A GLIMPSE OF ME IN YOU

Found the prompt on tumblr and made it into this.

She first noticed it when she was six years old – from what she can vaguely remember she’s playing at the playground near their house. She’s with some other kids playing tag and running around, until she tripped on something.

When she touched the hand of the other kid that’s offering her help it feels like she suddenly went to another world.

It’s windy and she feels herself panting, her legs are tired – she doesn’t know why. She couldn’t comprehend where she is – it’s all passing her so fast, it’s like a blur. She looks down and she sees herself cycling –

“Ahh!” She shouts pulling away from the kid.

“Are you okay?!”

She didn’t utter a word but instead ran away from the kid.

She does not have any idea what just happened.

-

She feels exceptionally excited when her mother told her that she would be going to start her school. So when she introduced herself to the other kids, she just wants to get to know them as soon as possible and make more friends.

The second time it happened, it was during the recess of her first day.

“Hi, Hyewon! I’m Yesun, and this is my friend Gandi.” A long-haired girl introduced herself with another girl, smaller than her with bangs.

Hyewon beamed at them and bowed, “I’m Hyewon! Pleased to meet you!”

“Do you want to eat with us?” Gandi asked her, and she immediately nodded.

And then the girl touched her hand to pull her and everything changed –

She feels happy and singing she could hear singing – she looks around and there are so many people. What are they singing?

“Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you!”

It’s not her birthday, what is happening? Then there’s a cake in front of her with a candle – 8. 8th birthday? What, but she’s not 8?

“Gandi, blow the candles.”

Then everything vanished and she found herself staring at Gandi.

Hyewon stutters out a sorry and she quickly went out of the room, running with her short legs and entering the nearest comfort room. It was Gandi’s 8th birthday, not hers. Those people are her family and friends, and she feels happy.

But it was not hers.

It was Gandi’s.

They are still 7.

-

Hyewon knows now what she’s seeing. The future. She was having glimpses of it every time she touches people – whether it was just a mere brush or not. She understood it on her first day when she finally managed to compose herself.

As soon as she went back to their classroom, she apologized to Gandi and Yesun from running away so suddenly. When Gandi touched her again, she felt afraid that she would see another thing from her future but there was none.

So, when Yesun’s hand accidentally brushed hers she saw something different. She’s in a car with something her fingers – a dog. Then as soon as it happened, she went back to the present with the other two looking at her.

Suddenly she’s nervous, because that just means that all the people she would touch on her first day will show her a little bit of their future. Hyewon looks around and counts her classmates in her mind – about 20, excluding Gandi and Yesun.

Hyewon’s first day was tiring that she went straight to bed and slept.

She was 8 when she thought that everything would be okay, that she could help other people with her ability. But instead, she as just made fun of.

“I can see the future!” Hyewon shouts at the boy in front of her.

The boy, Shindong laughs at her mockingly, “Really? Then what did you see in my future?”

“I saw you dancing in one party!” Hyewon says happily.

But all she received was a laugh and a faint ‘you’re a weirdo.’ Then the whole class laughs at her, until her existence was made into joke. But that did not stop Hyewon, because she still says it all the time – giving some visions she saw.

The teacher would have a baby by the end of the year.

Saeri would have a dog when she turns 10.

Taero would trip on something – she doesn’t know what.

But all of that are useless, because she just became a laughing stock. That’s when Hyewon decided to keep for herself, no one would understand her – no one believes her even if she tells the truth.

That’s when she learned that it is better to be by herself and be quiet – the real ones stay, but she thinks it is much better if she stops saying things – about their future and all that.

--

She was 14 when she met someone that is similar to her. Hyewon had a petty fight with her brother, she thought she could open this certain ability of hers to her brother not to be made fun of – but her brother just looked at her as if she’s crazy.

Then one thing led to another, then she’s here walking to the nearest playground, where she first discovered this ability of hers. She realized that her ability is not useful at all, it would not predict any lucky numbers for lottery, or when the next war would happen. It wouldn’t even know what questions would be there in the exams.

