Chapter 29

 

 

 

 

Jisoo wakes up slowly, blinking her exhausted eyelids several times until she can see clearly  and looks around. The curtains are closed, but she can see that the morning has come, its light giving the room a dim lighting.

 

 

 She looks down and finds Jennie asleep, her head and arms resting on the empty space of the mattress side while she was sitting on the floor.  

 

Gathering her energy, she rises to sit up, and sees Lisa in front of her, near the wall, sitting in an armchair with her arms loosely crossed, her head tilted to the side as she was sleeping.

 

 

She stares at her a little in puzzlement and then feels a stirring at her left side. She turnes her head and sees Chaeyoung lying on her right side, in deep sleep as well.

 

 

Turning head away, she looks down in the direction of her lap, staring at the void. She raises her hands and starts massaging her temples before running her fingers through her hair tiredly and sighs in frustration.

 

 

When she thinks about what happened yesterday, she remembers it as if she was someone else.. as if she was dreaming. She can't recognize herself from last night and she doesn't know what came over her.

 

It almost feels as if she was possessed.

 

 

She sighs, pulls herself up cautiously to the foot of the bed, gets up and starts walking toward the bathroom.

 

 

 She turns on the bathroom light and looks around a little, sighs again and heads to the basin. After opening the cold water tap, she stares at the pouring water for a moment, and then reaches out and begins to wash her face. 

 

She washes it slowly and throughly, several times, rubbing her face at the same time in an attempt to pull herself together, letting the cold water refreshing her senses, and as she does, she suddenly hears a thud followed by many strong foot stomps, hurried and close.

 

 

She moves her head away from the basin, turns it to the door, and sees Jennie, Chaeyoung and Lisa all huddled at the door, and they're all panting heavily, wearing the expression of a frightened person, looking at her worriedly.

 

 

 False alarm.

 

 

They stay like that for a moment, and then their expressions soften as they breathe out with relief, turning their gaze to each other as if they were assuring each other and then they return to look at Jisoo who was looking at them quizzically.

 

 

 

 "Oh... well... I'm going to my room now." Lisa excuses herself while scratching her head with her index sheepishly. They understood how they looked like and started to feel a little bashful.

 

 

 -"Me too!" Chaeyoung chimes in, and Jennie nods to them with understanding as she tucks a lock of hair behind her ear, and they start walking out.

 

After they have left, Jennie turns to Jisoo and sees her still looking at her with neutral expressions.

 

She can't really tell what Jisoo is feeling right now, she doesn't show anything, she's just.. looking.

 

Maybe because Jisoo herself doesn't know, she doesn't feel anything at the moment, or maybe she's just too tired to even feel. It's like she's numb.. empty. 

 

Just empty.

 

 

 "You can continue.. I'll wait here."  Jennie says softly as she points with her hand to where she is standing.

 

 

Jisoo keeps staring at her, her gaze falls to Jennie's shoulder and she stares at it for a brief moment, remembering what happened yesterday and the way Jennie held her, and then turns her head back toward the basin, washing her face for the last time.

 

'Her wound must've hurt her..'

 

She thought as she closed the faucet, taking the small towel to dry her face. 

 

When she's done she moves away from the basin and starts to walk to the door, and when Jennie saw her approaching, she moved away.  She stood on the side at the threshold of the door to make room for Jisoo to pass.

 

 

Jisoo walks until she is in front of Jennie and stops without turning and facing her.

 

 "Your shoulder.." Jisoo says in a calm tone, taking Jennie by surprise."how is your shoulder?" 

 

 

 -"Fine.." After remaining silent for a while, Jennie replies with certainty and looks down."Nothing to worry about." she assures, looking back at Jisoo.

 

 

 Without saying anything, Jisoo continues to walk into the room and goes to the wardrobe, and behind her Jennie follows and stops in the middle, watching Jisoo open the wardrobe and look at her clothes.

 

 

"They want us to come to the police station today,"

 

Jennie says as she sits quietly and cautiously at the foot of the bed. It's one of the topics that Sehun talked about when he called yesterday to check up on Jisoo.

 

"To.. to give your statement—"

 

She pauses when she notices Jisoo has stopped moving at the mention of that.

 

"Would you go?" She continues with worry, in a soft tone.

