechless she was. The only thing she could utter was some few lame words, not even a potential conversation starter. “Counter?”

She hears the clerk – why does her hair needed to be that long to the point it is covering her nametag anyways, but the clerk chuckled maybe she thinks that Minju is such an idiot. Sometimes Minju wish she could have Yena’s personality to always have something to say to avoid awkward situations. But then again, she doesn’t want to be that loud.

“Right, this way please.”

Minju just followed the girl, and even if the girl would lead her to a shady place – she thinks she’d still follow her without thought. Hopeless case, seriously.

She watches the girl input her time to the machine, and that’s it. Minju curses herself for just getting one item, she reluctantly handed the exact amount to the girl. The latter just smiled and bagged the sushi before giving it to her. Minju rolls her eyes to herself, bowing and muttering a small thank you before walking away dejectedly. She’s not in the mood to eat the sushi now.

“Idiot, idiot, idiot.” She chants to herself, because she is indeed an idiot. But then again, it’s not like the girl would even remember her. Before Minju could take another step, she felt a gentle hand grabbing her wrist making her turn around.

“Hey,” The girl smiled, “You forgot the receipt.”

“Oh,” Minju blinks, she didn’t actually forget it. She never gets the receipt of anything she buys anyway, especially not a pack of sushi. “No, it won – “

“You forgot the receipt.” The girl cuts her off, “Please check if it’s right, have a good evening.” She then bows and quickly walks over to her place, making Minju stare at her.

Minju looks down at the folded receipt on her hand and sighs, she opens it reading the name of the grocery store and some other information that does not concern her. The single item punched properly, with its price on the right side. Crumpling the piece of paper, she suddenly stops when she saw something at the bottom. A handwritten note – obviously not computerized.

Kang Hyewon - +82 99 XXXX 6784

Minju whips her head to look at where the girl – Kang Hyewon is sitting, and she sees the latter avoiding her look. Minju bits her lips and walks out of the grocery store with a bounce. She couldn’t wait to go home and save this new number.

 

/

 

Minju does not know how she was surviving living alone, she always lived alone anyways, but then she met Hyewon and everything changed. She first thought it was a hassle to live with someone, all your differences clashing and you guys need to compromise with one thing. That’s what Minju thought first, but Hyewon happened and everything just came naturally.

Though there would be slight misunderstandings between them, everything would be alright just with a few conversations and apologies. It was never a problem living with the older girl, Hyewon is matured she knows her things. She knows when not to pry and instead just be there for Minju, she knows when Minju is stressed and needs to talk it with someone. The same goes for Minju, and it is just perfect living together.

How Minju would wake up with Hyewon already up and cooking some breakfast for the both of them, how Minju would sneak behind the older girl hugging her from behind, pestering her while she cooks. Times where Hyewon would be messy with all of her document and paper work and would sheepishly apologize at Minju.

Maybe that’s why Minju sees everything in black and white now, because Hyewon was not there to give her the spectrum of colors needed in her life. If it was the Minju before, she would be saying that she was living the best life alone – but no, because this Minju met Hyewon, and that makes her life a little bit dull than before. Because Hyewon was not there to spend the day with Minju.

She never knew that missing someone would be this hard, sure Minju misses some of her friends before but a simple ‘I miss you, let’s meet up soon’ does the trick and the longing would be gone. Missing Hyewon is like every passing second is a year passing – like the earth has completed its revolution around the sun. It would pass in a blink of an eye, yet Minju is very much aware how long it was.

Missing Hyewon is like forgetting to breathe for a whole minute, the silent pain building on your chest and all at once spreading through your body. But that’s the thing, Minju needs to breathe continuously – she needs to breathe and continue with her day, as if everything is the way it is.

The dull pain in her heart is growing as each second pass, and everything is not the way it is. Not when Hyewon is not there to greet her in the morning what that sweet smile of hers.

Minju drives to her job and as she drives, she hears someone in her ‘Your seatbelt, don’t forget your seatbelt.’, and she looks at the passenger seat. Her bag was sitting there, the seat where Hyewon was supposed to be sitting at. Right, her seatbelt.

She quickly pulls her seatbelt around her and hearing the click, she feels the ghost of the lips touching her cheeks – whispering a job well done. Minju feels herself breaking, because another second passed and it felt like a decade.

 

Minju takes a seat in front of her desk, a boring job waiting for her to consume her day. She looks at the view beside her, tall buildings surrounding her view – the sky so blue that it would be a perfect day for everyone. But not Minju, never her, because any day would be perfect as long as Hyewon was there. (And she wasn’t.)

She sees a bird passing by the building, flying around for a minute before going away, until it is just a speck that was once there for everyone to see. She doesn’t know why but it made her feel something, maybe it was jealousy. Minju was jealous how the bird was able to fly and go to anywhere it wants to go – with no problem.

Or maybe it was just a familiar ache that she always feels, because somewhere in this world there’s a chance that Hyewon saw the same exact bird. At least, the two of them have something in common despite them being miles away. It’s funny how her standard of being happy significantly went down when Hyewon moved, but it is what it is.

