-"I just don't want you two fighting anymore. We move out in exactly 3 days, finals are over, and we can't hang out all three of us in one room because you two just stare each other down. We're friends!" He had even stopped his FIFA game with Mark for this. It must be important to him. 

I stood in the kitchen and slammed back another shot of Korean liquor. Sweet and tastes nothing like alcohol. Jackson took one as well. 

"You want us to be together? I thought you were for my distancing." 

"Sure, I was because I was mad at him too, but that was for two days. Then I was like, hey, Kris isn't that bad of a guy, he's just trying to help where I can't. Then we were cool again." I glared at Jackson and took another shot. He followed. 

"Invite him over right now then. I promise I'll be nice. I'll be the nicest person ever." Jackson shook his head. 

"I don't believe it. Plus, you're trying to get drunk. You only get drunk when you're upset so you don't feel upset anymore. When we came back from Kris' how like two weeks ago, I had to put you to bed." I rolled my eyes and tried to throw back another one, but Jackson stopped me. 

"HEy!" 

"Look, Kris and I have had tons of arguments in the past. Big ones, too. You can't even imagine how big. But, we pulled it together after and thought about how other people are affected. It was mostly you. If we were fighting and at each other's throats, it would affect you the most. So we were like, hey, you know what, we have bigger and better things to do. Right now, I'm in the middle of it. Both of you complain to me about the other one, but then you get a few drinks in you and say you want to apologize and you miss hanging out with the other. It's like a bad soap opera and I'm not having it. So, you, miss, are going to sober up as much as you can, and I'm going to get Kris over and you are going to sit and have a talk before it's too late." I scrunched up my nose at his last comment.

"Too late for what? You and Kris have been going around saying these annoying things like you're going to need me later or this one: too late. Too late for what, huh?" Jackson rolled his eyes and took the Soju away from me. I had to be 7 shots in. 

"It'll be too late for you two to reconcile when I'm going and you have no middle man to set up this table talk. Now go sit, Kris will be here in like two minutes." He pushed me to our yellow couch, taking the controllers off the table. 

"Two minutes?!" I was not going to be sober during that time. Oh well, he'll get the honest truth. 

"Christopher, early this time. Come in, come in." I turned to the door and narrowed my eyes. There he was, supreme shirt and all. Rich people, ew. Jackson grabbed a chair from our two-person dining table and put it across from me for Kris to sit. Jackson joined me on the couch. Kris seemed upset too. Good. 

"Jackson, why did you call me today, you know what today is." 

"What's today?" I almost yelled in his face. 

"I think that today is a perfect day for you two to make up for those exact reasons, Kris. Alright, I think we should let Fei start first since your argument is ready. Kris, ready yours." 

"You're a ." I stood up and pointed my finger at him. His eyes widened and Jackson burst out laughing.

"Okay, Kris, your argument please." 

"I just wanted to make sure you were taken care of." 

"And the rebut-"

"I can take care of myself just fine! See I've been doing it since my parents died. Look! I have an apartment, I got a dream job, I'm a straight-A student! All without anyone to take care of me but maybe sometimes Jackson." 

"Down the line, and very soon, you're not going to be able to take care of yourself. Jackson's leaving, meaning you can't keep this apartment and your new one is above your living wages. You have to dream job, but if you can't find an apartment in this city, how can you keep it?!" 

"Why do you think I'm not going to be able to provide for myself when I've been doing it for years?!" 

"Because I know the odds are stacked against you. Just come live with me!" Now he stood up and that fueled my anger even more. We were both waving our hands around and Jackson was just watching wildly. Usually, its Jackson and I having the raging fights about if cereal is a soup or something stupid. Not something this serious. 

"I don't WANT to live with you! I want to live by myself!" 

"OH, but if Jackson asked, I bet you would pack all of his stuff personally and move to Beijing with him." 

"For the record, I did ask her and she said no, so, argument inva-"

"Shut up!" 

"SHUT UP!" Jackson put his hands up in defeat and Kris and I turned back to each other. 

"Stop bringing Jackson into this argument, he isn't apart of this. You made it very clear by not offering him a room." 

"Jackson is so much a part of this argument and you don't even know it!"

"Oh?! I don't know?! You wanna know something that I know about you, Yi Fan? Something you can't hide anymore." 

"And what is that?!" He smirked at me after this, trying to get me to test him. He didn't know what I had up my sleeve. 

"You're bringing up Jackson because you're jealous of him. You even asked me, why does he get to lay on my lap and not you? You're so jealous that he gets to live with me." 