Now, she’s here sulking on the farthest corner of the playground – not having friends from school and not having your own brother to believe you, it’s normal for a 14-year old to feel sad and lonely. She should have friends by now, but due to her own decision to not interact with anyone – maybe it’s her fault in the first place.

As Hyewon is sulking, she hears some leaves scrunching indicating that someone is walking over her – she looks up to see an old man looking at her with a kind smile. Now, Hyewon is aware that strangers are dangerous and must be always avoided. But there was just something about his smile that reassures her that he would not hurt her.

“Why are you sad?”

Hyewon just frowns and turns her away, “I don’t want to talk, sorry.” She mumbles quietly.

“Can you give me your hand?” The old man asks, making her turn to him with wide eyes.

“I don’t, I can’t.”

But the old man insisted by offering his hand, waiting for hers. “Come on, I won’t hurt you.”

Seeing his smile, Hyewon is hypnotized and she raised her right hand slowly and then their hands touched and everything went –

The sky, it’s too close as she looks up, she could hear birds and could feel the cold breeze. Thousands of fallen leaves being blown by the wind. She looks around, she’s on a mountain – no, a cliff. She’s standing near the edge of a cliff.

Then without control, Hyewon wanted to stop but she couldn’t – then suddenly she’s falling, everything blurring around her. The sky is getting farther and farther, she feels free

– she breathes out heavily. Eyes wide looking around, she feels her body sitting on the playground. She’s back. She’s back and the old man is still staring at her with his kind smile. Hyewon’s mouth agape.

“What did you see?” The old man asks still with his kind smile, and Hyewon hesitates to answer.

“Come on, you can tell me.”

“A tree, fallen leaves. The sky. Mountain. Cliff.” Hyewon robotically says, still not understanding everything. But the old man’s smile just widened.

“Yeah, that was what I was thinking.”

Hyewon still looks at him with new found respect, “You believe me?”

Finally, after all those years she endured – all those years of keeping this secret to herself, seeing futures of all people she has met and not being able to share it to them, all those years of being the joke – finally, she found someone that believes her.

“Of course,” The old man nods, “After all, I also saw yours.”

Hyewon stands up quickly, excitement evident in her smile. “Tell me! What did you see?”

But it was quickly replaced with a frown as she saw the old man shakes his head – now that she meets someone like her, that person does not want to share anything with her.

“I just told you yours! You can tell me mine!” Hyewon whined.

“You’re too young,” The old man smiles patting her head, “Just remember this, you shouldn’t tell anyone what you see. It’s their future, and once you tell them there are chances that it would not happen or be ruined.”

Hyewon is stunned by what he said – she did not think of that, all those times that she shared what she saw, does that mean that she ruined their future?

“Don’t worry, it will most likely not happen if they didn’t believe you.” He reassures her with a smile. Then suddenly he smirks as if he knows something, and Hyewon just stares at him.

“Just be yourself, and you’ll be a beautiful rose once you bloomed.”

And he left, smiling once more.

-

When she was 15, she became a trainee – she’s not even sure why she decided to become one, Hyewon is pretty much great in her academics and she could land a job with her intelligence but she decided to choose this path instead.

At first it was hard, she never knew that the training would be this cruel – the number of hours of dancing, vocal lessons, the monthly evaluations that would rip your heart out from the criticisms, everything. But that’s not all, it also means new people to meet.

New futures to see. New secrets to be kept.

Each day is tiring for her, with new steps to learns and the amount of singing they do. In addition to that, just simple brushing of hands would put her in to a new world for 3 to 5 seconds – seeing that person’s future. Which is why she’s always being scolded for spacing out too much.

Everyday she goes home, crying her eyes out – to release everything that she’s keeping. It’s been so long but she’s not still used to it – the old man told her not to share anything, and that’s what she’s doing but it just wears her too much.

Maybe that’s the reason why it cost her one of the positions in a group that she was about to debut – it hurts, because it costs her months of training. The sweat and tears all for nothing, just because they thought that she’s too weak. During they last evaluation to see if they can debut – Hyewon is not having her day.

New trainees were just introduced and it’s not like she can control her ability – as much as she wants to avoid them, she couldn’t. It’s a ritual for all new trainees to introduce their selves personally – a sign of respect they say.

