D-47

 

“Aren’t you going out with Brian today?” Youngjae questions, watching Jae carefully placing the order of table 6 on a tray. 

 

Without sparing him a single glance, he replies soullessly, “I don’t feel like it.” Then, he proceeds to slowly walk to the said table, all focus on keeping the tray balanced. 

 

Youngjae asks the same question every day. He must be sick of Jae stealing all work from him -and from all the other waiters, for the matter. Jae has been constantly serving customers from opening to closing time, only taking a break when Hyeji drags him to the break room to eat something. Rather than fearing him causing trouble, the others are just concerned about him. It shouldn’t take a genius to guess that something is wrong with him, after all.

 

He’s about to get another order when Wonpil curses loudly, before grabbing him by his arm, “Youngjae cover for me, I’ll be right back,” he tells the younger, “And you,” he glares at Jae, “you’re coming with me.” 

 

The cupid lets himself be dragged to the backyard, physically and mentally too tired to resist. Once they’re outside, Wonpil sits him down on the bench, and stands facing him, with his arms folded.

 

“Are you going to tell me what’s wrong? Or should I force it out of you?” He demands, all of his patience long gone. 

 

Jae wishes he has an answer to that question. All that he knows is that working himself to exhaustion is the only thing that’s keeping him from thinking about undesirable things -read as Brian and the arrow lodged in his chest. 

 

When he shows no sign of answering, Wonpil releases a deep sigh, then sits next to him. 

 

“Shouldn’t you be happy and jumping around the place like a crazy kid, now that you succeeded? Why are you so depressed?” 

 

“I don’t know,” he admits, frustrated, “I also thought that I’d be happy, but it’s so underwhelming?” He runs his hand through his hair, feeling more helpless.

 

“It was easy, too easy. Just one date and he’s in love. Now, I will certainly go back, since I fulfilled my mission,” he puts his hand over his chest, just the spot above the heart, “But something feels terribly wrong in here.”

 

He turns to Wonpil, looking as desperate and small as he sounds, “Did I do something wrong? Was it the wrong choice?”

 

Wonpil purses his lips, seemingly thinking this through, “You said Sungjin is a nice person, right?”

 

“He is!” Jae cries out, “And that’s the ing problem.” 

 

“Calm down, okay?”  He puts a hand on his shoulder, “Maybe you’re only feeling this way because you’ll be leaving soon.” 

 

Jae looks at him with big sad eyes, “Do you really think so? But I want to go back,” he says, even though it doesn’t sound convincing, not even to his own ears.

 

“I’m not saying that you like it more here, it’s just a new experience for you, maybe that’s why,” Wonpil tries to reason. Jae wonders if that’s his genuine opinion, or just a standard answer.

 

He shrugs, nevertheless, expression still down and depressed, “Probably.”

 

“I still think that you should go out instead of staying here like this,” Wonpil advices. Jae hugs his knees closer to his chest. He rather stay inside, all alone. 

 

Taking mercy on him, Wonpil decides not to push him any further. 

 

“You can stay here, but enough work for today. I’ll send you a hot chocolate. I know you love it,” he gives him one last pat on the back and an encouraging smile, before going back inside. 

 

Their conversation didn’t help Jae comprehend his own dilemma, but Wonpil’s attempts at comforting him are enough to boost his mood just a little. He really appreciates his friend’s effort. 

 

A while later, the backdoor opens and closes, so he expects it to be one of the staff bringing him his promised hot chocolate. However, when he lifts his gaze from the ground, he finds none other than Brian coming down the small staircase. Jae tenses right away at the sight of the guy. He’s been avoiding him, and ignoring all of his calls and texts for days, in hopes that he’ll leave him alone. It seems that he didn’t get the hint. 

 

“Hi,” Brian’s deep voice greets. Jae doesn’t answer.

 

“Wonpil said I’ll find you here,” he walks closer to the bench, “He asked me to give you this.” 

 

Brian holds out a mug of hot chocolate, and patiently waits for him to take it. It takes him a good minute to do so. Their fingers brush slightly in the process, and it sends a wave of shivers through Jae’s body. It’s too shocking of a sensation that he almost let go of the mug. Thankfully -not really-, his mind has been so out of it lately that his reflex has become slower than usual. 

