Donghae again the table lamp beside his bed and got up to drink some water. It was 2 in the morning and his brain refused to go to sleep. It was unlike Donghae to not be sleeping by 11. But, how can he sleep? His thoughts kept wandering to his secret admirer. Eventhough, it was pretty weird and creepy in the beginning and Donghae did feel mad reading all those chits every random day. But, his day felt empty when he didn't receieve that chit of paper with stupidly chessy lines written on it.

Donghae had started wondering about this secret admirer of his. He didn't know whether to feel good or bad about it. He just had a rush of such different emotions that it was difficult for him to understand his feelings. He felt angry, he felt mad but he also yearned for some attention and love.

The truth was, Donghae had never been confessed to by anyone.  His love for books made his classmates see him as a nerd. He did have some good friends but that was it. They were just his friends.

When Donghae grew up, his friends started recieving confessions. But, Donghae recieved none. His mother would always tell him how cute and adorably handsome he was. Then, why didn't even one person ever tell him that? He wondered.

"Donghae, you are the most handsome boy, you'll get someone special baby." His mother cooed one day when Donghae was again gloomy after his friend was confessed to for the 8th time.

"But, mom, no one likes me.. I mean.. no one likes me like that." Donghae said sadly.

"And whose fault is that, Donghae? You need to improve your social skills, baby Hae. Be confident and talk with more people. Show them your other side. I'm sure anyone would fall for you." His mother warmly placed her hand on his cheek and caressed it.

Donghae knew that he was pretty decent looking even if his mother called him the most handsome guy out there. Then, why was it that no one ever had a crush on him? Not even the most ordinary person around him. No one.

Even if Donghae tried to brush aside such feelings, he could not. He felt lonely and unwanted when no one showed any interest in him. Am I that bad? He would often wonder. But, then he knew he barely talked to anyone new. Even if some one tried to approach him, Donghae would always give them a cold shoulder. He just could not get himself to talk to new people.

"Donghae baby, why don't you confess to someone.. don't you like someone in your class? Ask someone out, Hae." His mother would often ask Donghae to take the first step. But, how could he? He never liked someone to such an extent. Yes, he did find people attractive and he did want to get to know them more but it was never such strong frelings that he could force himself.

So, here he was, sulking on his bed at 2 in the morning thinking about his pathetic and non existant love life. No one liked him and if he liked someone, he never had the guts to talk to that person. Therefore, he ended up being 'forever single.' 

Whatever.. I'm better off being alone.. I don't have to do all that cheesy stuff and I don't have to answer stupid questions all around the day. Donghae consoled himself whereas his heart yearned for some affection from a special person.

His thoughts again wandered off to his secret admirer. He had finally thought of confronting that person. Donghae was really nervous and excited. He had thought that someone was probably pranking him cause everyone loved to made fun of a nerdy guy. But, who would prank for a whole month, right? Maybe, someone, finally, did see something in Donghae and had a crush on him.

He felt a tingling sensation wondering if that person did find him attractive. Maybe, that person was also shy like him? Maybe, that person was afraid of confessing his feelings while facing Donghae? Afterall, Donghae could perfectly understand how that feels. 

He would finally meet his secret admirer that day. He didn't know what to expect but atleast he could give his heart a rest. He would finally get to know who was his secret admirer and if they had some feelings for him or were just playing with him for some fun.

Although, Donghae convinced himself that it was surely the latter, his heart wanted to hope that someone liked him and he was about to be confessed for the first time in his life. Gahhhh.. what will I say? I don't even know how to react upon seeing that person. Maintain your cool, Hae. But, don't come out as cold. I hope I can talk properly with that person. I hope everything turns to be good. But, but what if.. what if.. it is just a joke... aghhhh.. sleep now, you dumbo.. sleep.. 

And Donghae finally fell asleep after trying to calm his confused mind and heart.

☆☆