D-40

 

When Jae spends two days locked in his room, refusing to see or talk to anyone, no one dares to defy his wishes. It seems that they understand his struggles, and how much he’s in need of some time to collect himself. Or they just don’t want to deal with an emotionally unstable cupid. 

 

To say that he’s been a mess would be an understatement. Reality has been giving him a slap after another lately. First, he had Brian falling for him, then he has been shot with an arrow himself. Not to mention his dispute with Brian, and the cupid-turned-human now living with them. It’s all too much for someone who’s not used to feel anything as much as hunger or thirst. The shock, the confusion, the guilt, the longing, the helplessness, the anger, are all too intense for him to deal with. Still, no one can help him go through this. It’s his own fight.

 

 

On the third day of his self-lockdown, a timid knock interrupts his endless, yet useless deep thoughts. He doesn’t question who’s at the door, and the person knocking does not try to enter, knowing very well that the door is locked form inside. Instead, he hears an unknown, deep voice calling, “Jae hyung,” -this must be the newcomer, that he’s yet to officially meet and know his name- “you have a visitor.” 

 

Jae has a hunch who is it, which makes him more determined not to answer. He buries himself deeper under the cover and curls on himself. Maybe if he does so they won’t be able to find him. 

 

The moments of dreadful silence is soon replaced by urgent and loud knocks, “Hyung, it’s me! Open the door!” 

 

It is Brian after all. If Jae ignores him again, will he leave him alone? With bated breath, he waits for the next action of Brian from the other side of the door. The cowardliness proved to be a feature that comes with being human. 

 

“Please, I just want to talk,” he begs, voice much more lower than earlier, as if the door was a little bit thicker, Jae doubts he could’ve heard him. 

 

“Jae,” he softly calls again, and said guy feels his resolve crumbling down. Summoning some of his cupid courage, he slowly creeps from under the covers, for once considering opening the door. 

 

“I will wait here until you come out, then,” Brian announces, and he could feel his determination even without seeing his face. He doesn’t need to see him to understand him, after all. 

 

It takes Jae a good ten-minute to make up his mind, analyzing all the possible outcomes of facing the human. With shaking hands, he unlocks the door and opens it. When his eyes automatically meets Brian’s, he starts regretting his decision. The human’s face is unsmiling, hard and frowning. But his eyes -God his eyes- are oozing with concern and care, and Jae can’t hold the eye contact any longer. His heart is suddenly beating faster than it’s allowed. He’s spent three days locked in a small room, and only now does he feel the suffocation. 

 

He walks past Brian in a hurry, needing to get outside as soon as possible. The guy follows him silently, even though he didn’t ask him to. The closest and most open spot Jae can think of at the moment is the rooftop, and to the rooftop he goes. He breaths the fresh cold air in and out, in and out, until the load clogging his airways shrinks and allows him to breath. 

 

They’ve been outside for a while when Brian finally speaks, “Are you feeling better now?” 

 

Not trusting his voice, Jae nods curtly. He still can’t meet the other’s eyes. 

 

“Hyung,” he starts hesitantly. Coming here to talk must’ve been hard on him. Jae wonders if he’s spent the last two days hidden under covers, as well. At least he’s more courageous than Jae, and has made the first step. 

 

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have gotten angry at you like that the other day,” his voice loaded with guilt and regret, making Jae shake his head, persistently.

 

“That was stupid of me, it was my fault,” he admits. This seems like a good start. 

 

“I know you meant well.”

 

Brian must trust him too much to say that. 

 

“And about that night,” he clears his throat, nervous, “I don’t remember much, but I must’ve scared you away, I-”

 

Jae lifts his hand, stopping him from apologizing again. 

 

“You were drunk and you didn’t do anything wrong, so don’t worry,” he dares to lock gazes when he says it, hoping it will reassure the other. 

 

Brian smiles weakly, but it quickly falls down, a concerned frown clouding his forehead, “The others told me you’ve been isolating yourself for the last few days,” He hesitates before asking, “Was it because of me?”

 

‘Even if it’s your fault, I would never blame you for it,’ Jae wants to say, but can’t. He sticks to shaking his head with a smile, “It’s nothing, don’t worry. I just needed time to think, but I’m better now.” 