 

He feels Brian sitting on the furthest point on the bench. Still, it’s not far enough, and Jae’s engulfed in Brian’s scent all at once. His grip around the mug tightens, and he brings it closer to his lips, taking a tentative sip. It’s still too hot. 

 

“Are you going to tell me why you’ve been ignoring me?” Brian finally asks, voice sounding too close.

 

The cupid shakes his head, “I rather not.”

 

Brian sighs deeply, but doesn’t lose hope. He tries another approach, “Then, why are you locking yourself here?” 

 

When no response comes from the other, he abruptly stands up. He grabs Jae’s free hand and starts pulling him, “Come on, let’s get you out!”

 

At first, Jae is taken aback, since he’s usually the one dragging the human around. To have Brian enthusiastically suggest going out is oddly delightful. He almost gives in, but the glowing thing stuck to Brian’s chest serves as a reminder to why he’s been sitting like this in the first place. Reluctant, he pulls his hand out of Brian’s grip. Not to see the human’s expression falling, he lowers his gaze, guilt filling his insides whatsoever. 

 

“Hyung,” Brian calls, and he can sense the concern dripping from his tone, “What’s wrong?” 

 

Jae takes a deep breath, gathering all the courage left in him before letting his eyes meet Brain’s. He does his best at ignoring the warmth and worry radiating from the other, and puts all of his focus on replying to his question. 

 

“I don’t want to bother you anymore. All this time, you’ve been taken good care of me, so thank you,” he adds with a genuine smile, albeit sad, “But I don’t want to be in your way anymore.”

 

The human frowns in confusion, “What are you talking about? What made you think so?” 

 

Jae purses his lips together, trying to think of the best way to word his thoughts, “I know about you and Sungjin, and I don’t want to third wheel anymore.”

 

Brian’s frown gets deeper, “I and Sungjin?? Where did you get that idea from?” 

 

“No need to hide it from me, I know,” he admits, but the other still seems clueless, so he adds, “You love him.” 

 

It takes a few seconds for Brian to process his words. When he does, his expression goes from confused, to shocked, to irritated, all in a fraction of a second. If Jae didn’t have more important matters to deal with, he’d be thinking that it’s really impressive. 

 

“Oh so that’s what this is all about!” He releases a dry chuckle, “Now I get why you’ve gotten so close to him, and why you planned that movie date!”

 

“You knew?” Now it’s Jae’s turn to be shocked. It seems that his disguise was a big failure, or the plan was just too obvious. 

 

Brian scoffs, “Of course I knew! You were not that subtle!” 

 

Seething with anger, he starts pacing around, restless. Jae has never seen him like this. It’s concerning. 

 

“I knew that you were up to something since the very beginning,” he confesses, still refusing to look in Jae’s direction, “but I didn’t think you’d start jumping to conclusions and assuming my feeling like this!”

 

Suddenly, he’s face to face with Jae, barely leaving any space between them. Brian has his hand on the back of the bench to support his weight, trapping him in that small space. Jae can’t breathe.

 

“Let me tell you this,” he says, voice low and dangerous “I and Sungjin, we do have history, but my feelings for him are long gone. I don’t see him as more than a friend. Are we clear?” He puts emphasis on the word ‘friend’. And Jae can see that there’s no lie in that statement. Brian is not avoiding or denying his feelings, he’s only speaking the truth. Which is only more confusing for him. 

 

“But- you’re in love with someone, aren’t you?” He stupidly asks, voice timid. The lack of space between them is still messing with him, making him nervous. He can almost hear his heartbeats.

 

All of the anger dissipates from Brian’s face at once. Now, he seems mildly disappointed, and defeated. He retreats, standing straight. Jae unconsciously exhales in relief. He finally can breathe at ease again. 

 

Weird enough, the human doesn’t question his speculations, nor his confidence about them. He only answers with an unparalleled certitude, “I am.”  

 

Still clueless, the cupid asks again, “If it’s not Sungjin, then who?” 

 

“Just someone,” he says, piercing gaze fixed on Jae, “Someone really stupid.” 