 

Jisoo remains standing silently for a while and then answers as she returns to take out her clothes,

 

 

 "I'd like to go somewhere first."

 

 

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 Jisoo enters the reception area, with the girls behind her, and walks until she is in front the reception desk, intending to speak to the nurse sitting behind it.

 

 "Excuse me." Jisoo starts to get the nurse's attention.

 

 -"Yes?"  The nurse says, raising her head to look at her.

 

 "I'm here to visit Patient Dara Park."

 

 - "Are you a member of her family?"  The nurse asks as she turns her gaze down to the computer.

 

 Jisoo remains silent for a moment,  glancing elsewhere before she follows, "No. I'm one of her distant acquaintances and I would like to check on her. "

 

The nurse nods to her, and then stands from her seat and turns around the desk.

 

 

 "This way."  She says while pointing to one of the corridors, indicating them to follow.

 

 

 

 .  .  .  .  .  .  .

 

 

 

 "See who came to visit you!"  The nurse exclaims in a cheerful tone, after opening the door and entering, followed by Jisoo, and the girls, drawing the attention of the old woman, that looked at them quizzically.

 

 

Jisoo kept looking at her and the nurse nervously and cautiously.

 

She doesn't know what this woman is to Matthew or whether she will refuse her visit or not.

 

 

 "Who is this? I don't know her.." Dara says denouncing.

 

 

Silence reigns between them, and Jisoo feels that her lie has been exposed, and before she can say anything, the nurse gasps softly and turns to Jisoo and whispers near her ear,

 

 "Don't let that bothers you. It's just because of her illness, she has Alzheimer's and it gotten bad lately."

 

 

Jisoo remained still for moment, processing the information, then nodded with understanding, feeling relieved and sorry at the same time.

 

 

 "Don't say that.. she's one of your friends!"  The nurse says with a lighthearted tone as she turns her attention back to Dara and walks to her.

 

 

 -"One of my friends?" Dara questions with sincere curiosity, then turns her head towards Jisoo. "Do you happen to know Matthew, as well?  Do you know when will he come back?" She pushes on, looking at Jisoo with hopeful eyes.

 

 

 "Matthew is her son."

 

The nurse clarifies in a whisper when Jisoo remains silent, wearing a lost expression. Oblivious to the fact that she has just opened Jisoo's wounds again.

 

 

Jisoo remains speechless, disarmed and shocked, staring at the old woman, and her grief resurfaces again. She doesn't come back to her senses until when she feels a hand holding her own tightly.  She turns her head and sees Jennie standing beside her, mirroring her facial expressions, knowing what Jisoo is feeling now and by doing so, she wanted to give her the strength and assurance to stay collected.

 

 

 Jisoo lowers her gaze and swallows thickly as she turns her head to meet Dara again, and then advances towards her with steady steps, stopping in front of her, where Dara was sitting on her wheelchair at the window, looking at her with great interest.  

 

Jisoo squats down and raises her gaze towards Dara as she places both her hands on Dara's hands that were on her lap.

 

 

 "Yes, I know him.." Jisoo begins with a gentle tone, smiling sadly but lovingly. "Matthew was—" She stops herself for a moment and rephrases, "He is my friend."

 

She says and Dara smiles so warmly.

 

 "Do you know where he is? I haven't seen him in a very long time and he doesn't come here either."

 

Dara says and Jisoo remains silent, feeling the lump forming in as her eyes started to well up.

 

 

 "No.." Jisoo replies in a soft shaky tone while maintaining a smile on her face. "But I do know that he is in a better place." She says with tears falling from her eyes, despite her attempts to remain stoic.

 

 - "Why are you crying?" 

 

Dara asks with obvious concern, and raises her hand to wipe the tears from Jisoo's face.

 

"Do you miss him, too? "

 

She asks, and Jisoo lowers her head, breaking down as more tears fall, unable to hold herself anymore. 

 

She takes a short breath and looks back at Dara, feeling the need to tell her the next words:

 

"Matthew.. Matthew was a good person."

She says and the older woman smiles at her proudly and warmly. "Even if he isn't present, he will always be with you."

 

Dara stares at her a little, raises her head and looks sadly out the window.