Minju looks at the time and smiles, something she always look forward to – videocalls with Hyewon, wherein the latter would just be ending her day while Minju starts hers. Two different ends of the spectrum, but they manage to make it work. They need to make it work, especially with how the growing pains inside Minju is starting to be out of hand.

She opens her phone and right on time, Hyewon’s contact showed. Minju did not hesitate to answer the videocall, and her heart bursts into vivid colors as soon as she saw her girlfriend. “Hey you.”

“I miss you.” Minju could hear how tired the older girl was, just judging from her face and voice. She stares at Hyewon’s face, as if she is staring right at her – not in a screen, not having a thousand of miles between them.

“I miss you too,” Minju whispers, “I hope you’re here with me.”

Just like that, the vivid colors slowly turned dark just seeing the apologetic smile on the older girl’s face. Because she knows what’s coming next, and she got used to it but that doesn’t mean it hurts any less. In fact, it always grows and grow and maybe one day, Minju would just burst.

“I’m sorry, I’m trying my best.” Minju sees Hyewon looking down, and she knows. She knows that the girl is trying her best, and Minju needs to remind herself that she needs to understand the girl. They need to make this work. She needs to make this work.

“I know,” Minju whispered, “But I still miss you. Terribly. Achingly. Painfully.” If there’s a single tear that rolled down her cheeks, she quickly wipes it off by looking out of the window and discreetly running her hand over the cheek.

“I love you.”

Minju smiles and looks back, “I love you too.”

Then the limited timed conversation went on, asking how was the older girl’s day. Something that she hopes she would spend with Hyewon, but with the circumstances given to them, all she could do was imagine everything.

 

//

 

1 week. 7 days. That’s what it took for Minju before she can send a simple message which consists of two letters ‘hi’. She nervously waited for a reply, it took her one hour before she realized that she didn’t introduce herself in the message. Minju smacks herself before grabbing her phone again, typing a quick follow-up text.

This is sushi girl by the way. Kim Minju

+82 99 XXXX 6578

After sending the text she quickly threw her phone on her bed, she held her breath waiting for a reply. She’s not even sure if Hyewon till remembers her but the fact that she gave her to Minju – that must mean something, right?

Then as if hyperaware of her surroundings, Minju heard her phone vibrate under all the blankets and pillow on her bed. She threw herself on her bed and grabbed her phone, her eyes widened – Hyewon replied.

I thought you won’t text and scared you off hahaha

Hyewon

Minju quickly types a reply, hoping she won’t sound like an idiot and just a girl texting the stranger she met during one late night spontaneous grocery shopping.

No! I wasn’t even sure you’ll remember me.

Minju

Well, I can’t forget someone with their late-night sushi cravings, can I?

Hyewon

Minju blushed and was about to type a reply to retort the statement, but her phone vibrated again and she saw a new message from Hyewon. One look at the message and her heart is already skyrocketing and she couldn’t contain her squeal.

Don’t have a shift later. Want to go a Japanese restaurant? I promise it won’t be as ty as the grocery packed ones.

Hyewon

Minju didn’t hesitate to reply. It’s not even about the sushi anymore, it’s about that one bored clerk that helped her in her dilemma of choosing and possibly preventing Minju to eat some spoiled sushi.

I’ll look forward to it!

Minju

To say that Minju was a nervous wrecked is an understatement, she could not explain how she was feeling at that moment. Sure, she is anticipating this date but she’s not even sure if this is a date – for all she knows this was just Hyewon wanting to befriend her. But still, she couldn’t stay in one place, shifting her weight from one foot to another and constantly checking her reflection on the mirror.

She didn’t dress fancy, Hyewon said that it would just be casual and judging from the place, Minju is just dressed right for the occasion. Wearing a simple blouse, that doesn’t scream ‘I think I like you’ but a subtle touch of ‘I find you attractive’, and the best jeans she could find in her closet.  Busy fixing her blouse, she didn’t notice someone approaching her.

“Stop, you look good.”

Minju looks up to see Hyewon already there, and she didn’t know she was into leather jacket until she saw the girl wearing one. “Hey.”

Hyewon smiles at Minju, “Did you wait long?”

Minju hastily shakes her head, “No, no. I actually just came 5 minutes ago.” Lie, Minju has been standing there for the past 10 minutes and it would be 30 if she didn’t spend her time in the nearest convenience store. But Hyewon doesn’t need to know that.

The girl grinned and gestures for Minju to walk first, “After you.”

Minju has had her fair shares of relationships, may it be a man or woman. It was all serious relationships, lasting for months and longest would be a year and a half. But then she knows that having a stable and long-lasting relationship is hard to find, it’s not the relationship you should look for – it’s all about finding the right person.

She knows she could not find someone with just a snap, it is a long gradual process and sometimes it takes a lifetime to find that right person. But right here, in the corner of some Japanese restaurant, Minju could not help but to feel something tugging her heart. Like it was calling for someone’s attention, like it was calling Hyewon.

She didn’t know what was happening, but all she is aware of is that every time Hyewon looks at her intently every time Minju share something, she feels like she’ll stumble and stutter on her words. Hyewon is giving her all of her attention to some silly stories that Minju is sharing, and Minju’s heart is somersaulting.