 

After uttering those words coldly, Brian sends him one last meaningful look -that is too soft to be called a glare-, before leaving. 

 

If Jae was standing at the moment, he’d definitely crumble down. Thankfully, he’s sitting, so the breaking down is a mental one instead. Brian didn’t utter a name, his answer ambiguous and left room for interpretations. However, it shouldn’t take a genius, or a lot of time to reach the right answer. The conclusion Jae comes to is anything but pleasant.

 

 

Cupid J159 -like any ordinary cupid- has spent a great part of his career judging the humans for their stupidity with anything love-related. They either overthink the situation, or totally brush it off as if it’s nothing, there’s no in between. Cupids think that the saying ‘love makes you blind’ is an understatement. Some humans had them wishing they could actually interfere or beat some sense into them. You’d think after centuries of spreading love among the human kind, they’d get used to their absurd behavior. Unfortunately, every generation is worse then the previous one, and that’s a fact. It’s too painful to watch, really. 

 

 

So, sitting on that bench, with Brian’s words turning around and around in his head, Jae wonders if being human is what made him as stupid as he’s been so far. Like, why was it so hard for him to realize the real center of Brian’s affection? Who’s been the one invading all of Brian’s privacy for the last month anyways? Has Brian ever let someone get this close to him? Was Brian ever willing to interact with someone as he was with Jae? Of course, the answer is a no. 

 

Now going back to the day he got shot. Jae was there, wasn’t he? And Brian got shot when Jae was distracted by the kid. He didn’t get to see who Brian was focused on the moment it happened. And Brian obviously said that he was not so discreet, and that he’s seen him that day. 

 

It all fell in place perfectly, but the situation is far from being perfect. The triumph Jae should feel for succeeding is no longer worth celebrating. If anything, it’s making him extremely miserable. He was supposed to throw someone in Brian’s way. Preferably a human, and certainly not himself. 

 

‘ing Karma!’ He thinks, but then, “God! I’m even starting to curse like humans!”

 

 

 

D-43

 

It’s been days since their fight, if it can be called that. Brian hasn’t contacted him yet, and he didn’t either, for several reasons. The first is just an excuse that he gives himself, that he’s too unexperienced in reconciliation and doesn’t know how to do it. The real reason, the one he refuses to acknowledge, is that he’s yet to accept the reality of Brian’s feelings. 

 

He didn’t even tell anyone about it. When they asked him about his fight with Brian, he’s only told them about the human hating him interfering with his love life. Sungjin has came to check on him a few times, but Jae has shut him off as soon as he mentioned Brian. He’s scared that Sungjin will hate him if he tells him the truth. 

 

Jae is still busying himself by working at the coffee shop, and running errands for the staff. Night is the only time for him to physically rest, but not mentally. Even then, he keeps thinking about Brian. It’s slowly draining him. If only his problems could solve themselves by themselves. 

 

 

It’s a Saturday night, Hyeji and Wonpil are watching a movie on the TV, and they forced him to sit with them, even though they knew he won’t focus for one second on the movie. He stuffs his mouth with popcorn, drinks his soda, but his eyes never leave the black screen of his phone, that’s been resting on the table in front of him. An undefined urge to call Brian has been irking him for hours. He’s been doing a good job at ignoring it, but it’s killing him now. His fingers are restless, wanting so badly to reach for the phone. 

 

He’s seriously considering throwing his phone out of the window, when the screen lights up. Sungjin is calling. Before he could think it over, he slides right and answers, “Hello?”

 

“Jae, thank god!” Sungjin’s relieved voice greets him. By the sound of the soft background music Jae can guess that he’s at work. Now he’s feeling uneasy.

 

“What’s wrong?” 

 

A deep sigh, then, “Brian is drunk and passed out. Can you come and get him?”

 

“Okay,” Jae doesn’t hesitate. He’s already moving from the couch, “I’ll be there shortly.” 

 

Hyeji and Wonpil give him questioning looks, but he’s got no time to explain. Without bothering to change, he throws on a jacket and hurriedly goes to the bar. He finds Brian slumped against the counter, with a worried Sungjin looming over him. When he sees Jae entering, his eyes light up in relief. 

 

“You came!” 