 

 "I know.. I can always feel him as if he is closely here." she says, smiling weakly to herself.

 

 

 

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 "Is there any word from Kim Jisoo?"  The officer wonders, adrenaline one of his team members.

 

He was pacing back and forth in front of his desk with a report containing pictures of Jang Park at the scene of the incident, shot from several angles, some of which are close to his head and neck.

 

 

 - "No, sir.. not yet. Would you like us to contact them?"

 

 

The officer stays silent for a moment, and before he answers, he turns around and sees Jisoo coming from the direction of the door with a box in her hand and Jennie beside her.

 

 

 "What's that?"  The officer asks, wearing a questioning expression, when Jisoo walked up to him and put the box on the desk and stepped away.

 

 

 - "You will understand better if you see its contents yourself."  Jisoo says, pointing to the box.

 

 

The officer stares at her a little and then looks at the box and puts the report in his hand aside and Jisoo spots a picture from the pictures inside and turns her gaze away quickly. It was a close-up of Jang Park's shredded neck. 

 

 

 The officer opens the box, takes out one of the files, opens it, and begins to skim, and as he does, he looks at Jisoo for a while and then looks back at the file.  He returns the file to the box, after finishing reading it, takes out another and scroll through it too.

 

 

 "These are very dangerous files, they will end all Mr. Park's business and possessions and everything related to him."  The officer says shaking the file midair in front of Jisoo.

 

 

 - "The rest is on you. I trust that you will do the necessary but.. let Matthew's name out of it."  Jisoo says in a steady tone.

 

 

 The officer remains silent for a while, then nods with understanding and assures, "I'll try."

 

 

 "Regarding the affidavit, you can go with my colleague Seung to take it."  He says and points to one of his companions.

 

 

 Jisoo nods as she looks down and then looks at the officer and begins with hesitancy,

 

 "Um..about Matthew.. did.. did you.."

 

 - "Not yet.." The officer finishes for her when he understands what she wants to ask about. "He's still in the morgue, under medical scrutiny. At most, the funeral will be held tomorrow, after the ongoing investigation ends."

 

He says, and Jisoo nods to him again, swallowing thickly, and then turns to the direction of the other policeman and goes with him to give her statement in the interrogation room and Jennie stays waiting for her outside.

 

 

 

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 [After extensive investigations into the incident involving a well-known businesswoman, Kim Jisoo, daughter of Kim Sehun, it became clear that the murdered and rising businessman Jang Park, known as Mr. Park, had a direct hand in many illegal acts and crimes, especially in drugs business."

 

The newscaster was reading the latest developments in the Jang Park death case in the morning news bulletin, and on the side of the screen were pictures documenting her speech, in addition to other pictures of the crime, including pictures of all the parties involved except for Matthew's.

 

 

[In the last stage of the investigation, it also became clear that Mr. Park was the main directive of the operation to kill Taeyeon Kim, and thus the case was opened again after it was placed under 'unknown' and closed ten years ago, with a clear admission from him, furthermore, the person who carried out the operation was a person named Jonathan Ri Meyer.  Mr. Park's adopted son.

 

As for Kim Jisoo's relationship with the accident, the court ruled that what happened was in self-defense, depending on a voice recording and also on the marks of resistance that were evident on Kim Jisoo's body.

 

Of course, opinions differed about the court's decision, as some insisted that this decision was incorrect and said that even if it was in self-defense, it was not necessary to kill him with such brutality—]

 

 

 Jennie switches off the TV via the remote control, after walking in and seeing Lisa and Chaeyoung sitting in silence listening to it.

 

 

 "Are you finished?"  Chaeyoung asks as she gets up along with Lisa.

 

 

 - "Yes, let's go."

 

Jennie says, nodding and turning to the direction where Jisoo had just come down as well, and they keep staring at each other for a bit before she turns and walks towards the main door.

 

 

 

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 Jisoo gets out of the car and starts walking into the cemetery, the girls following behind. When she goes in and looks around, she sees a lot of people standing and gathering around an area in the cemetery, all of them wearing black as she and the girls do.