"Am I? That's interesting, tell me more I don't know about myself, Fei Yu." 

"Oh gods, they're using full names." I help my hand up to Jackson. He needed to stop breaking my focus. I was in the endgame now. 

"There's an ulterior motive to getting me to live with you. We all know it here! You can't just hide it for 4 years, I know about it, Jackson knows, hell, I bet your mom even knows! I bet she hates it too." He narrowed his eyes. 

"And what's that ulterior motive? I want to know if you can say it out loud, Fei Yu. You were never able to before! Say it! So Jackson can hear it too. He needs clarification on where he stands too!" That whole sentence would have taken sober-me aback, but I was on a whole roll now. I needed to win this argument and then I could drink some more. 

"You like me! You have since Senior year when you first started to get to really know us. You've liked me for almost more than 4 years now! You can't hide that, Kris!" He laughed and then he laughed again. Jackson looked scared and like he was ready to jump in. 

"You're wrong, Fei Yu." His voice was not back to a normal volume and very pointed. It hit me like a cold chill. Did I really just say all of this to be wrong? "I've liked you since I've laid eyes on you. Since your first word to me. Do you want to hear me say it? Fine. I have feelings for you, Fei Yu." I stood there, not knowing what to say. I was now completely sober. He just said it and I don't know what I feel. Shocked. There was no, "Oh my god, he likes me? Ahhhhh" nothing girly nothing disgusted either. Just....nothing. 

"And you can't say it back. You never could and never will." With that he walked out, taking his jacket with him. The door slammed and I just stood there frozen. Jackson couldn't even find something to say. He got up and downed the half bottle of soju. 

_________

"You'll be on the screen soon. The boss likes the pretty girls to be our on-screen reporters. Just write something that gets put on the table, once he sees your picture, you're in girl." I looked over to the senior who was in the elevator with me, "I've read your stuff, you're incredibly good at getting down to the details of a situation in a creative manner. It's like I'm watching that one documentary, uh, what's it called, the one where the American mom faked that her daughter was sick and the daughter ends up killing her." Morbid. 

"Gypsy Rose Blanchard." She snapped her fingers. 

"Yes, that exact one!" The elevator rang and we walked out together. She had a car and offered to drive me back to my apartment. I shook my head, knowing her's was in the opposite direction. 

"No, I have dinner with my friend, thank you though. Next time you offer, I let you come up for wine?" She nodded and agreed right away. I laughed and she drove off, I walk in the direction of the restaurant I was to meet Jackson. Today was the day he left, and even though we weren't living together for a week or two, it just didn't seem like he had left. We had seen each other every other day, I helped him pack up the place. I may have cried just a bit as our apartment got emptier and emptier, but I haven't cried for Jackson yet. I think I will today, however. 

From Jackson: Table and alcohol acquired. Ready when you are, Comrade.

To Jackson: I'm on my way. It's only about 3 minutes, but I'm in heels so no promises. 

I smiled down at my phone and closed it. The third person in my lock screen reminded me I hadn't talked or even thought about Kris since my job started. He confessed to me and I left him out to dry. Since college was over by then, I didn't have to see him every day. He was busy with his mother's restaurants and we didn't live that close. The group chat we were in never had any messages. We had broken up our friend group, and maybe it was time. We were all going our separate ways. It was sad, but I just couldn't bring myself to think about Kris in that way. Not right now when everything was so crazy. Jackson was right in asking what I was going to do. I should've figured it out then and not now when we were all leaving. 

"Mr. Wang, how lavish are eating is." We spread his hand over the table that had basic Shanghai dished and alcohol. I went to the fish first. 

"How was today? You said you might be getting published in the paper?" He poured me a drink. 

"Yeah, all my seniors are saying that, but my boss, well, he's read my stuff, but hasn't seen my face yet apparently." 

"AGUH, he's like that is he?" 

"I was just having a conversation with my senior reporter. She was saying that once he saw my face, he was going to put me on TV." 

"Wait, that's bad but amazing in a way. I can tune into Shanghai news and see you every night. That's cool isn't it?" He knocked back his first beer and I took his glass away.

