The last words I remembered saying to Jimin on Sunday night played over and over in my head as I pulled into the zoo parking lot. I'll be here as long as you want me. Could I have been any more obvious? I wished I could remember how he'd reacted to that line. I had no idea how he felt about me. He did call me a lot. That had to mean something, too. Maybe he called all his friends. Maybe he was talking to Rosé on the days he wasn't talking to me. Or maybe he sensed I'd say no to a date. Because I would. Now was the time to focus, like I'd told him. Not to get distracted.

Just as I was about to get out of my car, Jimin pulled into a spot nearby. I slid down in my seat until my head was below the window line. He could not see me in this fancy new car. How would I explain it? 

When my neck started to hurt from my cramped position, I figured I had given him enough of a lead time. Still, I crept out of the car like some sort of spy, hunched over. I quietly closed the door and didn't stand to my full height until I was two cars away from mine. And I didn't push the lock button on my key until I was nearby to the sidewalk. Then I picked up my speed and tried to catch up with Jimin, who I could make out already at the entrance. 

Just pretend I didn't say anything embarrassing or desperate on the phone, I told myself. If I never acknowledged it, then it never happened. 

I came up behind him and grabbed a hold of his shoulders with a bounce. "Hi."

He flashed his brilliant smile at me over his shoulder. "Hey, sleepy head."

Or he would acknowledge it right away and ruin my plan completely. 

"Yeah," I replied, trying not to blush. "Sorry. I didn't mean to fall asleep in the middle of whatever you were saying the other night. I'm sure it was super interesting."

"Yes, so interesting you couldn't keep your eyes open." I smiled. It was cloudy today and the air smelled like rain. I looked up at the sky. The zoo didn't close when it rained but everything became a bit more unpleasant. A large crack of lightning burst across the sky followed by a loud boom of thunder. My shoulders instinctively went up and I ducked my head.

"That's new," Jimin said. I noticed he had taken a step closer to me, his arm extending behind my back without touching it. When he saw me look, he dropped his arm and stepped away. 

"And a statistic I actually don't want to be part of."

"What?" he asked.

"One in seven hundred thousand people a year get struck by lightning."

"I don't want to know why you know that."

"I was curious as a kid." And still was. 

We rushed through the entrance and toward our normal meeting spot with Namjoon. It appeared the whole staff was there waiting for direction-including Rosé. She joined Jimin and me.

Our arrival seemed to bring the rain with it, because as soon as we stopped near Namjoon, the rain dropped from the sky.

Namjoon held his clipboard over his head. "Okay, guys, the zookeepers will need our help putting animals away this morning."

"I thought the zoo didn't close for rain," I said, holding my arms over my head. They did not make an effective umbrella.

"It doesn't. It does for lightning, though. We need to protect the animals."

Jimin, Rosé, and I were handed cheap plastic zoo ponchos and directed to the petting farm, where we helped herd all the animals to their covered pens. The animals were scared and skittish but I managed to direct several goats. 

Rosé wasn't having as much luck with the pigs across the way. Jimin must've noticed as well because he went over to help her.

The rain stung my cheeks as it increased in intensity. A crack of lightning lit the sky and seemed to jolt my thoughts. "Sleepy," I said. 

Jimin had ducked under an overhang with Rosé and was gesturing for me to join them.

"I need to go check on the sloth!" I yelled, backing away from them. Water dripped from the hood of my poncho and down my face. 

"Are you crazy? Come on, she'll be fine. I'm sure the others have put her away by now." He reached for my hand but I spun away and began to run. 

I couldn't see very well through the rain but I heard the carousel music in the distance and followed its sound. Jimin caught up with me just as I passed by the carved horses that were going up and down around their never-ending loop. Someone must've abandoned the carousel during its test run that morning to take care of the real animals. 

Jimin steered me away from the large metal structure. "You and your sloths," he mumbled. 

I smiled at him but kept walking. We splashed our way through the zoo until we came to Sleepy's enclosure. 

"Looks like she was put away." Jimin held his hand up, shielding the rain from his eyes as he searched. 

I took a breath of relief but then saw a movement in the corner. "No. She's there." I rushed around the side and into her pen. I was glad Jimin followed me because it took the two of us to herd Sleepy and her shivering baby into the covered house. The roof still wasn't fixed so it would probably be a little leaky, but she'd be fine.

Jimin latched the door closed and took my hand. "Come on, we need to get inside somewhere,  too."

Together we headed back toward the staff building. The rain was coming down so hard I couldn't see two feet in front of me.

"Over here," Jimin said. We ran across a section of sloshy grass and Jimin pulled us under the protection of what I realized was the tunnel over the train tracks. The tunnel was about twenty feet long. We walked to the middle of the tunnel and sat on the dry ground. I could hear the rain pounding down above us. I struggled out of my plastic poncho and placed it on the tracks next to us. Jimin did the same. 

"We seem to have a water theme going on lately," Jimin said. "You just want to see me in a wet T-shirt, don't you?"

I gave him my best effort at a smile but it was hard. My chest was quivering from the cold and my head was pounding. I pulled my knees up to my chest and stared out at the rain. Water dripped from my hair down my cheeks and I wiped it away. It kept dripping and I kept wiping. And then it was more than water, it was tears, soaking my cheeks with warmth.