Maybe it was the laugh that Hyewon does every time she finds something funny, maybe it was the gleam in her eyes when she shares her story, or the way her lips tug upward when she stops herself from smiling. Maybe it was how the way the noisy restaurant suddenly became quiet every time Minju stare at Hyewon, the way how their hands grazes with each other.

Minju knows it is impossible, but right now, she’s not so sure anymore. Because with the way Hyewon is staring at her right now, she knows that the latter is also feeling the same thing she’s feeling. She should be scared; she should stop herself because this is not normal.

But hearing Hyewon’s voice over the noise in that restaurant is like the sweetest melody she has heard in her whole life, a sweet and calming voice that could always lull her to sleep – a voice that she hopes she can wake up to one day. The way the cheap lights illuminate the girl’s eyes, how it transcends Minju to some other world and how she wants to get lost in it.

Minju was never an impulsive person, all her past relationships were all slow process of trying to get to know each other. Patience was indeed a virtue for her, she was never one to rush things they all say that great things come to those who wait. But Minju does not know anymore, she doesn’t know if she could be patient this time.

She never believed in love at first, that was the most absurd thing she heard ever. How can someone fall in love just by seeing them? Do they shoot sunshine and rainbows out of their buttholes? But right now, in front of Hyewon – the girl she just met last week for a few minutes, all of principles in her life are being shattered just with this single person.

“Did I tell you that you look beautiful tonight?” Hyewon asks in her honey sweet voice, tilting her head adorably at Minju. “Because you do, and I hope I can see you every day like this.”

Minju realizes that this is attraction, but not just a simple one – not the type that she could wait for months and years. It was the type that runs deep in her soul, like a whirlwind that would not end at any moment – but despite all those things, Minju could feel it as a slow long that continuously play on and on, something that would sooth her soul and whole being. Something that she could not live without once she gets the taste of it.

“You did,” Minju answers softly, looking at the almost empty glass of water near her hand and looking up to see Hyewon still staring at her. Minju smiles not the shy smile that she always does to other people that she just met; it was her toothy smile – the smile she does with people she knows long enough.

“And I also hope I can see you everyday like this.”

And Hyewon did her breathy laugh, the laugh she makes when she’s speechless. Minju knows, she just knows that she and Hyewon would be there for each other in a long while.

 

/

 

“You should sleep now, you’re obviously exhausted.” Minju said with a smile, she could see Hyewon yawning for the nth time already. She doesn’t want her girlfriend to be sleep-deprived even though she still wants to talk to Hyewon – she’s not that selfish.

“Yeah, take care of yourself okay? Don’t forget to eat lunch and dinner.” Hyewon reminds her, looking at her softly through the screen. “I love you Minju-ah, see you later.”

“I love you too, good night Hyewon-ah.” Minju answers and when the call ended, turning her screen to black, Minju could see her own reflection through it. Sometimes she just wants to be selfish and hoard all Hyewon’s time, to talk to the latter until her ears fall off. Because right there in her reflection, is not someone happy with life. She misses Hyewon and it is getting harder to breathe as each day passed by without the older girl.

Putting her phone face down on her desk and removing her earphones, she runs her fingers through her hair. Releasing a soft sigh, she stretches herself to get ready for her work. Turning on her computer, Minju waits for the system to boot up as she looks at the framed pictures on her desk. She remembers how each of those pictures were taken, the exact event and location. Minju thinks about when was the last time the two of them took a picture together – and she stops, she will just get hurt.

“Finished with your videocall?” Minju turns to see Yena drinking her what’s supposed to be coffee on her thermos, the girl turning her chair to face Minju.

Minju smiles at the girl, nodding her head. “Yeah, she was really tired and I told her to sleep.”

Yena hums and blows on her coffee before taking a sip, she looks up at Minju before tilting her head to the side. “I’m really amazed with how you guys manage to keep your relationship.” She said with her own husky voice, the words resonating with Minju.

“Not everyone finds it easy to have a long-distanced relationship.”

Minju felt a lump on and looks at her computer already finished booting up, she just shoots the girl a smile before turning her chair – a sign that the conversation has ended. She doesn’t know how to answer that, she doesn’t know because the statement is true.

Not everyone finds it easy to have a long-distanced relationship, and in their case – they didn’t find it easy either. Maybe it was how Yena sees them, how consistent the videocalls were between Minju and Hyewon and the amount of texts that they send to each other. Maybe it’s how Hyewon would always send flowers to her when there are special occasions, and how Minju would smile and take a picture of herself smiling with it.

But that’s just the tip of the iceberg, people need to go deeper to see how it really is. They are not putting up a show with their relationship, no that’s not it. But there are things that are better kept behind closed doors. Like the nights where they would clash because both of them are tired – leaving each other with a heavy heart and overthinking mind.

Like the mornings that Minju would lay on her bed for a few minutes, crying on her pillow because Hyewon was not there to greet her good morning. Like how Minju sometimes, accidentally, skips breakfast because despite of how long it has been – she still expects for Hyewon to be in their apartment waiting for her to eat the dinner she cooked.

So, with that Minju started doing her work – her very boring work of checking some reports by her colleagues, and doing her own report. She could see Yena glancing at her on her peripheral vision but she just decided to ignore the latter – she has work to do. Minju looks out of the window and see the sun blazing, she could hear the faint nose of car honks from the ground, the flock of birds flying outside.