"You have a train to take in an hour. And, it's great and all, but that's not the type of news I want to do. I want to be an investigative journalist, I want to be like finding out wild things. This last article I read, he interviewed a bunch of undercover cops who went into a single gang in China. Then the reporter, under the surveillance of the police, went undercover too. He was talking to all these gang people and they were saying how they knew these guys were undercover police officers by the way they handled a gun. It was too trained for a regular gang member. He was talking to them about how you could tell if someone was an undercover police officer and got so many insights on how bad our police force was. He had to publish it in South Korea because of press issues. He now got hired by one of the biggest news outlets in Korea and is writing a book about his whole time in the gang and the misconceptions we have. I want to be like that, that's so badass." Jackson shook his head and took back his cup. 

"That sounds way too dangerous for someone who doesn't know how to defend herself." 

"I know how to defend myself, you've literally taught me some stuff." 

"Not against a gang member. Ah-Yi, can we get some more rice?!" We were regulars at this restaurant and the Ah-Yi here liked Jackson. We were getting extra food for no charge tonight; she knew he was leaving.

"Well, the police trained that journalist before he went in, and him being bad at stuff helped because the gang didn't suspect anything." 

"Maybe you should take some classes. On self-defense, you know. Just if you get caught in some situation." I rolled my eyes and took another sip. 

"Is it because you aren't here anymore to protect me? Okay, Kris." Ope, it slipped. Now we're going to have to talk about how I have to come to terms with Kris. Therapy time with Jackson. 

"You still haven't talked to him? It's been a month, right? That's probably the longest time since we've met him." I picked at the fish, losing my appetite quickly. 

"I don't need you to be my therapist, Jack. He's going to come to me first; I'm not searching him out. Has he talked to you?" Jackson shook his head. 

"Not much. He's still a bit mad at me I think. I ask him if he's okay and I just one-word answers or that he's really busy these days. I saw his mom at the market the other day and asked. Pretty sure he's just sitting on his at his desk at home doing her marketing work. I would take a guess, saying you both are stubborn individuals, you're both waiting for the other to move first, because whoever moves first loses." I shook my head and pointed my chopsticks at Jackson. 

"He lost first when he said he liked me." 

"So you haven't thought about it have you? Just joke about it to try and hide your true feelings." 

"True feelings? I don't... Jackson, I haven't had time this whole year to think about my feelings about anything. Shoot, I could even be in love with you and I wouldn't know it because I haven't thought about that since like, I don't know when I thought I had that one crush on Mark because of his American accent." Jackson let out a small laugh and shrugged. 

"Either way, you know how I feel. He's your strongest connection to anything here. If you're in trouble, you know he'll jump at the chance. Not only that, but he's been your friend through everything. You can't just break friendship like that, even if there's a one-sided crush, he'll get over it maybe and maybe you'll find that you like, badda bing badda boom, little Kris'." I pulled a sour face at Jackson and drank the rest of his beer. 

"Ew, I'm not getting married or having kids till I'm like 40. I have to publish a book first." 

"Hey, Miss, you have to walk home. No drinking anymore." 

"Okay, okay. When's your train? I'll ride the bus with you there. There's another one that takes me like a five-minute walk away from my apartment." He checked his phone to see his ticket and then asked or how much the bill was to pay. 

"We'll have to leave in ten minutes to make the bus. I have an assigned seat since it's one of the fancy trains." I tried to eat the rest of the food as I could. Jackson pretty much devoured the table. 

"Are you sure you don't need help unpacking your things? I have the weekend off on Valentine's Day this year. My boss is really into going on dates with younger women, so he gives everyone who doesn't matter the day off. It's really a fake day off because the people who run daily news are still on, but I'm not. I could come and help, a four-hour train ride is nothing." He shook his head. 

"As much as I would love a pal-entine's date, I'll probably be unpacked by then. I don't have nearly as much as you did. It took us 3 days to move and you're still unpacking."

"Hey now!" We continued laughing for a bit, just cracking jokes. We didn't want the other person to leave. It would be so different. I had been with Jackson since our parents happened to move into the same subdivision of Harbin. The longest we've been separated was a month. It was going to be hard to watch him leave that train, but it has to be done. We were growing in different ways. We would always talk and visit when we could, but it would be so different. I can't go over in the next room and bang on the door to get him to stop snoring. 

"You have to be careful about going back, okay? The bus is so empty for this time of night." 

"No one takes a train ride at 10 o'clock, that's why fool." 

"I'm the fool, that's a new one, Fei." The jokes had stopped in frequency. It was good this bus ride was a bit long, I could feel him next to me a bit longer. I do what I usually do when we're just sitting next to each other and put my head on his shoulder. In a few minutes, I'll have no one to do this with. I'll have to remember it now. 

"Should we start the I'm going to miss you stay safes now or at the train station?"