 

Jae is kind of hurt by Sungjin’s surprised tone. Did he actually expect him not to come? To ignore Brian when he’s like that? 

 

“What happened?” He questions, concerned by the human’s current situation. He must’ve been drinking for too long to get that drunk.

 

The bartender seems to hesitate for a while, adding to his worry.  

 

“Sungjin,” he firmly says, pushing him to speak. 

 

“He’s been pretty depressed lately,” he gives him a meaningful look. It feels like he’s putting all the blame on him, as if Jae wasn’t feeling guilty enough. 

 

“This happened a couple of times this week, but today is the worst.” 

 

Jae purses his lips together. Of course, he can guess what made Brian drink himself senseless like this. He shakes the human by the shoulder, “Brian, let’s go home.” 

 

Thankfully, said guy perks up after the third call, his lips breaking into a huge grin, “Oh! It’s Jae hyung!” He says in an overly excited tone, “Are you here to drink, as well? Come on, let’s drink together!” He taps the stool next to him, inviting him to sit, “Sungjin what are you doing? Get him his drink!” 

 

“I’m not here to drink. Come on, let’s take you home,” Jae takes Brian’s arm and hooks it around his neck, he then encircles his arm around his waist to support him. Brian looks like a disappointed little kid, “Why can’t we stay longer?” He asks, pouting. 

 

“Cause it’s already bed time,” Jae tells him. Thankfully, the human easily complies, although reluctant. Jae waves at Sungjin, before dragging the other out of the bar. 

 

Brian peacefully sleeps throughout the taxi ride, but when they’re finally home, and Jae tries to get him to the shower, he refuses, and throws a huge tantrum. He’s sitting on the floor, leaning against the back of the couch, legs and arms crossed, while pouting sulkily. He’s nothing short of a big baby at the moment. This is going to be a long night. 

 

“Okay okay, no shower, just change your clothes,” Jae tries to persuade him, in vain. 

 

He grumpy shakes his head. Defeated, the cupid sits next to him, “What do you want then?” 

 

“I want you to stay,” Brian answers in a heartbeat. His gaze is determined, and sober. Jae knows that those words are deeper than they sound, but he decides to brush them off.

 

“Well, here I am. I am not going anywhere.” 

 

Brian shakes his head stubbornly, “You’re lying. You’re leaving,” his eyes suddenly get teary, “You’re leaving, like them.” 

 

“Them? Who?” Jae asks, trying to distract him, but mostly curious. He certainly was not ready for the other’s answer. 

 

“My parents, they left and never came back.” 

 

There’s a lot of grief weighting down on the human, that he literally looks like a kid. A very lonely kid. 

 

“Where did they go?” 

 

“To Heaven?”

 

Jae has always suspected that Brian doesn’t have a family. It was either that, or that he wasn’t in talking terms with them. Having his doubts confirmed, Jae feels sorry for Brian. He’s never comforted a human before -or anyone for the record-, so he doesn’t know if there’s a certain way to do it. He goes with the first thing that he can think of, taking Brian’s hands between his and holding them gently.

 

“When humans go to heaven, they always keep a close eye on their most beloved, so they must’ve been watching you all these years,” he gives him a tender smile, “They must be so, so proud of you.”

 

Brian looks at him with big sad eyes, yet shining with hope, “Really?”

 

Jae nods confidently, “They didn’t willingly leave you. Destiny didn’t allow them to stay longer.”

 

“But you’re going to leave me willingly, won’t you?”

 

A weird feeling pierces through Jae’s chest. He hates how he’s the reason behind Brian’s currently vulnerable state. 

 

“I-” he doesn’t know how to reply to that. He tries to be genuine about it, without revealing much, “I have to go too, when it’s time.”

 

“Even if I ask you to stay?” He questions, sounding hopeful. 

 

Jae shakes his head, “I can’t, I really can’t.” 

 

“Even if I tell you that I lo-”

 

Whatever Brian was going to say is blocked by Jae’s hand. The last thing Jae wants is a drunk confession. Or any kind of confession. Those words are better left unsaid. 

 

However, the alcohol making him bold, Brian presses a kiss into Jae’s palm. The latter is too shocked to react, and when Brian grabs his wrist and takes his hand away from his mouth, he allows it. 