 

Although not totally convinced, Brian still nods understandingly, smiling nervously. Weird enough, Jae feels much better. It seems that he needed Brian’s help, after all. No one else’s but Brian’s.

 

“Are you free? Do you wanna have lunch with me?” Jae suggests, not even sure what time of the day is it. Only now does he realize that he didn’t eat a thing for the past few days, and that he’s hungry. The only thing that kept him a live for two days was a bottle of water that got locked inside with him. 

 

“But you have to wait until I wash up,” he adds, suddenly feeling gross as well. High-maintenance body, remember?

 

Brian’s hesitant smile gets more confident, and wider, “Take your time. I’ll wait.” 

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

“Look who’s finally out.”

 

Jae thought he could sneak in without anyone seeing him. He’s surprised to see all the employees of the Cupids’ Affairs office, as well as the new tenant, waiting for him. Hyeji has her arms crossed, obviously displeased. 

 

“Don’t you think it’s time to talk?” 

 

Knowing that there’s no running away now, Jae obediently sits next to Jinyoung, and says, “Okay, let’s do this.” 

 

His eyes unconsciously stray to the new guy, so Wonpil introduces him, “This is Dowoon,” said guy waves shyly at him. He looks like he wants to be anywhere but here though. 

 

“His real identity is-” Wonpil tries to add, but he blanks out for a second, so he turns to Dowoon, “what did you say your cupid name was again?”   

 

“Cupid D2595,” the guy stammers, shrinking further under all the eyes on him. 

 

“Right, and he’s like you- maybe not? He’s more like me, I guess?” Wonpil stops to think, putting a finger on his chin.

 

Jinyoung rolls his eyes, “He’s human now, that’s what Wonpil wants to say.”

 

Now that the anger is gone, and he’s more stable, Jae’s actually feeling sorry for the guy.

 

“You went through trial, right?” He questions, knowing the procedure all too well, “For shooting a cupid?”

 

Dowoon’s eyes widen in shock by the straightforwardness of the question, before he lowers his head in shame and nods. That’s when Hyeji interferes. 

 

“You were in your human form, that’s why he didn’t know that you were a cupid. That’s also why he didn’t get the extreme punishment,” she explains coolly, as if it’s the most trivial thing ever. Jae is now fuming by the absurdity of the situation.

 

“Isn’t that plain stupid?” He protests, loud enough to make the new guy jump, “Shouldn’t they expect such things to happen? Why does he and I get to deal with something that’s not even our faults?” 

 

Hyeji releases a deep sigh, “This is beyond me Jae,” she admits, helpless, “I’m just here to help you go through your suspension period, and help cupids like Dowoon adapt.”

 

He can see that she’s sorry about the overall deal, and he feels bad for lashing out on her when it’s not even her fault. It’s more frustrating when he doesn’t know who to blame, whatsoever. 

 

“What am I supposed to do now?” He slumps back, defeated and tired of this bull. 

 

“You’re not the first, nor the last cupid to be shot,” Hyeji clears out, “This changes nothing,” she puts emphasis on the statement, her eyes determined. It’s a warning. 

 

“I’m not really sure about that,” he retorts, averting his gaze away. Jinyoung gives him a look of pity, while Wonpil seems to be as pissed as him. Neither of them voice their thoughts, anyways. 

 

“Jae,” Hyeji calls his name firmly, “This is serious. Anything above friendship between you and Brian will cause grave consequences, for both of you. Especially you.” 

 

The implied meaning behind ‘grave consequences’ is as obvious as the day. It’s not that Jae has been planning to confess for the human, or act on his feelings in any way. 

 

“Just bear with it for the time left, okay?”

 

Jae shrugs, maybe a bot too casually for a serious situation like this, “I guess I can do it. Not that I got that much time left.”

 

 

That’s what Jae says, full of confidence. A few days later, however, he discovers that he’s been bluffing. 

 

At first, he’s just glad that after all the mess that has happened, he and Brian were able to restore their platonic friendship. They still hangout together, and mostly alone -Sungjin has been suspiciously busy lately. Jae is still as insufferable as ever, and Brian as reserved as ever. But sometimes, just sometimes, Brian does slip and says or does something extremely sweet that gets Jae’s heart skipping too many beats, that he soon loses count of.  