"Suzy?" Jimin said softly. "What is it?"

I shook my head and buried my face in my knees.

"Are you hurt? Are you cold?" He scooted closer to me. 

I wasn't sure what I was. Overwhelmed? Everything that had happened was suddenly hitting me hard. "My best friends hate me," I began.

"Why? What happened?"

He would hate me, too, when he knew that I hadn't been truthful. "I just wanted to be around someone who I felt like myself with."

"What?"

I was mixing two trains of thoughts. Of course he wasn't following. 

"They hate you because you wanted to feel like yourself?" he asked.

"No, they hate me because they want me to believe something I'm not sure is true and because I'm different."

"Different than what?" he asked.

"Than how I used to be."

He placed a hand on my arm. "You seem the same to me." Those words brought a new wave of tears. "To you, I am." 

"I don't understand."

And he never would unless I told him. But I couldn't. How could I when everyone else in my life was abandoning me? Or using me? I needed him. I sat up and wiped my cheeks. "I'm fine."

"Whatever it is, you can tell me," Jimin said. 

I leaned back against the curving cement wall behind me. "I know, and I will . . . soon." Then he would have to decide if money changed everything, like it had with my friends. No, I wasn't going to let my money change things. I was going to fix things with my friends. I had to.

I looked down at our feet. Jimin wore black Puma and I had on an old pair of black Adidas. They were shoes I had before my shopping spree. I always wore them to the zoo. The left shoe had a small hole in the toe and my sock was soaked.

Jimin bumped my foot with his. I answered back. 

"Tell me a story," I said.

"A story?"

"One that you've written."

"Let's see . . ." He leaned his head back against the wall, too, and looked up as if in thought. "There once was a girl named Susie."

"I thought you said you didn't write stories about depressed teenagers. Only messed-up adults."

He laughed. "Messed-up adults and completely normal teenagers."

"So this is definitely not about me then."

"Not at all. My Susie spells her name with a S-I-E."

I smiled. "Oh, right, sorry. Go on."

"Like I was saying, there was a girl named Susie who was smart and fun and a little weird."

"Hey," I said.

"What? Are you taking offense on Susie's behalf?"

"We share a name, I'm feeling defensive of her."

"A little weird is a good thing."

I looked at him. "You think so?"

"Weird is the new cool."

"So what happened to weird Susie?" I pressed my feet up against the train tracks in front of us.

"She met a guy name Jaemin."

"Jaemin?"

"Yes, and Jaemin asked her out on a date."

"Why?" I wasn't sure if he was being serious or this was all part of his teasing persona he wore so well.

"Why what?"

"Why would he do that?"

"Because he promised to right a wrong from a crappy birthday she had."

Right. My crappy birthday that resulted in a lottery win that he knew nothing about. "Isn't Susie going away to college soon and doesn't want to leave behind loose ends?" I asked, my heart suddenly beating hard. 

"Loose ends? Well, when you put it that way, I think you're right. Jaemin wouldn't want to take her out if she thought of him like that."

"I'm sorry. It's just . . . I have a plan and . . ." I needed to stay on track with it. It was the only thing holding me together at this point when everything else around me seemed to be crumbling. 

"Why are you sorry?" he asked. "It was just a story."

Why was I so stupid? Now I'd hurt his feelings and I hadn't meant to. I hadn't meant to let myself get that close to him. A rumble of thunder made me jump. 

"I'm actually surprised by your lightning statistic," he said, probably trying to lessen the  awkwardness I'd created. "I thought the odds would be less likely. I mean getting struck by lightning is the go-to phrase when people are trying to say  something is impossible, right?"

"No, they use it when they're saying something else is impossible," I said. "For example, people might say, you should try to win the lottery. And someone else would say, you're more likely to be hit by lightning than win the lottery." I met his eyes.

A crack of lightning lit the tunnel. Jimin broke our gaze to look out at the rain. Wind whipped through the openings, making it a literal wind tunnel. A shiver went through me. 

"We can probably find a warmer place. Do you want to make a run for it?" Jimin asked. "I'm sure you can defy those odds at least. Everyone else is probably in the staff building."

I was being selfish. I didn't want to leave this tunnel. I wanted to stay where the rest of the world seemed like a blurry nonexistent place. Here I had him all to myself. Here he was sitting close, our legs pressed together, our shoulders touching. I wanted to say, Tell me the rest of the story about Susie, I do want you to take me out. I wanted to forget about my pact with Jisoo and Irene, and everything I'd been planning for the last six years. I quickly stood. "Yes, we should go."

Jimin stood, too, slower than I had.

He held out his hand and I stared at it. I placed my hand in his. It was the only part of my body that now felt warm.

"Suzy, you should know I'm here if you need to talk. About anything."

I nodded.

We ran hand in hand, through the pummeling rain, all the way to the entrance of the zoo where the staff building was. Everyone was there. As soon as we were inside, Jimin dropped my hand. I  made my way to the bathroom, where I used the air dryer on my soaked hair so I'd stop shivering. My reflection in the mirror was scary--streaked mascara, sopping wet tangled hair, and bright red cheeks. I pushed my hair out of my face, wiped away mascara, and joined the others in the room.

Jimin was sitting by Rosé on a long couch by the refrigerator. I checked the time on my phone. Rain or not, I needed to get out of here.