*~*Chapter 18*~*

I waited for a few minutes to be sure Yubi was gone before I left. I would hate to run into her outside. After I was sure she was gone, I got up from the café table with a heavy sigh, dumped out our drinks, and made my way back to RM’s place.

My heart felt both heavy and light as I walked back in the dark. Heavy at knowing how hard the breakup has been on RM, and light knowing that in my own little way, I was able to inflict some pain on Yubi on his behalf.

“RM?” I called as I let myself into the house. As usual, it laid in shadows. Only the steady hum of the refrigerator answered me. I don’t think I will ever get used to this darkness and silence.

I made my way upstairs. As I neared the top, I noticed RM’s bedroom door was wide open. The first aid kit laid untouched by the door. I let out a small sigh as I bent down to pick it up and peered into his room. He wasn’t there. Where is he? Did he go to the piano room?

I made my way down the hall towards the piano room. I could smell his stench before I could even see him. As I reached the door, the floorboards creaked underneath my weight.

“You’re home,” RM’s voice broke the silence. He was sitting in the dark, his back to me as he sat on the bench in front of the grand piano. He was hunched over the keys. I could barely make his shape out in the darkness. 

“Yeah, I’m home now.”

“I’m so sorry, Kyungi,” he whispered.

My heart skipped a beat. I’m pretty sure this was the first time I’ve ever heard him say my name.

“For what?” I asked as I stepped into the room. His stench hit me full force, causing me to stop short.

“For hurting you… Are you okay?”

My heart wrenched in half. Had he been sitting here in silence this whole time, thinking about what had happened earlier?

“I should be the one apologizing,” I said as I took another step closer to him. “I should’ve been more careful.”

“It really hurts to see her.”

Is he ready to tell me about her?

“Who was she?” I asked as if I didn’t know.

Silence greeted me. Seconds ticked by. RM remained stoic.

“Was it…was it Park Yubi?” I asked cautiously.

His shoulders started to tremble. “I just miss her so much, I could die…” A loud sob suddenly escaped his throat.

My heart shattered in that instant. That feeling of loving someone so much, making her your whole world, planning your future together only for her to walk away without a single warning one day… If it had happened to me, I would’ve felt like I had lost the only meaning in my life, too.

The first aid kit clattered to the floor as I rushed forward and threw my arms around him, pressing his heaving body into mine. I held his head close to my chest as he cried. Each sob sent his body into a convulsion. All I could do was hold him tight.

“I’m so sorry,” I whispered. “I should’ve known.” I the long, coarse, tangled mop of hair on his head. I stared at the loose fabric dangling from his tattered shirt and slacks. I smelled the sour scent of his body odor invading the air. At that moment, I couldn’t help but think of how different things would have been if I had met him as the clean cut RM that Jung Kook once knew. Maybe we could’ve been friends; maybe we even shared some things in common. I knew then that all I wanted to do now was to help him back to being the old RM, the one who had so much meaning still left in his life.

“I just hate her so much,” he choked out between sobs. “…But then when I see her face…” His voice cracked. “When I see her face, I just…I just…” He turned his face into my body as another loud sob ripped through his body. His cries became muffled by my bosom. 

In that moment, I felt all the pain that he had been holding in, all the heartache that had been ravaging his mind and body. Tears filled my eyes as I wrapped my arms tight around his convulsing body. I held him close, knowing that the only thing I could do at that moment was to stay there by his side. We remained like that for maybe half an hour before his heaving sobs slowed into soft whimpers.

“Let me clean up your knees,” I coaxed after he finally quieted down and his body stopped shaking. He didn’t put up a fight as I grabbed the first aid kit and kneeled beside him, rolling the ends of his tattered pants up to his thighs.

“I’m going to turn on the lights, okay?” I asked. When he didn’t respond, I made my way over to the light switch and flicked it on. A dull orange glow filled the room. It wasn’t the perfect lighting for tending to his wounds, but it was better than nothing. I made my way to the bathroom across the hall and dampened a washcloth with warm water before returning to the piano room. I resumed my place by RM and gingerly dabbed at his bloody knees.

He drew in a sharp breath but didn’t complain as I cleaned his knees. I carefully pulled out any embedded pieces of glass before applying peroxide to clean the cuts. RM’s fists tightened around the end of the bench. I knew it stung. After I finished, I wrapped his knees up in gauze bandages. 

“There, all done,” I said as I rolled down his pant legs and stood up.

“Thank you,” RM mumbled, his eyes on the floor.

I offered a small smile. “It’s no problem. This is just the first step to healing.”

At those words, he looked up and met my eyes. I could see the tears still glistening in them, but swimming deep inside them, I saw gratitude reflecting back at me.