 

Jae, being a cupid, blames all of his heart’s shenanigans on the arrow. He can’t be feeling that much without a catalyst. It’s impossible. Anyways, it’s making him waver. Brian is making him waver. Aunt Hyeji will certainly be displeased if she knows how many times a day he imagines himself and Brian being more than friends. 

 

After some time, he decides that what she doesn’t know, won’t kill her, and so he leaves his thoughts and desires for himself. 

 

 

 

D-36

 

“You’re going to be late for your date,” Wonpil points out, when he finds Jae still fixing his outfit in front of the mirror.

 

That remark has flustered him the first and second time, but hearing it for the tenth time just makes him roll his eyes.

 

“Again, it’s not a date,” he insists. 

 

“Keep telling yourself that,” Wonpil retorts, unconvinced. 

 

Brian has got these free tickets to an attraction park, and didn’t have anyone to go with, so he asked Jae to accompany him -he was blushing at the time, but that’s an irrelevant detail. Since he’s told them about it, Jinyoung and Wonpil had kept saying that it’s a date. Jae doesn’t think so. Dates are for couples, which they are not. Can’t be. 

 

 

The human comes to pick him up, as usual, and Jae tries his best to ignore how good he looks, or how he’s wearing that jean jacket he got for him. It fits him so well. Jae also ignores how deep Brian’s arrow has gotten, now only the feather fetching visible. Brian can’t possibly be that deeply in love with him. It’s a frightening thought.

 

 

The attraction park is enormous, packed with people, sounds and smells. Jae only considered coming here to play, but it seems he’s going to do much more than that. Choosing where to start is already a struggle. 

 

“What do you think we should start with?” 

 

Weird enough, Brian looks anything but excited. He’s analyzing the park’s map with an almost panicked expression. 

 

“Which one do you want to try first?” He asks, letting Jae choose for them. 

 

Without losing any more time, he grabs Brian’s hand and drags him to the closest ride. 

 

“Y-you want me to ride this?” Brian points at the pirate ship ride, his face paling with every passing second. 

 

Jae grins devilishly, “We’re already waiting in line, aren’t we?” 

 

He could see how Brian’s Adam’s apple bobs up and down as he gulps in fear. 

 

“No need to be so nervous, I’m here, so don’t worry,” he puts his hand on his shoulder to reassure him, the amusement never leaving his face.

 

When they get on the ship, Brian insists on sitting in the middle row, so Jae complies, albeit disappointed. He really wanted to sit at one of the extremes. That didn’t stop him from enjoying the ride and scream his lungs off, although he can’t say the same about Brian. The latter was oddly silent the whole time, hands gripping the railing like a lifeline, and eyes closed. What’s left of color on his face after the pirate ship disappears as soon as he sees the rollercoaster. 

 

“There’s no way I’m riding that,” Brian refuses to even look at the mountainous ride, “Not in a million years, no!” 

 

Jae will have to beg, it seems.

 

“Oh come on!” He whines, “I really want to try it.”

 

“But I don’t,” Brian deadpans, not budging.

 

“What’s the point of coming here together then?” Jae pulls out his ultimate weapon, a huge pout, “It won’t be as fun without you.”

 

Brian gives him a side look, his resolution visibly crumbling a little bit.

 

“Pretty please?” Jae adds in a little cute voice, and that’s the last blow. 

 

Brian sighs deeply. He finally gives in, with a mumbled, “I’m so going to regret this.”

 

Jae jumps excitedly, thanking the other repeatedly. He doesn’t get why Brian was so against it in the first place. As a consequence, while Jae was having the time of his life on that rollercoaster, Brian was as rigid as a wood plank, his eyes tightly shut. Jae thinks he stopped breathing all together at some point. 

 

When they got back on the ground, Brian has to sit down for a while because his legs were wobbling so badly that he couldn’t walk. Jae offers him a bottle of water, the worry finally kicking in. He takes it with a shaking hand, and slowly takes a few sips. Even his lips had lost their usual rosiness. 

 

“Do you need something else? Maybe something sweet?” Jae highly suspects that his blood sugar level has went down.

 

Brian shakes his head, “I’ll be fine, just give me a minute,” he reassures, his breathing finally evening out. Jae sits next to him, still watching over him anxiously.

