Note: Since I just HAD to insert Eunhyuk's birthday in this fic, the timeline is messed up and has now created a contradiction. Therefore, for clarification, the chronological events that happened in the real timeline don't apply here~ Thank you for understanding ♡

Eunhyuk’s apartment hadn’t changed a bit since Yesung last went here. But there wasn't much space to rearrange the furniture to begin with, so it was understandable.

At the back of Yesung’s mind, he could recall Eunhyuk saying that he was lonely in the apartment and wished to move back to the dorms with Kyuhyun. He didn't know what to feel about that, whether he, too, wanted to move back to the dorms with them or it was something else that he couldn't pinpoint just yet.

But, ever since he stepped into the living room when Eunhyuk invited him in, the latter was quiet. Too quiet, in fact.

There were a few kinds of silence. A comfortable silence, an awkward silence, an unnoticed silence, and a tense silence. This one was definitely the latter, and it was doing nothing to ease Yesung's racing heartbeat. Also, Eunhyuk looked like he had something to say, but was trying hard to keep it to himself.

Yesung wondered what was on his mind. Was something bothering him? He didn't seem angry. Didn't seem sad, either. Yesung couldn't read him at the moment, especially with that poker face.

Eunhyuk had been surprised and even seemed happy when Yesung greeted him for his birthday, but as the moment passed, the coldness slowly settled back in, the same as what Yesung felt from Eunhyuk that was directed towards him recently. It was confusing him. It was like there was something unresolved in the air which was waiting to be talked about.

Finally, Yesung sighed, placing the paper bag on Eunhyuk's dining table and turning to the younger with a determined look in his eyes.

"Eunhyuk-ah," he said softly, causing said man to meet his gaze. "I think we need to talk."

At the sound of Yesung's voice breaking the silence, Eunhyuk's posture stiffened as if he just snapped out of a trance. An unsure expression crossed his features and he clasped his hands together, a sign that he was nervous. "Now, hyung?" he asked quietly.

Yesung nodded in response. "We can't celebrate your birthday freely if we don't clear this air between us." He walked over to the couch, sat on it, then patted the empty space beside him. "Come here," he beckoned.

Eunhyuk obeyed silently, plopping himself beside his hyung. Unfortunately, he still couldn't look Yesung in the eyes.

Yesung sighed again, knowing that he needed to step up and initiate the confrontation himself.

"What's bothering you, Hyuk-ah?" he asked gently, reaching out and squeezing the younger's shoulder as a gesture of comfort. "You know you can always tell me what it is. I'm worried about you."

Eunhyuk suddenly turned to him at that moment, causing Yesung to reflexively retract his hand. "Are you, really, hyung?" he almost whispered. "Or is that just your own courtesy?"

Yesung winced at the sudden accusatory tone in Eunhyuk's voice. "Hey, what are you talking about? I care for you—"

"But not the same way as I do, am I right?" Eunhyuk interrupted.

Yesung blinked, suddenly feeling like he was losing control of the situation. "What?" he said, dumbfounded.

The poker-faced expression settled back in Eunhyuk's features. Yesung could clearly see the restraint in the younger's eyes. What was happening? Why did Eunhyuk seem so hurt, so frustrated? What had he done?

"Then…" Eunhyuk spoke after the unbearable silence. "I'll do this to make you understand."

Yesung was about to ask him what when Eunhyuk suddenly cradled his face in his hands, leaned in, and kissed him.

Yesung's brain froze. Suddenly, all his senses heightened. It felt like the room was closing in on them, the way Eunhyuk's palms felt cold and clammy, and yet Yesung could only feel warmth pooling in his face, sending heat down his body. With his eyes still wide-open from surprise, he could see that Eunhyuk's were tightly shut, his expression revealing a kind of desperation Yesung had never expected to see. It was all too much for him, but he stayed still and closed his eyes, trying hard to process everything in his mind. However, it was hard to concentrate when all he could feel was the softness of Eunhyuk's lips, how his own arms unconsciously lifted as if to hold the younger and reciprocate. It was maddening.