So, when the evaluation came, she’s been out of breath the whole time – struggling to sing, missing steps.

“Kang Hyewon, sorry but this is as far as you can go.”

Hyewon wanted to say her reason – ‘but I’m tired because all of the new trainees’ future I’ve seen.’ But she knows better, she’s been the middle of the joke since she was young. It wouldn’t do good for her, instead she just bowed, hugged her friends and said her good luck.

She lost all hope after that and considers to stop this dream – is it even called a dream? But then one call from the old managers in the company, telling her if she wants to be under the new company he’s handling.

Then that call turned into a contract – accepting it, Hyewon already prepared herself for the new people that she would meet. She would do better than the last time, she won’t be the weak self like she is from before.

And then she was called in to the office and Hyewon is not sure why.

“You’ll be a participant in a survival show.”

Hyewon blinks, furrowing her eyebrows in confusion. “Survival show for what?”

“To debut. It’s being held by Mnet – a partnership with Japan I think?”

“To debut?”

“Yes, you’ll be there depending on how long will you last. What do you say?”

Hyewon just gulps, starting to get nervous. “Oh, okay.” She accepts.

--

When Hyewon enters the audition room she had her arm brushing one of the staffs, she curses herself before she was thrown into another world –

 – crying, everyone wearing something. Disinfectant. Pain, her body is in pain. Crying, a baby? A surge of happiness went through her body and then –

Hyewon looks at the woman smiling at her waiting for her to enter, she wants to hug her, to congratulate her. But she opted for a smile, a small ‘have a good day’, that would suffice.

When she accepted the fact that she would be in a survival show – PD48, she never expected that there would be this much participant – it’s too many for her to handle in a single day. She knows that she won’t last if she didn’t control the interactions.

Class F

Hyewon stares at the paper of course, she won’t do well. Not when she saw one future of the staffs that somehow wanted to do bungee jumping and suddenly Hyewon is falling – and then there she is in front of the trainers and she knows she looks stupid singing, staying in one place as if frozen.

But that won’t stop her, she just needs to be conscious of other people. Hyewon needs to debut. She wants to. This is her last hope.

Sato Minami

She’s one of the contestants from Japan and somehow, she became Hyewon’s friend. When she first touched her, it was during one of those days that everyone is just tired and Minami just decided to lean her head on her shoulder and –

She feels sad, it feels heavy and she’s in – an airplane? She wants to cry but there are no tears coming out, then she looked at her phone – a text message written in Japanese and she can understand it – It’s alright, we’re proud of you.

Hyewon breathes out and looks at Minami still resting on her shoulder, she clenched her jaws. Wrapping her arms around the younger girl, she started talking to her as if she didn’t see anything – like she didn’t see that Minami would be eliminated.

She’ll just create a friendship with her, as long as she’s there.

Hyewon knows it would come eventually, but it does not mean it would hurt any less when Minami was announced to be eliminated. So, she immediately went to hug the girl, she’s a crying a mess – maybe a few tears were also shed by her.

But they both promised they’ll keep in touch, after all they are great friends.

When Hyewon told her to talk to the others she walks away and unexpectedly she bumped onto someone – she’s not looking to where she is walking and suddenly –

Remorse, guilt. She doesn’t want these emotions, what is this? She looks around and she’s – police? Someone is asking her a question, ‘is it true?’. Hyewon does not know, but as she was about to answer she went back to the present.

She looks wide eyed to the person she just bumped into who is already walking away. Hyewon remembers him as one of the head of this survival show.

Probably the most overwhelming future that she has seen is when Miyawaki Sakura hugged her so suddenly one day.

All she could hear was screaming, different voices, different names that she couldn’t understand. She’s in a big dome a thousand of people watching her. Happiness. Gratefulness.

And so, when she went back to the present, she was a few seconds late to return the hug – rather too tightly if she must say, but that’s the only way she could convey the words that she couldn’t say – you made it. You’re going to debut, I’m happy for you.