Minju remembers how she would excitedly work here, having a constant smile on her face and greeting other people. She remembers it as if it was yesterday, but everything changed when Hyewon went away. She was not the same after that, a tad bit different and everyone noticed it. The usual light in her eyes was gone, the energetic greetings she would give are replaced by small smiles and polite nods.

Minju could not remember when was the last time she smiled, actually smiled genuinely without any worries – without any heavy feeling inside her heart. She didn’t know that someone would make her feel like this, she didn’t know that she would hate how the world is made because of Hyewon – why do they have to be on each ends of the world?

Minju longs for Hyewon, and she say longs it just doesn’t miss she miss the older girl. It is much deeper than that, she yearns for Hyewon. Her touch, her breathing, her presence. She yearns for how Hyewon would walk towards her with a smile after a long day, she years for how they would have a silly fight on who would get the most blanket.

She yearns everything about the older girl, every second passing is like her heart being ripped into small pieces – slowly and unapologetically. Every breathe that Minju takes is just her wanting to scream for Hyewon’s name, for her to comeback and hug her like before.

Minju yearns and yearns, she keeps on yearning but everything falls under one word – patience. She needs to be patient; she needs to wait for Hyewon. People say they have all the time in their lives to find someone you love and that would love you the way you want to be loved – but what would you do if you already found that person but cannot be with them due to circumstances?

Minju needs to wait, she needs to wait despite how her lips craves the touch and taste of Hyewon’s lips. She needs to wait despite how much she needs to interlace her fingers with the older girl. She needs to wait despite Hyewon being the oxygen she breathes and the light in Minju’s life.

Minju needs to wait despite things getting too hard for her to handle to the point she wants to give up. She needs to wait, after all, not everyone finds it easy to have a long-distanced relationship – and unfortunately, they are a part of it.

 

Minju would have forgotten about lunch if it is not for the nudge that Yena did to her, it pulled her out of her zone and looked at the girl with furrowed eyebrows. Yena rolls her eyes and points at her nonexistent wrist watch. Minju frowns and looks at the time only to see that it was already 10 minutes past lunch.

“Oh, sorry got carried away.” Minju said with a sheepish smile before putting her computer into sleep. Getting her purse and phone, she and Yena stood up, the both of them stretching slightly to get the blood running.

“You always get carried away with work,” Yena says quietly, “You know that Kwangbae would be worried about you, right?”

Of course, she knows. Minju knows that which is why she’s thankful that Yena is there to always remind her about her lunch. “Yeah, that’s why you’re here, right?”

Minju chuckles slightly when she heard Yena groaning, the latter didn’t even bother to hide the fact that she excessively rolled her eyes at Minju. The two of them walked out, the office almost empty saved for those few people like them that’s trying to finish something before getting lunch.

“Where are we eating?” Minju asked, walking beside Yena. She sees the girl puckering her lips – the usual face when she’s thinking about something.

“Craving some Chinese.” Yena shrugs and looks at Minju, the latter just nodded her head. Not really caring where they would eat.

“Sure, I’ll just follow you.”

Minju ignores the sorry look that Yena gave her and she just fished out her phone, quickly going to Hyewon’s contact to send a message for the older girl to read when she wakes up.

Eating Chinese with Yena for lunch. I miss you.

Minju

Minju stares at her phone and misses the days where her messages would be instantly read by the older girl. She shakes her head slightly and looks at Yena, the latter giving her a small smile. Minju returns the smile, no need to hide the fact that she’s absolutely missing her girlfriend in front of Yena.

“Come on, I’m hungry.” Minju says while she tugs Yena to walk faster, it’s not like she’s actually hungry. She just wants to forget the fact that her message was left unread and also the dull ache starting to form in her heart.

 

//

 

After that night, a night where Minju thinks it was just a dream – a dream to meet and get to know someone as interesting as Kang Hyewon. Minju still doesn’t know if it was a date but when Hyewon drove her back to her apartment, the small smile on her face when Minju’s about to get off says it all. Minju is grateful to be on the same page as the latter.

They continued on exchanging texts to each other, may it be random facts on what happened to their day, a silly joke that they heard from their friends, a random meme that they saw on their social media. Anything and everything under the sun, and Minju just couldn’t get enough of Hyewon. They’ve been texting each other for the last two weeks, sometimes they call each other – and she kids you not, Minju is never a ‘call’ type of person.

She hated it to the core, the awkwardness that every call she had in the past was unforgettable. The awkward silence when they have nothing to talk about anymore. That time when the other person tells a joke and it just so happens the signal is going bat crazy and she couldn’t understand anything, resulting her to fake laugh just to not let the person feel awkward.

But calling Hyewon is nothing like that, there was no awkward silence between them – if they do have silence it would be a comfortable one, one that would help Minju go to sleep. Their calls are something that Minju always look forward to, to talk to older girl and to hear her voice. Maybe calls are something not to be hated, it’s just that you need to find the right person to do it with.

And Kang Hyewon is the person for Minju.

