GOODBYE

Ashes

to Ashes,

Dust

to dust.

What I saw in the graveyard

reflected how I felt. 

There was a light rain shower,

while dark clouds completely obscured every bit of the the sun.

Everyone hid under their dark umbrellas,

sheltering them from the rain,

but not from the cold,

not from the pain.

Shoes soiled with mud,

they stood near your casket,

hands clutched tightly,

breathing controlled,

tears falling silently.

It felt like a black and white movie.

Everything felt

pale, dull, and faded. 

The world was still spinning, 

but in the wrong direction. 

Everything around me, 

the trees, the flowers, myself

were wilting. 

The possibility of you and me, 

fading, 

completely disappearing. 

"Let us pray,"

the minister said. 

Is this the part 

where I'm supposed to say goodbye?

It's so unfair.

Why do you have to die?

What am I supposed to do

For the rest of my life?

Seuncheol-ah, come back.

Please, save me from all these strife. 

Please don't leave me.

Please... 

Jisoo held my hand tight. 

He knows me too well. 

He knows that my silence was not real.

He knows just how much I struggle, 

How much pain I felt. 

He led me to where you lie, 

it was our turn to say our goodbyes. 

Standing before you, 

with your eyes closed, 

your face so still, 

I suddenly did not want to let go. 

I clutched the flower I was supposed to offer, 

gripped tightly till the thorns broke my skin, 

my hand was bleeding, 

my world was crumbling, 

everyrthing shattering, 

my heart was breaking

but still desperately pleading, 

Please Seungcheol,

tell me,

How do I stop you from leaving?

Beside me, Jisoo was crying.

I stared at you,

despairingly hoping for a smile,

please,

please,

please,

don’t leave me.

We were led to the side.

It was finally time.

They prepared to lower your casket,

slowly and painfully, 

I watched,

as the earth swallowed you

to where you’ll forever lie,

but still I can’t say it,

I won’t say it,

Please, don’t make me say it.

Seungcheol,

I can’t say...

...goodbye.