It was always other’s futures that Hyewon would see, the emotions they feel during that moment, it was always theirs and never hers. Which is why, she was surprised – very surprised to see herself one day in the vision. This is the first time and Hyewon is very much confused why she is there.

It was during those practices for their live performance, it was starting to get difficult and the competition started to get tighter. All the other contestants are in one room watching the other team’s performance, it then happened so suddenly – she felt someone’s shoulders brushing against her and then she just –

It’s like a blur, one minute you’re a nervous wreck from the competition and then one brush everything just changes. It was like being tossed into the sea – unprepared and defenseless. Hyewon feels it, different emotions surging inside her.

She feels unadulterated happiness – euphoric, she feels herself in a cloud nine. But it is very much different this time, like it’s been a long time waiting – like she has waited it for years. Hyewon feels like her lungs are being out of oxygen –

 – buildings, cold air, train tracks. Where is she? This is not Seoul; she is not in Korea – where? Bilboard? She looks around and realizes that she’s in NY Time Square –

The emotions are too much, what is this unfamiliar emotion? The fear of something that she doesn’t know, yet she feels happy at this moment. Love.

For all the future that she has seen, a love of a mother, a love for the family, a love for their pet. But this kind of love is different. It’s scary, a kind of love that you will drop everything for that person – but it’s worth it. Everything is worth for that person.

This is different, this is freeing. And she looks up, to see what’s in front of her.

She’s greeted by familiar black orbs.

 – wind blowing, making her shiver. She could hear car honks from below them and realized that they are in a rooftop of some building. She could see birds flying –

Hyewon. Kang Hyewon. She’s looking at herself.

And suddenly, “I have always waited, and will always wait.” The other Hyewon declares, and she could feel something bursting inside her, and then the distance is getting smaller and everything is just right – she feels contented. And then she heard a faint whisper, “And you are worth the wait.”

And she’s back, watching at the performance – breathless from what she has seen. Hyewon quickly turned to her right only to see one contestant that became the talk of the show because of her looks – Kim Minju.

Hyewon stares at her, a shaky breath coming out of her and when she saw the girl about to touch her with worry in her eyes she ran out of the room. She needs fresh air; she wants to be alone. Ignoring the looks that she got, she ran away.

She is very much aware that that was Minju’s future. It was Minju’s and not hers. That those emotions that she felt are not hers, the indescribable happiness, the longing, the safety, the love. All these emotions are not hers – yet it is directed to her. The person with Minju who happens to be her. Hyewon.

She couldn’t believe it, how it would happen, why it happened. She just could not believe it that one person would feel those kinds of things for her – that she is worthy of that.

And it vanished, abruptly and disappointingly.

Hyewon cannot believe it, but she needs to understand that those were not her feelings. That is not her future. That none of those things has happened. Not yet. One day it will.

But she needs to stop dwelling on it.

She can’t think about it.

She has a survival show to win.

--

The less that she thinks about the survival show the less problem she has.

But one thing is for sure, she would debut with Minju.

-

Now here they are, inside a studio listening to what seems to be their debut track. The demo is good, it is very different to some group’s debut track where the tempo would always sound so hyped and which focuses more on the dance.

This track is softer, really pleasing to the ears – somehow, it is not addictive at first listen but then it just sticks to you. Hyewon is busy listening to the music that she hasn’t found the time to read the lyrics yet and know her part.

“What do you guys think?” The producer asked, the other 11 girls looks at each other smiling.

Eunbi, the eldest – which means that she is the leader, an unspoken rule between the group, nodded her head.

“It’s really nice! I just hope we can pull it off.” She says worriedly.

“What would be the title?” Yujin asked next, waiting expectantly.

Hyewon reads the lyrics on the paper as they wait for the title, and she stilled. She suddenly remembers the old man – the knowing smile that he gave her, the phrase that he said to her. She smiles to herself; he’s telling the truth.

“La vie en rose.”

“Just be yourself, and you’ll be a beautiful rose once you bloomed.”

Living with other girls is nice – that’s what Hyewon feels for herself, still creating bonds and friendship despite the limited time due to the contract. Now that she has some people constant in her life, she does not have any much more visions.

After all, she held all of them already though she hasn’t said anything to them y