But sometimes it was not enough, it’s been two weeks and Minju has not seen Hyewon again – the two of them being busy with their jobs. That’s why Minju found herself on the familiar path going to the nearest 24-hour grocery store near her apartment. She hopes Hyewon has her shift tonight because this would be all a waste if the girl is not there.

Entering the store, it was the same as before given that it was already late. 2 to 3 bored clerks just playing with their phone, waiting to do their job when someone would buy some item. But Minju cannot see the person she’s looking for, frowning slightly, she walked around the store. Maybe Hyewon would be doing something somewhere in this story – she hopes so.

Minju rolled her eyes, why did she even not text Hyewon before she impulsively went here? For all she knows, the older girl is already fast asleep on her bed.

She could see some lady carrying her baby on her arms as she looks for some snacks maybe for the child, Minju just smiles when they had an eye contact and continued walking. She looks around the store, and maybe she got fascinated when she reached the chocolate section. Minju concentrated on each product, contemplating on what to buy – if she went there in the middle of the night, she might as well not leave empty-handed.

“Wow, now you crave chocolates in this hour?” A familiar voice said from behind her.

Minju turns around to see Hyewon holding some box and a small chair on each hand, she looks at the girl and the latter is looking at her in amusement. The older girl then put the box and small chair down, walking over to Minju looking at the selection of chocolates.

“Lindt is much better than those.” Hyewon pointed to the Hershey’s, “I could attest to that.”

Minju laughs, “I know, I was just looking through it.” She then glances at the box and chair, “What are you doing?”

Hyewon walks over to the chair and sits on it, opening the box revealing some different flavors of KitKat. “Organizing, don’t have anything to do.”

Minju walks over the older girl and paused on her steps when Hyewon looks at her with squinting eyes, “And what are you doing here?”

Minju opens and closes , she couldn’t possibly say that she just went there to see the older girl, right? That would sound desperate, well she is desperate but she should just keep it to herself. In the end, she just shrugs her shoulders and said an excuse.

“Just craving some chocolate.”

Hyewon hums grabbing some KitKats from the box and putting it on the shelf based on its flavors. “There’s no chocolate at the nearest convenience store from your apartment?”

Well, Minju does not know because she didn’t check that place out and she wasn’t actually here for the chocolate but for the person in front of her right now. “I don’t like their chocolates there, it’s full of Hershey’s.”

“Well, did you find something that you like here?”

Minju sees Hyewon looking up at her, the latter has her eyebrow raised and Minju just decided to not beat around the bush anymore. It’s not like she tried to hide her liking to the girl in their texts and calls, and it’s not like Hyewon did either. She crouches down near Hyewon, getting some Matcha-flavored KitKats and putting it on the shelf.

Minju glances at Hyewon and smirked, “Yeah, a better one actually.”

Hyewon chuckles, “Good, this night shift suddenly became much more entertaining with you here.”

Minju and Hyewon looked at each other and shared a smile, a smile that has a million meaning that only the two of them understands. Minju laughs slightly before flopping herself on the ground, bumping her shoulders to Hyewon jokingly. Hyewon then slid the box in front the both of them, getting some KitKats to organize.

“For what it’s worth, I’m really happy that you’re here.” Hyewon said, not looking at Minju.

Minju smiles at the older girl, leaning closer to the box and getting some KitKats. She turns her head resulting her to see Hyewon looking at her too, she gives out a soft smile to the older girl. “Me too.”

Minju knows she has a work the morning after and she’s not one to sleep late when she has work. She’s the type of person that takes sleep seriously, not wanting to be a walking zombie on the job. But that all changed when she met Hyewon, and now – her impulsive decision of going in this late-night adventure seems worth it.

Doing this boring thing of organizing the products on the shelves seems to have a different feel with Hyewon, just with how the conversation started flowing between them. As if they haven’t been talking the whole day – it’s just a beautiful feeling.

She’s aware that they are moving too fast, too quick in this uncharted territory – something that everyone should be careful about. But spending time with Hyewon like this, organizing the products in this quiet grocery story – perhaps, the few people would have heard their voices by now. Doing this boring task in the middle of the night with Hyewon, ignoring the fact that Minju should be up by 7 tomorrow morning.

Maybe losing some sleep for tonight is worth it if it means that she would get to spend more time with Hyewon like this.

Warnings be damned, Minju would turn a blind eye because Hyewon is at the end waiting for her. She just trusts the girl that much that nothing would go wrong – everything will be alright as long as they are together.

 

/

 

Minju was welcomed by a very dark and empty apartment, she looks around and she could feel the obvious somber atmosphere surrounding the apartment. Removing her heels and leaving it at the side, she mindlessly put down the keys on the table. Walking inside the apartment, she just simply drags herself to her once shared room – changing her clothes into much comfortable ones.

She didn’t bother to open the lights around, walking out of the room to the kitchen. She did promise to have dinner, but she never promised to have a decent one. Minju walks over to the counter opening the cabinet and grabs a cereal. Pouring it to the bowl before getting the milk out of the fridge to add to it to her dinner. A sorry looking dinner if anyone asks.