"The train station. It's not goodbye right now, we're just riding the bus home from the mall." He laughed, but this time it was disheartening. 

"I could give you some money to take a taxi back instead of relying on a bus and walking. It's late and you're alone."

"You have the money for that? You sure you don't want to get train ramen?" He shook his head. 

"Nah, I have to start a diet soon. Eating at midnight isn't the best for your figure." 

"Okay washboard abs, you're probably one of the fittest people I know." 

"I'm glad you think so highly of me. Here, this should be enough, accounting traffic." He handed me some yuan and I put it in my purse. The bus came to a stop at the train station, still busy with people most likely getting off trains. Jackson grabbed his back and helped me up and out of the bus. My heart fell, I couldn't go in the train station because of security, so we'd have to say goodbye out here. He turned to me and gave me a famous Wang Jackson pout. 

"You sure I can't come with? This extra yuan will get me more than just a few train tickets." He smiled and shook his head, shifting his weight. 

"This isn't a goodbye, remember that. We're going to see each other for Mid-Autumn, New Year, Christmas. At your Aunt's house like we always do. We can't break traditions like that." I shook my head and realized that I was already dropping tears. He sighed and smiled again. 

"You can't cry, Fei Yu or you're going to make me cry, too. It's not goodbye, I mean that."

"It's just...hard... my best friend won't be at my s-side." I looked down, trying to stop the tears, but now they were falling on my glasses. 

"Come here, fool." He hugged me, putting his chin on my head. I hugged him back hard, trying to not lose the feeling, "Now you got me crying, Fei Yu, you can't do this. There might be some cute girls on the train going to Beijing." I laughed again but had to cough. He pulled back and I was the one to pout this time. 

"Do you have any last wishes before you get on the train? Something you've been wanting to say but can't? I was an awful roommate? I stink?" He shook his head. 

"You were an amazing roommate. Let me do what I want. You're my best friend, how can I complain about that? It's going to be weird not hearing you try to sing in the shower at 1 am." 

"I said confessions, come on, there has to be something." He looked around like he was thinking hard, but shook his head. 

"I'm going to see you soon, so if I confess now, it'll come back to bite me in a few months. If there's anything to tell you, I'd tell you in about a year." 

"What's in a year?" 

"1st anniversary of getting out of living with my awful, stinky roommate." I scrunched my nose but couldn't help and laugh at him. I hugged him one more time before he actually had to go. He put his hand on my head. 

"Stay safe. Use your street smarts. Get into a self-defense class. Makeup with Kris. Find a hot model to go on at least one fancy date with." I nodded. 

"I can't promise most, but I'll try. You, find a hot model too. One who's not taller than you thought, that'll be hard." He scoffed and took his hand off my head. 

"Before I go and before I get roasted some more, I need to give you something." He pulled out something from his bag and held it out in front of me. A stone, beautiful and polished. Green. 

"Jackson, you can't just give that to me." 

"The lady at the stall said it was for protection and good luck. It's jade, probably not real because it was from a side road stall, but it still counts, ey?" He handed it to me and I put it on, looking at it. It looked pretty real to me.

"How much did this cost, don't tell me she conned you." He rolled his eyes. 

"I know it's worth don't worry."

"Our poor asses couldn't even afford extra popcorn on movie night, how am I supposed to believe you?"

"Damn, I'll miss these jokes, Fei. Okay, it's time for me to go. I'll text you when I get into my new house, kay?" I nodded and held the stone in my hand.

"I'll text you so you know I got home safe."

"See ya later, ex-roomie." 

"See you later, ex-roomie." He held up a peace sign before walking though the tiny gates and into the security line. I waited till he was gone and couldn't see the purple beanie even if I stood on my tiptoes. I took a deep breath and decided it was time to leave. Jackson was 5 yuan short with his money, and I made sure to text him that when I got home. He apologized and said he'd get me some chips when I visit. I agreed. 

It was hard, getting in the shower. I didn't have the urge to sing anymore, because Jackson wouldn't hear it and make fun of me. Even if he hadn't lived with me for a week or so, he was still a bus ride away. Now he's in a different city, a different region. I felt alone now that I didn't have Kris either. I sat on the shower's bench and had a good cry. One I couldn't have in front of Jackson, one I couldn't have had in front of Kris after he stormed out. I was now completely alone. The only people that were watching me at this point were my parents and maybe the stone. I wonder what they thought of this situation. I wonder what they thought of Jackson all grown up now and leaving. I wish I could ask.