 

“I’ve always been scared of heights,” the human admits with a chuckle after a while. It doesn’t sound as amused as he meant it to be. 

 

Well, that’s a new discovery for the cupid. He feels that he should apologize for missing such an important detail about the other, so he does. 

 

“I didn’t know, I’m sorry.”  

 

Brian’s head whips in his direction, alarmed, “Why would you be? It’s not your fault!”

 

Jae ignores him and moves on to the scolding phase, “Why would you bring me here if you’re scared of heights?” 

 

“I thought that maybe you’d like it here,” Brian says, honest. He then smiles knowingly at him, “I wasn’t wrong.”

 

Jae can sense the beginning of a blush working its way up his neck, and it’s getting hard to hold his lips from curving upwards. He tries not to stray from the main issue. “Still, you shouldn’t agreed to go on the rollercoaster with me.”

 

For the first time since he’s known him, Brian rolls his eyes. Is Jae starting to rub on him? This is going to be a problem, it seems. But that’s not what’s most important right now, because Brian’s reply is more shocking than his eye roll.

 

“You know I can’t say no to you. You explore that weakness of mine too well,” he says with a smirk, and Jae feels like a deer caught in headlight, probably looks like one. 

 

“I’m- I didn’t- It’s not-” words fail him, and he can’t from a coherent excuse, or an explanation, at least. His cheeks are literally burning at this point. Brian still got the audacity to laugh at him. 

 

“I’m just messing with you,” he says, ruffling his hair, still flashing him a wide grin and his perfect set of teeth. 

 

Jae is still frozen on his spot, even when the other is back on his feet, seeming perfectly fine. Teasing the cupid must’ve helped him recover faster. !

 

“I’m better now. We can continue,” he pulls him by his arm, forcing him to stand up as well, “But I get to choose the next ride!” He announces, and Jae has no mind to oppose him. Not that he’s able of any thinking, at the moment.

 

The rapid river ride is not the most exciting thing he’s ever tried, but it’s still fun. Both of them get to enjoy it, nevertheless. They then take a small break because kid Jae makes another appearance at the sight of cotton candy. He goes through a small mental breakdown at how sweet the candy is and how it melts immediately in his mouth. As usual, Brian acts as the adult and refuses to buy one for himself, claiming that it’s for kids, but steals a few bits whenever Jae is distracted. 

 

 

“What do you want to try now?” Brian questions, as they walk aimlessly. Jae scans the map in his hand thoughtfully. He eliminates the kids rides, the ones they’ve tried so far, and the too high ones. He’s not left with much.

 

After long minutes of contemplation, he points to a certain spot, “This one?” 

 

When Brian’s expressions brightens happily, he knows he’s made the right choice. He smiles back, “Haunted house it is then!”

 

 

-

 

 

 

“OH MY!!” Jae jumps for the hundredth time. Everything around him is dark and spooky. He’s afraid of taking another step in this creepy place, not knowing what scary creature will jump in his face this time. 

 

“Brian? Where are you?” He calls desperately, then weakly whimpers, “I’m so scared.”

 

Something suddenly touches his arm and he’s freaking out again, “Don’t touch me, please,” his hand jerks away and he takes a step back, eyes shut.

 

“It’s okay, it’s me,” Brian’s soothing, clear voice reassures him, so he pries his eyes open. And it’s true, even in the darkness he can still see the shining arrow, and the dazzling eyes.

 

“Where have you been?” Jae doesn’t mean to, but his nerves finally crash on him and open a faucet of tears, “I was so scared.”

 

Brian’s hand reaches for his again, “It’s okay, I’m here now,” he intertwines their fingers, “Let’s get you out of here, okay?” 

 

To ensure that he won’t lose the human again, Jae tightens his grip on Brian’s hand, while his other hand grabs his upper arm. He follows with closed eyes as Brian navigates the corridors for the exit. He tries to ignore all the creepy voices and sounds around them, and to focus on the other’s reassuring voice. 

 

“You can open your eyes now.” 

 

He complies, and a blinding light greets him. Finally light! He releases a deep, relieved sigh, now that he’s outside, and safe. The haunted house was a very big mistake, he concludes. 