Flopping herself down on the chair, she watches the cereals floating around the bowl – constantly bumping into each other, and yet never leaving one another. Minju stares and stares, until it became soggy – someone would have reprimanded about it already. Saying that soggy cereals are not the way to eat the divine snack, but she’s just alone now.

No one would judge her for letting her cereals get soggy – as if life was drained out of these little pieces of food. Just like Minju, just like how she was living her everyday life since she could remember.

Minju never understood how people can be lonely, how can they feel lonely when they are surrounded with thousands of people – the sound of their voices booming, making everything feel alive. Minju never understood them until now, because that’s what she’s feeling.

Lonely.

In this big apartment, she wouldn’t avoid feeling that emotion. But it’s not like she has been feeling that since the beginning, because when they moved here, there was never a time that she felt alone. Minju never felt alone when she’s at work, she never felt alone when she’s spending time with her friends. Because she knows – she’s sure, that she will come home with arms welcoming her into a familiar hug.

If this was years before, Minju would find this setting very much calming, something she would prefer over anything. But this is the present, and there is no calming thing connected in this setting. She would never prefer this over anything – because she’d prefer to have Hyewon there with her, nagging her about letting the cereals get soggy.

And now, Minju feels sorry for the people whoever felt lonely in their life – she feels sorry for herself. She realized that being lonely does not only mean being alone, sometimes it’s during the day surrounded by your friends and suddenly you will just be hit by this wave of sadness. Sometimes it’s the time when you achieve something great, and the first person you want to talk to is unavailable – making that achievement as if it was just a small thing.

It’s a feeling of hollowness in her, just sitting there eating her almost empty bowl of cereals. Minju has never felt alone in her life, not until she comes home to an empty apartment.

Standing up and going to the sink, she quietly washes the bowl and spoon she used. She needs to be quick because at any moment, Hyewon would call her. Minju cannot waste any millisecond, not when that’s the only thing that would help her sleep at night.

Funny how she was never a ‘call’ type of person but it all changed when Hyewon came, then now she’s here looking forward to a videocall. Just because Hyewon left.

How things have changed, and she doesn’t know if it is for the better or for the worse.

As expected, her phone rang and Minju quickly walks over and answered it. The smile was almost immediate when the screen showed Hyewon, all fully showered. The droplets of water coming from the few strands of hair, the smile that Hyewon is showing her – Minju feels like she’s with the girl physically.

“Good morning to you,” Minju answers, “Looking good today Ms. Kang Hyewon.” She teases but she knows that she’s being honest, Hyewon always look good everyday anyways.

The older girl rolls her eyes, and started walking around her own apartment. Minju could see the gaming console, and she chuckles – she remembers how Hyewon would sometimes stay up just to finish a chapter in one of her games. Minju would sometimes play with her, but she couldn’t appreciate it. So, she would just stay on the side watching Hyewon get carried away with the game, giving kisses to each other from time to time.

But right now, the gaming console in their apartment are collecting dusts. Minju never uses it, it’s not like she knows how to play. At the same time, booting it up just reminds her of Hyewon – it’s a great reminder really, but not when you can’t just spontaneously see each other when you want to.

“I can’t choose what to wear,” Minju heard from the speaker and she sees Hyewon pointing the camera at a mirror showing that she’s only in her bra and slacks. Minju hates how much she missed the older girl more just by seeing that, she remembers the days when Hyewon would take time because the girl couldn’t decide on what to wear.

Hyewon then changed the camera to the front, smiling widely at the screen. “Help me choose, please?”

Minju scoffs, “Of course, I don’t want you to look like a lost child.” She laughs when she heard a dramatic gasped and the offended look from Hyewon.

“Kim Minju, I never knew you’d attack me like this.” Hyewon then quickly changes it to the main camera, “It’s cold here because climate change, I don’t know what to choose from.” She points the camera to the blouse and button ups hanging.

Minju looks at it for a moment, trying to remember what color of slacks Hyewon was wearing – she couldn’t tell if it was navy or black. “What’s the color of your slacks?”

“I think black.”

Minju looks at the screen incredulously, “You think?” She sees Hyewon face in an instant with a grin.

“I’m poor with colors, but it’s something dark. Trust me.”

Minju rolls her eyes, “Whatever, just go with white. Why did you even pull out maroon and those other colors? Go with neutral colors, the other ones are too loud.”

She watches the camera move and it seems like it’s being placed somewhere and then she could see Hyewon walking to the view. Minju smiles and watches the older girl putting the other blouse and button ups inside her closet. Then she noticed the pants the girl is wearing; she could see the detailed pinstripes on it and she rolls her eyes. How can Hyewon forget that detail?

Hyewon then looks in front of the camera holding a black and then a white button up in each hand, “Black or white?”

“Well, you do have some pinstriped pants. Go for a lighter color, obviously white.” Minju said and Hyewon nods shuffling getting another white blouse.

“Slim fit or loose-fitting?”

Minju frowns, and thinks about it for a moment. “You have a black blazer, right?”

She sees Hyewon tilting her head for a moment before nodding, then quickly grabbing a black blazer from her closet. It’s a long blazer that could be always used on casual and formal days, and Minju nods her head in approval.

“Get that, and do you have a decent white shirt?” Minju asks, and she sees Hyewon happily nodding her head and throwing the clothes she’s holding somewhere before getting a white shirt.