My heart warmed. He really was starting to open up to me. “I should go to sleep now,” I said. “Good night, RM.”

“Good night, Kyungi.”

I paused again at the sound of my name on his lips. With another small smile, I nodded and turned around.

RM suddenly grabbed my uninjured wrist with such urgency, it alarmed me.

“What’s wrong?” I asked, whirling around.

“You’re hurt!” he exclaimed, eyes wide.

“I told you, my arm is okay now,” I reassured.

“No, not your arm. Your back!”

“What do you mean, my back? My back is fine.”

“Lower.”

“Lower? My lower back?”

“I mean your…your…your …” His words trailed off.

“My ??”

“There’s blood…”

“What are you talking about?” I asked, my voice rising in alarm. I dashed to the bathroom across the hall and turned my back to the mirror, shooting a look over my shoulder. Sure enough, there was an oblong oval-shaped blood stain seeping through my pants at the bottom of my . My eyes grew wide, and my face turned bright red.

1. MY.GOD. ARE YOU KIDDING ME, GOD?!! WHY TODAY OF ALL DAYS?!

“You need to get to a hospital!” RM shouted from the bathroom door.

When did he follow me here?!

“You’re bleeding, and your face is turning red!” he exclaimed, as if wondering why I wasn’t responding. “You need to see a doctor, NOW!”

I whirled around and slammed the bathroom door shut in his face, making sure to lock it so he couldn’t barge in. “Go away!” I shouted as I backed away from the door.

“Kyungi!!”

“I said, go away!”

“No! This is a medical emergency! You’re losing blood!”

I plopped down on the toilet, burying my face into my hands. “No, I’m not!” My voice came out muffled.

“Yes, you are! I’m going to call an ambulance now!”

“NO!” I shrieked. “I’m not bleeding!” I took a deep breath. “I mean, of course I am, but it’s not what you think!”

I heard RM hesitate outside the door. “What?” he asked. He sounded thoroughly confused.

“It’s—it’s my period,” I choked out.

Silence from the other side.

I took a deep breath and lowered my hands from my face. “My period just started, and I don’t have any pads.”

A couple more seconds of silence ticked by before RM finally responded with, “Wait here!”

“Where are you going?” I shouted after him. But he didn’t care to answer. I listened as he ran into his bedroom. I heard the sound of drawers being pulled open followed by some rustling and things being dropped on the floor. A couple minutes later, I heard his footsteps on the stairs and the front door slamming shut.

Where is he going?

It was about ten minutes later when I heard RM return. I listened as the sound of his footsteps ascended the stairs. Soon there was a knock on the bathroom door.

“Open up,” he instructed.

“No.”

A plastic bag rustled. 

“I bought you some pads.”

He what?! He went out in public to buy me pads?! In his current state?!

I got to my feet, unlocked the door, and pulled it open. RM peered at me from the other side, holding out a black plastic bag. He was covered from head to toe in several layers of clothing, clothes that I didn’t even know he owned because I’ve seen him wear only the same tattered outfit day in and day out. The outermost layer of his outfit was a gray hoodie and matching sweats. The hood was pulled all the way down to his eyebrows, covering his matted hair from sight. All I could make out were his eyes, nose, and overgrown facial hair. All those extra layers he wore underneath also made him look as big as Baymax from Big Hero 6. I knew immediately that he tried to use those layers to hide his body odor in public.

“Here.” He the bag at me. “I didn’t know what kind you needed, so I just bought one of everything.”

I accepted the bag, dumbfounded, and peered inside. There were several different types of pads inside, from liners to pads with wings and without wings to extra long overnight ones.

I looked up at him, wide-eyed. “You went out…”

Without another word, he turned around and disappeared into his room.

That night after I cleaned up and showered, I laid in bed, unable to sleep. My brain was racking over all the events of the day: RM flipping out about me watching Chingu; finding out that Yubi was his ex-fiancée; lying to her that he was getting married in two months; and him finally opening up to me and actually leaving his house after who-knows-how-long.

I had no idea what time it was when I heard RM’s bedroom door creak open. All I knew was that it was still dark out, and the moonlight was shining in through the window. I listened to the pitter-patter of his feet as he made his way to the bathroom. I heard him switch on the lights and close the door. Moments later, I heard the swish-swish of what sounded like scissors opening and closing. A few minutes later, I heard the drum of water splashing against the tub.

I gazed at the moonlight dancing on the ceiling as my eyelids grew heavy, and my eyes finally closed. A soft sigh escaped my lips. This really is it, isn’t it? Tonight was his first step towards healing.