 

Cupids are descendants of Heaven. Dark, scary creatures are things they never had to encounter. Of course, after living in the human world for a while, they’re more familiar with how humans portraits demons, monsters, and the likes, but it doesn’t mean that they tolerate them any better. So it’s very understandable for Jae to get shaken by their horrifying appearances. 

 

When he finally calms down, he realizes that he’s been leaning against Brian’s side, his forehead pressed against his shoulder, with both his hands still gripping his arm. Panicking, he jumps a step back, loosening his grip on the other. 

 

“I’m sorry,” he apologizes, for what? He’s not really sure. Brian doesn’t seem bothered by the physical proximity. Of course he’s not. 

 

“Are you okay now?” He asks instead, a hint of concern still lingering on his features. 

 

“Yeah, much better,” Jae smiles shyly, “Thanks, for getting me out of there.”

 

Brian’s small smile turns into something mischievous, “Why choose the haunted house if you’re easily scared?” 

 

Jae pouts sulkily, “I didn’t know it would be that scary.”

 

The other finally lets go of the laugh he’s been holding down, worsening his pout. 

 

“There are still other rides that I want to try,” he warns, wiping the smile from Brian’s face at once.

 

“Really?” He looks genuinely scared now, so Jae decides to have pity on him. He shakes his head.

 

“Let’s go eat. I’m staving!” 

 

This time, Brian is the one who insists on trying almost every food cart available. It’s really amazing how much food that guy can stuff in his stomach in record time. For some reason, eating with Brian enhances Jae’s appetite and he ends up eating double the amount he usually eats, even if it’s gross. When full, and the idea of going on any ride makes them sick, they decide to check the gift shops. 

 

The cupid is too excited that he wants to try everything in sight. At first, Brian let him be, but when it got too much, he started preventing him from touching anything. 

 

“But look,” he picks an orange headband with two fox ears, “This will look so good on you!” He tries to put it on Brian’s head but he dodges it. 

 

“You’ve said that about ten different headbands,” he points out, “You’re just trying to mess with me, aren’t you?” He glares at him, so Jae gives him his most innocent expression.

 

“What about you pick one for me, and I for you? That way we’ll be even,” he suggests with big, pleading eyes. 

 

It takes exactly three seconds for Brian to give in with a mumbled, “Again, using my weakness.” 

 

He gives a quick scan for the shelves before picking a white headband with a halo on top. Grinning playfully, he puts it on Jae’s head.

 

“Wow,” he exclaims, “It fits you so well.”

 

When Jae sees his reflection on the mirror, an unexplained sadness washes over him. “I never had a halo before,” he says, voice small, ‘but I had wings, big white ones,’ he wants to add, but he keeps that thought for himself. He reminisces the times he could fly wherever he wanted, how free it felt to be up in the sky, among the clouds, watching the city from above. 

 

“It must’ve really hurt when you fell from Heaven,” Brian comments, and it doesn’t even sound teasing. But Jae is too distracted to mull over it, even his reply is thoughtless, “Not really, but that rock hit me really ha-” 

 

Once his words catch up to him, he tries to mask his panic with a playful grin, and turn it into a joke. He chuckles at Brian’s deep frown, “If I’m the angel, then we should get you the devil horns, I bet they’ll suit you very well.”

 

Brian releases a small sigh, then snorts. He actually takes the joke seriously and ends up with a headband with two red horns on his head. To commemorate their silly purchases, and this day in general, they go inside a photo booth and take an excessive amount of pictures. They alternate between looking serious, and making silly faces and poses. 

 

“We should split these,” Brian has a wide grin on as he goes through the small pictures. It’s very endearing, and Jae’s heart is tugging restlessly. 

 

“You can keep them all.” 

 

The human gives him a concerned, yet understanding gaze. He doesn’t ask, just nods. To alleviate the tension, Jae steals one picture of the other’s hand, “Or maybe I’ll keep this one.”  

 

In the picture he picked, Brian is holding up a strand of Jae’s hair with two fingers, while Jae is pulling at his ear. It’s very contradictory. The one with the angel’s halo got the most devilish expression ever, while the one with the horns looks in pain. 

 

“It’s so cute,” he adds with a fond smile. 

