A/N: This takes place the same night the previous chapter was set in.

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He woke up in the middle of the night; and, this time, he was sure he was the middle of the night, since it was almost still evening when he’d fallen asleep in the first place. He’d felt cold, inexplicably cold all of sudden, and his eyes had opened against his will; he hadn’t even tried to fight it, and now he was just staring at the ceiling for a moment longer than necessary, trying to remember everything that had happened the previous day. When the reality of the situation hit him, he found himself blushing like a damn teenager, as he reached out a hand to touch the body next to his, only to find an empty warm sheet, which was slowly cooling down.
 
He immediately sat up, his heart hammering in his chest so loud it was the only thing he could hear; where was he? Perhaps he’d just left, maybe because he’d already gotten tired of him, maybe because, after all, they weren’t in a relationship, and he was free to do whatever he wanted to do. He quickly searched the drawer under his bed and found his unused pyjamas, throwing it on as fast as he could and exiting the room as fast as he could, his head filling with unwanted thoughts, and, this time, in the darkness and emptiness of his house, he couldn’t push them away.
 
What if he’d had enough of his messed-up mind? What if he was tired of him not understanding what he really wanted? What if he’d just been looking for a one-night stand, like he used to do back in the days, and he was going to dump him like he’d done so many times before with all his girls? What if he didn’t care about him, what if he’d never cared? He stopped in his tracks, looking around, at the paintings hanged on the walls; they seemed meaningless, in that moment. Dark as everything around him, hopeless as he was. He realised he’d fallen too deep to ever swim back up, and he felt lost without his personal and breathing masterpiece (and he felt so stupid for thinking that, he felt stupid for ever thinking he wouldn’t get destroyed, this time).
 
“Daesung?” he called out, his voice hoarse and desperate, pathetically desperate; the words echoed helplessly through the hallway, barely making their way past the other end of it. Maybe it’d taken him too long to realise what was right in front of him, something he hadn’t been searching for, and now, there couldn’t be anything more. If his mind could only allow him to speak his heart, it would have been easier; he’d promised he would never lose him, but he could’ve easily lied, because, after all, he was a heartbreaker. At this point, he wondered if the younger even felt the same about him, and, if he did, for how long he’d known (how many times he’d hurt him before, with his stupidity and his irritating meaningless actions).
 
“I’m here.” when an answer reached him, soft and distant, his feet moved on their own will against the cold floor, and he started running before he’d time to stop himself, to remind himself that he didn’t want to look pitiful (but he was; he was miserable and his heart was slowly breaking). He arrived in the living room in a rush, stopping to look around; he understood why it was so damn cold, now. Daesung was probably out of his mind (exactly as he was, and maybe that was why they got each other so well): the window leading to the balcony was wide open and his dongsaeng was sitting outside, basically , in the freezing November wind, as if it didn’t bother him.
 
Questioning his own sanity, which was something new, he didn’t do anything to put a conclusion to that madness, he just stared. The other didn’t even know, obviously, since he was turned in the other direction, observing the street below, looking at the lights of the city blinking stubbornly against the dark starless sky; Seunghyun realised how many times he’d done that before, how many times he’d found himself unable to tear his eyes away from him, and, now, finally, it made sense. And, he truly was a masterpiece, he would never, ever stop repeating it to himself, because it was the sheer truth; there was only him, everything else completely erased from his mind.
 
Snapping out of it, he walked closer to him, following his gaze as it lost itself into the blackness in front of him, asking himself what he saw, or what he was looking for. Daesung still hadn’t acknowledged his presence, and he wondered if he knew he was there at all; he wondered if he’d ever actually seen him before that night, maybe they’d both been blind. He couldn’t believe he hadn’t seen what was right before his eyes for all those years, he couldn’t believe he hadn’t seen what might have been there waiting for all that time. He let out a trembling sigh and let his gaze wander over the figure in front of him; noticing the dark marks on his neck and his shoulders, he blushed furiously, his whole face heating up, suddenly feeling very aware of the marks he had on his back, which felt like they were burning.
 
For a second, he felt incredibly dizzy and considered the idea of running away, realizing that he really, really hadn’t dreamed what had happened that night; instead, he heavily sat down beside Daesung and leaned against him, his cheek pressed on his warm skin.
 
“What are you doing out here?” he asked, his voice slurred and the words almost incomprehensible; he felt the younger turn around slightly and sensed him chuckle softly, the sound reverberating through his body, reaching him and leaving him floored for a moment. Being close to him felt incredibly different now, and it let a bittersweet taste on his tongue; even if they weren’t together, he was afraid he was going to make a mess and that he was going to lose him, for real, this time. He suddenly felt like he needed to be extremely careful with him and it was so unnatural it almost physically hurt; it had always been easy with him, because they’d always understood each other, somehow, even while being fundamentally different, everything had always felt almost natural between them, but, things had changed. Maybe there was a wall which separated them, now, and they couldn’t quite reach each other, anymore.
 
He shook his head, telling himself that he only felt like this because this was still something new, and that his dark thoughts had been alimented by the faint light at the horizon of the dusk, that he would soon forget them and live without worrying about the future; the weight on his soul stayed right where it had been since he woke up, but he tried his best to ignore it.
 