The kiss wasn't deep; both of their lips were closed, like pressing skin against skin, and Yesung couldn't help but notice the warm scent coming from Eunhyuk, the way their noses uncomfortably bumped against each other, the way Eunhyuk's hands trembled slightly against the skin of his face. Both of them couldn't dare tilt their heads, for it would be an invitation to deepen the kiss, and that wasn't either of their intention.

However, Eunhyuk's message was sent across quite clearly.

And, as quickly as it was initiated, it ended abruptly, Eunhyuk pulling away first, leaving Yesung in a state of shock. When they opened their eyes, they locked gazes, and for some reason only Yesung seemed to be flustered while the hurt on Eunhyuk's face seemed to grow by the second. The latter eventually bowed his head, hand raised to clutch at his hair, and Yesung could only wish that he had imagined the kiss and how he suddenly felt like it wasn't all that bad.

It felt like an eternity before Eunhyuk finally broke the silence.

"Hyung," he began in a low voice, and Yesung swallowed the sudden lump in his throat, "when I told you I loved you back at that café… when I told you that my feelings were different than what you thought it was…" Eunhyuk raised his head, his unnaturally steely eyes piercing through Yesung's own. "...you… didn't actually understand what I meant, did you?"

There was a beat of silence.

"...What?" Yesung's mind was reeling. Did he say that?

"I've been thinking about it for a while now," Eunhyuk continued on as if Yesung hadn't spoken. "You kept on treating me the same as if nothing happened. In fact, it felt more like I was the one who kept pushing myself onto you.”

Yesung’s brows furrowed in confusion. “What?” he repeated dumbly, still unable to process the puzzling information he just heard. In fact, everything still felt like a dream he couldn't believe just happened. This kind of thing hadn't even occurred in his wildest dreams.

“You see?” Eunhyuk’s tone raised slightly in frustration. “You’re still clueless! You really didn’t understand! Damn it, how could I have been so stupid as to not notice it in the first place?!”

Panic stabbed itself in Yesung’s chest as he began to worry about Eunhyuk’s increasing anger. No, was it disappointment? “Hyukjae-ya, calm down,” he tried. “Let’s… let’s talk about this.”

However, Eunhyuk’s gaze was unfocused, and his hands were trembling slightly. “Did you know…? I liked you ever since you started getting clingy with me,” he whispered, loud enough for Yesung to hear. “Ever since we started the promotions for Black Suit. You kept on hugging me, clinging to me, even kissing me sometimes. You had no idea, did you? You had no idea how much your actions affected me.”

Yesung was again stunned to silence.

“I wanted to make you notice me more. I kept on teasing you then, and it thrilled me whenever you’d give me attention. I craved every single bit of it.” Eunhyuk’s tone was slowly becoming flat, uncaring. “I liked you, I loved you, call it as you will. The members knew, too. Apparently, I was being too obvious.” He let out a somewhat sarcastic laugh. “I was being too obvious and yet you never even noticed.”

Yesung swallowed the lump in his throat as he detected the hurt in Eunhyuk’s voice. Once again, he blamed himself for being oblivious about this kind of thing. Had he not cared enough? Was that why he was unable to notice that things between them from Eunhyuk’s end had transitioned into something different other than friendship?

For years, the eighteen or nineteen years they had been together, it had never crossed Yesung’s mind that he would feel something other than platonic love for any of s. They were his family, his brothers. It was weird to have romantic feelings for a sibling.

However, he and Eunhyuk along with the others weren’t even related by blood. It wasn’t actually as impossible as he had thought it to be, but it was still difficult to see someone you considered as a younger brother differently.

Granted, Yesung felt more comfortable with Eunhyuk among the others, and he had no problem initiating skinship with him, but… it was still hard. He had done all those actions with no serious strings attached, which was why it was no big deal back then.

But now? He wasn’t so sure anymore. In fact, everything was still so confusing. He needed time alone. He needed time to think.