“I don’t know what to do without you.” Hyewon says loudly, and Minju laughs.

“You’ll be apologizing for your fashion sense.” She then sees Hyewon walking at the camera, putting her face near it and playfully glaring at Minju.

“That’s harsh.”

Minju shrugs, “It’s the truth.”

Hyewon sticks her tongue out and raises one finger, “Let me just change.”

Minju gasped, “Oh, will you give me a show?” She playfully wiggled her eyebrows. She couldn’t help but laugh at the obvious blush forming on the older girl’s face. Then all she could hear is a muffled ‘in your dreams’ before the camera was covered.

Minju laughs and she could hear Hyewon’s muffled voice and the sound of tripping, as expected, the older girl is still messy when it comes to her clothes. She remembers how their room would be full of unused clothes, scattered all around because Hyewon is just like that when choosing what to wear. But now, it would always be clean.

Minju hates messy rooms, but if that’s how Hyewon is, then she’d rather have a messy house with Hyewon than not having the girl at all.

“Okay, I’m good!” Minju watches the screen coming to life again, and seeing Hyewon now fully clothed. The older girl was grinning from ear to ear, walking around her apartment – it’s funny how Minju has almost memorized the apartment but she still doesn’t know how it feels like to live there.

“I have some important meeting today; I don’t even know why I’m going to do it.” Hyewon whines and Minju could see that the girl is getting something inside the fridge and putting what seems to be a leftover takeout inside the microwave.

“Because you’re cut for it.” Minju says softly, “I know you can do it. You’ll nail that meeting.” She could hear the older girl sighing before looking at the camera. Minju misses that eyes, that eyes that was obviously bored during their first meeting. That eyes that gleamed during the first time they ate out in a Japanese eye. But most importantly, she misses Hyewon.

“I hate it that you encouraged me to go here.” Hyewon admits quietly, “We’re completely happy just living together there.”

Minju looks down on her toes, her other hand playing with the edge of the pillow. She doesn’t even know why she encouraged Hyewon that time, maybe it was the fact that it’s the latter’s dream to handle something big. After all, Hyewon was never just a clerk.

“They needed you there,” Minju says quietly, “And you’ve been telling me how you missed them.”

Hyewon sighs and she heard the microwaved beeped, she walks over it and grabs the takeout. “I know, but it’s not the same without you here.”

“I don’t even know when I can come back there. It’s almost been a year.”

Minju feels herself tearing up, the reminder that it would almost be a year, 12 months, 48 weeks, 365 days. It’s been that long since she last held the girl, since the last time she heard the older girl whisper sweet things before going to sleep. It’s been that long but Minju feels like it has been years.

“I’m just waiting here, don’t worry.” Minju reassures the older girl, hoping her voice didn’t not quiver. “I love you.”

Hyewon looks at her, and even there are thousand of miles between them, Minju knows that the older girl can feel that she’s trying to hold back a sob. Even with thousand of miles between them, just one smile from Hyewon – the smile that always makes the place a brighter one, Minju feels a weight coming off from her shoulders.

“I’m trying my best, I love you.” Hyewon whispered, “Please wait for me.”

Minju knows that she would always wait, there’s no question for that. But what she does not know is for how long? She’s human after all. But with how Hyewon is staring at her through the screen, Minju knows that she could trust the older girl. Just like how she trusted Hyewon when they entered this relationship, because Hyewon never broke her trust.

“Always.” Minju answered with a smile.

Then Minju watched Hyewon eating her breakfast, whining about some things that she encountered yesterday. Minju listens at the rants and the stories, giving her two cents – this is their routine since the day Hyewon left. It was hard at first, but then they got used to it – now having a scheduled videocall with one another.

And when Hyewon sees Minju stifling a yawn, she lets the girl go. Minju protested at first but her eyes are feeling droopy, and she wishes she could slap the smirk off from Hyewon. Just like that the call ended, with Hyewon starting her day as Minju ended hers.

It’s funny how a few minutes of talking to the older girl makes Minju feel light as ever, like every problem has been solved. But once left staring at a blank screen, staring at her own reflection – it all comes back in a snap.

Minju adjusts her position on the bed, facing the side where Hyewon usually lays. She inhales the remaining scent that she could smell on her bed, hoping it’ll give her warmth that Hyewon always gives her during night. When she realizes that she can’t have the same warmth, she hugged the pillow that the older girl uses. Tightening her hold onto it, as if her life depended on it.

Minju hugs it tighter, until she felt herself crying – crying because it’s not enough. Nothing she does is enough to fill this huge gaping hole in her heart – in her life. She cries and cries, she cries remembering the videocall – the promise of Hyewon coming back.

A promise that has been said a million of times since she left.

A promise that Minju keeps looking forward to be fulfilled.

She cries and cries, until she couldn’t anymore. Until sleep consumes her.

She cried because at the end of the day, all she ever wants is for someone to hold her tight and close.

All she ever wants is Hyewon to be there beside her, having the same time zone, interacting with almost the same people.

But not everyone gets what they want. Not even Minju.