 

 

 When she approaches them, some people move away to make room for them and she stand next to the rest;  Jennie is on her left and Lisa and Chaeyoung on her right.  She looks in front of her and at the long and deep pit in front of her, and then looks around and at the attendees and sees her father Sehun standing on the opposite side and next to him Jin Young. She sees a lot of  girls who attend the same university as her and boys as well, there was Irene, Wendy, Yeji and her friends and some of them were people she got to know by work and some she couldn't recognize. 

 

A moment later she looks back at the big hole in the ground.

 

 

Instead of his body being cremated and his ashes preserved in pottery as it's common for people here, Jisoo is the one who requested that he be buried as her father did with her mother.

 

 

 While they are thus, the hearse arrives from afar and drives towards them before it is parked so that the back of the car faces them and two people climb down of it.  They head to the double back door of the car, open it and pull from the inside a wooden coffin and lift it between them with the help of her father and Jin Young and start walking until they approach the pit and place the coffin next to it on the ground.

 

 

Jisoo watched them carefully. She watched them open the coffin and take out Matthew's body, wrapped entirely in white cloth, and at that moment, she felt her chest contracting for a second and Jennie's hand holding hers right away, slowly caressing the back of it as they watch how carefully they put him inside the hole and climb up out of it.

 

They all stood at the circumference of the pit looking down, Sehun turned to Jisoo and saw her taking a long look at the grave. Sighing helplessly, he turned around to pick up the shovel and stopped.  He took one last look at Jisoo and then started shoveling dirt and throwing it into the hole.

 

Jisoo knows very well what this means..what does it mean to bury someone and see him be buried..

 

 It is the last farewell, and the end of all wishes or hope of their return again.

 

 And a final slap, that takes you back to reality and to the factuality.

 

That you will never see them again for as long as you live.

 

 

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 Jennie stands at the door of Jisoo's room as she partially opens the door, looking at Jisoo as she was sitting at the foot of the bed staring into the distance with slumped shoulders. 

 

Sighing deeply, she turns away from the door and out to join Lisa and Chaeyoung, who were standing outside the room, and stops in front of them.

 

 

 "She haven't eaten anything since morning, I'm going to make something quickly. Stay with her," She says the last phrase, nodding her head to the room.

 

 

They nod affirmatively since they already weren't intending on leaving and she mirrors their nod slowly before she leaves and goes downstairs.

 

 

 Lisa and Chaeyoung exchange looks, and then Lisa walks into the room and after her Chaeyoung walks in. Lisa stops for a moment and looks at Jisoo, sighs compassionately and continues her way. She sits next to Jisoo while Chaeyoung sits on her other side.

 

 

They remain like that in complete silence;  Lisa was parting her legs and resting her forearms on them, bewildered about what to say or what to talk to uplift Jisoo a little, and Chaeyoung was feeling just the same, hugging her hands between her thighs.

 

Lisa deep down knew what might be helpful to talk about but she was hesitant, because she never did. But this is Jisoo and she needs them—they need her.

 

Taking a deep breath, she goes..

 

 

 "I killed someone."

 

 Lisa suddenly starts looking straight ahead, deciding to reveal what was in her depths, drawing Jisoo's attention to turn to her and look at her with complete puzzlement while Chaeyoung looked at her taken aback.

 

 

Is Lisa thinking of saying what she's thinking?

 

 

"It happened many years ago," Lisa elaborates in a steady tone, interlocking her hands together. "He tried to ually assault Chaeyoung and even got to rip her clothes."

 

 

She says and remains silent afterwards.  Chaeyoung closed her eyes for a moment, turning her head away as memories of what happened came back to remind her, but not saying anything, and only trusting Lisa's decision to speak.

 

 

"When I saw him like that, I was no longer in control of myself, I felt my blood boiling. So I acted immediately. I took a stone and pounced on him. I hit him so many timrs that my clothes were stained with blood and I took Chaeyoung afterwards and we fled away.."

 

At that, Jisoo turns her head and looks at Chaeyoung with concern and compassion and sees her looking at the ground with her head slightly lowered, like she’s ashamed that that happened to her, and then she returns to look at Lisa.

 

Lisa stays silent as she swallows the lump in and keeps going.

 

"I started seeing him in my dreams.. and everywhere.. haunting me. I remember my feeling as I thrashed his head, and how I left him without movement and without a breath, as I got up."