But Yesung stayed still, frozen in his position, still listening to Eunhyuk as the latter muttered curses under his breath for the huge misunderstanding that loomed over their heads like a dark cloud.

Yesung wanted to say something, like how it wasn’t exactly Eunhyuk’s fault, but he was again frozen. He hated it, hated himself. Was there even anything he could do right?

“Do you know why I’ve been trying my best to avoid you lately?” Eunhyuk suddenly said.

Then, when Yesung didn’t answer, he continued on, “It’s because I was jealous. I didn't like it when you gave the others more attention than what you gave me. I felt like I wasn't anything special to you. I was sad, I was hungry for your affection. I wanted to distance myself from you and clear my head. But now that it's come to this—" Eunhyuk choked slightly on his words, the tears starting to well up in his eyes. "—I don't know what to do anymore. It—It feels like I'm the bad guy who forced — who involved you in my own delusion. I was the only one who thought we were in love. Hah…" He shook his head. "Truly, an idiot in love."

"Hyuk-ah—"

"Please don't pity me, hyung…" Eunhyuk begged, burying his face in his hands. "It's hard enough as it is… I feel so guilty… I feel so stupid. I'm so, so sorry."

"No…" Yesung stammered, quickly embracing the younger in his arms. It was all he could do. "No. Don't blame yourself… I—I don't pity you, Hyukjae-ya. I'm not mad. I'm not the slightest bit angry…" he kept on rambling, only focused on alleviating the guilt that was lying heavily on the younger's shoulders like blocks of cement. "Please… I didn't mean to…"

Eunhyuk trembled in his arms. "I'm sorry, hyung…" he repeated, his voice muffled as his face was pressed against Yesung's chest. "I've made things… so awkward between us."

"No, no…" Yesung replied immediately. "It's not going to be awkward. Nothing will change. I—I promise you that."

There was a beat of silence before Eunhyuk responded lifelessly, "You don't have to say that to make me feel better, hyung…"

Yesung had nothing to say to that, but clutched Eunhyuk to him tighter, his mind already formulating whatever solution he could make to resolve this.

-;-

It was now two days after that incident. Yesung had told Eunhyuk that they wouldn't tell what happened between them to the other members. Eunhyuk protested, but Yesung insisted that it was what they should do for now.

Meanwhile, Yesung wanted to talk to the others separately. Perhaps it was to clarify something, or perhaps it was to dig deep inside his own heart.

"Wook-ah," Yesung spoke up as he and his two dongsaengs went for coffee together, "what do you think about my relationship with Eunhyuk?"

Ryeowook blinked, then answered easily, "You're both a strange combination of a couple, but you kinda suit each other."

"Why are you asking all of a sudden?" Kyuhyun quipped from beside Ryeowook, busy eating the cookies on the plate in front of him.

"I just want to hear you guys' opinions," Yesung answered simply.

Kyuhyun shrugged. "If you ask me, it's like Eunhyuk-hyung's the lovesick puppy while you're the one who's all carefree and unchanging."

Ouch, that hurt. Yesung ignored the subtle mockery in Kyuhyun's voice and continued, "But I do love him."

Ryeowook nodded after he took a sip of his iced coffee. "You may not show it all the time, hyung, but I can see that you do care for Eunhyukkie-hyung."

"Yeah, as if all those clinging and kisses weren't enough," Kyuhyun interjected.

Yesung blinked. "What do you guys mean?"

Ryeowook frowned. "What's with you, hyung? I thought you're the one who knows your own feelings best."

"Ah… yeah," Yesung said unsurely, staring at the rim of his empty cup. Suddenly, he remembered the time he shared that indirect kiss with Eunhyuk. It had been mortifying, but…

"Ah, that look," Kyuhyun suddenly spoke up, chewing thoughtfully.

Ryeowook's lips finally curved into a smile. "Thinking about Eunhyuk-hyung?" he said lightly, teasingly.

Yesung snapped out of his thoughts and looked at them in surprise.