“I just needed to think.” Daesung answered after a while, as if he’d been searching for the right words to say (and there it was again, the violent thought that everything had changed, and not for the better, that everything was crumbling in front of them, that they were going to be left with the ruins of what they’d been and what they could’ve been, left with nothing at all). Seunghyun moved away from his side and looked at him, allowing himself to gaze into his eyes, trying desperately not to fall into him again, knowing that he couldn’t precipitate, not right now; he wanted to tell him that he was beautiful, but it would sound terribly stupid said by him, for some reason. He stayed silent, deciding it was enough for him to observe him, trying to memorize every detail of his face.
 
“About?” his voice was oddly soft and it got lost into the gentle wind of the night; maybe because he was afraid he wouldn’t like the answer, even if he’d felt the impelling need to know what was going through his mind, probably because he didn’t know what was going through his own. He knew he wasn’t going to tell him something bad, like that he couldn’t accept to go on like this, or that he didn’t want him anymore, he could see that he was too calm to say something like that; but he felt surrounded by an inexplicable doubt, a doubt that kept lingering in his mind and wouldn’t leave.
 
The younger offered him a weak and almost grave smile, before suddenly getting up and taking a step forward, leaning against the balcony’s railing, staring out into the void in front of him, as if he was looking for something he couldn’t quite find. He wondered what it was, he wondered why he felt so distant; he thought about the previous evening, about how quickly Daesung’s behaviour had changed, from the moment when he’d pushed him away to the moment when he’d told him that they didn’t need to be in a relationship. They always said that he was the one who acted without a reason, but, ironically, exactly the opposite had happened; every time he remembered him crying, hopelessly, alone, he felt a sharp pain in his chest.
 
He stood up as well and reached the singer, wrapping his arms around him from behind, leaving a tender kiss on his shoulder, asking him the same question again, barely whispering; he didn’t want to push him to tell him, if he didn’t want to, but he wished he knew he could trust him like he’d always did, that nothing had changed between them. Daesung sighed, perfectly still in his embrace, closing his eyes, seemingly in conflict with himself, probably wondering if he could actually tell him; he appeared troubled, as if his head was filling with unwanted thoughts that were darkening the edge of the sky. Seunghyun’s head kept going back to the discussion he’d with Jiyong a couple of weeks before, stuck on the same phrase, over and over, like a broken record.
 
‘If they’re sad, or unhappy, you just want to crumple up their pain and fit it into your heart, so they don’t have to feel it anymore.’
 
“You.” the younger’s voice brought him back into the moment, and the simplicity and honesty of the answer knocked the air out of his lungs, and it seemed to mean so much more than one simple word. He didn’t know what he’d been thinking about, exactly; if he meant he’d been thinking about their whole situation, about him and how he remembered him from their past life, or just him, his very essence, everything there was to him, all he could see, all that had been placed in front of him to see. Out there, in the coldness and emptiness of an autumn night, thinking about him, looking into the distance, lost into his mind for him; he didn’t know whether the thoughts on his mind had been negative or positive, and maybe he didn’t even care, he was shocked nevertheless. So much he loosened his hold on him and Daesung turned around in his arms, placing a hand on his cheek and looking at him with his unreadable eyes (which were something he’d gotten used to, by now).
 
“Me?” he shot back, suddenly feeling uneasy under his soft, yet deep stare.
 
“Yeah… you. All of you. Everything that you are.” in any other situation he would’ve stopped himself, feeling stupid and cheap, but, for some reason, he couldn’t hold his tongue, underneath the starless sky, all the little remaining sanity in his mind lost.
 
“What am I?” Daesung chuckled tenderly, as if telling himself that only he could’ve asked such a question, and he was probably right; he moved his thumb along his cheekbone, barely brushing against his skin, so lightly it almost hurt.
 
“You’re you. I mean, you don’t care what people think of you. You’re yourself, no matter what. You’re real.” the last words stunned him at the moment, because they were the exact same he’d thought years back, when everything was still fine and he was sure of his every step, because, even if they were shaky, he knew he would always walk beside his brothers, before everything ended; maybe he could finally understand what it had meant when that thought crossed his mind: Daesung had been, was there for him and would always be, he told him things as they were, but at the same time accepted him as he was, even if he knew that they were fundamentally different and all the same.
 
“I think you’re real, too. The realest person I know.” he answered, smiling weakly despite himself; the pain in his heart hadn’t left, he realised, and he didn’t know why.
 
“And you’re honest, sometimes it’s annoying, you always say what’s on your mind. But, really, that’s what I l… like about you.” it didn’t go unnoticed to Seunghyun that the younger had changed the words he was about to say at the last moment; had it been the day before, it wouldn’t have been weird for him to say ‘that’s what I love about you’, but now, everything was definitely different, and the words would’ve have a much heavier meaning. Trying to distract both of them from the awkwardness of unsaid words, he decided that he needed to be honest, if he really was that afraid that he was going to lose him again, that was the only solution to feel safe.
 