 

 

Chaeyoung looks up at her immediately, wearing shocked expression. Ever since it happened, Lisa never mentioned it again, never talked about it, especially not this part. 

 

She never told her she was having nightmares about it, she just kept smiling and fighting for their living, for a place to stay in, for clothes to keep them from the cold and for food to eat, yet, still smiling and being her cheerful self.

 

She never showed this side of her even to Chaeyoung.

 

 

🎶▶️ Ailee - I will go to you like the first snow

 

 

It was heartbreaking to know that it was just a make-believe.

 

"But then I look at Chaeyoung," Lisa continues, her tone filled with affection as one tear escapes her eye and runs down her cheek, "and see her alright, and I thank myself for doing that."

 

"Every time, I ask myself, 'If time was to turn back, would I do it again?'

 

And the answer is always, yes."

 

She says and looks at Jisoo as she partially turns towards her.

 

"Yes, I will do it over and over and I have no regrets about it.  And you don't have to have any either." She tells her with much conviction.

 

"I know you feel that your hands are stained. But that is not true Jisoo.

 

Some people deserve to die, and that is all there is to it."

 

She concludes looking straight into Jisoo's eyes.

 

"Jisoo, you helped this world to get rid of one of its scums.

 

Yes, there was a price for it, but, who among us emerged from their wars, undamaged?"

 

She says and pauses after seeing Jisoo's expressions starting to become pained little by little.

 

"And so.."

 

Lisa starts up again looking at Jisoo's hand, holding it in her hand, and looking back at her.

 

"You have the time. Whatever you feel, live it to the fullest.

 

Cry whenever you want and as much as you need to.. break down however you want.. feel your sadness completely— But.."

 

She raises her other hand and cups the side of Jisoo's face.

 

"After that, come back to us.."

 

She says, tears falling from her eyes as she starts Jisoo's cheek with her thumb.

 

"Come back to us, the strong Jisoo we used to know before. Jisoo, whose heart is so wide and so welcoming for everyone.

 

Because we need you.."

 

She says, looking at Chaeyoung, who was a crying mess just like her, reflecting her expressions, and nods to her in agreement to continue and she looks back at Jisoo.

 

"We need you to feel safe.. and to be able to move on, to stand on our feet, we need to lean on you."

 

She says and changes her expressions to become serious despite her tears, and follows,

"And so you have all the time.  We will be waiting for you and around you. We will hug you so tight so that you don't slip away from us. Do you understand?"

 

She says the last phrase, as if she was angrily serious, earning a weak smile from Jisoo.

 

"So hold on to us well."

 

She says and allows her tears to flow freely afterwards and Jisoo does the same, to then Lisa leans in and wraps her arm around Jisoo, making her head lie on her shoulder, while Chaeyoung was caressing her back and crying as well, looking at Lisa and smiling at her proudly.

 

On the other side, Jennie was standing outside the room, leaning her back against the wall, her head raised upwards, holding a tray of food in her hand. She was listening to Lisa's talk and she wasn't any better.

 

Listening and realizing..

 

And Yes, that's right.

 

She felt so silly.

 

How was she thinking about the love she felt for Jisoo, carrying it as a burden, when the matter was so much deeper than that.

 

What they feel towards each other, what she feels, is so much deeper than that.

 

Them all being together, them all being there for each other, rebuilding what has been destroyed, is what matters. 

 

Jisoo doesn't need her only. Jisoo needs them all.

 

🎵⏸

 

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 "OK, we'll see you tomorrow."  Lisa says, patting Jisoo's shoulder and going next to Chaeyoung, nodding to Jennie who was standing in front of them before they leave and close the door.

 

 Jennie keeps staring at the door for a bit and then turns to Jisoo and advances until she is in front of her.

 

 "I put the tray on the nightstand."

She begins with a gentle soft tone as she lowers her body to be at eye level with Jisoo.  

 

She falls silent, lowering her gaze, feeling that Jisoo may want to stay alone now, so she follows,"I'll be right in the next room.. if you need anything, just call me."

 

She says lovingly and stands up, turns around, and before taking any step, she feels Jisoo's hand holding her wrist and stopping her.  

 

Surprised, Jennie turns her head slowly to look at Jisoo.

 

 "Stay."  Jisoo says weakly, without raising her head.