"Don't look so shocked," Kyuhyun said, laughing. "You always have that dumb expression on your face whenever you think of him."

"Like an idiot in love," Ryeowook snickered.

That last line unexpectedly stabbed Yesung's heart.

-;-

After the talk he had with Kyuhyun and Ryeowook, Yesung felt that he had to dig deeper, to think more about it. Fortunately, the idea of Eunhyuk being a possible romantic partner didn't seem weird to him as much as before. He was starting to adjust to the transition. At least that was a start.

Now the problem was, during this self-contemplation period of his, how he should treat Eunhyuk from now on. Leading on the latter was definitely out of the question; that was plain disrespectful and would only hurt Eunhyuk's feelings more. He had to take a different approach, but what?

"Um, hyung."

Speak of the devil. Yesung whirled his head to face Eunhyuk, who was standing before him with a somewhat forced smile on his face. He was holding what seemed to be music sheets in his hand.

"Oh, Hyukjae-ya?" Yesung had, somehow, gotten used to using Eunhyuk's real name a lot more often and he didn't know what this implied.

"You… left these in the paper bag," Eunhyuk said hesitantly, as if afraid to talk. "I didn't open your gift yet, but I saw these peeking out, so… uh…"

Yesung bit his lip as the guilt pooled inside him. Their relationship was straining now, and it was all his fault for being so clueless. So much for being a good hyung.

"I didn't leave them there," Yesung answered simply, lifting his hand and placing it on Eunhyuk's shoulder reassuringly.

Eunhyuk stared at him quizzically. "Huh?"

"I said, I didn't leave them there," Yesung repeated patiently with a smile. "That's a part of my birthday gift to you."

This time, it seemed to be Eunhyuk who was having trouble processing what he was saying. "Pardon?"

"Didn't you read the notes on it?" Yesung chuckled. "I told you to write the rap parts to your liking. I composed the rest of the music and wrote the lyrics. The song is meant for you."

Eunhyuk's eyes widened.

Yesung grinned. "So, for our next album, let's have a duet together."

-;-

Having a duet meant that they needed to rehearse and get a feel of the song first. Yesung decided that the two of them would sing the guides, see how it would go, and then record the whole thing in the studio once everything was perfectly arranged to their taste.

But, having a duet also meant that they would be spending time together. Good thing that the preparations for their next album — the repackaged one — was going to start in a few months, so he still had time to mend things between him and Eunhyuk.

I'm not exactly leading him on, am I? Yesung thought to himself as he absently sipped his iced Americano. It was my plan even before I knew the truth. I've always wanted to sing together with him since I think our voices would blend well together, just like in Memories.

And those lyrics I wrote… really suit Hyukjae.

He was sitting in a coffee shop, alone. He remembered the times when Eunhyuk would drag him to a shop like this one, wanting to spend time with him despite not liking cafés which he declared back when they were shooting for Super TV. As Yesung thought about it now, he had felt really touched when Eunhyuk showed and proved that he wanted to spend time with him despite the fact that he disliked staying still and enjoying the atmosphere in cafés. Eunhyuk was more of an energetic soul whose personality didn't root himself to one spot. He was the type who didn't really care what other people thought of him but became very sensitive whenever it came to people he cared about.

He used to be a crybaby back then, but now he has really grown up into a fine man.

Yesung slowly frowned as he realized that he was thinking of Eunhyuk a lot these days. He felt guilty for what he did, of course, and he was lucky that Eunhyuk was a kind soul who didn't even get mad and argue with him. Eunhyuk rarely ever got mad, especially at s. It was one of the aspects that Yesung admired the most about him.

He suddenly wondered whether or not he was even worthy of Eunhyuk’s feelings. Why him? Him, of all people. A fortune teller even told them that they weren't compatible. How would they be able to last—

Wait. Why were his thoughts starting to lead to this?

He wasn’t actually considering a romantic relationship with Eunyuk… right?

Suddenly, Yesung’s heart started to pound as the full extent of the realization slipped in.

tbc