“I like everything about you.” Daesung smiled even brighter, but avoiding his gaze, for some reason; maybe he was embarrassed, or maybe, he didn’t believe him. He didn’t see why he wouldn’t do that, he didn’t see why he would thought that he was lying, knowing perfectly how much he hated to do that and avoided it when possible; but he was sure he needed to make him believe that he was saying the truth, because it was just tiring when the younger didn’t realize how beautiful and amazing he was.
 
“Really, I mean it. You have this strange ability of making the people around you happy just by being yourself. You brighten every room you step in, you are impossible to ignore and it’s almost impossible to feel sad around you; that’s the reason why every time you’re unhappy I always feel empty, because you deserve everything.” he was finally looking at him again, and he seemed confused, as if he couldn’t understand a thing of what he was saying; Seunghyun grabbed the hand that was still on his face and laid a kiss on its palm, without tearing his eyes away from Daesung.
 
“And it makes me so angry that you don’t know how damn beautiful you are, as if you’d never looked into a mirror; it makes me even more angry when people dare to say you’re ugly. They say your eyes are too small and yet, I could stare into them for the rest of my life, it’s extremely difficult not to get lost into them, not to fall into you. They say your lips are too big, but they’ve never kissed them, they’re just jealous, because they’ll never get to know how it feels to have them against their own. They say your nose is too weirdly shaped, but I think you look just like a sculpture, with all the sharp edges of your face; you really look like you’re from heaven, I swear. I don’t even want to talk about your voice or I’d lose mine from talking about it for too long. But you know what the worst part is? Even if you were ugly on the outside, you’d still be the most beautiful person on the inside and people wouldn’t care; because who someone really is doesn’t matter anymore, it’s all about how you look. Take me for example, I’m the visual, I can’t count how many times I’ve been called hot or handsome and I don’t even know if I am, I am a mess on the inside; but people only see what they want to see. I want you to know that I see you, I know how you really are and that’s what I like about you, I don’t only like how you look. You make me feel good, you see me when nobody else does, you listen when everybody thinks what I’m saying doesn’t make sense, you take me just as I am, you accept me with all my flaws, you don’t just pretend they’re not there; I need artworks to maintain my sanity and you’re one, you’re a masterpiece.” he stopped to catch his breath, since he’d completely forgotten he had to breathe, too occupied in trying to finish his speech without being interrupted, while the thoughts were still clear in his head. He had no idea how this had gone from Daesung saying he was thinking about him to him talking about Daesung for a bit more than it should’ve been comfortable and now he felt incredibly selfish for cutting him off like that.
 
 “I know I don’t deserve you and I’d understand if you’d finally had enough of my messed-up mind and wanted this to have been just a one-night stand, really.” resurfacing from the sea of his thoughts, he noticed that his dongsaeng was observing him with a puzzled expression on his face and he couldn’t really blame him; he hadn’t been all that clear the evening before, after all, he’d just told him that he wanted him but couldn’t be in a relationship, which had probably made it seem like he had been only looking for a one-night stand, even if he hadn’t. He waited patiently for him to answer, suddenly unsure if he wanted to know what he would say; he was scared he was going to leave him like that and tell him to forget everything, since he was so good at it. Instead of words, as a reply he got Daesung’s lips on his own; they kept kissing for a moment, their mouths moving slowly against each other, so close to one another not even the wind could pass in between them. When they finally separated, the younger was laughing softly, his eyes disappearing into little crescents and Seunghyun found himself blushing like a teenager, for some reason.
 
“What would people say if they found out the cool and mysterious T.O.P is actually really corny?” feeling embarrassed as he’d probably been just a few times before in his life, he gently slapped Daesung’s bare arm, looking at the street below them and at the cars passing by; he knew he’d taken the younger by surprise, because he’d never come off as a romantic and he’d just made a fool of himself and he understood that he couldn’t find the words to answer him properly, he wouldn’t have been able to, in his situation. “Anyway, no. If you want me, I’m here.” he took his face into his hands and forced him to look at him again and Seunghyun found that he couldn’t breathe while staring into his eyes, in that moment. “I’m always here for you, whatever you need.”
 
“I need you…” he whispered, without thinking and realised he’d taken a step forward, metaphorically speaking, it wasn’t just ‘I want you’, anymore, it was getting closer to what he’d intended to say the evening before. He gazed at him for a moment longer, trying to persuade himself that he was really there, that even if he was a mess he hadn’t left yet and didn’t want to and then found his lips once again. Maybe it didn’t matter if he didn’t know what was going on in his head, as long as Daesung was willing to take him just as he was, as he’d always done; when they broke apart, suddenly feeling like that balcony wasn’t a good place to be, feeling the urge to have those lips he’d been kissing and those hands he’d been holding all over his body again, jumping away from his previous romantic state, he smirked from under the curtain of the hair falling on his eyes.
 
“You know- my room’s still there and it feels lonely…” Daesung chuckled, shaking his head and raising both his eyebrows, trying to look at him in an annoyed way, even if he was clearly amused by that sudden change of mood, walking next to him. 
 
“Wow, there’s really just a letter between corny and .”
 
“Shut up.”
 
“Make me.”