 

 

 .  .  .  .  .  .

 

 

 "It's good."  Dipping her hands in the water in the full bathtub, Jennie says, measuring its temperature, and turns to Jisoo, who was standing close to her, lifting her hair in a messy bun.

 

 

She pulls her hand from the water and gets up, looking at Jisoo and Jisoo looking at her, she steps toward her and stops once she is closely in front of her.  

 

Jennie cautiously reaches out to grab the hem of  Jisoo's blues and begins to gradually lift it up until she takes it off completely, puts it aside, and steps back.  Then Jisoo begins to her shirt one by one and when she's done, she takes it off across her shoulder and then across her other shoulder. She takes it off and stills because her upper part has become exposed and thus the bruises and cuts have become visible to Jennie, who was staring at them with distant expressions.

 

 Jisoo moves and s her pants and slides down the zipper, and when she wants to push her pants down, Jennie precedes her to that and lowers her body while holding the edges of the pants and begins to lower it gently.

 

 Jennie takes off her pants from one leg and when she tends to take them off from the other leg, Jisoo puts her hand on Jennie's head as a spontaneous reflex to balance herself, and Jennie doesn't have the slightest objection at that.

 

Jennie finishes taking off her pants, stands up and walks around Jisoo to unhook her bra and starts doing that carefully while examining the cuts that were clearly and abundantly on Jisoo's back.

Jisoo slides the bra off her shoulders afterwards and puts it aside and then goes to her underwear and pulls it down a little before Jennie takes it from there and pulls it off as she lowers her body again and gets up, still standing behind Jisoo.

 

 Moments pass and Jisoo saunters forward and dips her legs one by one into the water and inside the tub, sensing the warmth of the water and gradually lowering her body until she sits on the floor of the tub. 

 

She folds her legs up and hugs them to her chest by wrapping her arms around them and closes her eyes as she tilts her head on her arm, relishing the warmth that began to invade her body and remains like that for a while.

 

 🎶 ▶ Ahn Ji Yeon-Lost (the smile has left your eyes OST)

 

 Jisoo was so calm and in her own world that she did not feel Jennie taking off her clothes nor her entering the tub as well, until she felt a movement behind her and the water moving around her, and then something soft touched the side of her back causing her to open her eyes as a result and lifting her head.

 

Jennie was sitting behind her, crossed leg and close, with her knees touching the sides of Jisoo's back.

 

 Jennie takes the bowl resting on the tub side, dips it in the water, lifts it out and spills it carefully on Jisoo's shoulder and as she does so, she gently runs the tips of her fingers over the area where she poured the water on.  She fills it again and spills it on Jisoo's neck and does the same and runs her fingers over it, specifically targeting the bruises.

 

It was a painful sight.

 

Every bluish red spot and every wound was taking a breath from Jennie and hurting her, so she poured water on them with care, caution, and a strong desire to heal hoping that what she was doing would prevent Jisoo from feeling their pain.

 

Jennie continues to do that and this time when she spills water on one of her bruises, she kisses that spot as well.  Kissing it intently and lengthily. 

 

Trying to kiss it better.

 

A kiss that holds so much care, it almost felt like it was leaving a print behind.

 

She does the same for her neck... 

 

for her shoulders... 

 

for her back... 

 

for every cut and bruise on her back...

 

 

 And as she was doing that, Jisoo was almost suffocating from what Jennie’s behavior meant and from all meanings that it carried. It made her feel comfort, contentment and warmth of another kind that made her want to cry and she doesn’t waste time to do so.

 

She sobs silently but heavily, like she was talking and telling Jennie about her pain and how tired she is, how deeply in need she’s for Jennie, knowing fully that Jennie is listening.

 

She was feeling herself as if she had just come back from a long trip.. a very long and difficult trip.. and now she is able to catch her breath.. and only now she can give herself up completely and rest.. only now she can let herself fall apart with certainty that Jennie will be here to catch her.

 

Her heart was finally at peace.

 

Subconsciously, Jisoo leans back slowly as Jennie simultaneously wraps her arms around her, resting her head on her shoulder, and Jisoo can feel the hot drops falling on her shoulder.

 

 Jennie was crying too.

 

 

  🎶⏸

 

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  To be continued

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