 

The human holds his hand, letting his thumb slowly caress the back of it. The gesture is done with so much care and tenderness, that Jae can’t bring himself to move. Actually, he’s tore between wanting to push Brian away and never see him again, and pulling Brian closer and never let go of him. He can’t trust himself to choose, so he stays still, even if it feels too intimate, even if Brian is too drunk to realize what he’s doing. 

 

“Your hands are really soft,” Brian says, voice barely above a whisper. He then brings Jae’s hand closer to his lips, and presses a feather-like kiss to his knuckles. 

 

In the stillness of the night, Jae can sense his whole world shifting. All the warmth filling his heart, his confused thoughts, and bundle of contradicting emotions, everything inside of him suddenly explodes into millions of flower petals, rays of sunlight and shooting stars. 

 

There’s a lot of everything going inside of Jae’s heart, yet, it’s a moment of clarity for him. As if he suddenly knows all the secrets of the universe, or holds the keys to every reality in his hands. It’s overwhelming. 

 

 

Brian is now giving him the most blinding grin ever, and Jae falls into a deeper daze. His body has totally failed him, refusing to move a finger. His heart has ceased to beat all together, and he’s already out of breath. Even his brain has short circuited a long time ago, that it doesn’t take note of the additional light casted on Brian’s face. 

 

“Oh,” the human exclaims, looking past Jae’s shoulder.

 

Confused, Jae slowly turns his head back, and finally notices the unnatural glow enlightening the previously-dark room. The source of the light is a guy, standing at the opposite side. More specifically, a cupid. His hands are midair, holding a bow, but no arrow. The cupid’s eyes, widened in shock, are set on him. Jae himself is no less shocked than the cupid. 

 

The light is gone as fast as it appeared, the cupid flickering out of sight right away, leaving the aftermath for Jae to deal with. Karma is really biting him back in the , hard. 

 

His drunkenness finally catching up with him, Brian’s head heavily falls on Jae’s shoulder, his eyes closing in the process. “Home,” he murmurs sleepily, just before slipping into a deep slumber. Jae exhales heavily. 

 

Taking Brian to bed is still physically challenging, even when he’s not resisting. Jae does it successfully nevertheless. A part of him wants to stay by the human’s side for the whole night, but that’s out of question. He needs to be alone for a really long time to sort his thoughts. 

 

At first, he thought he could walk home, but every step is harder than the previous one, as if a strong power is pulling him back, as if he’s defying all laws of gravity. It’s too exhausting, so he ends up taking the bus.

 

His legs are not heavy anymore, but the emotional rollercoaster he experienced earlier has came crushing on him. Now, the debris of his feelings sit at the pit of his stomach, like a stone block. Heavy and unmoving. Burdening. 

 

Jae spends what’s left of the night on the rooftop of the Cupid Café. Rooftops have been his thinking place for all of his life, it shouldn’t fail him right now. However, when the sunlight creeps up the sky, and he’s no less of a mess than a few hours ago, he decides that the place is not the problem. The problem lays within him. On the upper left side of his chest, to be more specific. 

 

When he gets down, he finds Hyeji and Wonpil already awake. Or maybe they didn’t sleep, judging by the new presence sitting with them. Jae has only seen him for a fleeting second, but he recognizes him right away. The lack of the glow, the wings, bow and quiver is highly expected.

 

“Jae,” Hyeji starts, gaze shifting between the two in hesitance, “This is-”

 

“I know,” Jae snaps, his helplessness and confusion converted into fury and irritation. The guy shrinks under his deathly glare, looking extremely guilty.

 

No one speaks another word for a few seconds, and Jae takes that chance to storm to his room and lock himself there. He really doesn’t wish to see anyone for whatever is left of his suspension period. 

 

The most maddening part is that amidst all of this, his mind is more concerned whether ‘anyone’ encompasses Brian or not. 

 

-TBC-

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if you reached this far, I sincerely hope you are okay hehe 

All of this was expected to happen, I guess. Tell me what you think about it in a comment ^__^ 

Thank you guys for supporting and reading my story <3 <3 I hope y'all safe and healthy!! BE HAPPY  <3 <3 <3