 

//

 

Three months, it took them three months before they made it official. Minju knows it was fast, considering Hyewon is not a long-time friend, but it’s not like she planned to just be her friend in the first place. Minju’s friends already met the older girl, surprisingly, Yena and Hyewon got along really well. They met when Minju and Hyewon are still friends.

The meeting was not planned, actually it caused some drama. Because Minju ditched Yena just to hangout with Hyewon, the older girl said that she found some café that sells really delicious cake. Just with the obvious excitement on her voice, Minju cannot say no. That’s why she said some lame excuse to Yena – saying that she has some diarrhea or whatever flu is in the city.

The day of Minju and Hyewon’s hangout, they are already sitting in the café and waiting for their orders. The two of them are busy talking about something funny that happened at Hyewon’s workplace, and there’s just something about the way she retells the story that makes it two times funnier.

Minju was in the middle of her laugh, something about Hyewon saying that her coworker tripped because of some cane of an older woman, she was in the middle of the laugh when she heard a loud gasp. It made them stop from their conversation and looked at the direction of where the gasp came from. Minju felt like some cold water poured over her, because right there staring at them is Yena.

And from what she can remember, she made an excuse that she has the worst diarrhea in the record of human history just to ditch her friend. But Minju knows that she’s far from someone having diarrhea, just with the glare that Yena is giving her, she knows she’s screwed.

She could see Hyewon looking at Yena and then at her, Minju could just smile awkwardly at the older girl before standing up slowly. She could see Yena breathing slowly as she approaches her, probably composing herself before she calls out Minju on her blatant lie. Minju’s mind is running 100 miles per hour just to think of what to say to Yena, but once the latter is already in front of her all she could offer was an awkward laugh.

Yena raised her eyebrows and crosses her arms, “Better explain Kim Minju, we’ve been planning our hangout for months only for you to ditch me in the last minute.”

Minju chuckles, glancing at Hyewon – the latter is just watching them with wide eyes. Turning her attention back to Yena she quickly calms the girl down. “I, it’s just that, I’m on a, a hangout with ugh – “

She wants to bury herself right then and there, she couldn’t even form a coherent sentence and Yena is not amused. Just then they heard someone standing up, and Minju sees a hand sticking out – it was Hyewon.

“Hey, I’m Kang Hyewon, sorry I somehow forced Minju to hangout with me today.” Hyewon said out of nowhere, and Minju is sure that the girl never forced her – she came there in her own accord.

Yena quickly whips her head at Hyewon, “Did you just say Kang Hyewon?”

Minju frowns at the reaction, she knows she never mentioned Hyewon to Yena, ever. So, why is Yena reacting as if she knows the girl? She then sees Hyewon nodding her head, smiling slightly – her eyes darting at Minju, and the younger girl could only offer a shrug.

“Yeah, that’s me.” Hyewon said, confirming the question. Minju sees Yena’s smiling getting wider by the second, and accepting the offered hand by Hyewon – shaking it excitedly.

“I was hoping to meet you soon!”

Minju looks at her friend with confusion on her face, “What, you know her?”

Yena raised her eyebrows, “Yeah, you’ve been saying her name when you take a nap in the office.”

Minju choked on nothing, obviously not expecting the answer – especially not in front of Hyewon. She could only thank the sudden arrival of the waitress with their orders, she quickly pulls Yena to sit down. Pulling her harshly to whisper in her ear, “Since when?!”

Yena scoffs, “Since I could remember, you keep mumbling her name it’s disgusting.”

If Minju felt guilty earlier for ditching Yena, all of it vanished and she didn’t hesitate to stomp on the latter’s foot. “Don’t you dare.” She glared.

“That hurts,” Yena grimaced, “But you ditched me, and you can’t do anything about it.” She shrugs and turns her attention to Hyewon, the girl just sitting there looking at them with an unsure smile.

“Would you like to order?” Hyewon looks at Yena, “Sorry, I didn’t get your name.”

Yena grins and nods her head, “Yena, Choi Yena and sure I’ll order. After all, Minju only treats me once in a blue moon.”

Just with the side glance of the latter before standing up, Minju knows she can’t say no – reluctantly she stands up. She smiles at Hyewon, “I’ll just go with her.” She said while she points at Yena, Hyewon nodded with a smile.

“Sure, I’ll wait for you guys.” Hyewon with a reassuring smile.

The café wasn’t as bustling as expected for a weekend but that’s the beauty of it, no one wants a busy café, sometimes the noise would just give a person a headache. Everyone goes to a café to relax, not to be stressed anyways.

Minju walks over to Yena, it seems like the latter does not need help choosing her order. The girl then looked at Minju and held out her hand. “Money.”

Minju rolls her eyes and opens her wallet, handing out some few bills to her friend. “Can’t believe you’re blackmailing me.”

“Can’t believe that you ditched me either.” Yena deadpans before turning to the cashier and giving the payment with a smile.

That’s how Minju sat with Hyewon and Yena, the two girls talking to each other more specifically, Yena sharing embarrassing stories about Minju. She knows that she could not do anything about it because one glare from Yena is all she needs, to know that that the latter won’t hesitate to share much worse stories about her.

The two of them got along well, as expected of Yena – there’s no any awkward meetings when you have Yena with you. The girl knows what to say and share t