 

If he catches Brian staring at him in the same way he’s gazing at the picture, he doesn’t let himself dwell on it. He’s been on the receiving end of that gaze too many times already, and he might like it a bit too much. Jae is well aware that they’re subtly getting past the just friends stage -they’re obviously on a date-, and that Brian is not the only one yearning for more. Still, Jae can’t afford being greedy, he has to do with what he already has. He’ll cherish this friendship and this picture till the time he has to leave. Then, he will give it back to its rightful owner. 

 

 

It’s dark before they realize it, so they agree on one a last ride. Brian suggests the Ferris wheel, but Jae insists on the carrousel. Even though he visibly relaxes at Jae’s choice, Brian still comments on how they’re the only adults in line -they’re not-, but that’s about it. He excitedly mounts a horse and urges Jae to sit on the one next to him. He even snaps them a selfie before it starts turning around. Jae is happy to see him finally letting go and enjoying the moment, a rare sight.

 

Brian promised to buy him dinner, but then it started raining and every nearby restaurant was packed to the brim, so he invited him over to his apartment. Jae is kind of happy by this outcome. This way he’ll have the human cooking for him again. This time, however, he doesn’t ask for his help, instead he lets him loiter around.

 

“Today was fun, right?” Jae asks, leaning on the kitchen counter, watching Brian skillfully cutting the meat into small, identical pieces. 

 

The human smiles widely, “Yes it was.”

 

“Even the rollercoaster?” He asks, teasing him. 

 

“I enjoyed everything, expect that!” Brian chuckles, “I still can’t believe you made me try it, though,” he shakes his head, smiling nevertheless.

 

“Well, as they say, YOLO,” Jae cheekily retorts. 

 

He annoys Brian a little longer before he decides to move to the living room, “I’m going to wash something until you finish.”

 

“I’m almost done, don’t fall asleep!” 

 

“I won’t!” 

 

Jae flops on the couch, and turns the tv on. He flips through the channels in search of something interesting, but he’s never been a big fan of tv anyways. So, he settles on a music show, trying to vibe with the song playing. At this point, he’s very tired and almost dozing off, but he won’t let himself fall asleep after being warned by Brian. To keep himself up, he stands up and rounds the room a few times. He knows every inch of this apartment by heart, so there’s nothing new to discover. He even got the names of the books on the shelves, as well as their order, memorized. 

 

A series of different sketchbooks is occupying a whole shelf. Jae has watched Brian drawing on these sketchbooks multiple times, but he’s barely given the sketches themselves any attention. Maybe this is his chance to see them up close. He carefully picks one and start flipping through it. 

 

The human is really talented, it turns out. He knows how to catch the raw beauty of things and translate them into monochromatic drawings. Most pages are filled with sceneries or simple objects. Some are complete, and some are not. Sometimes when he’s struggling with a certain detail, Brian keeps repeating it, and trying until he’s satisfied with the outcome.

 

Finishing with that one, Jae puts it back and picks another sketchbook. And repeats. He’s been through four very similar sketchbooks when an unfamiliar one catches his attention. It’s sitting at the end of the row, and he can’t remember seeing Brian using it before. His hazy memory tells him that it’s the same one he was using at the hospital room back then. It can be wrong, though. Anyways, he opens it, casually, not really expecting it to be any different from the previous ones.  

 

However, from the first page, he’s certain that this one is special. For instance, it’s filled with unfinished drawings of body parts. Hands, arms, eyes, lips. Then, slowly and steadily, those parts start forming the upper half of a body, then the whole body. 

 

A faceless body with wings. Beautiful, big wings. 

 

Halfway through, Brian starts focusing solely on the face, obviously trying to get every single detail right. That’s when Jae’s flipping gets more frantic, despite the voice inside of his head begging him to stop. Why stop when he’s almost certain about what awaits him on the final page. 

 

His heart and movements come to a momentary stop when he reaches the last page of the sketchbook. There, on that pristine white page, and in elegant charcoal lines, there’s the body of a slender, tall guy, with wings, a bow and a quiver. The face is complete as well, and unmistakably, that’s Jae’s face. 

 

-TBC-

---

 

I'm not really satisfied with this chapter, but I couldn't delay this update cause I won't have another day to update this week. At least you got a cliffhanger at the end :p I've been keeping hints around but I'm not sure you guys caught them, so tell me if you did =D

Till next week, stay safe, healthy, and happy <3 <3 <3